(Present Day)

“So what do you think?”

“I think…” He pauses in the middle of the gigantic ballroom and smirks as he gazes around.  “It’s definitely a place my brother would pick.”

I groan.  “Come on Dave.”

“What?  I speak the truth.  This place is huge, like the place you guys had your wed…well, that’s not the point.  This is just too big for Tim and I.  We want a more intimate reception.”

I do my best to keep myself composed.  It’s not Davey’s fault.  He and his partner are just a little picky, and while most wedding planners would scoff at a couple who booked their reception just a few weeks out, Justin’s money is limitless and because of that we’ve been promised that the wedding can be booked and ready in time for the big day by every single person we’ve talked to. They’re all so hungry for this, I guess because it’s such a huge wedding.  Justin really is one of the biggest names in Texas too, and people bend over backwards for him here, just like they did in New York City.

The moment I told Davey that his brother had taken Conner for two weeks, he didn’t hesitate to fly out here.  Tim had to stay behind for work, but told him if he was going to come out, could he make sure to pick the wedding venue before he came home.  That’s where I came in.  Justin had forwarded me a list of venues he thought would be ‘appropriate’ about a month ago, but to be honest, this is the first time I’ve looked at it.  I just didn’t care, didn’t want to open his stupid fucking email.

I gotta stop being so bitter.

“This is a very nice place, though.  Wolfgang Puck himself would even cater it. Isn’t that cool?”

My Davey shrugs.  “I’m sorry.”  He leans in and pecks me a kiss on the cheek.  “I just…really hate this venue, and Tim and I prefer Gordon Ramsay.”

“Fine.”  I hold my  breath as I scratch Union Station off the dwindling list of wedding venues.  “You realize we have like two weeks left, don’t you?”

“We don’t mind eloping…”

I narrow my eyes at him.

“Okay okay,” he laughs.  “I’m sure I’ll fine something I like.”

“You’ll find it today, Dave.”

He nods.  “Right.  Today.  Let’s go to the next place, Mom.” He loops his arm through mine and can’t seem to drag me out of Union Station fast enough.  We’re back in my black X5 quickly, and it’s hard for me not to take my frustrations out on the gas pedal.

“This list is bogus,” he tells me after looking it over for awhile.  “I wouldn’t want to have my reception at any of these places.  Justin wrote this didn’t he?”

“Mmhm.”  I put on my blinker and turn the corner.

“Couldn’t you have made any type of suggestions to the list? You know me better than this.”

“I didn’t really look at it.”

“I love you too, Ma.”

“Come on Davey.” I glare at him a little bit.  “It hasn’t exactly been the best couple of months.  I haven’t had that much time, and I knew you would find a place you liked on your own, so I wasn’t worried about it.”

“I feel like…I feel like this whole wedding is just an afterthought to you.  Justin may be selfish and everything between you two may have gotten really messed up, but at least he’s trying to help me plan this.”

I don’t want to snap at him, or yell at him.  This is really important, a milestone in his life, and he is my son, no matter what.  I’m acting selfish, but my mind is just a clusterfuck.  I haven’t been able to focus on anything, in months.  Conner is lucky I can even remember his schedule most weeks.

I’m a wreck.  A wreck and my ex husband has moved on in the blink of an eye.

“You’re not an afterthought, Dave.  All right? I’m…I’m sorry.”  I glance over at him and give him a reassuring smile.  “I’m…I’m excited for you, and so happy for both of you.  You have to know that.”

“I…I know.”

It’s silent for a long time.

“I wish it didn’t come to down to all of this, Mom.  I wish it could have worked out because…you two being together, saved me.”

Hearing that makes me want to cry.

But I can’t.

“I wish it had worked out too, baby.”  I rub his thigh gently, and grip the steering wheel more tightly when I put my hand back in place.

“How’s Conner liking Europe?” He says brightly, trying to change the subject.  “Justin text me a picture yesterday.  They were on a gondola with Trace and Derrick.  Looked like a blast.”

“Trace?”

“Well…yeah, they all went together…”

“No, Justin isn’t going overseas until next week.”

