I haven't seen Nick since we fought that day, more like I tore him a new one and he emotionally broke down. He told 'Ler that he doesn't think he'd be able to live without me, that he'd change his ways to keep me at his side and I think it's a ploy. How did I get myself into this? Oh, yeah, I'm a fool for ever loving a man set on destroying me, I swear. He got me the first time, but I don't feel the same way as I did the first time either. "James, breathe. You can't inhale your food as oxygen, Hoover," I remind him, smirking.
He looks at me and starts chewing, breathing out of his nose since taking his first bite.
I take the last bite of pancakes, savoring the taste and I know it's going to be near 4 months before I'll have a chance to have them again. "You realize that you're forcing me to put up with your brother's constant worrying about you," he teases.
"Yes, thank you and I love you for doing it," I tell him, completely serious.
"I know, that's why I do it. Love you too, little girl."
Ok, that's beginning to piss me off. "I'm not a 'little girl', I'm almost an adult. You can call me girl, woman, even nerd; just don't call me 'little girl'. I hate that!"
"I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
He gets up, steps over his coffee table to pull me to my feet and gives me the kind of hug that we both hope lasts until we can hang out again. My cell rings and I pull it out of my back pocket, not wanting to move away from my best friend since I was in first grade in Mississippi. I'm going to miss his smell, voice, laugh, the faces he makes at me, and all the things that make him who he is. "Hello?"
"Hey, beautiful. We're on his street now," Nick greets me, a smile in his voice after not seeing me for more than 2 weeks.
"Ok, see you soon."
"I love you," he says clearly, not caring who hears him say it.
"Love you too."
I hang up and a tear falls from my eye onto James' shirt, his hand rubbing my back. "I know it hurts. I don't want you to go, but it'll get easier over time."
"That's not why."
"Why?"
"I can't let myself love him like he does me now."
I feel him nod his head in understanding, rubbing my back and calmly breathing. "You know I'll always be here for you, just let me know when you need me and I'll do my best to get to where you are, promise," he reiterates, placing a kiss on my forehead.
~~~~~
May, 1995
"Go, James, live that crazy dream," the blue eyed girl with dark blonde hair tells her best friend with tears in her eyes.
"You're coming too," he informs her, his green eyes twinkling.
Her jaw drops open and his smile appears, wider than it's been in the past few weeks since a Justin Timber-something or other and a Lynn Harless began calling. They wanted him to be part of some group and would be in Europe soon after they found the right person. "No way Ma would allow it," she says, one arm crossing her thin torso to rub her arm.
"Our moms talked it over and yours said it's alright 'slong as mine stayed with us."
"Jeeze Louise! I'm going to Orlando?"
"Yes," he confirms, laughing and pulling a plane ticket from his pocket.
She snatches it from his hand, looking it over and throwing her arms around his neck as she jumps, shrieking with excitement. "I'm going to Orlando! Ahhhhhhh!"
"We can visit Universal park and Disney-!" he shouts over her.
"Ohmigosh! Disney! Eeeeeeeeee!" she screams, tightening her arms around his neck and jumping into his arms with her legs wrapping around his waist.
She had packed in a frenzy, double and triple checking that she had everything she may need all the while with extreme excitement coursing through her. She turns around, coming face to face with James. "All set, bitty?"
"As set as I'm gonna be," she replies, rocking back forth on her feet.
Once they landed in Orlando, they looked for a sign with James' name on it. "Do you see it, James?" the little girl asks.
"Yes, Bitty. This way," he responds, grabbing her hand and his mom's to guide them.
The trio walk to the four guys and older lady, the youngest looking boy resembling the lady. "You must be James," the lady greets them.
"Yes, ma'am. This is my mom, Diane and," he answers, introducing his mom and looking for Sam before he feels her head on his back, his shirt fisted in her hands. "Bitty, come on. If I know them, you will have to get used to them and be 'round em."
She looks around him at the five people in front of them. "You won't let go?" she asks, spotting his hand as he slips it around hers.
"No, I won't let go till you tell me so." She nods her head and comes into view to be formally introduced to the people who have pestered Diane, Jim and James to try out for this group. "This tiny shy girl is one of my best friends, Sam. I call her Bitty, she's always been the smallest. A family friend calls her Jazz or Jazzy and her cousin calls her Mar."
The dark haired blue eyed man reaches between the tall brown eyed guy and the hyper one with dreads, having stood behind them. "I'm Joshua Chasez," he says, extending his hand.
James folds his hand around JC's, shaking it. "Nice to meet you."
"You can call me Josh, JC, or C." He hovers his hand over the woman's head. "This is Lynn," he slowly shifts it over the curly haired boy's head, "She's this kid's mom. He's Justin. This is Joey."
"Hi," Joey says with a nod and a smile.
"This ball of endless and sometimes annoying energy is Chris. He came up with the idea and formed the group. He's the oldest, Joey being the second, I'm third and Justin is the youngest."
Sam squeezes James' hand, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles. James nods and feels her begin to hide behind him again. Chris has been smiling since he spotted them. "I think we'll get along great," he says warmly.
"We should get going," Lynn tells them.
"Who are we riding with?" Diane asks, eyeing their three bags and notices that Sam hasn't taken hers off.
"You'll be riding with Josh in his jeep." JC nods and Sam lightly scratches her best friend's finger.
"I know, me too," James admits as he and his mom go to grab their bags.
JC stops them. "I got them," he tells them, grabbing the bags effortlessly and turning away. "Follow me," he requests, nodding his head toward the parking area.
