What if the sun never rose again
What if the sky turn from blue to red
What if the love we once had was never there
What if you told me you loved me but you didn't really care

 It wasn’t that I didn’t care. As a matter of fact I cared more than any one even knew. Probably more than even she knew or believed. I was in love and I never tried to deny that fact, but what was I suppose to do when she always seemed so distant with me? I felt alone, I felt like she did care even when she smiled and told me she did.

“Are you even listening to me Justin?”

Shanna’s voice bought me out of the deep cloud of thoughts I was in.

“I’m sorry babe what did you say?”

She laughs. She always laughs when I’m not paying attention. Sometimes I think she has certain thoughts in her head about me and that’s what she is really laughing at.

“I asked if you wanted to order in tonight?  We could get some take out and then order a movie and curl up on the couch.”

“Yea that sounds fine. I’m gonna go take a shower. Go ahead and get what you want.” I don’t wait for her to say anything I just go ahead and make my way upstairs and stair to undress. I really need to clear my head.

I'll be missing the long walks with you in the rain
Until I remember all the pain
There's nothing to live for with you anyway
I couldn't take another day

I need to stop holding back on this and tell her how I really feel because if I’m truly honest with myself I’m not happy anymore. I haven’t been happy with her in a long time. We use to laugh and be comfortable around each other and it was all so easy. I can’t do this anymore.

But what if I'm wrong
There won't be anyone, not anyone
Won't be anyone's lips to kiss good night
I'll be wishing I was there to hear you cry
But what if I'm wrong
There won't be anyone, not anyone
I'll be left all alone to wonder why
I'll be wishing that I never said goodbye
What if

The movies over and it’s quit. I know she is still awake and I need to do this now because the longer I wait the worse it will be.

“Shanna we need to talk” I say

She sits up and looks at me. “Is this about what’s been wrong with you since you’ve been home?”

“Partly. I just…… Shanna this isn’t working.” I say

She looks confused, and I’m not sure I could even explain it to her where she would truly know how I feel.

What if I knew what could have been
What if you said you were sorry, then
Would it make a difference
'Cause you don't change you keep blowing all your chances
And if I left would you come to your senses
'Cause I'm gonna turn and walk away

“Where is this coming from Justin?” Shanna asks on the verge of tears.

I sigh cause really this can’t be all that much of a surprise to her. We haven’t been having sex. We’ve been sleeping apart since I have been home. What did she think was going to happen?

“Come on Sha, you know things have been off with us for a while. “

“I thought you just needed to adjust to being home. I was trying to give you your space.” She sobs.

“Sha it’s been 3 months already and nothing is changing. We need to call this what it is. I’m not happy and I know that you are slowly losing patients with us. How is it fair that I am holding you back in this relationship and we aren’t happy?

I'll be missing the long walks with you in the rain
Until I remember all the pain
There is nothing to live for with you anyway

But what if I'm wrong
What if I'm wrong
But what if I'm wrong
There won't be anyone, not anyone
Won't be anyone's lips to kiss good night
I'll be wishing I was there to hear you cry

She doesn’t say anything else. She wipes her eyes and heads to the bedroom. I hear her moving around in there. After a few minutes she comes back out with a small bag.

“I hope that you’re happy with her…” She says as she heads to the door.

“Seriously Shanna it’s not like…..” She cuts me off.

“Save it Justin. Please spare me the whole speech. I love you so much but if you don’t feel the same that’s fine just please don’t act like it’s not some other girl that is causing you to do this.” She walks to the door and opens it before she faces me.

“I’m not mad Justin. I hope you have a nice life and you’re happy.” With that she’s out the door and out my life.

Sitting here staring at the door I wonder did I really do the right thing or did I just see what I wanted to see and she was right. This was about something I wanted more than what was actually there?

But what if I'm wrong
There won't be anyone, not anyone
I'll be left all alone to wonder why
I'll be wishing that I never said goodbye
What if