Chapter 3

The ringing of the cell phone pierced my sleep, jolting me wide-awake. I had no idea what time it was but I knew the rest of the house was snoozing away and I didn’t want to disturb them. I extricated myself from Aurora and crept up the back stairs of the house into Jen’s room, answering the phone as I did so. It wasn’t hard to figure out who could be calling at that hour.

"Hello?" I whispered, even though I was pretty much upstairs by then.

"Hey," he breathed. "Why you whispering?"

"Everyone’s asleep and I don’t want to wake anyone up," I told him as I crawled into Jen’s bed and got under the thick, down comforter. I liked talking to Justin while huddled underneath covers for some reason. It made things more private and I didn’t want anyone else to hear, not that they were conscious.

"Where you at? I called your house and nobody answered so I got worried ‘cause where would you be at 7 AM?"

"Oh," I laughed softly. "At Jen’s. Her mom made us come over for a girls’ slumber party to cleanse our spirits and if they heard I was talking to you…"

"They’d hang the phone up for you, right?" he chuckled.

"Well…" I said slowly, unsure how to tell him they’d wanted to tape a picture of him to a dartboard earlier.

"It’s okay, I deserve that, I know it," he said good-naturedly.

"What’re you doing up at 7 AM is a better question," I queried, liking how things were going so far. No screaming, no yelling, no blaming – just talking.

"True, true … we’re going to do some promo pics today and I was just thinking about you while they’re driving me over. I’m in New York but I got your message last night," he said noncommittally.

Oh shit! That message had been erased from my memory, I’d vowed to pretend that it never happened but of course it did and he probably had it saved to prove it. How did I deal with it?

"Umm, you did? We got a little drunk last night and … I don’t remember what I said but I’m sorry if I acted like an idiot," I tried to joke it off to no avail.

He was 100% serious. "You’re telling me you don’t remember what you said to me at all? Nothing? Because I took it very seriously."

"Umm … what did I say? Maybe if you tell me I’ll remember," I baited him, hoping he’d repeat it with it sounding less pathetic than what I remembered.

He basically repeated what I said verbatim and said, "You don’t remember any of that?"

I hemmed and hawed. "Some of it sounds familiar," I finally acquiesced and he started laughing. "What?

"T, you’re so full of shit! You know you remember every single word just like I do, baby. God, you drive me crazy. You’re insane, you know that?"

My heart jumped a beat. "I’m not admitting to anything, I "I began, "but maybe I do recall more than just a little. And I’m not full of shit, Justin. I was really upset last night, really hurt and missing you and wanting you. So I came clean about it just like you have the courage to do before. And now I guess both of our cards are on the table … so what’re we gonna do about it?"

I could hear the music in his car playing softly as he thought for a moment. "Be together. What the fuck do you think we’re going to be?"

I wanted to jump up and down, screaming with joy, but that wasn’t good protocol. That could come later. "You know we have things to work on … like how you talked to me and treated me…"

"

I know, baby. I was thinking about coming to visit you for, like, a week so we could just be together like before. What do you think? We could hash shit out and talk and just chill."
 

What did I think? Duh.

"When can you get here?" I asked excitedly, and he laughed at me. I could never hold my excitement in for too long.

"In about two days," he said. "Maybe earlier. I’ll check with Sonia and shit to find out our plans but from what I know we’re off for a few weeks and I want to spend them with you, trying to get back to what we were. I love you, baby," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too, Justin.’ What else can you say to that?

"Aight. I’m here but I’ll call you later when you’re alone so we can really talk, okay baby?"

"Okay," I said, ever the good girlfriend. I was already slipping back into the role.

"Bye."

I clicked my phone shut and hugged it to my chest, wondering what the hell I was doing, welcoming him into my home. After the words he screamed at me, the bottles he’d smashed, the way he gripped my arms so hard that I had bruises for a week after? It seemed like some monstrous beast lived inside my former – or was it even former anymore? – boyfriend that became unleashed whenever he got what he didn’t want. Oh sure, I’d seem him throw temper tantrums on a daily basis and curse people out so bad they went running home to their mama, but nothing like the scene at his house. Mike told me he only gets like that about the people he loves and he’d never seen him behave like that over anyone except his brothers, dad and Lynn. I guess it’s a compliment in some weird way.

