March ‘95



Well, it had been two years since I’d seen the boy with the baby blues.  And even to this day I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  How pathetic was I?  I was in love with a boy that I’d only met once.  And will probably never see in my life again.  

But I couldn’t help it.  When I go to sleep at night,  I dream of him.  I dreamt of his hair.  His lips.  His smile.  And those gorgeous blue eyes.  I dreamt of those eyes every night.

It was too bad that I would never see them again.

But on the bright side, a lot of things had changed in two years.  I officially didn’t have to wear a training bra anymore.  That was pretty exciting for me.  I’ve been blessed with boobs and a little booty too.  How stinking great is that?  I just started my first year of high school, the ninth grade.  I attend Dr. Phillips High School and I’m the only freshman to make the girl’s Varsity basketball team.  Which I was pretty stoked about.  

And the best thing that had happened in the past two years, is that my Stinky McStinkface brother finally got a place of his own.  You don’t know how happy that made me.  I didn’t have to hear his annoying voice, telling the world’s corniest jokes or smell his Frito smelling feet anymore.  I was a free woman.

And speaking of the biggest loser in the world, he decided that he wanted to try his hand in music.  He wanted to start a boy band like New Kids on the Block or something like that.  More like Old Man in a Rocking Chair.  I mean he is way too old to be a boy in a band.  He’s a loser, that’s what he is.  He’s not going to make it.  This little “boy band” thing was just a phase.  Just like everything else in his life.  And besides, I was the better singer in the family anyway.  Or so I’ve been told.  

But back to dog breath, he was actually downstairs right now, with the potential lab rats for his little project.  Like I said…loser.

I guess I could go downstairs to take a peek at the guys to see if any are cute.  And besides I could totally go for a fried bologna and cheese sandwich.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I heard the sound of laughter coming from the dining room area.  I continued to walk towards the kitchen when I stopped dead in my tracks.  My heart had dropped completely to my stomach.  My breathing became shallow, and palms became moist with sweat.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  

But there he was.  

Baby blues.  

Justin.  

The boy I had been in love with for the past two years.  

My dream guy…well you get the point.  

But there he was.  Sitting right here in my dining room.  Eating my food and laughing at my brother’s corny jokes.

Was this real?  Or was I dreaming?

I reached down and pinched the inside of my arm really hard.  I held back the scream that was coming on, when I realized that this was indeed real.

“Are you going to say something or are you just going to stand there and look stupid, Booger?”  Chris said rudely interrupting my thoughts.

Justin and the rest of the guys turn to look at me.  He and I instantly made eye contact.

“Well, since my sister picked to look stupid, I’ll just introduce you.”  My brother said after two minutes of silence.  “Justin, Joey, JC, Charles, this is my sister…”

“Nikki?”  Justin cut Chris off.

“Yeah…good guess.”  Chris said confused.

“Hi, Justin.”  I was finally able to say, as I gave him a small wave.  I couldn’t believed that he remembered me.  After all this time, he remembered me?

Chris still had a very confused look on his face.  “Did I miss something here?  You two know each other?”  He pointed between me and Justin.

“We’ve met.”  Justin said breaking his attention away from me, looking at my brother and then back at me, smiling.  There was that smile.  The smile I had been waiting to see for the past two years.

I guess a lot had changed with him too.  His voice was a little deeper and he was taller.  Even though he was still sitting, I could tell that he was pretty tall.  The one thing that hadn’t changed was that he was still the cutest boy I had ever seen.

“When was this?”  Chris asked, again breaking me out of thoughts.

“About two years ago.”  I spoke up, now breaking my gaze from Justin to answer my brother’s question.

“Yeah.  She got lost and I helped her find her way out.”  He winked and smile at me again.  I turned my head to blush.

“How typical of you, Booger?”

“Shut-up.”  I reiterated, coming back to reality.

