(The last week)
Doctor Pierson called and told me I should come to the hospital every day this week. He said it was important, because he knew I’d been coping with this alone, avoiding the hospital, and he didn’t want me to miss what could possibly be the last moments with my daughter.
Last moments.
I left my parents house last night for the airport, with their reassurance that they would fly out at some point the next day. I admit, it’s been really fucking hard keeping my head together for my sons. I know Mason understands what’s going on, but Conner is another story. He’s confused, and he cries for his father a lot. I’m the parent here though, pretty much the only parent they have at the moment, and I would never forgive myself if Mason had to be the one to take over and handle things on my behalf for Conners sake.
I can’t do that to Mason, because his father already has. They aren’t on speaking terms. I haven’t asked for details, but I know the two of them fought and it left them without much of a relationship.
It’s been a month since I’ve been back here, a month since either of my sons have seen their father. He’s called twice a day, everyday, but only to check on Conner. He misses Justin, and deep down, it’s killing me, keeping him from his father like this…but I really don’t think I have any options at this point. Justin isn’t around for us, and I made it clear to him that if he didn’t start dividing his time between the hospital and home, I was going to leave.
He didn’t seem to care about my warnings. He’s practically lived at that hospital for six months and just can’t seem to understand why I haven’t been doing the same.
So I left him, and…and today, I’m going to ask him for a divorce.
Does that make me horrible? I haven’t told anyone yet. I couldn’t face my parents or my sister. They’re already upset enough as it is that I’m having so many problems when my daughter is this sick.
I haven’t seen Vic in over a month. The last time, was right before I left. I brought her Taddy, and she asked me to make sure that Daddy and I would be okay in case something happened to her. I did my best to promise, but I knew it was a lie.
She knew it was too.
She had accepted it then, that she was terminal. I still haven’t, and I’m not sure about Justin.
That must make me a horrible mother.
The limo pulls up to the front entrance of the hospital, and all I can do is stare at the doors from the window, Conner half asleep in my arms, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do. Part of me doesn’t want to go inside, but I know I have to. I have to face this, have to face that Vic doesn’t have much longer, and I have to face my husband, who at this point, probably wants nothing to do with me.
“You don’t have to go in Mom,” Mason speaks up gently. “I’ll handle it. I’ll tell dad that…”
“No,” I interrupt him gently. “I have to go in Mase, but I can have the driver take you both back to the hotel if you want.”
He shakes his head. “I need to see her.”
I just nod, because I understand. “Con.” I rub his back gently. “Wake up honey.”
He groans, and I know the moment he wakes up, he’s going to be cranky and depressed, just like he’s been for the past month. Justin will probably use it against me, but I’m prepared for the backlash. I know I should have at least said something before I left but…I was too angry. I needed out of there.
I guess I may have put my children in the middle of our issues, unintentionally.
The driver opens the door for us, and I kiss the side of Big Red’s head, whispering in his ear again to wake up.
“Momma…” He sighs harshly and leans into my chest. “I’m sleepy.”
“It’s okay, baby. Just hang on to me.” He’s not walking in there. There’s just no way. I can’t blame him, we came here straight from the airport. I do my best to lift him into my arms, and with some help from the driver, I’m able to get out of the car and carry him to the entrance.
“I got it Mom.” Mason walks around me quickly and opens the door so I can walk inside, with a now sleeping Conner in my arms. I’m so proud of him. He’s been so strong this whole month, away from his friends and school, making sure his little brother is somewhat okay, and preventing me from completely losing my mind.
I just hope I can pay him back some day.
“Victoria Timberlake.” I say, once we get to the main reception desk.
The nurse types something into her computer, and her gaze seems to fall just slightly. “She’s in the ICU. Are you immediate family?”
“I’m her…I’m her mother. Abbey Timberlake.” I barely it get out. I feel the emotions boiling to the surface, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep my composure.