Nobody liked my decision, of course. But love conquers all, doesn’t it?

~*~

Everything about that visit reminded me of the first one. It even seemed to start out the same way, with him calling a million times a day to plan our days which consisted of "we ain’t doing shit, T." He wanted to lay around and eat and sleep and talk and watch TV, which was fine with me. I would’ve run a 10K if he wanted just to be near him. It was neat to feel like we were starting over but I had to remember it wasn’t the like last time he visited. And believe me, everyone kept reminding me of that. If he were ever going to behave like he did again, if I got a glimmer that he just might, then I needed t o stop in my tracks and leave him alone.

"What’re you doing?" Justin’s voice came through my telephone to where I was huddled beneath my covers. I practically had a little fort in there lately, in preparation for the marathon-long conversations we’d been having the past few days. He’d call as soon as all his work was done and we’d talked about everything and nothing for the past two nights. It was a wonder he got anything done, considering I kept him up all night and he worked all day but he managed. I just slept all day to catch up on what I’d missed but he somehow he struggled through. Sleep was big on his list to do when he got to my house.

I wriggled around, trying to get comfortable. "Trying to get these pants on straight," I told him. "They’re all twisted up and shit … I hate this!" And I did. As much as I loved to wear my beloved flannel pajama pants around the house, the minute I got into bed it was like they tried to strangle me.

"So take ‘em off," he suggested, chuckling a little – obviously anticipating my reaction.

"I don’t sleep naked, ‘Fro Boy’," I told him, knowing he wouldn’t care if I insulted him. We both knew I adored him so it didn’t count. "You know that, too … why are you wasting your breath? And if this is some kind of set up for when you come…" Things stopped being so funny right about then, " … you know I can’t do anything for a few weeks and even if I could, we have a long way to go before I—"

"Shhh, chill, baby," he interrupted soothingly. "I was only half-teasing when I shouldn’t have," he told me. "My point was I can picture what you have on and why can’t you just kick off the pants until you get up tomorrow? Nobody’s there and it’s more comfortable."

He had a point but there was a wicked little tone in his voice. "All the better for you to imagine me even more," I said smirking. He didn’t want to … he wasn’t going to ask me to…

"You ever do phone sex, baby?"

I knew it!

"No!" I yelled, mad that he confirmed my sleazy thoughts about him. "And I’m not going to start now, you got me?" Since the intimacy seemed to be gone, I flipped the comforter back and frowned at the ceiling. He had a way of ruining everything…

He laughed a soft laugh that turned me on slightly. "Babe, see how you are? I was gonna tell you that JC and I just finished working on a song about phone sex and I want to know what you think about it, the song. I’m bringing all of that stuff for you to listen to but the way we were talking seemed conducive to phone sex, so…"

See?

And then…

"I know we said we would talk about phone sex when I got there but baby," he said melodramatically, I might die before then! Do you know how long it’s been? I need a nut and I need one bad," he told me seriously.

For the fiftieth time.

Like he expected me to believe that he hadn’t relieved himself through groupies or something? Sure. But a little part of me wanted to believe he was saving himself for me no matter what common sense said to wake up and smell the coffee. But I pushed those awful thoughts to the back of my head because if he was with anyone I didn’t need to really know or see.

"Justin, you’re trying to tell me that you haven’t gotten any since we broke up?" In October?!" My voice was muffled as I tried to resume my previous position in my fort. "Puh-leaze," I said sarcastically, although I hoped and prayed he hadn’t. It just would’ve made me feel sad and inadequate but I wanted to know the truth no matter what. "The reason for this visit is to come clean about everything so … I’m gonna make sure you tell me the truth about everything, Justin. We’re gonna deal with Britney and what you did while we were apart, everything. No more secrets."

Surprisingly he didn’t say anything about the last part of my little speech, the part that was all about coming clean. He was interested in something else, which should’ve raised a red flag. "Would it matter if I did?" he replied mysteriously, making me wonder if he’d been getting busy after all. I thought about what to say for a minute or two.

