Justin ran through the pounding rain, glancing up as lightning cracked across the sky.  Water was already dripping from his well-built frame though the walk from his car to her porch was a short one.  He reached the shelter of the overhang and attempted to brush some of the water from his jacket.  His hand reached nervously to ring the bell and he waited anxiously for the door to open.  It had been so long since they had seen each other.  Four long months of touring, and now he finally had a few days break to come see her.

The door swung open and Justin sucked in his breath.  She was as beautiful as ever and he couldn’t understand how or why he’d let so much time go by.  Her long blond hair fell gracefully over her shoulders and she was dressed in comfortable sweats and a tank top.  Her face transformed in surprise as she realized that her boyfriend was standing at the door.

“Oh my God, Justin.  What are you doing here?”  A look of happiness, mixed with confusion crossed her face.

Justin stepped in the door and pulled her to him with one arm as he revealed a dozen pink roses from behind his back with the other.

“Ashleigh,” he breathed.  “Baby, I missed you,” he said as he lowered his lips to hers.

Ashleigh returned the kiss and wrapped her arms slowly around Justin.  This was one visitor that she hadn’t been expecting.  “Hi,” she said quietly as the kiss broke.

Justin smiled and gestured toward the flowers.  “For you.”

“Thanks.  They’re beautiful,” Ashleigh said taking the flowers, her mind racing.  She was having trouble believing that Justin was truly in front of her, that he was real.  The time that had passed during his absence had been so long and lonely.  She reached up to touch his face, as if to make sure that he was really there.

Justin looked into Ashleigh’s eyes as he trembled from her soft touch.  How he had missed it.  Her green eyes were exploring his face lovingly, but there was a sadness in them that he had never seen before.  Something that had always been there was now missing.

* * * * * * * *

It’s in the way you caress my face

Like you always used to

But differently

When you smile to hide the shame

Here in the pouring rain

Waiting for the sun

* * * * * * * *

“Look at me, I’m all wet now,” Ashleigh said giggling.  “Thanks, Timberlake.”

Justin grinned.  “Sorry, Ash.  You’ll forgive me right?”

Turning away, Ashleigh smiled at Justin as she made her way to the kitchen to put the roses in a vase.  “If you’re lucky.”

Justin closed the door and hung his wet jacket on the coat rack in the entryway.  He ran his fingers through his damp curls and followed Ashleigh.

“We finally got some time off,” Justin explained.  “I had to come see you.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Ashleigh said as she arranged the flowers, her voice low.  “I’ve missed you, too, Justin.”  She turned toward him, her eyes glistening with tears.  Justin pulled her into his arms, his hand smoothing down her hair.  He breathed in her familiar scent of vanilla and whispered in her ear.

“Ash, I’m sorry it’s been so long.  I would have come sooner if I could, but…” Justin’s words trailed off as Ashleigh sighed and broke the embrace.  She had imagined this moment for so long.  But now that Justin was in front of her, her emotions were jumbled, her thoughts unclear.  She brushed a hand through her hair and walked into the living room, unsure of what to say or do.

Justin noticed Ashleigh’s distracted actions instantly.  Something had changed, something was different.  In the pit of his stomach, Justin knew that nothing between him and Ashleigh would ever be the same again.  The togetherness that they had once shared was slowly fading away.  Justin had been away for so long, neglecting the one solid thing in his life, the woman who was always there, no matter what.  Now, as he watched Ashleigh pace the room, he knew.  Tears were raging inside of him, threatening to break free, but he couldn’t let that happen.

* * * * * * * *

I’m crying all alone

Standing next to you

You have done your best to see it through

But oh baby

* * * * * * * *

Making his way to Ashleigh, Justin stepped in front of her.  She stood still, staring at the ground.

“Ashleigh,” he said, lifting her chin gently so their eyes would meet.  “Baby, what’s wrong?”  Justin tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, terrified to hear her response, yet needing to hear it just the same.

“It just seems like it’s been forever, Justin.  You’re here but it’s all so unreal.  So unexpected.”  Ashleigh took a deep breath and looked deep into the blue eyes before her.  They were so full of love and devotion, yet she could see the fear and doubt as well.  She knew that her emotions mirrored his, but his were so much stronger than the things she was feeling.

Justin’s heart was sinking.  He knew that his absence was hard for her, but he’d been on tour.  It was his job, his way of life.  He thought that Ashleigh understood that. 

“I am truly sorry, Ashleigh.”  Justin began searching her face for any kind of understanding.  “Things got so crazy and… man, I missed you.  You were always on my mind, a part of me no matter how far away I was.  I’m here now, Baby,” he whispered.  “This is what I’ve been waiting for.”