They walk in silence and get situated in the Jeep, heading for the house they will be staying in while they're here.
We get on the highway and JC starts asking Diane some general questions, getting basic background info on James. "That curly haired kid is cute," she whispers to him.
"Joey, right?"
"No. Josh knows."
"Who's the youngest again?"
"That'd be Justin, he has the curly hair."
"I think Justin's cute," she repeats, leaning on his arm and smiling.
"You're 12," he reminds her.
"How old is he?"
"How old is Justin again?"
"He's 14," JC informs them.
"Only two years."
"Not happening," James repeats, changing the words.
"James, come on."
"Samantha Marilyn Charpentier, no," he enforces, looking at her face to find her giving him the puppy dog pout.
"Pretty please with sprinkles on top?" she asks.
"You can talk to him, but you're to be supervised by me, mom or someone mom approves of."
"Yay!" she quietly responds, clapping her hands for a couple seconds.
"What's the celebration about back there?" JC asks, glancing between the road and the two friends in the backseat.
"Nothing," she meekly tells him.
"I saw you smile and clap."
"So?" she snaps back.
"How old are you?"
"Just turned 12 in January."
"Justin celebrated his 14th that month, at the end."
"What's his sign?"
"Aquarius, I think. Yours?"
"I'm a Capricorn and James is a Taurus. What about the rest of the lot of you?"
"I'm a Leo, Chris is a Libra, Joey is an Aquarius too."
"It'll work," she whispers.
"Let's see if they like me and we click, kinda like us," he reminds her, bringing the arm she's around up to place his hand on her face.
"You and 'Renny connected first," she observes.
"They gotta have the right stuff."
"You got the right stuff, baby, you're the reason I sing this song…" she sings softly.
He shakes head. "Wrong in so many ways."
They pull up and get out, rushing for the door. She listens once she enters the building. "Andi, give us a break! He just got here! Let him adjust first!" he whines.
She follows his voice and sees him talking to a red haired girl with deep green hazel eyes, a very upset one. "Justin, you need to practice!"
"We will, just give us two days to get to know him and see if he's up to it."
After a few seconds, the girl's face softens and rolls her eyes. "Only two days," she enforces, holding up 2 fingers between their faces and walks away.
She shoves by Sam and says something in a different language. Justin turns around and a cocky half smile comes to his lips. "Hey," he greets, striding over to the shy girl.
"Hi," she replies, a soft smile appears on her lips.
"JC got you here in one piece, what about your friend and miss Diane?" he jokes.
"They're here in one piece, too."
He's within a foot of her, less than an arm's length away and her arms fling behind her body, fingers locking together. The nervousness is noticeable between them and she can't keep her body still, she begins to sway with her body making figure 8s. Their eyes are locked and James is standing in the kitchen door, watching the pair. "You nervous?" Justin asks, his Tennessean drawl becoming evident.
"You're from near 'Sippi!" she shouts and points at the 14 year old, making him jump a bit.
"I'm originally from Tennessee, yes. You're very random, ain't you?"
"That's only the beginnin'," James confirms, getting their attention.
Sam had spun around and Justin snapped his head up. "James Lance!" she exclaims, her hand going to her chest to visualize how scared she had gotten by his sudden appearance. "What'd your mama tell ya about sneakin' up on me?"
"That if I do it and I'm close enough one day, you'll cold cock me."
She gives him an 'I'd do it too' look, perching he hands on her hips. He laughs and shakes his head. "Andi did it to me and did that ever hurt! Just ask C, he saw the whole thing!"
Just then, JC appears behind James and he cocks his eyebrow and folds his arms. He silently watches the two friends bicker for a minute, smiling and Justin has become quiet. "We wasn't doing nothing but talking! Justin, what were we doing?" she asks, spinning to look at him.
"Talking, getting to know each other."
She watches his eyes move from hers to somewhere near James, slowly turning to finally see JC. "At least we made it in one piece," she says, prompting Justin to smack his hand to his forehead and James to shake his head.
"Who said you would end up otherwise?" JC asks, scaring the wits out of James and causing him to whip around to face him.
"Holy cow!" James says.
"Swiss cheese," she replies, indicating an inside joke.
They eat dinner and go outside, having fun while becoming acquainted. "So what's it like to be here versus Tennessee?" she asks Justin.
"All that comes to mind is that I came here to get known and I'm doing that-getting known. It's different than home, faster pace. James is shy, but I like him and he should fit in with us."
They glance at James and Joey, gabbing up a storm across the yard. "Good, do you think Chris and JC will like him?"
"Those two have big hearts and they accept almost everyone, so no doubt about it. Chris is a good guy and he's a bunch of fun."
"He pulls jokes."
"Heh, yeah."
A few days later…
"C'mon, James!" she yells at the boy she's known half her life. "Focus!" Her eyes dart to Justin's from James'. "Goes for you too! Andi said I can't dance with you now, but you need to focus!"
"Justin Randall! Focus your eyes here!" Andi screams, her fingers snapping to grab his attention and is rewarded with his and Chris'.
"I'm gonna miss y'all," she tells the five boys, Andi, Diane and Lynn.
"It's been two weeks?" Justin whines.
"She has a dance competition to do in a week or two, she only competes during vacations," James affirms, informing them of her routine. "I promise to keep in touch and if you need me, I'll try to be there." The two friends hug like they'll never get a chance to again.
~~~~
"It was so simple then," I think aloud, having remembered some of the first couple weeks he had spent in Orlando and I had been right there with him.
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