Well, I'm thinking it's time to tell Lance and I just have to convince Jazz to agree. It's only a matter of time before it slips out of Chris' mouth and I'd rather have Jazz and I tell him before that. We're sitting around the patio table, having lunch and Chris is still here. "Justin, what's wrong? You've barely touched the pizza."
"I think Lance should know."
Her face scrunches up in a curious and cautious manner. "Know what?" she asks, her eyes darting between Chris and I.
"That we're sleeping together."
"Whoa! Chris knows-"
"That's my point, it's just a matter of time and pressure from Lance and JC before it slips out," I explain.
She sighs, a look of defeat taking over her visage and putting her head in her hand, picking the toppings off her pizza with her other hand. She's most likely weighing out the pros and cons, the possible scenarios, and all the reactions he could have. She's always been an internal thinker, never mentioning a word until she has it all thought out. "Chris, you don't say a DAMN word as we, as in Justin and I, tell James. I don't care how bad you want to say something. The only way around it is when James, Justin or I ask you something. Am I clear?" she calmly states, ensuring that we understand.
"Crystal," he replies.
"Yes," I answer.
"We've been fooling around since your birthday and only when Brit calls a break. It's been more frequent since August, when I got back from touring with the Boys."
"I knew it'd just be a matter of time before we'd be caught in the act," I confess.
"You did it anyway," Chris observes.
"Yes, it feels good and it's an accidental in the heat of the moment kinda thing," she explains, rolling her wrist and I nod, Chris looks between us as he tries to spot any dishonesty or variance in story. Most people talk with their hands and she does it more than I do.
After picking at the pizza until only the crust was left, she sat for a few seconds before pulling out her cell phone just now. She puts to her ear, leans her elbows on the table and closes her eyes. "Can you come to Justin's, please? Ok, we're out back chillin' on the deck. See you in twenty. Yes, we can still hang out later too. I just want to tell you something to your face real quick. See you soon." She hangs up and sighs.
"He's on his way?" I ask.
"Yes, but he sounds apprehensive."
"Can you blame him?"
"When do I have to be the silent me?" Chris inquires.
"When he gets here," she tells him. "I can't blame him either, nor can I blame Chris for getting upset like he did after he caught us."
I put on some R&B, hoping to calm her nerves and get her to dance with me to relax. I'm holding her, just swaying to the beats and not caring if it's an uptempo song. Just as the fifth song is about to play, a knock sounds at my door and my gaze meets Chris'. I nod and he answers the door, greeting Lance. "What's up, Sam?"
"You might want to sit down for this," she tells him, refusing to move from within my embrace or my body.
He does as she suggested. "Lay it on me, I'm a big boy," he jokes, smirking.
She looks at me and I nod, her hand on the side he can't see slipping into mine with her fingers winding between mine. "You know I'm not a virgin, right?"
"Well, yeah, you told me yourself and I read that entry, translating it for your brother."
She takes a deep breath and he rests his ankle on his knee, having his full attention on her. "I'm not just sleeping with Nick, he's not the only one."
"Who else have you slept with?" She looks at me, her eyes meeting mine and squeezes my hand. "Justin? Yeah, right! He's with Britney." She nods, her eyes meeting his to affirm it. "Who else? There has to be more."
He knows her well. "I know those answers and it's up to her when to tell you," I reply.
"She can talk," he bites. "Sam?" he asks, narrowing his eyes at her.
"You can't tell Josh!" she shouts, catching the three of us off guard.
He walks over to us, holds out his pinkies and she loops hers in his, keeping eye contact. "Promise."
"Abs, Jeff and Drew," she whispers to him.
"From 5ive and 98 Disease?"
She snorts, stifling a laugh and looks away from him as she nods. "I think you mean 98 Degrees," she corrects him.
He walks over to the couch and plops his deadweight in the corner of it, letting out a rush of air. "I just, whoa," he says, his eyes shutting and grabbing handfuls of his hair. She abandons my side and sits next to him, slipping under his arm to cuddle him. She is a very cuddle buggish kind of person, always curled up to someone she loves and trusts. If she holds you near and dear in her life, she's going to cuddle you at one time or another.
"I'm sorry."
"How much did you know, Chris?" Lance inquires.
"Only that she hasn't been a virgin since last year sometime and that she's been sleeping with Justin."
Lance knows and she's taking a nap, her head resting on a pillow in my lap after a shower. "So, it's been happening since…?" he asks me.
"I think it's been an on and off thing since my birthday."
"It's always been between you and Nick since she went home after that news about her Neenee."
I hear no anger or animosity or jealousy in his voice, he shrugs it off and smiles as if it's a fact. "Oh, ok. What time is it?"
"It's 3:45, what time does she have to be to JC's parents'?"
"I think she said quarter past 5."
"Let her sleep for another 45 minutes," Chris suggests.
It took so much out of her to explain as much as she did to him and she cried about some of it, so that drained her even more.
"Sounds good," I agree, I let my fingers subconsciously go though her hair and sigh.
"If you could have saved your relationship with her, would you have?" Lance asks.
"If I had known how, I would've. I had no clue on how to do that, so I let her walk away. I know she loves me and she loves Nick, but she's not in love with either of us."
"Who is she in love with, then, Einstein?" Chris sarcastically remarks.
"Devin Lima," Lance and I chorus.
"How do you know?"
"She's told me about how she feels about him since his group visited her at the compound," I confess.
Lance smiles in a gentle manner and shakes his head. "It's been in her eyes since they met in Fall River and he's the only one who can make her forget everything, but remind her of anything. He makes her smile with two words and she would do anything for that guy, more than she would for Nick or even Justin. She'd take off before a show if he got hurt, just to be at his side. Christina and Britney see it too. JC knows it, sees it and knows she's in love with him without a doubt. He's the only person outside her family and mine, she would drop her world and put it all on the line for. She would sacrifice her life to see him live, watching over us all. You guys, she would kill for you and live how you'd want her to and be strong around everyone while crying herself to sleep at night," Lance explains.
"Oh, shit," Chris says, shocked almost to the point of being speechless.
"She's also the type of person that will help you up or bury you, depending on how you treat her," I add.
Chris looks like he wants to say something smart, but Lance speaks up first. "You have no idea how right you are. We've treated her so well this far, who knows what she would do for us? She's helped us with performances, visited with us, stood behind us, supported us, inspired us and pushed us. She's been talking about possibly joining us on the next tour we do, no questions asked and without a doubt. She would be willing to turn down someone else who may want her for the same time frame."
I've known that she plans on it, but it won't be for this album that we're releasing just before Thanksgiving. She's planning on the one we're planning to start next year, that's the tour she means. To her, this album is done and the tour is set which means she can't do this one, but she do the one we have slotted to be worked on after we leave Transcontinental Records and sign with Jive. "Not for the NSA tour though, the one we have planned out for release in summer 01."
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