“Of course. I’ll notify the staff. You can just go up. Fourth floor, two eighteen.”
I thank her quietly, and the three of us make our way onto the elevator and Mason roughly pushes the button for the fourth floor.
“Momma where are we,” Conner asks me tiredly, clinging to me tighter as the elevator begins to move. “Is Daddy here?”
I sigh a little bit. “He’s waiting for us, Con.”
“He is?”
I eye Mason and he gives me a concern glance but doesn’t say anything.
I don’t think either of us knows what to expect at this point.
“Yeah.” I kiss his cheek. “You feel like walking?”
He nods a little, and I put him down. He seems to get his bearings quickly, but I never doubted he’d perk up at this news. I see that smile on his face, the one he flashes when he’s the happiest, and I try to see the good in that, if nothing else.
Then the doors ding open, and my stomach turns, because I know it’s time.
I can’t turn back now.
Mason walks out first, and leads the way to the nurses station, while I grip Conner tightly by the hand.
“Victoria Timberlake.” He says softly.
The nurse nods, and points down a hallway. I have no choice but to follow my son’s lead, and when we turn the corner…
When we turn the corner that’s when I see Justin, standing, back to us, talking to Doctor Pierson in a strained voice.
“She’s gotta have more time than that.”
“I’m sorry, Justin.” The doctor pats my husband on the shoulder, and then finally notices the three of us standing there. “Oh, Abbey…I’m glad you could make it.”
Justin turns immediately, and the look he gives me…it makes my blood run cold.
“Daddy!” Conner yells, yanks his hand from mine, and charges toward him. “DADDY!”
Justin crouches down in time to catch our son in his arms, and Conner immediately begins to cry as he’s lifted off the ground. Justin kisses his face and hair, ruffling it and rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. “It’s all right, buddy.” He glares at me again.
“Hi…Justin.” I look at the floor.
“Con can you go with your brother for a few minutes?” Justin quietly asks him after a while.
“No! No Daddy!” He cries. “I want to stay with you! Please!”
“It’s just for a little while,” he reassures him, continuing to rub his back gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“What if momma takes me ‘way ‘gain?” He hiccups.
“She won’t,” he gives me a harsh look. “Right babe?” He says it bitterly.
“Conner, it’s okay baby.” I walk up to them, and stroke my sons hair gently. “Daddy is going to be right here.”
He looks from me to Justin and then back again, like he doesn’t believe me. I don’t think there’s been one time in his life that he hasn’t believed every word we’ve said to him.
This is my fault.
“Mason can you take him for a while,” I ask, finally. “Maybe downstairs to the cafeteria to get yourselves some dinner?”
He pushes himself away from the wall. “Okay mom.”
“I’ll see you in a little bit, Big Red.” Justin gently bends down and places our son on the ground, giving his hair one final tousle before allowing Mason to take him by the hand. “Mason.”
“Go to hell.” Mason says, without looking back.
I wince, and within seconds they both disappear inside the elevator.
“So,” Justin says immediately. “The Doc called you?”
I turn back around, taking a good look at him this time. It’s not my husband, I know that right away. He’s messy, unkempt, hasn’t shaved or trimmed his hair in weeks, and his eyes are literally two little dots surrounded by huge pockets of skin. I can’t image what he’s been dealing with here. It must be harrowing…
But someone has to raise our sons.
“He called me yesterday.”
“So what? You rushed right out here, huh?” He lets out a bitter laugh. “It’s about time, Ab.”
r32;“Justin..”
“No…no, you know what, I shouldn’t even let you go in the fucking room.” He walks over to what I can only assume is Victoria’s door, and closes it gently. “You haven’t been here, you didn’t give a shit, this whole time! You know what she asked me the other day? She asked me if she would get to see you again before she died. Before she died, Ab. Do you even…fuck…” He puts his hands over his face and groans, before looking back up at me. “You have no fucking idea what’s been going on, do you?”
