He dreamt of her again. JC sat up, running a hand through his hair, trying to keep her in his mind, his dream girl – literally. He watched with his mind's eye as she slipped away again, as if through the fingers that were still in his hair. Like always. She was his longest relationship, flitting thought his dreams for far longer than he'd ever admit. And always, always just out of reach.

He was twenty-four when he decided that if she was going to be there he may as well name her. He spent months pondering name, trying to find the perfect one for the face he could never quite see. He even borrowed the baby name book from Joey, pretending to be looking up what his name meant. (God is my salvation and from Scotland. The second one was self explanatory, he had thought, thought put together made a rather interesting sentence; God is my salvation from Scotland. He wondered what his mom had against Scots for a moment.)

He had found a name he liked, and was curious as to what it meant, if it really fit her. Josh and Kate. They went well together and Kate meant 'Pure'. Which could not have been more fitting. The few times he fantasized about her he felt dirty afterward and hated himself. It was like he had defecated something sacred, that she was somehow above all that. She'd never give into the carnal desires of men. It wasn't easy, either. He always awoke from her dreams with a feeling of residual lust. He wanted her. But those times he let himself pretend to have her, it was like he was six and had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar right before dinner.

He sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Another empty day. ABDC was in off-season and he hadn't made any plans with the people he was currently writing with.

He wondered to himself how he'd fill the empty hours until he could safely escape back to bed as he started his shower. He wasn't in the mood to work on things on his own. Chase was out of town, Matt was working. He debated calling Lance or Justin even, but decided he wasn't in the mood for them either. They were probably busy as well anyways.

He just wanted to go back to sleep. Kate had been appearing more frequently lately. He didn't know what to think of that. He was getting older, starting to feel ready to settle down perhaps, if he could find someone to do it with. But here he was, single. Again. The hot water ran over him and he found himself humming Kate's song, again. After a few bars, he let himself break out into full song as he vigorously lathered in the shampoo.

“Everywhere she went, Kate drew a crowd. 'Don't bother me,'  that's what I said. ''Cause I can't seem to get the girl outta my head,' so If you see Kate, tell her I'm looking for her, she's so fine. The girl's been on my mind....”

He wasn't sure why, but it felt like he had to sing that song, it felt like he was singing it to someone in particular. Just like he felt like he had to write it a few years previously. The song took over him, just like the dream girl it was about. It wasn't even just that song, he was going to dedicate his entire sophomore solo album to her, and things he wanted to do with her. But it wasn't meant to be.

He didn't like thinking about when the contract fell through, cutting Kate's life outside his head short. He considered them his Dark Days and left it at that.

He switched on the radio as he got dressed. Typical for LA, it was going to be sunny and reasonably warm. Maybe he'd go for a drive. Or go down to The Grove. Yeah. The Grove. He felt like going to a bookstore suddenly. He sniffed his favorite plaid shirt – still good for one more wear before he had to do laundry. Paired with his favorite jeans and boots, he grabbed his favorite fedora and sunglasses on the way out. His uniform was complete.

He wandered from store to store in the Grove before going into the bookstore. While checking out the new releases, something outside flashed, getting his attention. He looked up instinctively and froze.

There, that girl. Checking out the magazines. He felt sure he knew her from somewhere. He stared at her, taking in her features when she glanced up at him. He quickly looked down at the books in front of him, trying to place her. When it hit him he had never seen her before, but where he had, his head snapped up. She was gone.

Kate.

It was like she had never been there. He glanced around. She hadn't moved in. He looked out the window, but no luck. She was truly gone.

He hoped she had just left, that she was real and not just a hallucination, the product of having Kate on his mind. He mulled this over as he drifted through the store from new releases to romances to the new age and finally the magazines. Was that his imagination or was that a whiff of remnant perfume exactly where Kate had stood?

I'm losing it. He thought as he flipped through a music magazine. He glanced out the window as he put it back.

There she was.

She was sitting on a bench just outside, talking animatedly to another woman. He wasn't going to waste this opportunity. He put the books he had picked up on the closest shelf and hurried out of the store, nearly knocking someone over. He barely managed to stay upright the few steps to the bench. Which he reached finally and stood there, towering over the two occupants.

“Hello,” the one that wasn't Kate said slowly, like she was suspicious of him. JC just grinned like a loon at them, completely speechless.

“I'm Mina,” Kate said to him. Wait- Mina? Kate was Mina?

“It's nice to meet you,” JC finally found his voice with the automatic response. He was still trying to process that her name, his Kate, wasn't Kate but Mina. Josh and Mina. JC and Mina. C and Mina. Mina Chasez. Different flow, but still sounded wonderful to his mind. He realized he hadn't said anything else and they were staring at him.

“I'm JC,” he introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you,” Ka-Mina said, giggling. She turned to her friend. “Kath, I'll just be a moment.”

Her friend got up and walked just far enough away to be out of earshot but keep the two well in her line of sight.

Kate, no, he corrected himself, Mina fished a pen and a scrap of paper out of her purse and scribbled something on it, handing it to JC. He glanced at it quickly (327 899 0069 Let's have a good time! ♥ Mina) and backed up, giving her room to get up. He carefully put her number into his pocket. They traded goodbyes and went their separate ways.

It was the next morning when he was doing laundry he realized he had lost her number

“No,” he murmured, quickly going through the pockets of all his jeans. “No no no no no no no!” He checked his shirt pocket. No use. It was gone.

