Chapter 5: Circus Monkey

            JC was lying there staring up at the cracks ceiling.  The uncomfortable cot creaked beneath him every time he moved, so he was trying to be still.  He wanted to just go to sleep but his mind wouldn’t shut off.  He felt a little guilty for the way he had treated Lexi after what had happened.  It hadn’t been her fault and she was just trying to help him.  He had been so blinded by his own rage.  She must think that he was a jerk.

            He rolled over and realized that Justin was still awake as well; they were staring right at each other now.  They laid there for awhile just looking at each other.  They couldn’t speak but their eyes said it all.  Justin finally mouthed the words ‘I am sorry’.  The shame of letting JC see him like that was unbearable, Justin had always been one to stand out and impress people.  Now he was just trying to go unnoticed if possible. 

JC didn’t respond.  He wasn’t sure what to say.  He was sorry too but neither of them had done anything wrong.  The accident on the stage earlier was Miss Gaillard’s fault not theirs.  Why should he feel sorry when he wasn’t the person making all the mistakes?

            Even from a business stand out this clearly was not working.  The guys couldn’t perform like this for every long.  The pressure and the lack of basic necessities would wreak havoc on them; eventually it would break them down.  No one could live like this for long and she can’t make any money off them when they are dead.

            Justin wanted to talk to this friend, if nothing else this experience could bring them closer together.  They could talk about everything and maybe it would make them feel better or at least less alone.  Justin’s eyes began to water, he was so lonely.  He thought having JC around might help but it doesn’t seem to be the case.  It was clear that she would only use their friendship against them.  A lot about what was happening was making Justin uneasy and afraid.  He just wanted everything back to the way it was before.

Miss Gaillard didn’t usually take away their speech at night, but in light of what had happened maybe this was just the final round of punishment for them.  They couldn’t talk about it or come up with a plan to avoid it.  They just had to lay there in their sadness and deal with their own horrid thoughts on the matter.

            JC closed his eyes just to pretend that he was sleeping so that maybe Justin might go to sleep as well.  Tomorrow would be the first day for JC to perform on the stage.  He was suddenly more nervous about it than he had been before.  Before he didn’t care if he did well or not, he hadn’t planned to give it his all, just enough for his slacking to go unnoticed.  It wasn’t long before the pretending became reality and JC drifted off to sleep for real. 

            As luck would have it he didn’t have a party to deal with before he was to go on stage.  JC was sitting in the back room running over the song in his head and mentally preparing himself to go out there and just try not to mess up.  He doubted his boss knew any of his songs so it’s not like she would notice a little slip up like that tonight.

            JC let Lexi clean him up and get him ready to perform.  She was gentle with him and careful not to touch him inappropriately.  Lexi respected him too much to try to take advantage of him like some of the other waitresses did, she would see them grab his ass as he walked by some times then giggle when he got a little ticked off about it, after all no one said that he had to take that from the staff, just the paying customers. 

As she was buttoning up his shirt her eyes finally meet his.  He remembered how rude he had been to her the night before and he wanted to make up for it.  JC couldn’t explain it but he wasn’t okay with hurting Lexi’s feelings.

            “How are you doing?” JC asked sweetly.  Lexi laughed a little under her breath as she fastened the last button.  She brushed his shirt down, subconsciously taking in the firmness of his chest that lay just under the fabric. She may have respected him but that didn’t mean she didn’t find him very attractive.

            “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”  She asked.  Lexi thought she saw JC smiled a little.  “Seriously though, I am worried about you and Justin.”

“I am a cross between a circus monkey and a male whore.  How do you think I am doing?” He asked.  He didn’t mean to be so blunt but he wasn’t about to lie to her or sugar coat it, after all she was seeing it all firsthand. His feelings were all that he had left in this world; everything else belonged to Jade for now.

“Well, I think you are way cuter than a monkey.” Lexi joked, but no one laughed.  “I am sorry.  I think you are doing great all things considered.  I really want to help you guys but there isn’t a lot that I can do and if I could I wouldn’t know where to start. I just can’t afford to lose this job, even if it doesn’t pay that much and the hours totally suck.” She added after an awkward pause.  JC sighed, he didn’t know why he was being an ass to her, and after all she wasn’t the problem.  She was the only one that was nice to them. 

“I am sorry; it’s not your fault.  It’s just I didn’t expect it to be like this.  I mean I expected it to be hard.  Those women out there are all the same, they buy me booze to loosen me up, they jam their tongues down my throat and they grope me, but they don’t care about me.  Miss Gaillard doesn’t care about us.  You’re the only one that does and I am sorry but it just doesn’t make any sense to me anymore.  It would be easier on you if you didn’t care about us either, so you shouldn’t care so much, you’re just going continue to get hurt.  I can’t stop what is happening.  I’ve never felt so powerless in my life and I have been through so crazy stuff before.” JC said not looking at her for most of his rant.  Lexi was quiet for a minute. 

“I know, I am a fan remember, I am sure you would take on all the law suits and bad media you’ve had in the past again, if it would erase the present.  Maybe if Miss Gaillard sold you guys, the next woman would be nicer to you.” She thought out loud. 

“I am sorry but based on what I have seen; there is no hope for us in this world.  Honestly, you are the first nice girl I have met since all hell broke loose.  The next owner could be just as bad if not worse.” JC said.  He headed for the stage and she watched him walk away from her.  He was still strong and in the best shape that Lexi would see him in for awhile.  She froze that moment in time; it was her favorite mental image of him.  That was how she wanted to remember him.  After that day everything started to go downhill for him.  Lexi had been there the day that Justin had arrived; he had already lost some weight and was starting to look fatigued.  JC’s fate would be the same and she knew it.

Lexi’s stood there and watched JC perform, it was something that she had always wanted to see but could rarely afford.  There was just one time that she had seen ‘N Sync live and it had been so long ago.  She giggle as she thought about her and her friend that night, all dressed up like ‘N Sync would actually be able to see them from their nose bleed seats.  They ditched School and drove for hours to make it to the venue in time.  God what she wouldn’t give to be young and dumb again.  When you biggest concern in life was chasing after boy bands and listening perky pop music at a high volume.  This life was just getting way to complicated.

The guys had really grown up since then though; Justin probably hadn’t even gone through puberty at the time.  She certainly had never thought that she would end up working with them, if that is what you want to call this.

Her heart was aching for them, Lexi didn’t want to admit it to anyone but she had fought in the war.  They had made it sound so good on paper, the whole fight for equality and putting an end to the violence once and for all.  While it was nice to be on the winning side, this wasn’t what she had thought she was fighting for.  This didn’t feel like an improvement all. 

“I wonder if we get an employee discount on their services.” Someone said with a laugh, clearly they had been watching Lexi stare at JC, and while it wasn’t like that al all she could understand how it may have appeared that way.  Lexi spun around to face her co-worker.  The thought of paying for sex or whatever she had been implying was kind of disgusting to Lexi.

“Personally, I miss the game of seduction and the endless displays of genuine affection that I used to get from guys.  This seems too easy; any idiot with a buck can bang a hottie.”  Lexi stated then walked off.