She fell asleep while we worked on that song JC had written, having taken his headphones and my tape player. I watched her sleep for awhile, offering to carry her and convincing JC to let her crash at my house. Her arms wrapped around my neck immediately after I picked her up, one hand slipping into the mass of curls on my head and turning her body into mine. Derek and Lonnie agreed to take 3 hour shifts to keep watch over us while we slept, JC's direct order and they talked him into letting her & I share a bed. "Man, I'm not like that."
"You better not be."
"You know I'm not." She might get her way, but I'm not like that.
"I'm trusting you with my sister."
"Dude, tomorrow is her birthday and you know what I promised."
"Alright, fine. Keep in mind she is my baby sister."
"It's just to help her sleep."
"Fine."
"C, come on. She's one of my best friends and if I lost her, I don't even wanna consider what might happen."
I lay her across my backseat and climb into the driver's, starting it up. I drive to my house and carry her inside, making sure to be cautious. I lay her on my couch, get some food ready and halfway through getting it cooked, she wakes up. I watch as she waltzes into the kitchen and sits on a stool across from me, her head held up by her hands. "Hey, JazzBean. Hungry?"
She perks up and gives me a sleepy smile. "Hell yeah! I could always grub out! Whatcha makin'?" she asks, trying to peek into the pots and pans.
"That's cheating!" I laugh.
"Tiiiiimmmmmbbbbbbssssss!" she whines.
"No, JazzBean. It's going to be good, promise," I enforce.
"Hmmmph," she grunts, pouting and it makes me laugh. "Better be good or you're wearing it."
She takes a bite and closes her eyes, a smile slowly appearing on her lips. "Is it approved?" I question, taking a small bite myself and know why she had reacted like that.
She pretends to choke and gag, holding her throat. Her arm is extended on the tabletop and I poke it, provoking laughter from her. "Yes, it's phenomenal," she tells me, sitting back up and taking another bite. "How'd you convince James and Josh to let me come here? Chris, what did he have to say?" she rambles off, curious.
"Curiosity killed the cat," I remind her.
"And satisfaction brought it back, dammit," she tells me, flipping it on me.
"Chris gave me the stink eye, Lance was like 'it is up to her, have her decide when she wakes up', and JC went all big protective bro about it and made me promise nothing would happen to you."
"I only get hurt once or twice a year."
"I know, but we know he freaks out over a twisted ankle."
"It's ridiculous how protective and worrisome he is at times."
"Try dealing with him when he gets like that on tour."
We share a laugh and she yawns a few minutes later, her plate empty. "I'm sorry, guess I'm exhausted."
"Have you slept right lately?" I ask her, finishing my last forkful of food.
"All except the last couple nights. I have no clue why."
"How many exactly?"
"Three."
I grab the plates and put them in the sink, I can do them after she falls asleep. "Let's get you upstairs, you need some rest."
After half an episode of Charmed, she's out like a light and sawing logs. I slip out from under her and head downstairs, calling a familiar number as I head to the kitchen to clean up. "Hello?" my best friend answers his home phone.
"Hey, man."
"Justin, you dropped off the face of the earth!"
"Yeah, I know," I admit, bringing my hand to the back of my head and looking up a bit.
"It's good to know that you're alive. What's up?"
"Jazz hasn't been sleeping right for the past few nights. Have you talked to her?"
"She called the day of the last award show you guys were at, rambling on about telling Caylei about Nick and coming clean. She was crying and frantic, sounded insane."
"What do you mean, come clean? What did he do? What does she mean tell Caylei about what he's done? Is she involved? How incriminating could it be?"
"I have no clue, she never went in depth and only said it's a matter of time before she snaps, telling Caylei every little thing. She said that it all involves Nick and she's going to blow up his spot, extremely soon. I think it might be sometime around when you release that new album of yours."
I let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, I'll bite. Have you been there when she's snapped?"
"She broke down when she called me and I know she can either have a calm kind of snap or an explosive one."
"That's it?"
"Yes, it's all I know."
"Which is worse?"
"Calm followed by explosive, if you're on the receiving end."
"Okay, that I can understand."
I hear him move nervously, knowing how he can become uneasy when sensitive matters arise. "Well, uh, is she sleeping now?"
I begin rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. "Yes, she fell asleep halfway through Charmed."
"You watch that with her?" he asks, attempting not to laugh.
"Sometimes. She's hurting and it's either me or AJ, never anyone else really. I can see it in her eyes."
"She looks in your eyes that often?"
"No, I catch her eyes just before she closes or shifts them away and it scares me."
"I know she's going to need time to figure it out and heal."
For once in our lifetimes, Ayala makes sense. "You're right, Trace," I confess. "What's the worst and scariest part, I understood it and you actually made fucking sense." I close and start the dishwasher, leaning back on the counter.
We laugh for a minute, Trace going onto something few know about and catches me off guard. "Are you still sleeping with her?"
"Man, she's my weakness. I haven't recently and you know I spent Christmas here and she spent hers with JC. I don't think I could stand to tell her no."
"You might have to someday," he informs me.
"I-I-I," I sputter, an ear piercing shriek cutting the conversation short. "Gotta go, man!"
"What happened?"
"I'll call you later!" I yell, hanging up as she shrieks again. I fly up the stairs, taking three at a time. "Jazz?!" I scream fearfully, praying it's something dumb like a spider. I hear her shriek as I open the door, seeing her tossing and turning in her sleep. She's mid-shriek when I take her into my arms, trying to soothe her and she's thrashing. I try to dodge her hands and my legs get the brunt of it. "JazzBean, it's me, it's Timbs. Shhhhh, you're safe, you're at my house. I got you, I'm protecting you," I tell her, managing to catch her arms and pinning them against her body in my arms.
She shrieks again, ear-splitting volume this time. "No, Brandon, let me go!" she cries, tears falling.
I begin to rock back and forth, side to side and any other direction I could. "JazzBean, it's me, not Brandon. I'm here, I'm holding you and I'm protecting you."
She's been through hell and back, this shit with Brandon and Nick taking its toll her. "No," she weeps, falling into a dead sleep again.
I swallow, unsure of what to do now. I hate to turn to JC or Lance, but I have to talk to the one who knows the most about her past. I grab the cordless and dial an all too familiar number. "Hello?" he answers three or four rings later.
"What does it mean when Jazz wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs, but is still asleep?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was downstairs, talking to Trace on the phone and loading the dishwasher when she let out an ear-piercing shriek. She did it a couple more times and I pulled her into my arms, her swinging. She kept saying 'Brandon, let go' and cried herself into a deep sleep again. I had told her I'm me and I'm protecting her," I tell him.
"It's her subconscious mind's way of processing everything and it's still eating at her, her mom's death."
"It's been close to a year."
"Doesn't matter, this is the longest break she's had since. It's now catching up to her."
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