I can’t help but let the sobs out now. I feel horrible, responsible for so much, even though living here with Justin for all these months wouldn’t have been the answer, and our sons would have been even more messed up than they already are. “I did the best I could.”
“Well it wasn’t good enough! Why’d you even come here, huh? To show me what a great mother you are?”
“I came here for Vic. I haven’t…I haven’t handled this like you would have wanted me to, Justin. I’m not proud of it. At the same time though, you’ve completely alienated the rest of us. Mason won’t even speak to you.”
“I don’t have time to worry about what he thinks.” Justin crosses his arms. “He’s old enough to understand all of this, and he should know why I’ve had to be here.”
“How can he know, when I don’t even understand it, J? I…I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. You’re not the person I fell in love with.”
“It’s really messed up for you to think I would stay the same,” he says coldly. “I’ve tried, Abbey. You just decided to quit. You left with the kids.”
“That’s where our opinions differ,” I tell him. “I feel like you quit on us months ago. I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t stay in that house alone anymore.”
He shakes his head and laughs, but I see the tears begin to glisten in his eyes. “So what now, Abbey? What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing I…” I sigh. I don’t want to do this to him. Not today. Not when our daughter is on her death bed in the next room. But waiting, I know, is only going to do more damage, and I need to go into this next part of our lives prepared. “Justin I came home to see Vic but I also came to tell you something too.”
He says nothing, just stares at me, waiting, like he knows what’s coming, like he’s tried really hard to prepare himself.
But I know he’s not prepared.
“I want a divorce,” I whisper, and that’s when I see it. That last little bit of light in his eyes, completely vanishes.
And I know it’s over.
******************
(Present Day)
While Davey’s choice of venue is a lot more cramped than I would have liked, I can’t deny that the whole thing is going off without a hitch. The ceremony was really nice and intimate. Even though I never thought I would see the day where my brother would marry someone of the same sex, I realized that it shouldn’t have mattered, because he was doing what he wanted. He was in love, and enjoying his life.
That makes one of us.
I can’t get it out of my head, what we Abbey and I did the other day, what it felt like to do what we did. Her…everything about her that I loved, came flooding back to me in those moments that my skin was pressed against hers, that I was inside of her. I didn’t want it to end. I probably could have laid in bed like that with her, naked in my arms, for days. It wasn’t realistic though. We both had agendas, and a wedding to pull off for Davey.
We haven’t spoken about it. Hell, we haven’t said much of anything to one another since that day, except when it came to our kids and this wedding. We’ve fallen back into that routine of being civil, of being parents, but never lovers. I don’t get it. I mean, I know I said I would figure out things for us, but I have no idea where to start.
Do I even want to start? Do I love her, or am I ready to move on? To meet new people?
I’m confused, and I guess I’m afraid too. I should book a meeting with my therapist as soon as possible. However, most of my free time outside of this wedding has been centered around Mason. I know he needs my undivided attention right now, even if he’s doing whatever he can to push me away. The therapist said its healthy for us to communicate as often as we can. I tried telling him that. He said he didn’t feel like communicating with me.
I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to come through this and have a relationship. I guess, as long as he’s not drinking or having suicidal thoughts, I should be happy. The medication he’s on seems to be helping, he’s not as depressed as he was originally, but that isn’t everything.
I don’t have a clue how to get on his good side again. We’ve never related that well. His mother is better with him. It’s my fault, I guess. My place was always with Vic and what she had going on. In fact, if she were alive, I probably wouldn’t make this much of an effort with Mason. I admit, Conner has always come first.
I guess that makes me a giant dick.
I’ll continue to keep him at my place though. If nothing else, I can force him to keep his act together while he’s under my supervision. That’s one thing Abbey can’t do, not because she’s too soft, but because she’s a complete mess, and I’d rather that Conner gets his mothers attention. He’s young enough where it’s still vital.
“How you holding up honey?”
