Chapter 4

If there was one person I never wanted to see at that moment, it was Dave. So naturally he breezed into the family room holding a couple of videos and a six pack of Coke, then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Justin and I laid up like an old married couple.

"Oh …shit, I’m sorry," he apologized, clearly confused as to how Justin had ended up essentially back in the same position he’d been in months earlier. "Hey, T. What’s up, man," he walked over to give Justin – a fuming, tense Justin – a pound.

For once though, I wasn’t worried and upset about what Justin was thinking – we were on a break, after all, as far as I was concerned. And nothing more than a hug and a kiss on the cheek had passed between us and never would as far as I was concerned. He surely couldn’t say the same thing, I found out much later.

"Hey Dave," I greeted him and went to get up only to be held captive by Justin’s arms around my waist so I ended up with my legs sticking up in the air along with my upper body but my waist was trapped and I couldn’t move. Justin is a nut, I swear. "Whatcha got for me today?"

I admit that was just to let Justin know that Dave’s visits were pretty regular. A little jealousy never hurt anybody, right?

"Oh," he looked down at his hands, confused. "I brought the 90210 tapes for us to watch, remember? And I knew you were out of Coke the other day, so … but I can come back later. I didn’t know you were visiting, dawg," he told Justin, not liking it one bit after all the heartache he knew I’d been through over Justin. Dave’s shoulder had been soaked with tears just like everyone else I knew and I’d been sworn by death from everyone to stay away from him after the debacle in Florida. We especially didn’t want Sasha’s dad to know Justin was coming. He’d drag me to their house by my hair and lock me away. He hated Justin, especially after the baby thing. Not that he didn’t already, that just put the icing on the cake.

I had wanted to keep it quiet but I was so close with my friends’ parents that it was only a matter of time before they found out what was going on. Me, Sasha and Jen never kept secrets from Aurora and Sash’s mom was just plain nosy – like mother, like daughter. But they were all supportive, thank God, and we kept it pretty quiet and low-key to save me any embarrassment.

"Hey," Justin practically spat at Dave, making me giggle again. I got such a kick out of him when he was being a brat, I swear. I loved it, his spoiled, obnoxious side. "I just got into town and we’re catching up." His intention was clear – leave immediately.

I’m such a horrible friend. I should’ve stood up for him but I wanted alone time with J too. He’d just gotten there and I didn’t feel like playing nice with Dave, who I saw almost every day. "I thought I told you," I said, wrinkling my forehead. "In fact, I’m pretty sure—"

Dave interrupted me, which just added to the conspiracy theory I was sure Justin was creating in his head. "Hey, my bad. I’ll just drop this stuff off and call you later in the week."

Other than trying to cleave my body in two with his arm, Justin was a little too calm for my benefit. Hmph. He didn’t even say goodbye – no surprise – while all I could do was weakly wave from my trapped position.

And then he had the nerve to be mad about something other than what I thought it would be. "T?"

"Huh?" I was prying his arms loose and trying to breathe properly again.

"He calls you T? I thought I called you that. How could you let him call him my name for you, Tara? That’s like … fucking … blasphemous or something. How could you?" He sounded truly hurt.

I mean really, people. The drama, the drama.

"Justin." Stay calm, stay calm.

What?" Now he was snippy.

Turning to see his pouting face, I kissed him once. "T has been my nickname since grade school," I informed him, to his dismay.

"Nobody else calls you that. I never, not one time, heard Jen or Sasha call you that," he pointed out, still pouting.

I shrugged. "It’s not, like, what they call me all the time," I explained. "Just sometimes. It’s not a big deal, Justin, doesn’t Twitney call you J, too?"

I got my usual answer when he was trying to deflect blame. "That’s not the point! The point is that he did that shit on purpose to put it out there that y’all have been hanging out or whatever, which I don’t like, by the way. I told you a long time ago he was gonna try to swoop in when I wasn’t around and be the savior or some shit like that and look. See? See, T? Shit, now I gotta think of something else to call you besides that because it reminds me of his pale ass."

Pale ass? I hid a smile at him calling someone else pale.

"Baby, please let it go. Nothing changed; we’re not together and never will be," I tried to soothe him by rubbing his arms.

"Then why’s his ass rolling up in here without a key? Why’s he all "I brought video’s for us’," he said in a snarky voice that made me laugh hysterically.

"Justin?"

"What." Man, what a pouter when he wanted to be.

"I love you."

"You fucking better."

"Say what?" I leaned back to get a better look at him. "Boy…"

"I ain’t wasting time loving you and needing you and having to worry about that punk up in your face. I thought we decided he wasn’t gonna be around anymore, T?" he whined, forgetting about not using my so-called nickname.

"Well … that was before … everything. When I got back here I needed a friend," I said frankly. "And he was and is one. A good one, and sure, I can understand you not liking him around a lot but he’s still gonna be my friend. Or can you say that you haven’t spoken to Britney at all while we were apart."

Silence. Which was all I needed to know.

"When?"

Shifting around, he was oh-so-guilty. "Yeah. Uh, at her birthday party."

"You went to her birthday party?!" I screeched, unable to comprehend what he just said.

"Well you were mad at me and the whole group went and it’s a record company thing so I had to go…" he finished lamely, tables turned completely around now. I couldn’t believe he neglected to mention this all this time, during all of our phone conversations.

"You had to go? What’d you get her as a gift? Did you get her something from Tiffany’s, too?" Oh man, my jealousy streak was rearing its’ ugly head and I do mean ugly.