"No," I said finally. "I guess not. Like, it wouldn’t matter if an old friend and me hooked up for some comfort, right? That’s the same thing." He knew exactly whom I was referring to, alright. He almost lost it right there, choking and sputtering as he tried to interrogate me.

Two can play at that game, and hey – I learned from the best.

So back and forth it went until it was the day he was due to arrive. Mike was renting a car so I didn’t have to go pick them up and I was on pins and needles, waiting for him to show up. Jen and Aurora were there, with Jen bitterly straightening the family room, the kitchen – anything to keep her busy and not thinking about Justin’s behavior. I wasn’t worried, though, because she was venting with her minor cleaning spree and would be nice to Justin when he arrived. Nice is just in her nature. Sash was at the dance studio or else she’d be there cursing him out. I thanked God for getting her involved in something else besides me. Between work and JC I barely saw her anymore and I missed her like crazy but for once her absences were okay.

Aurora had put up some plants for me to bring harmony to my house and some incense to burn to promote love. She’s so sweet but really ... it was just incense. One of them was an aphrodisiac, she told me with a wink, and warned me not to let it burn down more than halfway or she wouldn’t be responsible for our actions.

"Aurora!" I shrieked, unable to talk about it. She was kind, caring, giving, loving – all those things and more – but she was still my best friend's mother, for crying out loud! "Would you cut it out? You’re a mom, remember?" Eww. I loved her but eww.

Jen snorted. "Don’t waste your time, T … she loves lecturing to us about sex. Why do you think we all went away for school?"

I know for a fact that Aurora had to force Jen to go away to school, as well as her other kids because they loved her so much. She was wacky and off the wall but she was completely nurturing and Jen even hated leaving her for the week. That’s right, I said week – her school was maybe ninety minutes from our homes so she usually ended up coming home. All this to say Aurora wasn’t phased by Jen’s rotten words, knowing she was just being bratty.

"Sex is a fact of life as we’re all well-aware," she finished hanging up some fern that would remove all tainted spirits from the house or something weird like that. "Not that you’ll be doing anything close to that right now—"

"No," I blurted out, face still red. "This visit isn’t about that. We’re trying to figure out where things went wrong and … and reconnect. Not have sex all the time." Boy was I glad Sasha wasn’t around to hear this. She’d be making things even worse by making wretching sounds or something, I knew. "You know this isn’t about that … sex is the furthest thing from both of our minds," I explained to a still unbelieving little posse. Giving up, I threw my hands in the air and went to take a shower and try to find a casual outfit that wasn’t too casual and definitely not too jazzy before Justin came.

Sometimes I hate being a girl.

Anyway. You know he came when I was in the shower right? Which might have been a good time to give him a chance to be grilled by Aurora and growled at by Jen without having to see it. I heard his voice – well not his specifically, but it was a man’s rumbling voice and I just knew it was him – and jumped a foot in the air, then rushed to lotion up and put on some make up really quick. Justin isn’t big on makeup on me at all. He likes me clean, as he calls it, as if I would prefer to stink. Anyway. Makes me wonder how he stood being with Britney for so long. That girl practically shovels makeup on to her cracked face every day.

So. I’m done. Dressed in a soft, pink v-neck sweater – Justin loved pink on me -- ready to go see him and I gave my self one last look to make sure I didn’t have a tag sticking to my butt or something when someone knocked.

Oh Lord. It was too much for me. I was going to pass out. To prevent that, I sat down on my permanently unmade bed and sat on my hands like a little girl, hoping I could stay calm.

Calm? That flew out the window the second Justin walked through my bedroom door.

"Come in," I called out, hoping it was Aurora. But no, it was him, looking mouth-watering delicious in baggy jeans and a red sweatshirt.

"Hi," he said, flashing me a tentative smile, which I gave right back to him. "Hi … no blue?"

He looked at me, confused. "No blue? Huh?"

I pointed at his sweatshirt. "Your shirt. It’s not blue … did you finally run out?" Look, I was trying to break the ice. You come up with something better if you think you can, okay?

