Chapter 10

"Thank God we're finally here," Sasha grumbled as we stood by the baggage carousel waiting for our luggage with Dre. Justin was already comfortably ensconced in a sure to be luxurious suite awaiting my arrival. Apparently all of Hawaii was on an 'N Sync alert and the guys were having trouble going anywhere so I didn't trip over him not being there to meet me.

"Stop complaining," Jen told her, although we were all exhausted from the flights we'd taken that had included three transfers. I vowed never to set foot in Hawaii again although it did seem to be a beautiful place. The sun was shining, everyone was tanned and gorgeous and healthy looking and I couldn't wait to hit the beach. First, though, we had to get to the hotel and that meant fighting our way through the throngs of fans waiting outside.

Jen looked frightened, just like I felt. If it wasn't for the comforting figures of Dre and Mike, who was waiting downstairs at the entrance, I think I would've preferred to stay in the van that brought us there. But Sasha was having none of that -- she gathered the troops and practically pushed us outside and into the lobby. Even then we weren't safe, because fans who had rented rooms were still hanging around in the lobby. And they weren't the only ones in the lobby. It looked like Bobbee and JC were headed out towards the beach and were coming right toward us.

"Hey!" JC said, all happy to see Sasha and Bobbee shot him a dirty look.

"Hi," she said in a surly manner.

"What's up?" Sasha asked, totally cheerful in a halter top that showed off the generous cleavage that Bobbee didn't have. "You guys headed to the beach?"

JC nodded. "Yep ... right out back," he pointed behind him where Lonnie lurked over them.

"We'll see you out there then," she told him while pointedly looking at Bobbee. "as soon as we dump our stuff upstairs we're heading outside too. Isn't that great?!"

Recognizing the situation in front of him, Mike interrupted before blood was shed. "C'mon, let's get moving," he shook his head to gesture towards the fans hovering about, trying to eavesdrop. He got no argument from me; they were giving me the creeps with all their staring. Before I knew it, we were in the elevator on our way to see my man, the one I hadn't seen in over 2 weeks. He left my house shortly before Christmas and we;d spent almost every second on the telephone lamenting my decision to go on a cruise with Sasha's family. Or rather, he lamented. I had a pretty good time hanging out with Sasha and feeling like I was part of a family again. Sure, I missed J but I knew I'd see him in less than a week after the cruise so I managed to survive.

Justin can be such a big baby sometimes. He was completely surrounded by family and his friends and could have easily filled every second of his time with activities but instead he wanted what he couldn't have.

Which was me.

And secretly I loved it, I won't lie.

Anyhow, we finally got upstairs and I practically ran down the hallway to my boyfriend's room, banging on the door. "Let me in! Let me in!" My poor friends pretended not to know me as they walked by to their own suite. I didn't care; I wanted my Justin love.

He scrambled to open the door -- I could hear him tripping over something inside -- and finally flung the door open. Again, I was struck by the sheer beauty of his face. He looked damn near perfect with sparkling brown eyes and that curly head of golden brown hair. "Baby!" he exclaimed, grabbing me and giving me a big kiss. "Was your flight okay?" he asked as he led me inside the opulent suite and sat me down on a couch

I kicked my shoes off. "It was awful, J," I complained, wanting sympathy. It worked, because he pulled me to him and I snuggled into he crook of his arm. "I don't want to do anything but change into a bathing suit and hit the beach. Is that okay? Can you do that? Because we saw JC and Bobbee going out, too ..." I prayed that he was in the mood to brave the fans and hang outside for at least a little while.

Luck was on my side because he seemed amenable to that idea. I dug through my suitcases and found a one-piece that wouldn't make me feel like a whale but was still cute while he went and put on trunks. We were just about to leave when he stopped me.

"T? Wait a sec ..."

"What''s up?" I asked, oblivious to the uncomfortable look on his face.

"I need to tell you something you're not gonna like," he told me. That got my attention right away and I looked up at him.

"What now? Is Britney here too or something like that?"

Silence.

I groaned. "Are you kidding me? You've got to be kidding me, Justin! What the fuck is she doing here?" There went my trip. How was I supposed to have a good time with her there?

He shrugged. "Johnny invited her, you know, for the whole new Millennium thing. But he didn't just invite her, he invited all of his artists that he manages," he hastily tried to explain. "I can't tell him what to do, you know? I just found out myself las night."

"And you couldn't' tell anybody?" I had an attitude and it wasn't going away, reminiscent of the last argument we;d had regarding Britney "Trick-Ho" Spears. "Why couldn't you have prepared me for this?"

"You were on a plane, T! How could I tell you if I couldn't get in contact with you?"

Well, he had a point. But still.

"Justin, I really don't want her to ruin this trip. We need this trip to get back on track," I told him seriously and he nodded in agreement.

