A twist of fate makes life worthwhile,

you are gold and silver

I said I wasn't going to lose my head,

but then pop! goes my heart.

As I drove back across town toward my apartment, my stomach loudly reminded me of my promise to feed it.  Luckily I had a long time to decide what I wanted to eat.  I groaned as I came up to a wall of brake lights on the 101.  My car came to a stop and I slipped my feet out of my heels.  It looked like I was going to be here for a while.  As traffic crawled forward, I considered trying to exit and try my luck with the surface streets, but eventually gave up when no one would let me over.  California traffic was legendary and I had quickly learned, upon moving here, that if I were going to survive, I was going to have to learn patience.  I flipped through radio stations until I found one not on commercial break and turned it up as a song I liked came on.  Heedless of the other cars around me, I began to sing along.  

Finally, almost an hour later, I was at my exit and able to leave the mess that was the 101.  As I drove toward home, I pulled into the parking lot of my favorite grocery store.  I had debated with myself whether to stop and get something for dinner, or to just make due with what I had at home.  Making a promise to myself not to buy anything unless it was on sale, I decided to stop and see if something caught my eye.  Plus, I was out of wine and, after stressing all day about my interview, I was going to need a glass when I got home.  

Slipping my feet back into my heels, I grabbed my purse and made my way inside.  I grabbed a basket-knowing it was a lot less likely I would buy a lot if I only had a basket instead of a cart-and began to wander the store.  I know it's bad to just wander-especially when you're hungry-but I didn't really know what I was in the mood for.  I picked up a few basics: a loaf of bread, a couple apples, peanut butter, and some whole wheat pasta.  I stopped at the bakery for a few moments, deliberating whether or not to buy a cupcake.  The decision was quickly made when I noticed they had one red velvet cupcake left.  Aside from coffee and wine, cupcakes are one of my biggest weaknesses.  It was a wonder I didn't weigh three hundred pounds!  I'd never been a huge gym rat and I knew my eating habits left a lot to be desired most of the time.  I really needed to start being more conscious of what I ate.

After I finished this cupcake.

Nothing else caught my eye as I began making my way over to the wine section.  "Wine and a cupcake for dinner it is." I declared under my breath.  

Reaching for the bottle of Souvion Vouvray I'd had my taste buds set on all day, I was startled when my fingers met those of someone else.  "I'm sorry." I apologized as I pulled back quickly.  

"Go for it." A masculine chuckle met my ears.  

I looked up and felt my jaw drop.  

When I decided to move to L.A., I told myself I would remain cool, calm, and collected if and when I ever ran into someone famous.  Up until now I'd been able to follow my directive because, up until now, I hadn't seen or run into anyone.  

Six months.

Six months of living in the stars' backyard and he is the first celebrity I have a run-in with?   In the grocery store??

I was aware I was standing there, looking like a complete idiot, as I continued to start at him.  My mouth was still open in surprise but my brain had quit working and I couldn't close it.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't blink.  I couldn't breathe.  The man I have been in love with for longer than I can remember was standing a foot away from me.  The man I had fantasized about almost my entire life had touched me!  My fingers still burned from our brief contact.  It was a miracle I was still in an upright position.  

He looked amazing and I was supremely glad I had come shopping still dressed up from m interview instead of in my usual grocery shopping attire.  It was hard to make a good impression on the man you've been referring to as "the man I'm going to marry" since you were fifteen, when you were wearing sweats and a t-shirt.  I watched his blue eyes flick quickly over me and felt a small thrill at the approval I read there when they returned to mine.  The brief moment his eyes had left mine allowed me to break the spell.  I closed my mouth, and gave myself a mental slap.  

This was my chance.  

Since the day I had taken notice of this man, when we were both just children, I have been waiting and praying for this moment.  I was never going to get another chance at making a good first impression.  So far, all I'd done was stare at him like a trout with my mouth hanging open.  Time to show him why we were destined to be together.  

"I'm sorry." I put on my best smile.  "I don't usually stare so rudely at men I run into at the grocery story."

"Just women, then?" His lips twitched as if he were holding back a smile.

"No." I couldn't help laughing.  "I try not to stare at anyone.  You just caught me off guard."

"You did seem to be in your own world." He replied.  I felt my brows pull down slightly in confusion at his remark.  "I saw you over there." He gestured with his chin back behind me.  I turned briefly to look over my shoulder at the bakery counter.  "Apparently," he continued.  "Choosing that cupcake was a matter of life or death." He chuckled.

My heart skipped at the familiar sound of his laugh even as heat stole across my face.  The fact that he'd seen me--that he'd taken notice of me--made me want to squeal like a teenie at a Justin Bieber concert.  I laughed nervously.  

"It's...it's been a long day." I explained.

"Hey," he shrugged and shook his head.  "You don't need to explain anything to me.  I'm just glad to see there's at least one girl left who's not afraid of a little sugar and some carbs." He winked at me.  

He winked at me!

Why was I not a puddle on the floor?

"Life's too short," I replied.  "To not enjoy the good stuff."

"Amen." His blue eyes sparkled appreciatively.  

"I see that you know at least some of that good stuff." I said as I reached to finally pick up the bottle of wine I had originally been after.  I held it up to him.

"It's one of my favorites." He nodded.  "And obviously yours, too."

