Christmas has never really been my favorite time of year. Everyone is tense and stressed but trying to pretend they are happy and excited to be spending hundreds of dollars on meaningless gifts. The fake happiness even carries over to the obnoxious and obligatory family get togethers.

This year just seems different.  I wish I could say that this time of year has changed, but regrettably it’s me that has changed. Well, maybe not regrettably. I really can’t complain.  I have a gorgeous fiancé and together, we brought an amazing little life into this world.  I think being a dad and an almost husband has changed my mentality about Christmas.

This year, as every year, I’m headed with over to the Harless home.  It has been tradition since I was younger.  Justin and I have been friends since I can remember and that started this Christmas tradition.

“Babe, you okay over there? You’re awfully quiet.” Sam smiled. She rested her hand on my leg reassuringly.

“I’m good. Just thinking. It’s gonna be another weird Christmas.” I half smiled.

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you last year. You can’t blame yourself.  It’s life and life happens.”

I looked over at her. Just looking at her face made me feel better. “I just don’t want another year like last year. We all just need to be adults about the situation.”

“All meaning Justin.” She suggested.

“Exactly. I’m tired of being blamed.”

“So tell him. Get it all out, get this done with. I mean, you guys are like brothers for heaven’s sake!” She exclaimed throwing her hands up.

“You act all innocent in this, when in fact you are the problem!” I laughed.

“Yeah whatever…” She laughed with me.

We pulled off the main road and headed down the long driveway towards the house. I parked in the same area that I always parked. Looking around, his car had yet to arrive. I exhaled the breath I was holding.

“He’s not here.  You compose yourself and I’ll get Soph out of the car.” She exited the car. I leaned my head back and drew in a few calming breaths. I watched Samantha grab Sophia’s car seat and bag and head into the house. Be a fuckin man. Just get in there. I exited the car and ran up to grab the baby just before Lynn opened the door.

“Trace!” She exclaimed pulling me into a hug. “And baby Sophia.” She quickly took her from my hands and waved us in. “I am so glad you guys could make it! It just wouldn’t have been Christmas without you!”

Sam and I followed Lynn through the foyer to the familiar living room. As usual, there was a tree that stood at least three times my height and decorated to perfection. There were easily 100 gifts under the tree. This was Christmas. It was over the top, but it was Christmas.

When Sam and I walked in, Mr. Harless stood from his seat and greeted us both. He gave me the fatherly pat on the back and reminded me of how amazing Sam was and how I was lucky to have her in my life.  We made our rounds with the family and friends before settling on a spot in front of the tree.  This is what I loved-the mindless banter, the fun teasing and the anticipation that slowly built in the room.

“So Trace, have you and Justin finally made up yet?” Paul asked.

I cringed. I didn’t want to just say ‘no’. I mean, I had tried. He wasn’t reciprocating.  “It’s a work in progress sir.  I’m positive we’ll be back to being like we were soon.” I smiled. Well, I think it was a smile. 

“And maybe when that happens you can tell us what happened. I mean, y’all used to argue, but it was never like this!” Lynn laughed. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re turning into women!” The room erupted with laughter.

“I think you’ll have to ask J what really happened. I’m about as in the dark as you are.” I smiled. Half truth. He had his version, I had mine.

“Well, why don’t we give this reunion some help? You can grab Justin from the airport. I was supposed to get him myself, but since you two have some things to hash out, a long car ride might be just what you need.” Paul suggested.

“I-uh-well-“ I stuttered.

“It’s settled. Here’s the keys to the truck. You know that boy does not travel light and whoever he’s bringing home with him may not either.” I caught the keys in my left hand.

I looked at Sam. She gave me a reassuring smile. I waved at the room and headed out to the garage to get into the truck.

I rode to the airport in silence. I started preparing a speech, but in all actuality I didn’t even know what I could say to him anymore.  It had become obvious over the last 18 months that “sorry” wasn’t cutting it. I pulled into the usual parking area and started the walk inside. I sent a message to Justin’s phone letting him know that I was here to pick him up and I’d meet him in baggage claim.

Every few minutes, a new batch of people were coming into the area. Each of them searching for family or friends or where to get their bags. I kept an eye out for J.

With each group of people that came through, I looked for him and saw nothing.

“Just because you’re here doesn’t mean we’re talking.” I heard behind me.

Somehow he had slipped in and retrieved his bag without me noticing. “That’s your problem-not mine.” I muttered. “You ready?”

He shrugged and I headed out towards the car. The walk to the car was like walking to a death sentence. He couldn’t even say a decent hello to me. I opened the trunk and offered to help with his bags, but apparently he thinks having help makes him an invalid.

I rolled my eyes and quickly got in the driver’s seat. I took a couple of calming breaths, then considered running over him with the car. I wish. He got into the passenger seat and we headed on our way back to the Harless house.

After pulling onto the main highway, I had had enough of the silence. “What’s your problem man?”

“Really? Is this why you came to get me?” He asked me condescendingly.

“You don’t need to be a dick about it. I’m just asking.” I said.