"We;re not gonna let her bother us. If we see her I'll say hello and keep moving. Besides we're not gonna be partying with her or anything ... now that I've got you to myself, I'm never letting you out of my sight!" he squeezed me tightly around the waist, pulling me to him. "Okay? Don't even think about her and we'll be okay. Okay, T?"

Grudgingly I replied, "Okay." But secretly I reserved the right to give that bitch a beat down if she so much as smirked at me, bodyguard or not.

No more was said about Ms. Spears as we joked around getting dressed and gathering gear together for the beach. Justin called Mike and him know we were planning on going outside and then I called my girls. At long last we were all ready to go and convened by the elevators with Mike and Dre where we got last minor instructions.

"Guys, do not stop for anything in the lobby. Keep moving with your heads down, okay?" Dre instructed carefully. We have an area set up for the guys on the beach so just follow me until I stop. Got it?"

Nodding our heads, we rolled our eyes at the drama of it all. Until we got downstairs and hears the yelling and screaming start at the sight of Justin. It startled me; that hadn't happened as loudly at the last hotel when I first met him. Now people were in hysterics at just seeing him walk through the lobby and I shrunk back away from him.

Now I understood why he freaked out on the fans at my house. It was probably the only oasis he had, my house, and now that was stolen from him. This was pure madness and I wasn;t sure I wanted to be associated with it on any level. At long last we made it outside to the beach and walked a few feet to an area completely surrounded by 'N Sync's bodyguards. The whole group was there but no one seemed to be enjoying themselves; they were on display and everyone was staring at them.

It's bad enough wearing a bathing suit in front of your boyfriends but imagine people snapping pictures of you at every angle? It sucks. Every so often the bodyguards would wave flashlights around to block people from getting shots of our little group but the kept trying. It was pure chaos.

"Fuck this," Sasha said irritably. "I'm going in the water; we're in fucking Hawaii and I didn't come here to stare at him," she jerked a finger at Justin. "Anyone else coming?

JC looked like he wanted to go more than anything but Bobbee said no for both of them. Chris and Lance declined but Joey jumped right up and followed me, Jen, Sash and Justin into the water, which was clear and beautiful. Pretty soon all of us were having a great time splashing at one another and just goofing off when it happened.

Yeah, you guessed it.

She appeared in all her plastic surgery glory, Ms.Britney Spears. I wanted to puke right then and there. She came sashaying down the beach with her bodyguard in a tiny pink bikini that was totally work to try and get Justin's attention, I knew. Out of the corner of my eye I watched to make sure he wasn't looking and to his credit, after the initial glance he pain no attention to her. But I did.

She sat down near JC and Bobbee -- it looked like she and Bobbee were great friends, go figure -- and made herself perfectly comfortable.

"Don't start tripping, T," Justin came up behind me and whispered in my ear. He didn't dare put his arms around me for fear of the fans flipping out on me. "Just ignore her, okay?`

Ignore Britney Spears. Yeah, right. But I would at least try. "Okay," I whispered, clasping his hand under the water where no one could see. I needed some reassurance from him and he gave it to me right away my firmly planting his other hand on my right butt cheek and squeezing hard.

"Remember I don't want anybody but you," he said in a whisper, then pushed me face down into the water. It did the trick. l forgot all about Britney for awhile and just had fun with my girls and Joey and Justin, not worrying about anything under the sun. after awhile it got too hot and we had to come back out of the water to seek the shade of the umbrellas the hotel had set up for the group. Once settled around the table, I finally took a good look at my nemesis. She was daintily sipping from a pink drink that matched her bikini perfectly, all the while smiling like the cat who had just swallowed several canaries. It gave me a bad feeling but I pushed it aside, thinking I was just being paranoid. I was with Justin and was secure in my relationship, I told myself. Don't let her undermine your self-esteem. I didn't even bother to say hello to her.

But it was hard. As well as I had gotten to know JC and Joey and even Chris, she seemed to have a different sort of bond with them. They were world-famous entertainers after all, and I wasn't. Therefore I turned my attention to my girls and let them talk shop, pretending she didn't exist. We whispered about all the gossip Sasha had pulled up on the Internet about her.

"They're so not real," Sasha commented, referring to her breasts. "Look at them! They're practically fucking saluting the flag!" She made Jen and I burst into giggles, capturing the attention of the entire table.

"What's so funny?" Chris asked. He can't stand to be left out of a joke.

"Yeah, what're you guys laughing at?" JC chimed in, only to receive another dirty look by Bobbee which caused Sasha to give her a dirty look. This inter-relationship stuff was crazy, I tell you. So many secrets were going around that table.

"Plastic," Sasha said pointedly. "And silicone," she added, causing everyone to cough discreetly or choke on their drink, in Brit's case. Then the Trick-Ho went and made everything worse.

"I haven't laughed like that since my birthday party," she said, making no sense since no one was talking to her at all. "Remember, J?"