“Oh…”  Davey looks out the window.

“David.”

He’s silent.

“David you better tell me what’s going on.”

“I thought you knew.  Justin has been planning this for months…it’s a big two week getaway.  He rented a Yacht and everything.”

“He said he was going to Lisbon to meet with clients next week and wanted to take Conner!  That was all he told me!”

“I…I don’t know, Mom.  He didn’t tell me that the trip was a secret! I’m sorry!”

It’s not his fault.  I have to keep telling myself that, because if I don’t, I’ll lose it.  “Dave I need to go home and call your brother.”

He nods nervously.  “O-okay.”

I have the worst feeling.  What if I can’t get in contact with Justin? What if he meant to take our son overseas, disappear in Europe so I would never be able to find them?  What if I never see my son again?

Oh my god.

I literally race home.  Davie clings to his seat the entire way, and once we pull in the driveway I throw my seatbelt off and jump out of the car, scaring the crap out of the crew of landscapers working in the front of the house.  I just don’t care.

I’m so fucking worried.

I dial Justin’s cell quickly, not even thinking about what time it might be wherever they are.

“Mm…hello?”

“Where the fuck is my son?”

“Abbey?”

“Don’t you fucking play around with me Justin!”

“Whoa…just…calm down.  What’s the matter?  You know…it’s like midnight…”

“I don’t care what time it is! Where are you!”

He sighs.  “I’m assuming somebody told you about this?”

“Yes…yes Justin! They told me! The secret is out!”

“Calm down, all right?  I just…I didn’t want you tell you what was up because I knew you would say no.”

“Are you trying to take him away from me?” I cry.

“Jesus, Ab…of course not.  What are you thinking about?”

“You lied to me!”

“For good reason! You freak the hell out over everything.  You never would have agreed to let me do this with him otherwise.”

“I’m not agreeing to it now!”

He chuckles. “Well, we’re here so it’s a little late to change your mind.”

“Oh you’re such a fucking asshole.  I’m coming out there…wherever the hell you are.  Where are you?”

“Rome.  Calm down would you? You don’t need to come.  Everything is fine.  Conner is fast asleep and very happy.  I’ll have him home, end of next week, just like I said.”

“I’m getting on the next flight.”

“Abbey…Abbey come on…”

I hang up on him, and the phone begins to ring almost immediately.  I don’t want to answer, I just want to get on the next flight to Rome, but something…I’m not sure what, makes me answer.

“I’m still coming out there, Justin.”

“Mommy?”

It’s Conners voice and the huge wave of relief washes over me.  “Baby…oh God, are you okay?”

“I’m fine mommy,” he groans.  “Why’d you wake me up? I’m tired, but Daddy said you missed me so I had to talk to you.  You know what we did yesterday? We went on a Gonda boat. And today we went to Room and Derrick an’ me ate sghetti and then we threw a coin in the Trever fountain.  I made a wish to Vicki up in heaven and daddy said she could hear me.  Then we walked up some big steps called ‘panish steps.  It’s so fun in Itahlee, mommy!  I wish you could come!”

He sounds so happy, that I can’t bring myself to freak out, tell him I’m coming to drag him straight back home.  My feelings aside, I know the past year of his life hasn’t been the happiest or the easiest.  He’s had to put up with a lot more than any eight year old should have to.  I know it was Justin’s intention to bring some joy to his life, and the only way he felt that he could do that, was by lying to me.  We’ve had a horrible falling out, that’s true, but he’s not a bad person, and he would never try to disappear with my son.

I know if he had told me his intentions, I would have forbid it.  I would have forbid my son happiness with his father because…because I’m still so bitter about so many things.

I must be a horrible fucking person by his standards.  A selfish witch.

I hate myself.

“I wish I could be there too baby.”  I feel the tears seeping out of my eyes now, and I do my best to wipe them away, but then more come.  It’s a lost cause.  “Maybe you can tell your daddy to send me some pictures tomorrow.”

“We’re goin’ to…”  He trails off for a moment and I hear Justin say “Amalfi” very quietly to him in the background.  “We’re goin’ to ‘Malfi tomorrow.  I dunno whats there though.”