"Oh!" he laughed, and my heart leaped again in my chest. I wonder sometimes if I ever had mini-heart attacks around that boy, he made my heart act so crazy. "No, I still got a lot of ‘em ... this is just … I don’t know, something I threw on. I wanted … I was real pressed to get here fast so I put on any fucking thing, you know?"

Major heart thump again.

"Real pressed?" I asked, looking down at his immaculate sneakers. I wanted to go over and kiss them, I was so glad to see him. "How come?" As I watched his feet move closer and closer to me, my heart began to beat so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest. When he reached me I finally looked up at him, eyes wide.

"How come?" He knelt down so we were at eye level with one another. "Because I missed my girl … because I love my baby ... because I want my baby back. And I’ll do anything to get her, so … that’s why I’m pressed. And I ain’t ashamed to admit it either," he finished, eyes dark with seriousness.

I blushed and looked away from his gaze, not knowing what to say. I said before, whenever we were apart for more than a day or so I would get flustered and shy when I saw him again and this time was no different.

"T? Baby … look at me," he tilted hi head to try and catch my gaze and finally I looked at him. "Aren’t you glad to see me?"

I smiled at him. "J … are you kidding? Of course I am! I just … it feels weird after everything that happened … I should be mad and in a way I am but in a way it’s like … that person who threw things and acted so rotten wasn’t you. It was someone else, some other person … I dunno what I’m saying, Justin. I just can’t believe you’re here and we’re actually talking again and things are kind of getting good again because it’s exactly what I’ve been hoping for since argued and now you’re here and—"

"Some things never change," he muttered, referring to my incessant babbling, and I playfully hit him in the arm.

"Shut up," I told him, finally beginning to feel normal again.

He smiled again. "That’s my girl," he said proudly.

My girl.

I sighed inwardly at those words.

His girl.

His baby.

His.

"I met Aurora," he said suddenly, changing the subject abruptly. "She’s cool but different, man. She looks like Jen’s twin, not her Momma."

"I know, right?" I answered. "How’d that go?" The inspection, ha ha.

"Good," he remained crouched before me and I wanted to lean forward and rest my head on his shoulder next to that thick, wonderful neck. "With Aurora, I mean. Jen’s not my biggest fan anymore; she hardly said a word to me and rolled her eyes and everything. I never knew she could be like that."

I shook my head. "You’d be surprised at how mean all of us can get, Justin. Don’t sleep."

"I know about you and Sasha, just not Jen. I’ve seen your ghetto side," he reminded me and I blushed again. "What’s up with all this shyness, baby? It’s just you and me here … just us, okay? Nothing’s changed, T."

I looked at him in disbelief. "How can you say that? With everything that happened … everything’s different now."

He smiled and leaned over, brushing his lips against mine making shiver. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you still love me like you did before?"

"Of course!"

"Then nothing’s changed, T. Not really," he told me confidently.

"But there’s so much baggage now, Justin. So much crap we have to work on, like jealousy and anger and resentment and I think-—"

"I think we’ll work through it, baby, because we love each other. Simple as that," his hand went to the back of my neck and rubbed softly, making me shiver again.

"It’s really that easy?" I echoed, ever the pessimist.

"Easy as this," as his lips closed over mine and I forgot about everything and everyone but my Justin love.

The kiss was fleeting but it held so much promise that I felt giddy with excitement and I smiled at him, running my hand through his hair. "I missed this," I told him.

"And I missed this," he reached around and pulled my hair out of its braid to play with. "I love you, girl. We’ll fix what’s wrong and we’ll be okay. Right, T?"

We’ll be okay. How I loved when he said those words. "Right," I answered automatically, willing to agree with anything he said at that moment. Justin was my sun, moon and stars at that moment. "Did you come alone? How long can you stay?" I’d known he was coming for at least a few days but wasn’t sure when he had to leave.

He brushed his lips against mine again, making me sigh. "Mike brought me … he’s downstairs trying to decide if he should mack on Jen or her mom," and we both laughed.

"Aurora will have him wearing dashiki’s and growing an Afro like Chef from South Park," I told him and we laughed more. He pressed his forehead against mine, his expression growing serious now.

