Chapter 2

There was something about cruising down the Brooklyn Bridge in the Mercedes as the sun came up that helped me calm my nerves and process my thoughts. After Bray's outburst, I was confused about how I was feeling, and needed to make sense of it. So instead of finding a hotel like I had planned to do, I drove.

I was cruising with Nelly playing on her iPod that she had left hooked up to the stereo, and this song was on repeat for the third time because it felt right for this moment. Even though I hadn't slept all night, my exhaustion had disappeared and was replaced with confusion and a weird sense of pain that I'd never experienced before.

I had been contemplating leaving Bray for a while, because of all the lies and the nagging doubts. Our relationship had been threatening to fall apart for a long time and I'd prepared myself for the day that this happened. I had expected to feel free and ready to start over, but right now I didn't. I'd been driving for hours and I still hadn't answered my main question – how did it come to this?

The two of us used to have a good relationship, and I'd even considered marriage once or twice. After a while, it seemed like something that wasn't necessary for us. Bailey had come along and I'd considered it more seriously, but in just a few months Bray had lost all the trust that I could give her. I couldn't marry someone that I couldn't trust.

If I had married Bray, it would have made walking out on her tonight more difficult, as if it wasn't already with a child involved. Right now, my main concern wasn't the legal issues we would have because of the breakup – it was the fact that I'd left my daughter at home alone with a drunk, raging lunatic.

Now that I had calmed down and had time to think, I knew that going back to the house to get her myself was a bad idea, and Bray would probably go berserk again. I definitely couldn't go back – but I knew someone who could.

“You know it's seven in the morning, right?” Joey answered the phone half-asleep and slurring his words.

“I'm sorry, man. You know I wouldn't call this early if it wasn't important.” I paused, feeling a little guilty. “Up all night again?”

“Half the night, at least. I thought kids were supposed to sleep more as they got older, not less.”

I chuckled. When Bailey was a baby, we got so little sleep that we thought we would eventually go delirious. I knew what Joey was going through.

“Okay, what's up? And this better be good, or I'm going to make you babysit tonight.”

“I need you to do me a favor and pick Bailey up from the house. Bray's finally lost it.”

I heard stirring and groaning on the other end. “What do you mean she's finally lost it?”

“I mean she's no longer playing with a full deck of cards. Bailey was sick all day yesterday with the flu. Bray left sometime after lunch and said she was going shopping with her friends. And you know that was a lie.”

“Of course,” he said. “She's been lying to you about this for how long now?”

“Well, Bailey was up again around two and Bray still wasn't home. I finally got Bailey back to bed around three, and Bray comes in at four in the morning totally drunk. We started arguing and she went out of her mind, man. She started pouring bottles of beer down the sink and stripping her clothes off in the middle of the kitchen.”

“Wait, she started stripping her clothes off? In the middle of a fight?”

“Yeah. I'd had it, Joe. I started packing my bag, and she walks out on the balcony half-naked and starts screaming all these things about me at the top of her lungs.”

“That's pretty damn out of it, even for Bray.”

“Yeah,” I responded. “I packed up and left. I didn't know what she would do if I packed up Bailey. I'm done, Joey. I have nothing left for that relationship. I haven't even slept yet. Who knows what Bray will do if I go back to that house to get Bailey.”

“You can't go back there. She's likely to pull some six o'clock news type of shit on you. I'm already getting dressed. You didn't even have to ask me – you know I think of Bailey like one of my own girls.”

“Thanks Joey,” I said somberly. “I don't know what we're going to do. I haven't even found a hotel for us yet.”

“Hotel, schmotel,” he said. “You're both going to come stay with us, at least until Bray calms down and gets her act together. We'll load the girls up on junk food and sugar – you know, like we used to do to Justin, before he went all Mr. Sexyback on us.”

I laughed, because Joey was only trying to make me feel better, but somehow it worked.

I was about to respond to him, but as I passed another busy intersection I saw a cop car pass out of the corner of my eye and realized I was not using my speakerphone or headset to talk.

“Joey, I gotta go, before I get pulled over or something. I'm pretty sure that's the last thing I need today.”

“I'm pretty sure you're right. Call me later.”

For a few minutes after I hung up and threw the phone down on my passenger seat, I finally felt that freedom I had been searching for. It didn't last long because I realized again that she was gone.

I didn't want to miss her and I shouldn't have, but it wasn't that easy. As tumultuous as things had been, it was hard not to think of everything good, too. Even though a greater part of the relationship was spent worrying, waiting up late, and fighting, all that occupied my head right now was the tears we both cried when our daughter was born, the nights snuggling on the couch watching movies, and the holidays spent with our families.

I didn't want this to be my life right now, or at all – I didn't want to spend so much time getting over this that I forgot to live my life, because whether it felt like it right now or not, I had a life beyond this. I was sure that being with Joey for a few days would help. Joey had been in a few relationships that weren't so great before meeting Kelly, and I would be reminded that things had turned out pretty well for him.