“And where did you manage to get yourself lost this time?”  My brother raised his eyebrow in mock suspicion, folding his arms across his chest.

“When you worked at Disney.”  I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

“Yeah.”  Justin chimed back in.  “That was when me and JC were filming the MMC.”

“How nice.”  Chris says, sarcastic dripping from his voice.

“Eat dirt.”  I told Chris, causing him to stick his tongue out at me.  He was such a big kid.  I just ignored him and turned back to Justin again.  He smiled at me.  Why did he always do that?   Didn’t he know what that does to me?  “Well, I’m going to go in the kitchen now.  Nice meeting you guys.  Bye Justin.”  I waved at the guys as I walked towards the kitchen.

And then it happened again.

As I walking, my foot had gotten caught behind the leg of my brother’s chair.  But I had caught myself, before I fell flat on my face.  

But it was still embarrassing.

“Ha.  Ha.  What a loser.”  I heard my brother say as I quickly rushed into the kitchen to hide my embarrassment.

How could I be so stupid?  I was so stupid.  My brother was right.  I am a loser.  The second time I see Justin in my entire life, I trip…again.  What was up with that?  Was this some kind of karmic pay?  Did I piss somebody off in a previous life?  Or it could be the fact that I was so freaking clumsy.  I was a walking, breathing, living, disaster.  

Walking to the back door of my house, I walked out to the backyard.  In times like these, I needed to get my head straight.  I picked up my basketball and began to dribble the ball around the backyard.  

Basketball was now my big stress relief.  I had gotten into basketball around three years ago.  I only really got into it because my brother really didn’t like it that much.  And it would piss him off.  He was and still is a football kind of guy.  But I then realized that I was really good at it and took it up as a hobby.  Last Christmas my mom got me a hoop for the backyard and I’d been playing ever since.

Standing at my imaginary three-point line, I got ready to set up my shot.  Getting into the position, I dribbled the ball a few times, tossing it into the air, letting it go.  Swoosh!  Nothing, but net.

I heard clapping coming from behind me.  “Nice shot.”  I turned to see where the voice came from.  It was Justin.  How long had he been out here?

“Thanks.”  I blushed.

He walked closer to me.  Just breathe Nikki.  Just breathe.  “You play?”

I nodded.  “Yeah…I…uh…play for my…uh…Varsity team.  Only freshman.”  I nervously say.

He looked at me with a surprised look on his face.  “That’s really cool.”  He picked up the ball and tossed it back to me.  “I bet you can’t make that shot again.”  He smirked, challenging me.

I chuckled at that.  There was one thing about me that Justin didn’t know.  I don’t back down from any challenge.  And that was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.  But I decided to humor him.  “How much do you want to bet?”

“A date.”  He blurted out.  I almost dropped the ball from my hands.  He wanted a date?  With me?  “If you don’t make the shot you have to go out on a date with me.  And if you make the shot you still have to go out on a date with me.”

Again I blushed not saying anything.  Say something you idiot.  Say something.  Wait… “Wait a minute.”  I looked him in his gorgeous baby blues.  “What do I get out of this?”

He then chuckled.  “You get a date with me.”

I smiled.  He was so cute.  “You’re so charming.”  I said sarcastically out loud, but inside I meant it.

He smiled back.  “Thanks.  One of my many qualities.  So, do we have a deal?”  He stuck his hand out.

I thought about it for a second before I realized, what the hell was I thinking about this for?  “Deal.”  I shook his hand.

“Cool.”  He smiled.

“Cool.”  I repeated, smiling also.

Again, I stood at my imaginary three-point line to set up my shot.  Talk about nerves.  I’ve played in front of large crowds before, but this is different.  This was Justin.  I get nervous just looking into his eyes.  Well, here goes nothing.  Taking a deep breath, I dribbled the ball a couple of more times.  I set up the shot and let it go.  Swoosh!  

“Oh yeah!”  I jumped up and down.  I didn’t seem too eager, did I?