Ashleigh laid her head on Justin’s chest, just wanting to be close to him.  Feeling his heartbeat against her, Ashleigh knew that it was beating with the love that he felt for her.  It was never-ending and unwavering.  If only she still felt as strongly…

Ashleigh lifted her face and looked up at Justin, his eyes now full of sorrow and regret.  She couldn’t stand to see him hurting.  Cupping Justin’s face in her hands, Ashleigh drew his face down to hers and kissed him.  She wanted that old feeling back, the old connection that they had once shared.

Justin let himself get lost in Ashleigh effortlessly, their lips locked passionately.  He had always loved her, always wanted her.  Tonight was no exception.  After his long absence, he was yearning for the comfort of their love.  As the kiss deepened, Justin picked Ashleigh up in his arms and made his way to the bedroom.

Their lovemaking was slow and peaceful, yet different than it had been so many times before.  Justin let himself become a part of Ashleigh, giving her his all.  He could tell that she wanted to do the same, that she was searching for that old feeling.

As she returned from her high, tears streamed silently down Ashleigh’s cheeks.  Justin wiped them away gently, settling her next to him, safe in his arms.  They had just shared so much, yet Justin knew that Ashleigh was feeling something different.  She was no longer the same woman that he had left behind months ago.  Ashleigh had been in a different place moments ago, a place where Justin could no longer go.  He closed his eyes to shield the tears that threatened to fall, and pulled Ashleigh closer to him as he drifted off to sleep.

* * * * * * * *

I can tell

By the way that you love me

I can tell

That the fire’s burning out

I can tell

By the way that you hold me

That the fire’s burning out

* * * * * * * *

Hours later, Justin awoke, his arms automatically searching the bed for Ashleigh.  She wasn’t there.  He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room.  A few candles were glowing, giving the room a somber atmosphere, and Justin saw Ashleigh on the window seat, staring out at the rain falling endlessly from the dark sky.

Ashleigh was wrapped in a green silk robe, more beautiful than ever.  Justin’s heart was already crying out in pain.  Though they were only a few feet away, Justin knew that Ashleigh wasn’t really there anymore.  Not in the way he wanted or needed.  The closeness had disappeared and Justin was beginning to feel lost.

“Ash,” he called out softly. 

Ashleigh slowly turned her head and halfheartedly smiled at the exquisite man lying in her bed.  He was so wonderful, but nothing could bring back the old feelings.  She had been searching her soul for the past hour, wanting to remember how much Justin meant to her.  She wanted to find the deep love that she had once felt towards him, the way she needed him in her life, and the way he made her feel.  But the twists and turns of her past had revealed nothing.  Nothing to remind her what it was like to love endlessly and need desperately.

“Come back to bed, Baby,” Justin said groggily.

Ashleigh breathed deeply and gazed back out the window.  She wanted to join him, to feel his love, but how could she, knowing that she no longer felt the same?  Having him here felt good and familiar.  This had all happened a hundred times before, but never had Ashleigh felt so empty.

Justin climbed out of bed, and made his way to the window seat, bringing the comforter with him.  He sat behind Ashleigh and wrapped his arms and the blanket around her.

“Talk to me, Ashleigh.  I can feel the difference, but I need you to tell me what you’re feeling.”  Justin barely choked out his words, as tears threatened to escape his clouded eyes.  He already knew how this was going to end, but he had to try to save it.

Ashleigh’s fingers traced a raindrop that was running down the window.  She wished that she didn’t have to do this.

“Nothing feels the same anymore, Justin.  I… can’t explain it.  But I’m trying to recall those earth-shattering feelings that were once everything to me.  The things I felt for you… No matter how hard I search for them, they’re no longer there.  I want everything to be the same as before, and I want to love you with all my heart, but…” Ashleigh’s words trailed off.  Tears were streaming down her face, a mirror to the raindrops on the windowpane.

Justin struggled to breathe as he finally heard the words spoken aloud.  His heart was breaking, but it had been for a long time.  The words were just a concrete justification to the changing emotions that he had seen in Ashleigh since he had arrived on her doorstep.

* * * * * * * *

Moving down an open road

Asking our hearts for direction

Cause we’re so close

I can see the faded signs

Leading to the same destination

But you’re not there

* * * * * * * *

Turning to face Justin, Ashleigh’s body was flooded with guilt and sadness when she saw his face.  He looked so lost and defeated.  Like nothing in the world would ever be right again.  Ashleigh felt the same, but in the deepest parts of her heart and soul, she knew that it could never work.  Not if she couldn’t love Justin the way he needed to be loved.