My Aunt Kim pull my head down so she can give me a kiss on the cheek and I can feel myself blushing. “No disasters yet. You having a good time?”
“Of course. I’m more concerned about you and Abbey, but you probably knew that already.”
We don’t get to see her that often. When the kids were little, we’d take her on vacation with us every year, and that was when I got my dose of my previous life and my childhood. Once Vic’s activities started to take over though, those trips became less and less frequent. She and her husband would come out for holidays instead, and we’ve always had more of a ‘professional’ vibe as far as our relationship goes. Still, it’s nice to have her here. As I’ve learned over the years, family is a blessing, and you can’t take them for granted. I was glad that Davey was able to dance with her today, just like I did at my wedding.
“Well, we’re just glad that Davey is happy. That’s the focus right now.” I take a sip of my wine. “We’re leaving all the rest of the crap behind tonight.”
“I still say you two made a mistake.” She rolls her eyes and take the refill of her wine from the bartender. “Let your emotions get the best of you.”
I shrug. “We had to do what was best.”
“Hmph.” She rolls her eyes. “Or what was easiest.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “C’mon Kim.”
“C’mon nothin.” She grabs her wine and starts to make her way back to the dance floor. “You kids these days have no conception about marriage. There are going to be awful things that happen. The trick is to know how to be there for one another.”
I don’t say anything, because I can feel myself getting angry, and the last thing I want to do at my baby brothers wedding is start screaming at his beloved aunt. “Please Kim, can you go enjoy the wedding for me?”
“I guess I better, since you clearly won’t be.”
She marches away. I’m thankful.
Abbey’s parents aren’t this pushy, just upset at the whole situation. They haven’t blamed me, or their daughter, they’ve just told us both that they don’t understand why we let everything end. Sometimes I don’t know why either. When Abbey said she wanted a divorce I just…I just gave in, because of my kids. I couldn’t bare to let her move back to Colorado with them, gain sole custody of them, because losing Vic was torture enough. I decide early on that I was going to let Abbey have whatever she wanted and then some.
I guess it worked, but I never counted on falling into bed with her so randomly…on such a hard fucking day.
Clearing out Vic’s possessions was harder for me than I let on. I could tell it really bothered Abbey that I was able to stay so composed. I guess I was, on the outside, but on the inside I was breaking apart. Having her there with me was the only thing that was saving me. With her there I knew I had to stay strong, I owed it to her, because I had been such a fucked up mess the entire time Vic was sick and she held it all together for the good of our boys.
That was my way of paying her back I guess.
I just…I didn’t count on it. I didn’t count on the rest.
I finish my wine, order another glass, and being to people watch again. It’s been a great turnout. Everyone that was invited came, with more support than any of us expected. I’ve never seen the kid so happy, and I guess…I’ve done my part as his guardian. I’ve raised him to be responsible, and caring, and independent and I don’t think our parents would have any regrets. I think they would be proud of their three boys, even though I’ve probably turned out to be the biggest disappointment.
I spy Davey and Tim, dancing together, laughing quietly about something only they can understand, and it gets me to smile just a little. I remember when I was in love like that. How awesome it felt, how much hope it gave me for the future. Damn it, weddings have to be so sentimental, remind me of all the shit I used to feel when I was married. I hope like hell that my brothers relationships last, that they never have to go through anything as heart wrenching as divorce, or losing a child.
“Hey man.”
I turn to find Braeden standing beside me, leaning on the bar. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen one another, and even longer since we’ve talked. I feel awful that his marriage ended like it did, but at the same time, the circumstances were a lot different. “Hey. Enjoying yourself?”
“Definitely. Babs said you pulled this together in two weeks? I’m impressed.”
I snort out a laugh. “Money talks I guess.”
He shrugs, takes his drink from the bartender and takes a long swig, before looking at me again. “It’s not everything.”