He started clapping again.  “Dang, girl.  You’re good.”

I chuckled at the surprise in his voice.  “I didn’t make Varsity for nothing.”

“True.”  He laughed.

“So, when’s my date?”  I said in a more confident manner.  Instead of sounding like a giddy school-girl with a crush…even though that’s what I am.

“How about Saturday?”

“Saturday sounds good.”  I said excitedly.

“You want to play a game of one-on-one?”  He picked up the ball and spun it around on his index finger.  

Show off.

“Don’t you have to go back to my brother’s project group?”

“Hey, I’m in that project group.”  He bounced passed me the ball.  “Now I’m offended.”  He actually looked a little hurt.

I dribbled the ball in between my legs.  “Well, hanging around my brother, you should feel offended.”  I shot the ball towards the basket, and this time I missed.  “Dang it.”

Justin ran to get the ball.  “What’s the deal with you and your brother?”  He passed me the ball again.

“Nothing.  Except the fact that he’s a jerk.”  I made another shot and this one went in.

Justin laughed, as tossed him the ball.  He hit a jump shot and smiled my way when the ball went in perfectly.  Again, show off.  I walked right up to him, snatching my ball from his grip, teasingly.

“Hey, Justin,”  Justin and I both turned to the door to the backyard.  “what are you doing with the Booger?”

See.  Jerk.

“Shut-up.”  I threw the ball at him, and it hit him right in his shin.  I was getting sick of him.  Why was he here anyway?

“Ouch!  Shit, Nikki!  That hurt.”  He grabbed his leg, and hobbled in pain.  I started laughing, and I could have sworn I heard a slight chuckle coming from Justin.  “This shit isn’t funny, Nikki.  That really hurt.  I am so telling mom.”

“Well next time you’ll know better than to call me Booger.  That isn’t my name.  I’m going to my room.  Bye, Justin.”  I waved to him and walked back toward my house.

"See you, Saturday."  He waved back, smiling.

As I walked into the house I could hear Chris ask about what was happening on Saturday.

Smiling to myself, I could not wait.

--

Saturday Night

“I can’t believe that my baby’s going on her first date.”  My mother stood teary-eyed at my bedroom door.  

My older sister, Molly, was doing my hair and make-up.  

“She’s growing up so fast.  Next thing you know, she’ll be graduating high school, then college, and she’ll be getting married and starting a family of her own.”  She walked in and sat on my bed.

Oh, goodness grief.  She’d already got me married with kids.  And I hadn’t even gone out on the date with Justin yet.

“Mom, chill.  It’s just a date.”  Molly said as she finished off my hair.  “She’s not grown, yet.  Plus, she’s not the only baby.  You still have Emily, Kate, and Taylor.”

My mom sighed, running her fingers through my hair.  “I know, but you wouldn’t understand.  You’re not a mother.”  She blew her nose noisily into a tissue.

Molly shook her head in amusement.  

You see, Molly is my older, much cooler sister.  She’s younger than Chris.  By three years.  But she was way more mature.  She was not only my big sister, she was like my best friend.  I could practically tell her anything.  Things I couldn’t even tell my own mom.  I went to her for advice on everything.  From boys to clothes to other personal girl stuff.  And unlike my brother, Molly moved out as soon as she turned eighteen.  She got accepted into Florida State University to study journalism.  I admire her.  She was my inspiration.  I wished to be her someday.

“Ma, it’s just a date.  A date with a boy who’s smart, funny, and cute.”  I began to blush just thinking about my date with Justin.

“Are you blushing?”  Molly teased, and I immediately hid my face in my hands, trying to hide this feeling of embarrassment..  “You really like this guy don’t you?”

More than you know.  “Molly, he’s so cute.”  I gushed.

“Well, then I’m going to have to see this for myself.”  She said finishing the last bit of my make-up I had on, which wasn’t much anyway.  “I’m done.”