"No! I sent Mike or somebody to get her some crap … I stayed for a couple of hours, got even more drunk and slunk back to my hotel room to moon over you some more. As a matter of fact, that’s the night I got your phone message," he let me know. Was that supposed to make me feel better or something?

"Great. You’re partying with America’s Teen Queen and I’m wailing and moaning into your voice mail. I feel so much better now, Justin."

"T…" he moved around more so he was half-sitting up and facing me, "that message was the best thing I ever heard, I swear. It let me know you hadn’t dumped me and that I still had a chance and maybe that doesn’t sound like much to you but it meant the fucking world to me, okay? Britney or now fucking Britney. You hear me?" He tilted my chin up so I was looking at him instead of the front of his sweatshirt.

"I hear you," I said in a small voice.

"You believe me?"

"I believe you," I said, just as quietly. "But…"

"But what?"

"Promise me something, Justin, okay?" I had promised never to ask him if he got together with Britney again so I couldn’t ask him that but I found my way around that.

He smiled at me. "Ask away."

"Did you do anything to be … sorry for? To make me sorry, either?"

He thought my words over very carefully before shaking his head no. At the time, my heart relaxed and I hugged him so tightly I thought his head might pop off. All I needed was confirmation from him and everything was fine.

What a dummy I was.

All this back and forth arguing and lovey dovey stuff was making me tired. No wonder Justin and I slept so much when we were together. "Okay. Can we take a nap then? And maybe get a late dinner? I’m tired with all this drama shit floating around," I said, yawning.

He agreed and we trekked upstairs, me riding piggyback. I loved how strong he was, even with my big ass-riding shotgun. When we got in the room he dumped me on the bed per his usual custom and looked around.

"Something’s different," he announced, still scrutinizing the room.

"It’s the bed," I told him, pulling off my pants and socks while he got completely naked. Ah, what a sight for sore eyes. "I bought a new bed." And waited.

He checked it out. It was all white with an eyelet down comforter and tons of pillows.

"This … this is a Heavenly Bed!" he exclaimed. "Isn’t it?" He bounced up and down on it a few times to make sure. "Yep. I’d know these anywhere. How the hell did you buy one of these?"

I explained how in Florida I refused to leave the bed until it was time to go and how Sasha had fallen in love with them too and inquired if you could buy them. So when she did, I did, too and it had arrived a few weeks ago. Cost a fucking arm and a leg but man was it worth it.

"And it reminded me of you," I finished sadly, " so I really wanted one."

He leaned over and kissed me. "You have the real thing now, baby and you’’ re gonna have the real thing from now on. You don’t need this. But it is nice."

"I … was thinking…" I began tentatively, "about moving into the master bedroom now. If you’re going to spend dome time here and I’m going to keep living here … maybe I should start packing things up, you know?"

"I can help you with that – if that’s what you really want," he offered. "But think about it some more. Talk to Aurora. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders."

"She thinks it’s time for me to move on," I said as he climbed under the covers with me and pulled my body against his. We both exhaled at how good it felt. "She says it’s been a year and now I need to make the house my own like they’d want."

He yawned sleepily. "Then we’ll start whenever you want. Maybe get pizza tonight and start going through easy things, get movers to move the furniture … I’ll make it okay."

"Okay, Justin."

"I love you, Tara."

"Would you quit with the Tara? You can call me T, you idiot."

"Don’t feel right. Maybe I’ll call you W for Wallace," he said and I punched him in the gut. Not that it hurt any. "Okay, okay. How about baby?"

"That I can deal with," I said, snuggling into his embrace and sniffing his cologne, wishing we could get busy. But we had weeks before anything like that could happen. "Love you, too."

"You love me enough to give me some lovin’?" he questioned, half-joking but I could feel his erection poking through the shorts he wore. Reaching down, I stroked the length of him lightly and watched him close his eyes in pleasure.

"I’ll give you a certain kind of lovin’," I answered and went to slide down when once again he stopped me. Why did I even bother half of the time?

He bristled. "No, T, I don’t want that. You know I was just kidding … holding you is enough."

"Liar."

"Can you shut up now so we can sleep?"

"Let me touch you, c'mon," I slipped my hand underneath the waistband of his shorts and took him in my hand. He was burning hot, with taut skin and I could feel him pulsing in my hand. "How about this, hmm?" I kissed him softly, licking his lips with my tongue. "Is this okay? Can I touch you like this?"

He didn’t answer because his eyes were rolled in the back of his head but his hands went to my breasts and began squeezing so I supposed he liked it. I kept up with the hand and lip motions until he shuddered and climaxed into my hand.

After we’d cleaned up and gotten back into bed for a real nap this time, "I told him I’d never done that before. He couldn’t believe it.

"That loser Dave didn’t try to make you jerk him off?" he asked in disbelief.

Actually Dave had tried but my hand would always cramp and I would stop. I guessed Justin was just really horny that day because it didn’t take any time at all to get him off. "Yeah but I never actually did. It’s not that bad, actually, now that I’ve done it," I told him. "Except for the end, you know," I blushed. You all out there know it’s pretty gross, too.

Justin looked very pleased with himself and I asked him why. He said, "I’m glad to be your first something, T. I wish I could’ve been your first kiss, the first person you made out with, the first person to make love to you … but I can settle for this I guess."

I loved him so much. "If you weren’t the first, can you settle for being the best? Because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and that’s ten times better than missing out on some awkward first kiss," I told him.

He beamed. "Baby girl!"

"What?" I laughed, he was so silly.

"I loved-ed you girl!" And he hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe then kissed me until he took the rest of my breath away.

Just like he always does.