I can’t tell how he feels about my split with Abbey. When Vic passed he and Jessica were a godsend, making sure Conner was looked after, checking in on Mason, making sure all the arrangements were in order so Abbey and I could try and grieve. Part of me wants to believe what he told me in the beginning, that he was sorry, and that he didn’t think it was going to be the end of our marriage, that it would work itself out, eventually. The other part…thinks he’s been scheming to get back with Abbey ever since the papers were signed. I know, because I’m a eavesdropper, that they spend a lot of time on the phone together. It wasn’t just after the funeral, but for months before, when we were fighting all the time, he would be the only person she could seem to confide in. It’s not my business though, who she talks to, or at least…it shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s just that jealous part of me that never wants to her to be with somebody else taking over. I really don’t know. I mean, I doubt they would get back together as it is. As much help as Braeden has gotten, everybody knows he’ll never be a hundred percent.
“I heard you got a new place.”
“Oh…yeah. I was in a condo for a couple of months, but I just moved into a new house about a half hour from the Abbey’s.”
“Yeah, she’s been telling me the house is a little too big now that she’s on her own.”
I glance at him, uncertainly. “Well she hasn’t complained to me so far. Besides, Conner grew up in that house. It’s better for him to stay there.”
“I’m not saying she wants to leave. I’m just saying it’s a little big for her, that’s all. I think she needs someone else there with her.”
This is just getting weird. Of all the times for him to corner me…
Or maybe this has been his plan all along.
“So you’re saying…what? I should post an ad for a boarder?”
“I just thought it might be good if I stayed there for a while, you know…just to make sure she’s doing okay.”
I laugh at him. Really? Today? “And she told you to ask me about it, right?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “She hasn’t said anything. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about, that’s all.”
“She’s fine, Bray,” I nod. “It would be weird for Conner anyway.”
“Why? We’d have fun. He’d love it.”
“I just don’t know…can we not do this today?” I finish my wine and put the glass down on the bar. “It’s awkward.”
“I guess it isn’t up to you anyway. I just figured the respectable thing to do would be to ask you about it.”
I turn to him, and I know my expression is anything but pleasant. For the first time, I let my feelings about my ex wife slip out, and it’s only because…
Because I know we might still have a chance.
“We’re trying to work things out right now, Bray. Maybe, if I play my cards right, I won’t lose her after all, and you won’t have to try and take her back for yourself so damn quick.”
“Whoa…who said anything…”
“Do you think I’m a fucking idiot Braeden? You just got divorced, and you never really got over Abbey. You’re not kidding anyone.”
He just stares at me, and all I can do is shove past him and make my way back into the crowd of wedding guests, trying my best to calm down before I come in contact with another member of our family.
Jesus. The guy is a close friend. He is. Right now though, he just seemed ready to swoop in and take my spot.
I’m not ready. I’m really not.
Maybe I don’t need that shrink appointment after all. Maybe I already know what I want, and what I’m ready for when it comes to Abbey.
I can’t really deny it. I do love her, and maybe…I should have told her that in bed rather than saying ‘I don’t know’.
But I’m a moron.
Halfway across the ballroom, I spot her. She’s standing off to the side, laughing about something with her sister and Shawna. I was glad to see that Trace’s ex could make it out, even if they’ve been having an even rougher time than I’ve been having with Abbey. She’s Abbey’s very best friend though, so I never should have doubted her appearance here today. I said a quick hello to her earlier, but that was it. We’ve never been that close anyway.
Hell, the only reason I’m semi focused on her now is so Abbey won’t figure out that I’m staring at her.
She looks amazing tonight, in the simple but chic gown accented with her diamond jewelry. Time has been good to her. She hasn’t gotten as many wrinkles as I have, her complexion still looks flawless, after all these years. In fact, I can say for sure that she looks even more beautiful than she did at our wedding. I feel that awful pain shoot my gut, thinking back on all that…on what we lost.
And of course it doesn’t help when the song we danced to at our wedding starts to play.
