He must be joking.
It was all I could think as I stood there in front of my brother, as he stared back at me, patiently waiting for my reaction. There was a calm look in his eyes, as if he’d been planning to spring it on me for months and had no regrets about telling me the truth. It meant he didn’t care what I thought, because in the end, he was going to live how he wanted to live.
But that didn’t mean I had to surrender quietly.
“Boyfriend? What the hell do you mean?”
Tim swallowed hard, and slowly sunk back down into his seat, obviously more than uncomfortable with my reaction.
Okay, so, maybe I overreacted a little. I could have tried a lot harder to keep my temper at bay, and dragged my brother into the adjoining room to berate him, rather than embarrass him in front of the family. I wasn’t thinking then though. I was too shocked to think, and of course I regret it now.
“Justin...” Abbey’s voice came next, and then I felt her hand on my shoulder. She was trying in the most discreet way she could, to tell me to shut up before I said something I would regret later.
The thing was, I was too angry to care. I shrugged her off, and stepped forward, growing angrier every second Davey continued to stare at me. “So you just...you just decided to bring this into my house, Dave? No warning...nothing?”
“I shouldn’t have to warn you about how I want to live, Justin. It’s who I am, and if you can’t accept that, then fine.”
“You guys couldn’t tell he was gay?” Victoria spoke up suddenly, not taking her gaze off her cell phone. “Damn, me and Mason have known that for years.”
“Victoria!” Abbey exclaimed.
“It’s true,” Mason sighed. “It’s probably the only thing we’ve ever agreed on.”
“Daddy, what’s gay mean?” Conner spoke up next.
“Did you know about this?” I turned to Abbey, and she didn’t quite meet my gaze.
“I mean, I guess I might have had an idea,” she said softly.
“Oh great.” I slapped my hands at my sides. “So I’m just the oblivious idiot, right? Austin...you should have said something!”
My brother winced, still keeping his gaze focused on the tile floor as he had been since Tim was introduced.
“It wasn’t his place to say anything,” Davey defended. “Get a grip, Justin. It’s not the end of the world, all right?”
I stared at him as he sat back down at the table. My baby brother, the one who was so innocent once upon a time, had grown up to become more of a troublemaker than Austin had ever been. I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless for the first time in a really long time, and I hated that. I hated not being in control of the situation, especially because it was unfolding in front of my own children.
“Are you going to be miserable for the rest of your life?”
It’s been hours since dinner. We all ate in awkward silence, and Davey finally stormed out halfway through the meal, leaving his ‘boyfriend’ staring after him. Austin quickly got up and followed him outside, though, and I’m sure it was the only reason he stuck around for the rest of the evening. I retreated to my study once I had my fill of dinner, and the rest of my family knew better than to bother me. I’ve calmed down slightly since then, but I can still feel the anger and resentment pulsing inside of me. I’m afraid it might not ever stop, and that’s very bad, because I have three children to think of, especially Conner. He’s too young to understand all of this, and if I continue to feel this way, the only thing he’ll be wondering is ‘why daddy’s mad.’ He’s not used to that, and so, I know I’m going to have to work really hard...
But that’s easier said than done. Abbey’s right. I really am one of the most stubborn people ever.
“So you’re going to ignore me too?”
I sigh harshly, for what seems like the millionth time tonight, and run my hands through my hair. “I’m not ignoring you.”
Abbey rolls her eyes as she shrugs into her bathrobe, and steps towards me, gripping my face with one hand and kissing me on the mouth. “It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. I think they’re cute together, and I thought Tim was very respectful and nice.”
“Yeah, that would be great if he was a girl.”
“You’re going to have to deal with this somehow. Do you even know how uncomfortable it was to eat in silence like we did tonight? All of our children were finally together again. It was supposed to be a good night, not an awkward one. You better not pull the same crap tomorrow night.”
I give my wife a strange look as she slips under the covers and grabs her book off the nightstand. “Tomorrow night?”
“I invited them back for dinner.” She puts the book in front of her face and quickly turns the page after a moment. “I promised that you would be respectful this time, and you better be if you want to have happy time with me anytime soon.”
Sex. I swear to God, it’s her best weapon to use against me. They say when you’re married that’s what women do, and they’d be right. When I’m in trouble, I’m lucky if I get ‘happy time’ once a month, and it’s a type of hell that I don’t want to think about right now.
“What...what are you tryin’ to do to me baby? I’d never dangle happy time in front of you.”
“You tend to forget going without sex affects you more than it does me. I’m trying to get you to pull your stubborn head out of your tight little asshole.”
She’s so blunt. Normally I love that, and it makes me want to make love to her all night long. But not now, not over this particular subject. “So you support this?”r32;
“Of course I support it.” She laughs, and turns another page in her book, without meeting my gaze. “I love Davey. I’d love him no matter what kind of life he chose. We should be thankful he’s not out there raping and murdering people. I think him being gay is the least of our problems.”
“You know...” I tug my side of the covers up so I can slide into the bed with her. “I told you special education would make him soft.”
“Are you really going to go there?”
She flips another page.
“Yes,” I mutter.
“Special education didn’t turn Davey gay, Justin. There’s no excuse, nobody to blame, it’s just how he is. Actually, it’s probably how he’s always been since he was small.” She finally puts the book down and rolls on her side, propping her head up with her hand as she looks at me. “Can you honestly lay here and tell me you didn’t have the slightest little inkling inside of you that he might be gay? Especially when he was in his last year of high school?”
I shrug, and let out a long breath. “It was the farthest thing from my mind, Ab.”
“Because you wanted it to be.”