One way or another, things would be okay. I would get through this. Coffee and breakfast – that was all I needed right now. I could tackle anything, including this, if I had those two things.

I drove around another twenty or thirty minutes before I found a decent enough place to get something to eat. As I was about to flip the turn signal on, the phone started ringing from the seat, and out of habit I grabbed it and missed my turn.

When I looked at the screen, I saw Bray's name and picture staring back at me. She could have been calling to beg me to come back, because she had done that sort of thing when we'd had fights before. Maybe she was calling because she was furious that I'd had Joey pick up Bailey. A few hours had passed so chances were good that she had calmed down – but I wasn't sure I wanted to take the chance that she hadn't.

Regardless of the reason she was calling, I was going to hold my ground. Dragging it on surely wouldn't help my resolve to move on. So I hit the end button on my phone to disconnect her, for good.

Feeling fairly proud of myself for my accomplishment, I threw my phone down on my seat again and looked up as the light turned red and I drove through the intersection.

“Shit,” I mumbled. I looked around and adjusted myself in my seat, thankful that all the cars crossing the other way were still completely halted. I looked behind me just in time to see the cop car move into my lane and turn the red and blue lights on.

“Son of a bitch.” It was almost like I had predicted it would happen. I had opened my mouth to Joey about cops and getting pulled over, and now it was happening.

I looked for a place to pull over to the side of the road and when I finally found one, I put the car in park and turned the volume on the stereo all the way down.

“At least it's only a ticket,” I mumbled.

By the time the two cops opened their doors and got out of the car, I already had all the stuff they would ask for out and ready. If only I hadn't missed my turn into the restaurant; my stomach was growling now, and I wanted to get this over with so I could grab food.

I peeked in my rear-view mirror. There were two cops, one of them older and one who didn't even look to be my age. The older cop was on the husky side, and the old standby image of too many donuts and coffee came to mind. He walked with a saunter up to the window of my car, and he looked like he meant business. I knew there was no way I'd get out of this one with a warning.

“Morning, son,” the older cop said as he came up to my window. “Can I see your registration, driver's license and insurance, please?”

I smiled at him as I handed him all the papers I was holding.

“Do you know why we stopped you?” He looked at my driver's license and gave me a skeptical glance.

“No, sir, I'm sorry but I don't.”

“Well, son, you ran that red light back there. James Lance Bass, is that right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Hey!” The younger cop spoke up excitedly from the passenger side of my car. “I knew you looked familiar. You're that guy from that boy band, isn't that it?”

“Yeah,” I said with a smile.

“Man, my big sisters used to love your music. They played some of those songs to death, I think I still know the words. How has life been treating you?”

It would have been so easy to unload the past 24 hours onto him, but this guy wasn't interested in my personal problems. He seemed more interested in me as a public figure, so I let it go.

“Well if it weren't for this, it might be pretty good,” I told him.

“Calm down there, Colton,” the older cop said with a scowl. “Let me go run this quickly, you sit tight here with Officer Colton, son.”

Officer Colton watched him walk away, and rushed from the passenger side of my car over to my driver's side window.

“So Mr. Bass, what have you been up to? Put out any new music lately?”

Oh yeah, I thought to myself with amusement. This guy is definitely a rookie cop.

“Not lately,” I said. “I kind of got out of the music business after the band, you know?

“Oh yeah, I know that.” He leaned his elbow up against my car, making himself comfortable. “It's a shame though. My sisters sure did love you.” He shook his head. “Anyway, it's kind of embarrassing but I have to admit that I listened to a little bit of your music, too. I didn't know the dance moves or anything like the girls, though.”

“Thanks,” I said with a chuckle. “It's always good to meet a fan.” Gag. We had always said that, even if we didn't mean it. “Especially a male fan.”

“Sorry about Officer Striker. He's a bit of a...” He looked towards the other cop, still seated in the car, and leaned down a little closer to me. “...hard-ass,” he whispered.

“Does he always call people 'son'?” I asked.

“Yeah. He calls me that, too. Drives me crazy. He's a good cop, though, very good at what he does. I've learned a lot from him.”

“I don't mean to be rude, but how old are you exactly?”

“I'm 25,” he said sheepishly. “I know, I'm young. I just graduated from the academy last year.”

“Well, good for you.”

I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw the officer get out of his car and start to walk towards us. I was relatively thankful because the small talk with the younger cop was getting on my nerves, but I felt like a sixteen-year-old getting his first ticket.

“Do you have a child, Mr. Bass?” Striker asked as he approached the window and handed me my papers back.

“Yes, sir, I have a daughter.”

“I saw the car seat in the back. Where is your daughter right now, son?”

“With my girlfriend,” I said. My crazy ass girlfriend, I thought.

“I smell alcohol in the car. Have you been drinking this morning, Mr. Bass?”

Shit. “I had a couple, but it's been hours,” I admitted.

“I'd like to ask you to step out of the vehicle so I can do a search,” he said. “Just to make sure that you're not carrying any open containers or weapons on you.”

I looked up at Officer Colton, who must have sensed that I was freaking out about the words search and weapons.