“Oh that sounds like fun.”  I’m sobbing now.  “I’ll let you get your rest then, okay?  I…I love you, honey.”

“I love you too mommy! Goodnight!”

I can hear the phone being passed off and then Justin’s voice saying ‘goodnight buddy’, before his breathing gets heavier on the other end of the line.

“You hang up on me yet?”

I sniffle.  “No.”

“Davey told you right?”

“Yeah.”

“He get out to you okay?”

“He’s fine.  We…we went looking at some of the venues you emailed to me.”

“I bet he hated them.”

“You’re right.”

He laughs lightly.  “Tell him he better just pick something then.  Anything.”

“I already did.”

“Ab, I’m really sorry…I didn’t mean to make you crazy or anything.  I guess I just wanted this too badly to let something stand in the way of it.  I should have told you what my intentions were.”

“Don’t be,” I whisper.  “It sounds like Big Red is having the time of his life.”

I can hear him smiling on the other end of the line.  “He really is.”

“I won’t bother you anymore then.”

“Can I say something?”

I sigh harshly.  “I don’t know.”

“Well I’m just going to say it.”

“Fine.”

“I know you’re a wreck.”  He says it gently.  “If you ever need to talk…you know…I’m here.  I don’t hate you.  I never…I never did, Ab.  I’d really like to work on our friendship.”

“I…I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for a friendship with you, Justin.  We’re parents…we have children together.  Being civil is probably the best thing we can strive for.”

“Well…”  He trails off, seems let down.  “I’d like to be friends.”

“For now lets just focus on the kids, and Davey’s wedding.  I think it’s the best thing for now.”

“Yeah…well, all right.”

“Goodnight Justin.”

“Night.”

I hang up first so he won’t have a chance to keep me on the line.  Friends? He’s fucking lost it.

“I should have said something.”

I look in the direction of Dave’s voice.  He’s standing a few feet away, his head hanging low.

“It wasn’t your place to tattle on your brother, honey.”  I walk up to him and smooth a hand over his cheek.  “I’m not mad at you.”

“There’s this place…The Room on Main.  I was looking into it before I came out, and Tim said he liked it.  Maybe we can check it out.”

I sigh.  “You should have just told me that.”

He shrugs.  “I figured you’d want to go by Justin’s suggestions.  That’s how you are.”

I laugh at him.  “And things change.”

“I guess so.”

I stroke his face lovingly.   “I’m going to just…freshen up, and then we can head out again, all right?”

“Sure mom.”  He smiles for me and kisses my cheek.  “I’m going to call Tim and give him an update.”

“Send him my love.”

“Will do.”

I spend a half hour cowering inside the master bathroom shower, crying my eyes out.  It’s humiliating but at least it’s private.  Nobody has to know.  When I get out I feel somewhat better, refreshed, ready to take on Davey’s wedding plans once again and put Justin to the back of my mind.

Right.

I wrap the sarong around myself and step out into the bedroom.  I didn’t change a thing when Justin left, and he only took his clothing with him to his new place.  Actually, aside from a few paintings and sculptures, he left me practically everything we’ve ever owned.  I sit down on the bed, and gaze around.  My eyes land on a spot by the bathroom door, and I can smell him, feel his body on mine.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He laughs playfully, pulls me closer to him by the waist and starts to kiss my neck passionately, letting his hands travel further down my waist and underneath the waistline of my pajama bottoms.

“Justin, the kids.”

“Doors are locked, where’s the harm?”

The phone is ringing.

Shit.

I shake my head roughly, and pick it up.  “Hello.”

“Why don’t you just come out…I mean, you can even come next week after Davey goes back home.  We’ll be in Germany.  You can come on the Rhine river cruise with us.”

“Justin?”

“It’ll be fun,” he persists.  “I know Conner would love it if you came out.”

“Justin I’m not coming to Europe.  Conner is safe, that’s all I care about.”

“I thought we could talk.”

I sigh.  “Are you drinking?”