I looked in the mirror.  She had straightened out my curly hair, but curled it loosely at the ends.  I had a little bit of black eyeliner around my eyes, minimal eye shadow, and the lightest shade of pink lip gloss.   Wow, I looked really good.  She did an amazing job.  “I love it, Molly.”

“Great.”  She smiled, trying to tame the fly-aways on my hair.

“Thank you so much.”

Then the sound of the doorbell rang through my house.  It was him.  He was here.  If I wasn’t nervous before, I was now.   Wait, who‘s downstairs?   Oh no.  “Mom, can you get the door? Please?”  I turned to her.

“Chris is downstairs, he’ll get it.”

I shook my head and whined.  “Mommy.  I don’t want Chris to get it.  He’s going to embarrass me.”

“He’s not going to…fine, I’ll get it.”  She got up from my bed and headed downstairs.

“Thank you.”  At least with my mom, Chris won’t do anything to embarrass me…I think.

“Are you ready?”  Molly looked at me.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”  I stated truthfully.

“Ok.  Go ahead.”

I nodded and got up from my chair.  I grabbed my purse, sliding the long strap on my shoulder, before I began to walk out my room.   But my nerves got the best of me, and I stopped and turned around to look at Molly.  She gestured that everything was going to be fine, and to keep going.  I nodded my head again and walked out of the room.

Taking a deep breath, I began to descend the stairs. Please don’t trip.  Please don’t trip.  Was running through my mind.  Knowing me, I would probably trip and fall flat on my face.  But I was hoping, and secretly praying, that that wouldn’t happen tonight.

As I reached the bottom of the staircase, without injury, I heard my mother say that I would be coming down in a minute.

“I’m right here.”  I announced standing on the last step.

I saw Justin.  He looked so adorable in his white button down dress shirt and khaki pants.  The woman standing next to him had to be his mother.  They looked just a like.  And now I see where Justin gets his curly hair from.

“Hi.”  I placed the cheeriest smile upon my face, as I greeted Justin and his mom.

“Hey, Nikki.”  Justin smiled at me.

Ok, I was blushing again.

“Hi, Nikki.  I’m Lynn, Justin’s mom.”  Justin’s mom said in a Southern, scratchy  voice.  She gestured her open hand towards me.

“It’s nice to meet you.”  I accepted the gesture, and shook her hand.

She smiled a toothy grin.  “Nice to meet you too.  Justin was right.  You are very pretty.”

Oh…my…GOD!  I’ve just completely melted.  He said that?!  About me?!  Justin really thinks I’m pretty.

I turned to look in his direction and he was now blushing.

My night just totally got so much better.

“So, are you two ready to go?”  Lynn looked between myself and Justin, and asked.

We both nodded in agreement.

The three of us all headed out the door.  I told my mother goodbye, as she still had tears in her eyes.  I looked upstairs and saw Molly standing at the top, giving me the thumbs up and mouthing “he’s really cute” to me.  And then I turned around and saw my brother laughing and putting an “L” on his forehead using his forefinger and thumb.  I knew exactly what that meant.  So, while my mother wasn’t looking, I showed him a finger of my own.  The look on his face was completely priceless, when my mom shut the door.

--

About ten minutes later, Justin’s mom had dropped both Justin and I off at the entrance of Universal City Walk.

“So, what is there do around here?”  Justin asked me, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Um,” Why was I so nervous?   Oh, yeah that’s right.  There was a totally hot guy standing in front me.  And he was all mine…for the time being.  I cleared my throat.  “Well, we can go to the movies…” I pointed in one direction.  “…Or we could go window shopping…”  I pointed in another direction.  Wow, my hands were really, really sweaty.  “…Or we can get something to eat first.  Or…”  I kept rambling.  I kind of get like that when I was nervous.  Ok.

“How ‘bout we go see a movie?”  He looked at me like he wanted me to shut-up.  