I nodded and smiled as I placed the bottle in my basket.  An awkward silence fell then between us.  You know the one: you don't want the conversation to end, but you can't for the life of you think of something else to say.  In desperation I reached into my purse for a pen.  After he placed a bottle of wine in his own basket, I stepped toward him and took his hand.  Pushing through the butterflies swarming my from inside and the goosebumps engulfing me from the outside, I turned his hand over and began to write.  

What was I doing?

His skin was warm and my fingers wanted nothing more than to slide between his own--to test what I had always suspected.  That we were a perfect fit.  

What was I doing?

I swallowed back the sudden moisture that filled my mouth as the heady scent of his musky cologne or aftershave surrounded me.  

What was I doing?

"If you ever want someone to share a glass with," I said, glancing up at him as I finished writing my number on his palm.  "Give me a call."

Before I could regret my impulsive behavior I put the cap back on my pen, slipped in into my purse, and walked away.  

What the hell did I just do?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I watched as she walked away.  

My hand remained held out--in the position she'd left it in--as she disappeared around the end of the aisle.  Much like she had been frozen when I spoke to her, I was frozen at her parting words.  I looked down at the numbers scrawled across my palm.  She had balls, I had to give her that.  I felt a smile tugging at my lips.  Giving into it, I grinned like a fool as I forced myself to move.  

You would think I'd be used to beautiful women throwing themselves at me.  

I wasn't sure what it was about her that had grabbed my attention, but something had.  I had hoped she hadn't noticed me following her--discretely--but, like I'd told her, I knew she had been distracted.  I had started tailing her from the produce section, but she hadn't really been paying attention to her surroundings while she shopped.  I had wanted to ask her what was bothering her.  Arranging a "meeting" in the wine aisle had been an opportunity I couldn't pass up.  

It had been longer than I cared to admit since I had felt this sudden interest in a girl.  

Since the whole blow up and media frenzy surrounding the relationship I'd been in the last four years, the engagement (which had never been publicly confirmed, and which I was still trying to figure out who had leaned the information about), to her then publicly dumping me last month and quickly moving on, I had been living in my own personal hell.  But no one knew.  

Why?  Because I put on one hell of a show.  It was what I did.  It was who I was and what I'd done my whole life.  I was a performer.  I was currently giving the biggest performance of my life and I was exhausted.  No one knew how much work it took to look so carefree and unaffected by everything that had happened.  I played it up.  I was single and living the life: parties, clubs, movie premiers, and always arriving by myself.  I was careful to never spend any significant amount of time with any one girl to avoid the gossip and speculation.  I was young and free.  Why would I tie myself down in another relationship so soon?

I looked down at the number written on my palm.  I could still feel the warmth of her fingers as they'd wrapped around my wrist while she'd stepped up next to me.  The exotic scent of her perfume had made my mouth water and I had involuntarily close my eyes as I had inhaled.  I missed it.  I missed the smell and feel of a beautiful woman in my arms.  My body had reacted quickly, and almost painfully, to the curvy blond who had caught my eye.  It reminded me of what I had been missing.  Her offer seduced me--called out to the lonely corner of my soul.  I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to resist.  

Why did I want to resist?

I questioned myself as I paid for my groceries and left.  She was hot and obviously into me.  They were all into me, I thought with a roll of my eyes.  Jess, I had thought, was different.  We'd been together so long and, even though I knew I hadn't treated her the way I should the whole time--we had been good together.  But, just like all the others, she was quick to leave when a better offer came along.  What was better than marrying me?

I knew it was an arrogant thought, but really?  There weren't that many guys out there who were doing as good as I was.  I could retire tomorrow to some remote, exotic location, and still die with billions left over.  

I sighed as I slid behind the wheel of my Audi.  Slumping down in the seat I started the car and looked at the phone number on my palm again.  My mind flashed through the scenario of calling her.  She would come over.  We would have a glass or two of wine.  I would turn on the charm and she'd fall for it like they all did.  I would slake my body's hunger by losing myself in her curves then send her on her merry way with bragging rights.  She could say she'd slept with one of the biggest stars in the world, and I would go back to my sad, lonely, pathetic existence.  

She didn't deserve that.

She didn't deserve to be treated like a whore.  Yes, I had used women like that in the past.  I wasn't proud of it and I knew the devil was keeping a seat warm for me in hell for it.  I knew I didn't even know the girl, but my my mama raised me better than that and she would tan my hide if she knew the path my thoughts had just taken.  

With my mind set, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed for home.  I wasn't going to call.  I knew where it would lead and, no matter my body's craving, I was going to resist.  That had been the final breaking point between me and Jess: my inability to deny my cravings.  

"You can't help it!" She exclaimed angrily, tears filling her eyes.  "It's just who you are.  You'll never stop.  You'll never stop and you can't say no and I can't do it anymore."

It was the pitfall of my chosen career.  A lifetime of being catered to, never being told no.  It was a habit that had become so ingrained it was almost impossible to break.  It was hard to ignore the siren call of instant gratification.  

But I was determined to prove her wrong.  

I could say no.  I could show her, and everyone else who didn't believe me, that I did, in fact, have self-control.  This blond, tempting as she was, was just that-a temptation.  I would never see her again.  I would was her number off as soon as I got home and everything would continue on as normal.

Self-control: 1

Temptation: 0