“Fine, you want to know what my problem is? My problem is you.” The anger is his voice was becoming clearly evident. He took a breath. “My problem is that you were nothing and I made you into something and then you betrayed me.”

“Excuse me? You made me into something and I betrayed you?” I rolled my eyes. “Please, that’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard!”

“You would be nothing if it weren’t for me and my name. You’re not Trace Ayala, you’re Trace Ayala-best friend of Justin Timberlake.” He snickered.

“Get over yourself dude!” I said.  I was upset. He’s always been a bit cocky, but this, this was new. “When did you put yourself on such a high pedestal that you think you’re better than everyone?”

“I don’t think, I know I’m better. I mean, look at my life! Women, music, movies, homes. You’re jealous of my life and that’s why you took the one thing that mattered most to me.”

I knew what he was referring to. My lid was about to flip and I had to pull off the road. The last thing I needed to do was kill Justin-fucking-Timberlake in a car accident.  “You think you I took her?”

Justin got out of the car. He started walking into the snow covered bank. I followed him. I was mad and now this shit was going to get taken care of.

“You can’t play dumb with me. You have always wanted what I had. Being my friend was never enough and when I finally found something I was truly happy with, you took it!”

“But that’s your problem! You talk about her like she’s property-she’s a human for Christ’s sake!”

“You are the problem.” He spat at me. His eyes were filled with hatred.

“You are the problem-not me. She came to me.” I said.  I didn’t mean to say it, but damn it, I was mad.

“You want to say that again?” He asked.

“You heard me the first time.” I barely finished talking before I felt his hand collide with my face. The pain his fist left over my eye was excruciating. I wasn’t going to let him get away with this. I ran towards him and knocked him over. I was trying to get to his face but he quickly through me off of him.

“You can’t even fight like a man.” He scoffed. I stood up. I took a few deep breaths and walked toward him.

“You will never hit me again.” I said. I hit him square in the nose and walked off. Before I knew it I was the one being thrown on the ground. I tried to fight him off but honestly, he was too strong. After years of being his friend, I knew that the best way to get out of this was to just give up. I stopped fighting him. It made it not fun for him.

He let me up. I started my walk back to the car. I could hear his footsteps behind me. “That’s right, walk away.”

I stopped and turned to face him, “You’re right. I’m going to. You’re not worth it.” I snickered and kept walking. His steps behind me stopped.  I felt bad. I knew that would hurt him. I turned back around and looked at him. “Look dude, let’s get in the car and talk about this okay?”

I said nothing, but headed towards the car. Getting back onto the highway, neither one of us said anything. Knowing him, I knew he wouldn’t be the one to concede. “I’m sorry for punching your nose.”

“It’s cool. I’m sorry for punching you in the face.”

“We’re good. I know you’re upset.” I half smiled at him. “Do you want to know what happened instead of assuming you know?”

“Is she there?”

“Yeah, we brought Soph.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back in the seat. “Why did you take her from me, man?”

“I didn’t. She came to me.”

“That’s such bullshit!”

“Why is that bullshit? You ignored her! Yeah you took her to a couple of events, but then you ignored her. You never called, you didn’t take her out yet you expected her to open her legs when you decided it was the right time.”

“Is that what she told you?”

“Really? That’s what I saw. All those hours that you would make her wait at the house, she and I started hanging out. We became friends. We started to get to know one another. At that point, yeah, I started to fall for her.”

“So you stole her from me.”

“No, she chose to leave. She and I hadn’t spoken for a couple of weeks before she ended things with you. Hell, I didn’t even know that she ended things with you until you called and threw a bitch fit with me.”

The car filled with silence. I don’t think either one of us really knew what to say. “She said I wasn’t what she wanted anymore. She said that it was obvious I was too busy for her and that she wanted someone that was there for her just like she was there for them.”

“I’m sorry man.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve gotten pretty good at taking advantage of people.” He said.  I didn’t know what to say. He’s never admitted something like that. “I know, you’re shocked.” He chuckled.

“I never thought I would hear you admit to a fault-especially one like that!” I smiled in return.

The car went back to being silent. It was a nice silence. Neither one of us needed to say anything. I pulled off the main road and onto the long driveway.

“You love her?” He asked.

“I do. She’s amazing.” I gushed.

“Yeah, she is. Don’t mess this up.” He laughed. “Don’t hurt her, I know where you live and I’ll kick your ass.”

“Evidently you’re not kidding.” I laughed pointing to my eye. I pulled Paul’s truck back into the garage.

Turning the engine, off I looked over at him. “Friends?”

“Yeah.” He smiled.  We climbed out of the truck and headed towards the house.

“Honey! I’m home!” He called walking into the house. The sound of people coming to welcome him was quickly stopped.

“What happened to your face?” Lynn cried. She looked at me and back at Justin. “Some things never change!” She laughed.

As everyone greeted Justin, Sam came over to me. “You guys good?”

“Yeah. We’re good.” I smiled.

“Good, now let’s get some ice on that shiner.” She pulled me into the kitchen.

Christmas was going to be okay. It was okay for me to be a sentimental freak about it. I had my beautiful fiancé, our daughter and my best friend. Life was perfect.