He leaned over his washer, rubbing his face. Just his luck. He found her, he had really found his Kate. Kate was Mina, he was sure of it. He even got her number, a miracle seeing what an idiot he had been. And then promptly lost it. Fate was so cruel.

“What am I supposed to do now?” he asked the still air of his utility room. “Put up posters that read 'If You See KateMina, tell her I'm looking for her, she's so fine'?” He snorted, remembering that movie Lance had done, dragging the others into as well. He had stayed decidedly on the music side of that venture, though after he had seen the final cut, he secretly thought his limited acting skills would have blended right in.

He left the room, leaving his clothes strewn about the area from the frantic search. It was all just too much right now.

It was several weeks later when he ran into her friend again. This time in line for the self check out at the grocery store, flipping through The Enquirer or something. He came up behind her, unsure at first if it was her. She glanced up with the same wary expression and he knew it was her.

“You're, you're... It's Kate, right?” he asked, knowing he was wrong about her name.

She looked startled for a moment. “Oh, the Grove guy,” she remarked.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I don't want to sound like a weirdo, but your friend, Mina?”

“Yeah?” she wasn't warming up to him at all, though she kept her expression carefully neutral.

“She game me her number and I lost it and I'd really like to call her and..” he let it go as she started laughing.

“Oh you'll do well to forget Mina.”

He blinked at her. Forget Mina? His Kate? He couldn't.

“Very well, Mr...”

“Chasez. JC Chasez.” He saw a spark of recognition in her eyes.

“If you really want Mina, you'll have your hands full. She's one of those women the Greeks would have called a siren. She's never lacking for attention.”

“Doesn't bother me,” he said, smiling at her. “I haven't been able to get her out of my head.” For a lot longer than a few weeks, he added mentally. He was proud that he managed to not sing that line. That blasted song was playing in his head again and had been since he first saw Mina's friend in line. His own music was mocking him now.

The woman in front of him gave him a pitying look.

“Do you have something I could write with? If I gave you my number to give to her, would you?”

She pulled out her phone. “Just tell me the number, I'll text it to her.”

He rattled off his number and spelled out his name for her as she typed on the screen. He told her that she could call anytime. She gave him a weary smile after sending the message. The line moved and she started checking herself out. The other register opened as well and he started doing the same. As he left the store, he had a certain bounce in his step.

She didn't call him that day. Or the next. After a week he started to give up, leaving his phone in the bedroom or somewhere else instead of always on him.

It was almost a month after that he realized he hadn't dreamed of Kate since he had seen Mina. Like she had walked out of his dreams, into real life and then away from him. He hadn't felt this down since his Dark Days. It was exactly how he felt too – dumped. He hadn't felt like this in a long time. Properly dumped. After Eva, he had been too angry at the time to feel dumped.

This is ridiculous. I only saw her the one day.

It was another empty day and he was tired of feeling sorry for himself. Chase was in Canada shooting a movie, Matt was in the studio for Glee, Lance was in New York, J wasn't picking up his phone. He didn't feel like hanging out with one of his more casual friends, he wasn't the right kind of company for that kind of friendship.

He went back to The Grove. He could wallow in his self pity while surrounded by other people. Maybe take in a movie. He walked from his car toward the theater on auto pilot, not taking anything in. He was startled when his gaze suddenly sharpened, focusing on someone about fifty feet ahead of him.

He blinked and looked again. It couldn't be. But it was.

Mina.

Any thoughts on seeing a movie left his mind immediately. He followed Mina, careful to stay a good distance away so not to creep her out. She seemed to be window shopping. He gathered up his courage and went up to her.

“Hey!”

She turned and saw him, looking at him like she had never seen him before. His smile faltered as a lyric to her song ran though his head – she had a rep for spreading all her love around/ everywhere she went, Kate drew a crowd.

He cursed his song. And fate for deciding he should live through it. Perhaps this was his punishment for selling it to that British band. But at the time he had figured someone having her was better than no life at all, locked away in the vault, inconspicuous in his music catalog.

Mina was probably just like Kate. They were the same person, he knew it.

“You never called,” he said. She tilted her head to the side, flipping her hair behind her shoulder.

“Do I know you?”

“Well, no, I guess. We met at The Grove a few months ago. You gave me your number and I lost it. I'm sorry I did. I've been trying to find you and I even contemplated putting posters up all around for you like that stupid movie but that's really truly tacky – the posters, not the movie though it depends on your view of the movie I guess. I didn't want the attention and you probably wouldn't have called anyways since you haven't after I gave my number to your friend to give to you – I saw her send to you and,” he took a deep breath. “I'm rambling. Sorry.” he held his right hand out. “JC Chasez.”

She took his hand, laughing softly as he lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed it.

“Mina Vilshanatskaya,” she said.

“Well, Mina Vilanshakat-”

“Vilshanatskaya,” she pronounced again.

“Mina.” He smiled at her. She smiled back. “Are you doing anything today? I was thinking we could just walk around or whatever.”

“I'm meeting someone for lunch in a few hours, but you can keep me company until then.”

He agreed and they had a lovely couple of hours, talking much like a couple on a first date – basic information and viewpoints on the world. When it came time for her to leave to meet her lunch date, she fished a pen out of her purse and took his hand, writing it this time on the palm of his hand.

She gave him a kiss on his cheek, thanked him for the fun morning and left.

He looked down at his palm and his smile faded.

Had fun today with you! Call me! 327 899 0069. ♥ Mina. PS, you're sweet but right now I'm dating a girl. Sorry!