After showering and getting my clothes on, I text James to inform him of what I want to do with him after they do their VO's for The Simpsons episode. We make plans to have a friendly meal out and grab some ice cream to enjoy later on.
Justin is sitting at the table with Chris, whispering back and forth as I enter the room with a towel wrapped around my head to dry my hair. I pull the towel over my head, bending at the waist to dry my hair and clip his sweatshirt. I pull it over my head and twist up my hair, putting my glasses on. Yes, I wear glasses for my astigmatism when I don't have to perform like a circus monkey. "Hey! That's mine!" he shouts, indicating his Tennessee Titans hoodie I've put on.
"Not right now it's not!" I shout back, grabbing my cell and keycard before darting for my brother's room, tapping the wood in a rhythm that only I can do.
Josh opens the door, stepping aside to let me in and closing it after me. "What have you been up to since you got here a couple days ago?" he asks, stretching.
"What you do best," I retort.
"I guess it makes sense," he fires back, not believing me.
I'll tell him about Justin eventually, just not now or today. "I'm hungryyyyyy," I whine.
"As usual. Give me ten to shower and get ready."
"Meet you and that styled mop downstairs," I tease, leaving the room and shutting the door behind me.
I get a text from Christina asking how I'm doing and as soon as I send off my reply, I smack into what I thought was a wall. I look up and it's James! Wait, James is built like a wall? He has muscles? He's damn sexy! Whoa, damn! Men and muscles, throw in my libido and you have a confused me when it comes to reactions. "Uh," is all that I can make for speech sounds.
"Hey," he says, hugging me.
Being 16 and horny makes me stupid. I wrap my arms under his and press my hands to his shoulder blades, embracing him warmly. "When did these things called muscles sprout?" I joke, feeling the muscles move and my curiosity grow as my mind wanders to the Land of the Dirty.
"Since I've been hanging out with Justin and JC more, doing whatever sport or exercise they are."
"Wow!" I say, pulling back with my hands in his and looking at him. "Are those tree trunks called your legs? Lemme see your abs," I teasingly comment.
"Yes, they are and my abs match yours," he informs me, lifting his shirt.
I lift my shirt and look at mine. "Nope, don't match. Yours are more toned and defined." We share a quick laugh and pull our shirts down to cover our midsections. "How long has it been since I paid attention?"
"Since we saw you before that May."
They never talk about it, but I want to and don't know how to tell them that. "You do know I'm alright to talk about it?" I gently mention.
"I thought it may upset you to talk about it," he admits.
"Not as much to keep inside."
"You have always been strong and I can remember seeing you cry three times in all the years I've known you," he quietly says, laying his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into a side hug.
"I hide my feelings when it's necessary, but I need to face the fact that Ma isn't coming back and the only person that I'm sure will cry with me is you," I confess, looking at my foot as I scuff my foot on the carpet.
"We can do that tonight, deal?"
"Deal. Thanks, James," I reply, looking at him with a gentle smile on my lips.
"Let's go, Oshannie."
I see Josh and hug James before jogging to my older brother. "Where are we going?"
"This little diner near by."
We hop in the rental he had acquired for his time out here. He turns the key in the ignition, the car roars to life and purrs after that. "Josh, I miss Ma," I tell him, closing my eyes with my head back on the seat and my right foot on the door pocket, relaxed.
He slips his hand around mine and pulls it onto the center console, his thumb rubbing across my knuckles. "I miss her too."
"I can't believe he was sick enough to do that."
"She let us adopt you to keep you alive. She's watching over you."
"What if it had been me?" I ask, rolling my head and opening my eyes to see shock register on his face, unprepared for that question.
"I think we would never be the same if we ever lost you because you've squeezed your way into our hearts and lives, never wanting to see you go. We only want to see you accomplish everything you've set out to do. I'd feel as if my world were spinning out of control if it were you." I nod and look out the window, watching the busy sidewalks go by. "We're here," he announces, tapping his thumb on my hand as he kills the engine in front of a boxcar restaurant.
"Reminds me of Massachusetts."
"Happier times?"
"Back when it was just me, mom, Sherri, Dawn and their families. Those were great times," I say, exiting the car.
"You'll have many more with us," he says, ruffling my hair before pulling me close and smiling like a goon.
I roll my eyes and shake my head, a small smile playing on my lips. I smooth my hair as we walk in the diner. Pointing out a booth away from the windows, I lead the way and we sit. I rest my hands on the pocket on the front of the sweatshirt and feel something inside it, slipping my hands inside it to grab the item. I pull it out and immediately identify it as Justin's travel photo album. I flip it over to see the front, running my fingers over my name he had carefully written in cursive and smile. I feel his eyes on me and look up to have his eyes give off a questioning gaze. "Justin's photo album from when the five of you started till now, the major highlights."
"It might be a scrapbook," he says as I flip it open.
It turns out to be just that. "Look! It's you and Justin in 93," I say, touching the bottom of the photo of them on the MMC set.
"That was seven years ago."
I look on the bottom corner of the same page and see a picture of Justin, Chris, Joey and Josh. "This must be when you guys first banded together before James," I note. "Who's that?" I point to an unfamiliar face.
"He's the bass we had for all of a few weeks."
"Oh." I look at the next page and see a picture of James with them, a grin rests on my lips. I see one of a younger me with them, when James had first gone to Orlando during the summer he was 16 or 17 and giggle. "Have I changed that much?"
"You had to, you need to blend in." He sees a couple pics he prefers not to recall the memories to and turns to the page with the photo of me after moving to Florida, posing goofily in front of the house they had stayed in. There are various photos of them with me, even the one with us asleep in the living room is there and also a picture of Chris and Josh on the trampoline with me. Josh points at one of he and I at sunset, sitting outside with his guitar as he teaches me to play the song he wrote on MMC and we're both smiling softly. "I remember this day," he admits, the waitress coming up beside our table.
"Ready to order?" she asks.
We rattle our orders off and she disappears. "I can still play it."
"Some things you just can't forget."
"Like you five."
We flip through a few more pages, stopping on a photo of Justin and I kissing with the date under it stating 'July 10, 1998-January 21, 1999'. "You dated him?"
"Yes," I confess, knowing it's not worth hiding or lying about anymore.
"Ok, your guys' choice." This is a new leaf for him.
I eye him like he's lost it. "Are you feeling alright?" I tease, leaning over the table to place my fingers on his forehead.
"I feel fine. It's over and done with according to these dates, so yelling won't accomplish a damned thing. Hell, I don't even think a lecture would do anything, you space out by the time I say the third sentence," he reminds me, talking with his hands.
"True and I space out before you finish the first sentence when you use words like 'first' or name off letters or numbers."
He rolls his eyes. "Figured as much."
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