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me…someone I’ve needed so long…
I feel sick, gotta go…gotta get out…
But shit, this is Davey’s wedding. I’ll get ripped apart if I bail.
Then I catch her staring at me.
Shit.
She takes a moment, but then, she breaks away from her group and slowly walks over to me, her expression solemn, like she knows how much this must be killing me.
I don’t want to face her.
I can’t.
“Hey.”
It takes everything ounce of strength I have left not to let my tears show. But the song still plays, and with every word, I’m reminded of the way she smiled while I danced with her at our wedding, how good she smelled, and how amazing it felt to hold her in my arms.
“Hi.”
“Nice turnout.” She forces a smile. “Thanks for everything you did to help, J.”
I try to smile. “Anything for Dave. You know that.”
She nods slightly. “Do you…feel like dancing?”
To say I’m shocked in an understatement. I never thought she’d want to do it again with me. Not after how I’ve acted. “You…you want to?”
Her smile appears. The genuine one that I love more than life. “I really do.”
“Well, yeah, okay.”
She takes me by the hand, and before I know what’s happening, we’re out on the dance floor together. I don’t hesitate to take her gently in my arms, and she rests her head against my chest as I begin to slow dance with her to the song. I can feel the sweat on my brow, my heart is racing.
I never want to let go.
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since…the other day, Justin.”
“I have too, but I didn’t think we’d address it today.”
I feel her shrug against me. “We’re both tipsy, and nobody is paying attention to us. What better time than now?”
I have to laugh. That’s the Abbey I know. The one I love. The one I married. “Can we skip the long drawn out, dramatic conversation about it?”
“I’d love to.”
“I want us to get help,” I tell her gently, caressing the exposed skin on her back gently. “I…I want to see if we can work this whole thing out, Ab. I don’t think I’m ready to quit yet.”
She looks up into my eyes. “I’m not either.”
I nearly break down, hearing her say it. In seconds the hot tears are streaming down my face, and I can’t help myself. I have to say it. “I love you, so much.”
She doesn’t hesitate, she just reaches up, and gently pulls my face towards hers so she can press her lips against mine. I’m sure people are staring, whispering, but I just don’t care. I get lost, kiss her back, passionately, like we’re the only two people in the room and it takes what seems like hours before I realize that our little kissing session has captivated the entire room, and we’re forced to stop and pay attention.
They’re clapping, tapping their champagne glasses with their forks, egging us on like this is our wedding and not my brothers. “We’re stealing the spotlight away from the happy couple,” I whisper, smiling back at her.
“For some reason, I think it might have been their intention.”
“Why?”
“Look.”
She points over at the DJ booth, and sure enough, my brother and his new husband are standing there, grinning. I guess the song wasn’t a coincidence. Davey remembered. Davey wanted this for us.
“Let’s give another big hand for my brother and his amazing wife…and no, I don’t care that it’s not official, because it will be if Austin and I have anything to do with it. They’re the reason I’m the person I am today, and I couldn’t ask for better people to have raised me. We love you.”
More applause follows my brothers speech, and when I look back at Abbey, I see the tears in her eyes.
“You know what this means,” she says.
“Yeah,” I nod. “I do.”
The happiness in her eyes fades slightly. “I can’t promise…”
“Neither can I.” I kiss her again. “But we can try, right?” I reach out and brush the tears off of her cheeks gently, caressing her face once they’re all gone.
“I want to try more than anything else, Justin.” She smiles. “And I know we can do it.”
She kisses me again, and all I can do is thank the powers that be for giving me another chance. Not that it won’t be a long road to recovery, not that we can just…move back in together overnight, but this is a start. A very good start.
And I’ll do whatever I can, to get us to the finish line.
Incomplete
ialwayzbesingin is the author of 25 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 8 members. Members who liked Shattered also liked 433 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 8 members. Members who liked Shattered also liked 433 other stories.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