Um, pardon me. J? Since when did she go around calling him by my nickname? I opened my mouth all set to tell her off when I felt Justin's hand on my leg, reminding me to ignore her. "She's just jealous of you," he whispered in my ear.

I didn;t care what her problem was -- I was sick and tired of her already and she'd just gotten there. "I;ve had enough sun ... I'm going inside," I said nastily, and got up to stomp off without Justin. "You guys coming?" I asked Sasha and Jen. It was time for a girl pow-wow. Something wasn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I needed to brainstorm with my girls to figure out what was going on.

But Justin wasn't having any of it. "No, I'm coming with you," he interjected as if I'd actually invited him. "See you guys later," he gave Britney a dirty look before following behind me back to the hotel as Dre and Mike scrambled to catch up.

"Tara!" Mike yelled at me and I slowed down to follow the bodyguard rules -- walk between the two of them and keep my head down. I knew the drill. And the drill was a pain in the ass.

Justin didn't say anything on the way into the hotel but the screams would've drowned him out anyway. What surprised us both was while we were waiting for the elevator. A girl was standing there -- several girls, actually -- and she asked me for a picture. Me! For a picture! I looked at Justin and he shrugged as if to say the decision was all mine. I decided what the hell -- if you can't beat 'em, you may as well join 'em -- and took pictures with two girls before the elevator arrived.

"Thanks," they gushed at me and I wanted to ask them so bad why they wanted my picture but instead I went on inside the elevator to face a grinning Mike.

"I told you, didn't I?"

"Told me what?" I was still preoccupied with Britney so I wasn't able to follow him as closely as I normally do.

"Told you they'd start asking for your picture, remember?" And I did remember in Atlanta he told me that and I blew him off like whatever, that'll never happen to me. Guess the joke was on me.

The joke was not, however, on Justin. I wasn't an idiot and I saw the looks Britney kept shooting him across the table and how uncomfortable he was. There had to be a reason for all of that and I intended on finding out right away.

Once we got inside the suite I turned to face him with my hands on my hips. "Something's up, J. Tell me now and maybe things won't be so bad, because if I find out from her or somewhere else I might try to kill you."

He had the nerve to look offended and Innocent. "What're you talking about? Nothing's going on, I swear!"

"Something happened, Justin, or she wouldn't have been acting like she was, grinning at you and smirking at me. Did you two hook up or something while we were broken up? Tell me the truth right now or I swear to fucking God I'll leave right now," I threatened, meaning every word of it. I knew that picture of the two of them was just too fishy to be innocent.

He shifted around, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Well ... I won;t lie to you, T. I haven't ever lied to you."

"Ever heard of a lie of omission, you asshole? What did you do?" My lower lip was trembling and tears were ready to fall at any second but I tried hard to hold on to my composure. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. "Stop putting this off and tell me RIGHT NOW!" I yelled, hands balled up into fists.

Swallowing hard, he looked me in the eye while trying to reach out for me but I stepped back, shaking my head. "Don't touch me. Don't come near me until I hear what happened, and DO NOT make me ask again or I'll just pack my shit and leave again. Don't think I won't."

"Fine!" he said harshly. At least he had the nerve to finally look ashamed instead of indignant. "I ... after her party ... we hooked up. Just once, T, I swear, only one time, and we only did it because I thought we were over and I was drunk ... it was just a one time thing and she knows it. She's just trying to break us up. Don't let her fuck things up just when they're starting to get good again, baby."

During this whole confession I closed my eyes and tears just streamed down my face while I stood there silently. What was there to say? Technically he hadn't cheated on me but this wasn't right. It wasn't fair and I just couldn't deal with the myriad of feelings going through my head. I felt betrayed even though we were 'on a break'. And here I was in Hawaii, in this island paradise, ready to finally re-consummate our relationship only to find that he hadn't been celibate at all.

It wasn't even the celibacy thing so much. Justin's extremely picky and I wasn't worried about him not having safe sex or even having sex sort of. He's not one for picking up groupies -- he likes having a girlfriend and he stays true to her. I believed that and therefore I had no right to be angry with him for doing anything when I wasn't his girlfriend for those few weeks. But Britney? Britney Spears? The snake just lying in the grass waiting to swallow him up the second there was trouble between us had done exactly what I predicted and it hurt.

It hurt bad.

Turning away from him, I went and curled up in a little ball on the couch, still crying silently. When he came to sit by me I put my hand out as if to stop him, and he went and sat on the opposite end. "Tara?"

"Just ... leave me alone right now, Justin. Leave me alone." I needed to heal, think, decide what to do, should I go home or stay, stay with him or break up? There were a million questions running through my head.

"I'm not leaving you, Tara. We're getting through this, I'm not letting you break up with me. I'll wait as long as I have to, but I'm not leaving you and I'm not letting you leave me either."

He had a long wait, as far as I was concerned.