"I didn’t think …I never knew what it was like to miss someone so much, Tara," he said looking deep into my eyes. "I didn’t know what the fuck to do with myself so I drank and got fucked up and just did stupid shit -–not stupid shit like with fans or groupies," he reassured me, "but just acting nasty and shit. All because I missed you."

I kept stroking his hair. "I missed you, too. But you told me to leave and then you never called, so … I figured you were moving onto other things besides me. I thought you didn’t want me anymore." It sounds pitiful but it was true; he never called me or anything, I just assumed he wanted me to go away.

He looked shocked, which was sort of funny because it’s hard to shock someone as jaded as him. "Baby that night when I asked you to leave, I was just saying for that night, not forever. I figured we needed to cool down. Next thing I fucking know, you’re on an airplane and I never heard shit from you again. Can you see where I’m coming from? I never meant it’s over like forever, T, I meant it like for a night or something. I love you, girl. I can’t be without you, baby, so we’re gonna spend all this time working things out. I got five days to spend on you and that’s all I want to do, is be with you, kissing you and hugging you and squeezing you…" his hands slid under my butt and squeezed and I laughed but then got serious myself.

"Justin … you know I’m not ready to do anything … even if I could I think we should try to wait and just take—"

"Shhh," he whispered against my lips. "I know. And that’s not what I’m here for either, so don’t trip on that. Just be … you, baby. And we’ll be okay. Alright?"

We’ll be okay.

"Alright, Justin."

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

And all was right in my world again.

*~*

Downstairs I found Mike talking to Aurora and Jen, looking like he was in heaven since they looked so much alike. I was glad they were there in a way; even though I was glad to see him I felt weird with the abortion thing and all. But like Justin, he ignored all of that and swept me up into a huge bear hug, spinning me around.

"Baby girl!" he squeezed me tight and I squealed. I had grown to adore Mike, Jheri-curl and all. "How you feeling? I sure missed you. I ain’t have nobody to talk to with any sense for months!"

"Thanks a lot, man," Justin said wryly, but it was all in good fun.

"So everyone’s met, then?" I eyed Aurora to see what her first impression of Justin was and she gestured with her head towards the kitchen.

She started walking over there, saying, "Yep. I just want to show you this last plant I put over the sink because it’s a wild orchid and you have to be very careful with it. We’ll be right back." It was obvious what we were really going to talk about but I didn’t care. I was too anxious to hear what Aurora had to say.

In the kitchen she said, "Honey, he’s absolutely gorgeous! He doesn’t look so young in person, he looks like a man!"

"I know, right?" I laughed. One day I showed her a bunch of teen magazines when we were shopping and it was back when he was stiff sporting platinum hair and didn’t look quite so hot. The Justin in the other room was a far cry from the one in those magazines. "So?"

She sighed. "I like him," she told me. "I didn’t want to after he was so mean to you before but I like him and I get a good feeling about him. His eyes follow you wherever you go and he couldn’t wait to go upstairs to see you … it’s obvious to me that he’s in love."

I refrained from doing the running man in place to express my excitements, but her words made me ecstatic! Aurora’s almost always right about people and their character. She’s never liked Dave though, which is ironic.

Anyway.

"I just want you to be careful, sweetie," she advised kissing me on the forehead. "He leads a fast life and is still quite young. In fact, the only reason I can ignore his behavior before is because he’s so young, but he loves you. It’s like an elephant in the room with us, how much he cares. So just watch your back and call me everyday to give me the low down," she winked.

Aurora is crazy and I love her to death.

Just then Justin walked in and wrapped his arms around me. "I’m sorry, Miss Aurora, but I can’t be away from her this long yet. I missed her so much, he told her and I wanted to smack myself for being such a loser and grinning like a loser. I loved his corny lines when they were about me.

Aurora held up a hand. "Don’t you dare call me Miss anything! It’s Aurora."

"She means it," I told Justin seriously. "We would get in trouble when we were little if we called her anything else."

"That’s because you’re only as old as you feel and I’m too hot for somebody to be calling me Miss or Ma’am," she informed Justin and he cracked up. "Okay, we’ll leave you guys to talk. Right? Talk."