I wanted me to shut-up.  Who wouldn’t want me to shut-up?  I’m guessing you want me to shut-up too?

“A movie would be great.”  I smiled at him.  

He smiled back.  “Cool.”

We then started walking in the direction of the movie theater.

Justin and I had a great conversation.  We talking about everything.  From basketball to music.  It turns out that we have a lot of things in common.  He liked Janet Jackson.  I liked Janet Jackson.  Of course we both liked basketball.  We both liked action movies.  The list went on and on.  And I realized that he was a really funny guy.  He had me cracking up the entire walk to the theater.

And speaking of funny.  Right before we reached the ticket area, Justin said something really cute, and I had the nerve to blurt out, “You are so cute.”  As soon as the words came out of my mouth I wanted to go back in time to this moment and slap myself in the face.  “I mean what you said was cute, not you.”  Uh, wrong again, idiot.  “I mean you’re cute, but what you said…you don’t want to finish this date?  Do you?”  I put head down in shame.  This was a total bust.

I felt him reach out and lift my chin.  That strange look he had on his face had turned to into a smile.  And those crystal blue, ocean like eyes sparkled.  “It’s ok, Nikki.  I know what you meant.  And you know what?”  Now he had my attention.  “I think you’re cute too.”  He smiled a toothy grin.  

I blushed again for the hundredth time that night.

He then reached down and grabbed my hand, and we walked towards the theater.

Justin and I went to see Indian in the Cupboard.  Yeah, I know what you are thinking, but in our defense that was the only movie playing that wasn’t rated R.  So, we had no other choice.  And to tell you the truth, it wasn’t the best movie I’ve seen, but it wasn’t the worst.  I wasn’t even paying attention anyway.  Justin had my attention the entire time.

After the movie, we decided to eat at the little pizzeria that was just a few doors down.  We had a grand ole time.  I know who talks like that?  I’m weird.  I know.  I told you I was nervous here.  But anyways, Justin and I had a blast.  This was the best date I’ve been on.  Actually, it’s the only date, I’ve been on.

And before I knew it, Justin’s mom was there to pick us up.  The ride home was short.  And I just wished that I could this all over again.

Pulling up into my driveway, I said goodbye to Justin’s mom.  Justin and I got out of the car, and he walked up to my door.

If you were mine
I’d treat you right

So, like two idiots, Justin and I stood at my door, saying nothing.

“I had a great time tonight, Justin.”  I was the first to break the morbid silence.

“Yeah, me too.”  He said nervously as he stuffed his hands back into his pockets.

Again…silence.

I’d give you the world
If I was your girl

I cleared my throat, as I broke the silence yet again.  “Well, goodnight.”  I turned around to open my front door.

“Hey, Nikki.”  I heard him call out to me.  I stopped and turned back around.  He stood there for a couple of seconds, hands were still stuffed in his pockets.  I was waiting for him to say something, but instead he did something so much better.

He leaned down and captured my lips in a sweet, gentle kiss.

‘Cause I never thought that I would fall so far
But ever since the first time you caught my eye

I felt my knees becoming weak.  The butterflies in my stomach fluttered.  My heart beat raced faster.  I wish so bad that you could be me right now.  To have this wonderful feeling.  To feel his perfectly soft pink lips placed upon yours.  You know how in the movies when the two leading characters kiss for the very first time, fireworks explode, and that one special song plays?  That’s what this felt like, only more real.

In a matter of time
You’ll be mine

Once we broke the kiss, we just stood there looking into each other eyes, and tried to catch our breaths.

If I could close my eyes and make a wish
If the only thing worth asking for is just one kiss

“Good night, Nikki.”  Justin finally said something.

“Goodnight.”  I muttered out, still feeling the effects from our kiss.

He smiled at me one last time, before walking back to the car.

After I closed the door to my house.  I turned around, leaned up against the doorframe and sighed.

That was my very first kiss.

And it was amazing.