“It's only procedure,” he said, looking me straight in the eyes. “I'm sure you understand.”

“Not really,” I said honestly. “You're welcome to of course, but I don't understand why. I'm not drunk. This is my girlfriend's car and she had it last night. I'm sure she went out drinking, and maybe her or one of her friends spilled something in the car.”

“Then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, son,” Striker said. He sounded almost consoling but I wasn't fooled by it. There was no part of this guy that wanted to comfort me; he didn't like me the moment he saw my name on my driver's license. I had put two and two together while he was in the car, and I knew he recognized me as a celebrity.

I sighed and turned off the car, leaving my keys in the ignition, and slowly stepped out of the car.

“Officer Colton will escort you behind the vehicle while I conduct the search.”

The young cop put his hand near his gun the minute my left foot was on the pavement and never left as I followed him over to the sidewalk beside my car. He may have been a rookie and a chatterbox, but he was well-trained in precautions. He kept both eyes on me the entire time I walked and I could feel him sizing me up.

“Like I said, it's only procedure,” he said to me once we stopped on the pavement. “I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah. Right.” Somehow that didn't justify it for me. I was in an awkward position, hoping that there were no photographers around. I didn't want to end up on the news tonight.

Officer Colton didn't say a word to me for the couple of minutes that it took Striker to search my car. We both stood there, me watching the search go on, and Colton switching between watching me and his older partner.

Finally Striker lifted his head out of my car, shut the door and started walking over to us with something in his hand.

“Colton, will you please go get the test kit?”

Officer Colton paused, and the expression on his face changed when he looked at the paper bag in Striker's hand.

“Yes, sir.”

“Mr. Bass, can you explain this to me?” Striker said once Colton had walked away, holding up the bag to me.

“No, sir, I'm sorry I can't,” I said, shaking my head.

Striker looked away from me and sat the bag down on the trunk of my car, and gently unrolled the top of the bag. He reached in and pulled out another bag, a plastic one that wasn't completely clear. I was standing about a foot away but I could clearly see something inside of it, I just couldn't see what it was.

As Striker was pulling the contents out of the bag, Colton returned and sat a black bag down next to the paper one, blocking me from seeing what he was pulling out. Colton then approached me and kept his eyes on me, now with a more serious look on his face.

I stood stone-faced as Striker pulled stuff out of each bag. I had no idea what was going on until Striker started pouring a white powder into a small bag filled with liquid. He popped a tiny capsule inside the bag and immediately the clear liquid turned blue.

“Well, look at what we have there,” he said, holding the bag up to my line of sight. “Cocaine.”

“What? Wait, this is my girlfriend's car!”

“Son, the car is registered in your name and you're the one in possession of the vehicle. I don't know your girlfriend or what she's been doing, but you're in possession of drugs – and this isn't your first time either.”

I heaved a sigh – unfortunately, I remembered this one. Right after I had returned to the US with the other guys from Germany, Justin and I had both been arrested for drug possession.

We were stupid kids. We were so young and had spent a long time overseas being in a wildly popular band, only to come back to the US and be nothing. We hadn't gotten to be normal teenagers like our friends, and we related to each other because of our close age. We went out one night and tried marijuana.

Even that short of time ago, marijuana was a huge deal in the US. We both agreed after we tried it that we didn't like it, and decided to never do it again. Unfortunately I had been pulled over that night for speeding, and we were arrested for the possession of the leftover marijuana and being under the influence.

We spent a couple of hours in a police station that night before someone came to get us. We were never booked since it was a first for both of us, and Justin was under the legal age so it got wiped off his record when he turned eighteen. I was over eighteen though, so it stayed on my record. Our management was able to keep it completely silenced since we hadn't blown up in the US yet, but it looked like it was about to come back to bite me.

“This has to be over half a gram of cocaine, son,” he said, holding up the plastic bag. “Not only is this possession but it could border on intent to sell depending on how much you have here. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to arrest you and take you in.”

I think I knew the minute he pulled the paper bag out of the car that I would end up being arrested, but it finally started to sink in when he said it. I couldn't even decide whether to be mad or not; all I knew was that I couldn't believe it was happening now.

Both cops were silent for a bit, and I didn't even pay attention to what they were doing until I felt Officer Colton grab my right arm and bring it behind my back to cuff me.

“This is unbelievable,” I mumbled almost silently as I listened to him read me my rights. I felt him put the cuffs on me and tighten them enough that my hands couldn't slip out. When he was done, he led me over to the cop car and helped me inside the back.

“Officer Striker is going to finish a full search on your car, then we'll get you to the station and get you processed as soon as we can.”

He stopped for a moment and looked at me, acting like he wanted to apologize for the way things had turned out, but he went completely silent before closing the car door on me.

As I watched them finish searching my car, I could only think of how surprising it would be to Joey to get a phone call from me from jail and how Brayden had screwed me over without even being around this time. My hatred for her had only grown since this morning, and I had a feeling it hadn't reached its peak yet.