Who knew the same summer I would meet my first crush, I'd be so hurt by him? I had been hanging around the set again, secretly hanging out with Tony and Ryan and avoiding Josh. I've gotten so good at it that it came so naturally. I've seen new cast members come and old ones leave, two of the new ones have caught my attention-Christina and Britney. They're nice girls, so much fun to be around and we've been hanging out for quite some time now. It's February vacation for me and I'm walking around the mall with them, gossiping about Josh and this new face on set. He's sort of cute, I believe Justin's his name, a year and a half younger than I with baby blues and dirty blonde curls. He's a southern sweetie and very shy, but far too close to Josh at times.
"Oh, my gosh! Look!" Britney harshly whispers, shifting her eyes to my left to point something out.
"It's Justin, he's alone," Christina announces in a soft tone.
"He's a year and-" I begin reminding them.
"Half younger and you don't think it'd work," they echo back, having heard the excuse far too many times in the past three weeks.
"That's beside the point."
"Brit, no. He's more you."
"No," she argues, giving me a sideways glare that tells me to invite him to sit with us or she will tell Josh where I've been hiding for the past couple years.
Yes, it's now February 1993 and it's been a long time since I've hung out with Josh. Nikki is a sweet girl, but I didn't feel included when I hung out with them cuz they'd suck each other's faces off the whole time. I'd sit there and wish it was me kissing him.
Now, it's whatever. I'm 13 and turn 14 in just under 4 months, almost high school time for me. I have to get through the last few months of middle school and the summer before I get to get the final four years of my education in the fall. "Justin," I greet him with my almost perfect smile and a warm embrace.
"Oh, 'Drya, hi."
"You should sit with us."
"I'm looking for-"
"Please?"
I give him the doe eyes and he caves, agreeing to it. "What are you three accomplishing here?" he asks, sitting across from me.
"Catching up, bondin'," Brit twangs out, covering her mouth immediately after. She's always been shy when it comes to her accent.
Justin chuckles and begins telling a story about his friend 'Trace' back home, how they'd get into trouble with his southern drawl apparent. A good chunk of time passes by, filled with laughter and a good time. A tap on my shoulder interrupts this, so I lean my head back as Justin loudly gulps. "Long time no see or talk," I'm greeted.
I exhale annoyed and irritated. "I told you and you get with another." Brit and Christina know the whole reason why I've avoided this person for so long.
"Look, 'Drya, we need to talk," he reasons, arms folded over his pecs. He's going to be 17 in August and I'll have been 14 for 7 weeks by then.
I push my chair back, standing up and almost hit him with the chair I had been in. "Let's get it done with." I look at Justin and the girls. "I'll be back in 15, half tops."
We start walking through the food court, nothing uttered between us. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
"I'm sorry you let me go."
"Look, I'm just confused."
"So aren't I. Try another."
"I still like you, far more than I should," he begins explaining.
"What's keeping you from your lips meeting mine?" He looks at me, a warning in his eyes. "Nikki? Chris? Fear of just letting go? What?" I'm beyond cross with him, knowing how he feels about me and it only makes me more upset when he avoids the subject.
He turns on his heel and rapidly makes his way to the table with me right behind him, merely steps in front of me. "Let's go, Justin."
"Why? Is she your ex-girlfriend or something?" Of course he wouldn't tell the kid, I feel bad cuz he has no clue what's going on.
"No, I'm not his ex, we were close friends who like each other and then Nikki happened and after awhile I just stopped talking to him and it's been a year or two now," I say, tears welling up in my eyes as my level of frustration grows with each word.
"Maybe we should head back to your place, 'Drya," Britney suggests.
"I so hate how nonchalant he had been, like we're still friends and he acted we had never stopped talking and hanging out!" I shout, having bitched the whole 5 block walk to my house with Britney and Christina listening to me go on and on about one person. We sit on the grass-covered backyard.
"Ok! Look, we get it, we do! You're not talking to him after that happened and then he and Nikki got serious a month ago and you're upset he acted like that," Christina snaps, grabbing her platinum blonde locks at the roots in her fisted hands.
"Girl, you might just have to reconnect to fix it," Britney points out, having witnessed our honest reactions to seeing one another and knowing that emotions run high between he and I. She and Christina work alongside Josh and Justin.
"Reconnect with who to fix what?" Chris asks, making us jump ten feet in the air cuz we hadn't seen or heard him when he opened the door to the backyard.
"Josh and her ran into one another and had some words. She pretty much called him a wuss."
"Thanks, Christina," I spat. "Now, Christopher, we'll be in my room discussing this matter without you eavesdropping," I tell him, pushing him away with one hand so I could get by.
Once inside the safe haven of my room, I lay on my window seat while Brit takes my bed and Christina relaxes in my computer chair, spinning it in slow circles. "I just don't see why it's such a big deal."
"She really likes JC and we know he likes her, the way he asks about her says it all," Brit reminds her.
I sigh, looking up at the constellation of the Gemini astrology sign in glow in the dark stars. "Does he really feel anything, like truly?"
"He seems so broken hearted when we lie to him, telling him we haven't spoken to you yet. Ryan and Tony have seen him writing a song, your initials on it and it might just be for you," Christina informs me, sounding bored until she mentions the song.
"I doubt it."
"Girl, I don't think that it's beyond a possibility and he does miss you. I may have kinda sorta took a peek in his notebook and journal a time or two," Brit confesses, looking pretty guilty and somehow innocent.
I prop myself on my elbows to look in her brown eyes, Christina's blues doing the same. "Well, spill, girlie! What'd it say?" I demand, wanting every little thing she can recall to meet with my ears and to find a spot to nestle in my memory for later dates.
Just before dinner I had walked them home, Chris in tow and dinner had been eaten before I showered and began working on an essay for my language arts class and another assignment for my French class. They're both due on Monday, the day we get back from the break.
Brit had told me, a bit too excited, every single word about me she had seen written in his writing and Christina promised a copy of the song he wrote as well, the very one she claims that has my initials adorned on it. "Today turned out decent," I whisper to myself, glancing at my phone and trying to remember if 9p is too late to call one number I haven't called in almost forever. I dial anyway, unintentionally holding in a breath of air and releasing it when nobody answers except the answering machine. "Josh, it's me. Can we talk tomorrow? I'm sorry for how I acted today. Heather and Tyler, I'll see you tomorrow night." I hang up and watch my coil corded phone on my desk for a moment, wishing he'd call me back right now. I sigh, admitting defeat and confessing one thing to myself-how badly I've missed him.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