Talk about embarrassing. "Okay, bye, see ya, so long," I half-pushed her out of the door. Jen waved and said a somewhat surly good-bye to Justin who smiled as charmingly as he could.

It didn’t work.

Mike walked them outside and decided to take off right after they did – apparently there was some Happy Hour he could never miss if he was in town, Mr. Socialite. I wished I had half as much fun as he did, I swear.

So there we were alone in the empty house, standing there gazing at each other. "So…" he began, eyes twinkling.

"So…?" I returned, not knowing what to suggest for us to do.

He put his hands in the pockets of his jeans and ducked his head down to look at me through his long lashes, something he knew I adored. "Do I get to finish my kiss? I didn’t get a proper one, you know, before, when we were upstairs."

I shuffled my feet around, nervous again. "Umm … yeah, Justin! I mean … why am I feeling like this is our first date?" I asked. And I did feel like we were teenagers alone in a house while our parents were away for a few hours.

He moved closer to me, taking my hands into his. Mine were ice-cold and his were nice and warm. "I don’t know, baby. I guess I feel a little bit like that, too … but I still want my kiss. We always have make-up kisses and dances, too, T. Don’t you remember?"

That made me laugh. "Again with the one track mind, I swear! Besides … we haven’t exactly made up completely yet "

"That just a matter of time, us making up. I’m on a mission and hell yeah, you know I got a one-track mind, baby. It’s you," he said as he pulled me to him and gently pressed his mouth to mine, giving me several soft, closed-mouth kisses. When my lips finally parted he let out that growl that I adore so much and we began kissing in earnest, softly but deeply, holding each other tightly. After what seemed like hours we pulled away to catch our breath, although I think we could’ve kept going for a little while longer.

"I missed you so much," his hands traveled all over my face and through my hair, almost like he was making sure I was real. "I kept thinking about you all the time, I couldn’t stop so I was drinking fucking bottles of liquor everyday and even then I was thinking about you. Did you think about me?"

I nuzzled my nose against his. "You know I did … I heard you were drinking and I was so worried but I didn’t want to call because … well … we didn’t see eye to eye on … the problem or whatever … and I just didn’t know what the fuck to do. Being without you was like torture, Justin, everytime something happened I went to go call you and then I would remember that I couldn’t and it just sucked"

"You could’ve called me whenever you wanted, T. I would’ve been so happy if you called."

"How would I know that after what happened? I thought you wanted me gone so I left … I mean, what would you have done?"

Now he sighed. "I dunno. I guess what you did … I just want you back, T, I want us together and I’ll do whatever it takes. We got shit to work on, yeah, but everybody has crap like that. Remember you asked me that once?" About us having problems and shit? Just because something goes wrong doesn’t mean you say fuck it and throw away something incredible. You work on getting your shit together."

Something he said caught my attention. "Something incredible?" Was he talking about us? I needed to know…

"Hell yeah … what else would I be talking about? You’re my baby, my girl, and my love. Man, I missed my Tara love. You know what I wanna do right now?" He suddenly changed gears.

"Yes, but I told you I can’t—"

"No," he laughed and kissed me, "I wasn’t talking about that. I want you to change into your pajama bottoms and tops and I’ll put on sweats and I want to lie on the couch, watching movies and smooching. Are you down for that? I just wanna lay with my baby for a little while.

Who the heck is gonna argue with that?

Grabbing his numerous duffel bags, we lugged them upstairs and then were confronted with where he would sleep. Knowing us, I thought it might be better if he slept into the guestroom but he wasn’t having it. I didn’t really care; it was just a fleeting thought I’d had.

"Uh uh, T, no fucking way," he said emphatically when I went to open the guest room door. "I know you can have sex and shit but we’re not sleeping in rooms right next to each other. What kind of stupid idea is that? You know we’d end up in the same bed anyway.

Well. Can’t argue with that kind of logic. So we dumped his things in my room and he went about tossing a few things in the drawers I’d cleaned out for him months ago and we sort of stared at each other again, with that "what now?" expression.

"You gonna change?" he asked, already stripping off his jeans to pull on sweats and a T-shirt. I watched him as long as I could get away with it then went to get pajama pants and the little tanks I wore.