“Just some wine.  They have great wine here, Ab.  Remember when we took Mason and Vic? They were so little then.  We had fun.”

I hate this.  I hate that I have to be so blunt with him, but it’s the only way, as much as I don’t want to say it.  “It’s over, Justin.”

He’s very quiet.  “Sometimes I miss you.  I miss us.”

“Stop it.”

“I just…did you ever think this would happen, Ab?”

“I swear…I am not doing this right now.  Fuck, I don’t even know where Mason is.  I have to go.”

“You don’t really have to go,” he chuckles.  “I know you better than anybody.  You do what you want to do.”

He’s right.

“Justin listen to me, okay?”

“I’m listening.”

“It’s over.  It’s been over.”

“We got back together before.”

“You’re tipsy and that was different.”

“You’re really serious aren’t you?  You’re not in love with me anymore.”  

“You aren’t in love with me either,” I tell him.

I can hear him sipping his wine.  It makes me long for some too, but I try not to indulge if I can help it.  Not with an eight year old in the house.

“Remember when you told me you might not want to sign the papers, Ab?” Is what he says next.

“I was in denial.  You were right to force me to sign.  We both knew there was no coming back from all that.”

“Did you still love me…that day, at the lawyers meeting, Ab?  Is that why you didn’t sign?”

What the hell is this? Fuck.  No.  I will not be a part of his sick little mind game right now.  “No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Even if I did,” I whisper.  “I don’t love you anymore.  Not like that.  I’m trying to move on Justin, and if you were sober, we wouldn’t even be having this little chat.  So why don’t you let me go, so I can finish helping Dave pick a wedding venue and figure out where our son has been hiding out for the past few days, all right?”

“Mason?”

“No our other moody seventeen year old boy.”

“I don’t know what to do about that kid.”

“That makes two of us.”

“When I come home I’ll figure it out.”

“No…no no,” I say quickly.  “I’ll handle him.  He listens to me, for the most part.  I think he might just…need some help.  Some therapy or something.  I’ve been looking into it.”

Justin laughs out loud.  “You won’t get that kid to go to therapy.  I guarantee it.  You’d have to drag him there.”

“I’ll give it a try anyway.  Please don’t call me back unless it has to do with Conner, and…could you not be drunk when our son is a room away?”

“It’s some wine, Abbey.  He’s passed out.”

“Great.  Sober up before he wakes up, all right?”

“Got it.”

“Goodnight Justin.”

“Abbey.”

“What now?” I groan.

“I’ve been thinking…about a few things.”

“Oh I’m sure you have been.”

“When I come back, I think we should pick a date, and clean out  Vics room together.”

My stomach does somersaults, and I feel so sick all of a sudden.  I put it out of my mind.  We keep the door closed.  I can’t face it, and for a long time, Justin couldn’t either.  When he was moving out, he went in there.  I think he took a few things.  I didn’t ask questions.  “Justin…”

“I think it’s time, Ab.”

I close my eyes and feel my body start to tremble.  All this talking with him tonight has been too much for me to take, and now this? What the hell is he trying to do to me?  “I have enough going on without…”

“Abbey,” he interrupts.  “It’s…it’s time.”

I know it’s not the tipsy side of him talking.  He’s thought about this a lot.  I’ve thought about it a lot too, but I think he’s more prepared to handle it than I am.  I hate that, but it’s my own fault because I didn’t cope with Vic’s passing properly.  “I guess you’re right.”

“So we’ll talk about it when I get home.”

“Right.”

“This is what I mean about friendship, Ab.  Whether you like it or not, we need to be here for each other.”

“I’m done talking.  Goodnight Justin.”

I hang up on him yet again.

This time though, he doesn’t call back.

I throw up in the bathroom, and Davey is there suddenly, rubbing my back and consoling me gently.  I can’t do anything else when I’m done except sob into his chest, and really, in a million years I never thought I’d be doing this with him.  I’ve always been his supporter, his emotional crutch.  I feel selfish for making him do this now.

“I’m so sorry,” I whimper.

“You’re allowed to cry, mom,” he whispers.  “I miss her too.”