She’s right. Of course she is. For fifteen years, hell, even longer than that, she’s been my voice of reason. The person that could always talk me out of doing something stupid, or explain a situation to me that normally I would never be able to understand. I’m a smart guy, yeah, but when it come to emotional shit, I strike out sometimes. I’m a sap, but I’m also pig headed, and a little bit arrogant at times. If it weren’t for Abbey, I’d never be able to admit those things to myself either. That’s why I love her. “Maybe it’s a phase. He could be experimenting. He’s in his weird mid twenties finding yourself stage isn’t he?”
“You’re so cute.” She pats my head gently and shifts back into a more comfortable position. “But it’s far from a phase, I’m sorry to say. Davey likes boys.”
The light snaps off.
“Ab.”
“Get some sleep, J. We have a full day tomorrow, with Bray and Jessica coming. We only see them a couple of times a year as it is, and I think I’ll slap you if you’re grumpy when they get here.”
I sigh again. I know it’s important to her, seeing them. It’s important to me too. They’re such busy people, even busier than us at times, and this is a much needed visit since they couldn’t make it out here for the holidays. Right now, I just can’t focus on their arrival though, shitty as that is. Too much is running through my mind...like, how am I going accept my brother’s confession? How am I going to live with it for the rest of my life?
Oh yeah, and the whole Vic thing. Before this evening, that was my main focus. I mean, it still is I guess. She wants to go to this camp so bad, and I think I might want it for her even more than she does. I wouldn’t be so pushy, but I know that Vic is good enough to make something out of this gymnastics thing. She’s been doing it her whole life. At first it was something we enrolled her in to keep her mind focused. Her ADD issues were always been pretty bad, unless her mind was kept stimulated on a weekly basis. Gymnastics seemed to be the cure, but we never counted on it growing on her like it did, and we also never counted on her being this good.
I’m happy for her though. I want her to live her dream, because I have all the resources to make it happen for her. Abbey doesn’t see things my way though. She thinks school is more important, and I guess from her standpoint it is. She went to college, she was always an academic achiever, and she has faith in the education system . Me? I never finished high school. I could barely read until I met my best friend Trace at a bus stop in the middle of Manhattan. He gave me a chance, helped me to conquer what I thought I never could, and I made it to the top of the Wall Street chain because of it.
That’s how Vic is, hands on. She learns by doing, and is very smart, she’s just not book smart. That’s Mason’s thing, and yeah, I’m proud of him...but he doesn’t need my guidance as much. He’s going to be just fine, do well in school, go to college, and probably follow in my footsteps, run my finance business until he retires. Vic though, I know that’s not the type of path she wants to take. She wants to do something different with her life. Something incredible.
And, as her father, I feel it’s my job to make it happen.
Or maybe it’s just because...I’ve always been a little bit closer to her.
“Can we talk about Vic?”
She lets out a harsh sigh. “Now?”
“Well, you said later.”
“That was before you lost your head at dinner.”
“Yeah but you’re taking the news well, and I’ve shut up about it. So what’s the problem?”
The light snaps on, and I squint my eyes until they adjust to the brightness of the room.
“You’re willing to send Vic clear across the country to be in the care of a bunch of teachers that we don’t even know? I mean, I don’t know how you’d make it past the first week. She’s your little princess, Justin. Don’t you realize...we’ll be separating ourselves from her completely? That place isn’t going to let you visit whenever you want. It’s a professional training camp for aspiring professional gymnasts. They want their students focused a hundred percent of the time.”
“I know all that.” I shrug a little and rub my face with my hands. “But she wants this bad enough, and I’m willing to sacrifice our time together if that’s the case. You should be too.”
r32;“But what about school...”
“Abbey, we’re not exactly broke. If worst came to worst she could do the home school program, and I can get her into any college she wants if she decides to go that route. You know that.”
She shakes her head harshly. “I just don’t see how this could benefit her, Justin. She’s so young. She’s barely experienced life yet.”
“Did you know twenty four is the retire age for most female pro gymnasts? She’s only got about nine more years before she’s obsolete.”
She buries her face in her hands and groans.
I smirk slightly, put my hand on her back and begin to rub it, gently. “They told me we could do a one week trial, stay down with her the whole time, and if we don’t like it, we can take her home. There’s no risk. I mean, think about it baby. Please? I think we owe it to ourselves to at least go take a look at the place. Vic deserves to be happy.”
“She’s happy,” Abbey mutters. “She’s spoiled rotten.”
I give her that sad eyed look I’m so famous for.
Then she gets that little smirk on her face. The one I dread. The one that says she’ll give in to whatever I want, if I compromise, and Abbey’s compromises are never that easy.
“All right baby, I’ll tell you what, if you spend quality time with Davey and his boyfriend for the rest of their visit...without getting like you get...”
“Like I get?”
She narrows her eyes at me and I shut up.
“Without getting like you get...then fine, I’ll go. But just to look around. I’m not promising you anything. Deal?”
I stare at her for a moment, knowing she’s serious. “Is that the best you’re gonna do?”
“Offer is good until I shut off the light.” She reaches out for it.
“When you say quality time...”
“I’m shutting off the light.”
“Okay!” I yell out before she can switch it off. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
“Great. You three can go shop for Conner’s party while I get Bray and Jess settled in tomorrow. I already have a list typed out, so it shouldn’t be too hard.”
“You’re not serious.”
She kisses me gently on the lips. “I’ve never been more serious. Night babe.”
“What about happy time?”
“We’ll see what happens at the end of the week.”
The light snaps off again.
I let out a long, miserable breath before I turn face down into my pillows.
It’s going to be a long week.
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