“I’m so sorry, Jus,” Ashleigh whispered, as their eyes locked.  She could see the pain and desperation in his blue ones, as her green ones overflowed with tears once again.  She reached up to touch his cheek, wanting to take the hurt away, but knowing that there was no way she could.

Justin’s fingers wiped the tears from Ashleigh’s cheeks as he spoke.  “I know, Ash.”

“The last thing I want in this world is to hurt you.  If I knew how to fix this, Justin, how to tell my heart to love you again, I would.”

Letting his tears flow freely, Justin drank in the amazing site before him, knowing that it would be one of the last.  They had shared so much, yet not enough.  Maybe it had been his prolonged absences that had let Ashleigh’s heart slip away from his.  Justin would never know, and he would never again feel the intimacy they once had.

His hands still touching her face, Justin pulled Ashleigh gently toward him, letting their lips meet.  Ashleigh’s arms wrapped around Justin’s neck.  Their escaping tears met and fell freely on each other’s cheeks.

For Ashleigh, the kiss was a reminder of the way Justin loved her, and sadness engulfed her body, as she knew for sure that her feelings were gone.  For Justin, the kiss was a good-bye.  Good-bye to the only woman he would ever love so truly.

* * * * * * * *

We’re dancing to the music

That ended long ago

You’ve done everything that you can do

But oh baby

* * * * * * * *

Their lips parted, but Justin had to keep Ashleigh close for just a minute longer.  His forehead pressed to hers as he ran his fingers through her long hair.  This moment would be forever etched in his mind.  One that would bring back the bittersweet memories of the love that had once held him and Ashleigh so close.

Pulling away from Ashleigh, Justin let his fingers run across her cheek one last time.  As he stood up, she followed his face, her eyes so apologetic.  But he could also see the pain and knew that none of this was easy for her either.

Justin wrapped the comforter around Ashleigh’s shoulders and began to gather up his clothes from the floor.  Pulling her knees up to her chest, Ashleigh watched silently as Justin got dressed.  Once again, her vision blurred from the tears as he tied his shoes, then made his way toward her.

* * * * * * * *

I can tell

By the way that you love me

I can tell

That the fire’s burning out

I can tell

By the way that you hold me

That the fire’s burning out

* * * * * * * *

“Ashleigh.”  Justin struggled to speak her name, knowing that he’d never say it in the same way again.  Kneeling down, he looked into her eyes.

“I know that you never thought it’d end like this.  Neither did I.”  He took a deep breath, trying to build up the strength he would need to say what he wanted and to pull himself away from her.  “I want to thank you for everything that you did give me.  No one has ever made me feel the way that you made me feel.  Ash… I will always love you.”

Justin’s voice was choked with tears as he whispered those last words.  Knowing that it would only get harder if he lingered, Justin quickly stood pressed his lips to her forehead. With one last glance at Ashleigh, he turned and walked out of the life of the woman he loved more than anything.

* * * * * * * *

My heart is in the wind

Drifting over you

I’ve done everything that I can do

Oh baby

* * * * * * * *

Ashleigh held her head in her hands, sobs raking her body.  She felt so ashamed.  Even with all the pain she had caused Justin, he still found it in his heart to love her.  She couldn’t have asked for anything more, yet she didn’t even deserve so much as one caring word from Justin.  The relationship had ended because of her, because she couldn’t return the love that Justin gave her.

The front door slammed and Ashleigh jumped.  He was truly gone.  Forever.  Turning toward the window, the storm raging outside was like the emotions raging in Ashleigh’s soul.  The best thing she had ever had was no longer there.  Being truthful to herself and to Justin had been the right thing to do.  But it had also been one of the hardest things she had ever done, and it seemed that the pain would haunt her forever.

Walking into the storm, Justin was oblivious to the pounding rain and searing wind.  Nothing physical could do more damage to him now than the complete broken emptiness that he was feeling inside.  He had given Ashleigh his heart completely, risking everything for happiness.  And now he felt like she had handed it back to him in a million pieces.  He couldn’t even begin to fathom how he would ever put them back together.

But even with all the pain she had caused, Justin couldn’t help but love her.  He knew he would endlessly, that she was already becoming a part of his past that he could never escape.

He paused on the driveway, letting his head fall back as he ran his fingers through his wet curls.  Raindrops mixed with tears and ran down his cheeks.  How would he ever put this night behind him?

Making his way to his car, Justin allowed himself one last look up at Ashleigh’s bedroom window.  The light glowed softly and welcomingly, but the seat was empty, just like his heart and soul.

* * * * * * * *

I can tell

By the way that you love me

I can tell

That the fire’s burning out

I can tell

By the way that you hold me

That the fire’s burning out

* * * * * * * *