"You just want to lay around? Are you sure you don’t want to go out or something?" It was only like four in the afternoon; I didn’t want him to be bored.

"All I want honestly is to spend time with you. I don’t want to do anything except maybe eat later," he said frankly, slipping into a pair of sweatpants ten times too big for him. "So don’t sweat that … just change and I’ll meet you down stairs. I wanna pop some popcorn," he told me.

This was all so normal that it felt weird. "Umm … okay."

My now normal acting, no longer prima donna golden boy disappeared downstairs whistling "Baby Got Back". I stood there for a moment letting everything sink in then finally went to change. He really was trying. He really wanted me.

And God, did I want him, too, and not just in a platonic or snuggly way but my doctor had forbidden and sexual activity for three weeks, which was a good thing. We needed time to work on our relationship and we had a habit of letting sex sidetrack any problems we had. This way, we'’ have no choice but to talk things through because we couldn’t jump in bed and screw ourselves senseless.

Of course, that didn’t mean we couldn’t play around a bit -- wink, wink. But that was for another time.

He had already disappeared downstairs so I hurried and got dressed in my comfortable clothes and went downstairs barefoot to find him. He was just pulling the bag of popcorn out of the microwave. "You remember where everything is in here?" I wondered, amazed he found the popcorn.

‘Of course," he told me. Dumping it into a bowl. "C’mon, grab the Cokes and we’ll go in the other room. I followed him into the family room where we sprawled out on the couch, him lounging back and me settled between his legs; the remotes scattered around us. Nothing much was on so we started talking while we munched.

"How’re you feeling? Was the … think really hard to go through?" he asked tentatively, rubbing my stomach.

I sighed, hating having to think back to that day. "I fell okay now. I had cramps and stuff the first day and your hormones are all out of wack because your body hasn’t caught up with the fact that you’re not having a baby yet so I cried for, like, two days. Then I was okay. A little sad but okay,"

"What about the actual thing? I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I just was curious…" his voice trailed off and I knew he was unsure how I’d respond. But I didn’t mind sharing it with him.

"There’s not much to tell," I explained. They knocked me out for the whole thing. You can get it done when you’re awake and it’s cheaper but it was just a couple of hundred bucks so I went for being put out to sleep. Sash took me and stayed with me until I was okay again." I didn’t tell him about the days of misery but I figured he could pretty much pick up on that.

"So you don’t know what they did?" Justin loves hearing about gross medical procedures and that kind of crap. You know, he’s the guy who sits and watches the Discovery Channel or those shows where people are have gross abnormalities removed from their bodies.

I shook my head impatiently. "No! And I wouldn’t want to know … could we please not talk about it anymore, Justin? It was awful and I don’t want to think about it. I want to be happy now that you’re here, okay? I don’t even want us to try to work anything out yet; I just want to chill like you said. Just relax and maybe tomorrow dive into all the issues we have to talk about. Can we do that please?

He looked disappointed about the medical stuff but was otherwise agreeable. "Okay baby. Sit back," he made me lay back down on his chest, "and let’s chill."

I couldn’t help it. "Let’s settle down…" I sang.

"That’s what I wanna dooooo…" we sang in unison, the old song by Guy called ‘Let’s Chill’.

"Hey Justin?"

"’Sup baby?" he asked over the mouthful of popcorn he was crunching on.

"If we get married can I play this as our first dance?" I joked; totally knowing I would rather fall on a sword than do something so ghetto.

"Hell yeah. You can come down the aisle to ‘Let’s Get Married’ by Jagged Edge, I’ll sing it and you can pimp. ‘Meet me at the altar in yo’ white dress … we ain’t getting no younger we might as well do this’ … that’ll work, he said joking with me.

We were both giggling, being silly and singing awful songs for weddings when the doorbell rang. I got up to get it but the door was unlocked do the person just knocked twice and came in.

"Hey T, I thought I’d drop by and see what…" Dave’s voice trailed off as he realized who was lying beneath me on my couch.

Didn’t this happen before, I kept thinking? And how did I get out of it last time without a nuclear war starting?

Justin stiffened beneath me and I sighed.

There went my perfect evening.