seventeen: happy birthday, milena
It was rounding the midnight hour when Justin and Nadia were leaving a late showing of The Help in her quiet Brooklyn neighborhood. He offered to drop her off at home before heading back into the city, but she knew that he was dreading a certain party he was obligated to attend, and her counteroffer was to accompany him.
“I don’t exactly understand why you’re going,” Nadia commented, watching him maneuver his way to the Brooklyn Bridge. “I mean, I get that she came to Memphis when she didn’t have to and all, but it’s not like she needs you at her birthday party.”
He shrugged, even though he agreed with her. “She invited me, personally. And she did come to Memphis, not just for me, but for my family. Was I really supposed to say No?”
“Fuck yes,” she laughed. “I mean, you have no kids, the divorce is done. What’s keeping you together? Besides this wedding that’s in less than a month…”
“I don’t know. I mean… the fact that we were together for so long, I’d like to be friends in the end. I guess.”
“You guess.”
“I dunno, Nadia… I mean, for the longest time, all I wanted was for her to come back. Like you couldn’t tell me we weren’t gonna get back together. And then the divorce was final and we were splitting assets and that became a real thing. Okay. I was finally accepting the shit. And then she got engaged and I thank god you came around to distract me or I’d be fucking depressed. So now she wants to be friends? I’ll take it.”
“So what you’re saying is I’m not enough of a friend for you.”
He noted her smile, so he knew she was kidding, but his heart melted at the sight, as it always did. “You know you’re more than enough of a friend for me.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right,” he promised. “There is no one I hang out with as much as I do with you. Not Kristin, not Grant, not Trace, who I’ve known since before I was born. Just you…”
“Yeah, by the way, when is it that I get to meet the infamous Trace Ayala?”
“Well his girlfriend is pregnant, so he doesn’t get around as much, but he’ll be at the wedding,” Justin assumed. “Are you that anxious to meet him?”
“I wouldn’t call it anxious. But I’ve heard a lot about him, not only from you, but from Kristin, so yeah, I wanna be in the circle.”
He liked that she wanted that, because he wanted it too. “You’re in the circle,” he grinned. “I dare you to try and get out of it.”
“I don’t like how you’re always implying that I have no loyalty to anyone.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yeah, you did,” she smirked. “But that’s okay.”
“I appreciate that you don’t even pretend to hide your smugness.”
“Believe it or not, that is not the first time I’ve heard that,” she yawned, chuckling. “And if I’m being honest, I like that about me, too.”
He only shook his head and whispered, “Asshole.”
“I try,” she grinned. “What did you get your wife for her birthday?”
“She’s not my wife.”
“You wish she was, though.”
“Irrelevant.”
“Fine, what did you get your ex-wife?”
“It’s something really dumb,” he finally surrendered, pointing to the back seat of his car, where a large box wrapped in deep purple paper sat waiting to be opened. “But I think she’ll like it.”
“What is it, and why would you get it if it’s dumb?”
Unsure of whether he wanted to regale her with the random details of the gift, he just decided to say, “It’s a long story.”
“Is it?”
He nodded.
“Well I feel bad, I’m showing up empty-handed.”
“I think she’ll live,” he chuckled tiredly.
They rode in mostly silence the rest of the way to the restaurant. It was late, and they were both obviously a bit sleepy, but it was nonetheless a comfortable silence. Nadia loved the city at night, reveling in all the lights and luxury Manhattan had to offer. She had lived in New York all 32 years of her life, and she never got tired of sightseeing.
Justin, on the other hand, was in a different head space. One where he reminisced with himself about happier times “ ones with Mila “ where they celebrated birthdays and anniversaries with smiles and laughter. Now, Mila was engaged to some other guy, Justin was bringing another woman to his ex-wife’s birthday party. He never imagined that this was how they would end up, but he also couldn’t help but be relieved that he’d made it this far. He never thought he’d be able to truly accept the reality of this divorce, but it seemed that that’s exactly what he was doing. Even if Nadia wasn’t his girlfriend, or even interested in being one, the steps it took arrive at just friendship were great feats to him. He was finally moving on.
When they finally arrived at Kenmare, the street was so empty, and the restaurant looked so abandoned, Nadia wondered if they were at the right place. “Are you sure the party’s tonight?” she questioned when Justin opened her car door for her.
“I’m positive,” he smirked, retrieving Mila’s gift from the back. “And we won’t stay long, I promise.”
“No rush, my man. Unless this is an orgy or something.”
With a chuckle, he followed her inside and then directed her towards the back of an empty restaurant, where there was a door, which led to a staircase, and as they got closer to the bottom of it, the thump of some hip-hop song became apparent.
“Ahh, stealth location. I like it,” Nadia approved when the party finally came into view.
Justin nodded. “That shit cray,” he inserted along to the song playing.
He dropped off his gift at the table housing several others and took a quick scan of the crowded room, quickly spotting Mila amongst a group of friends, and more notably, her arm interlocked with her fiancé. “You want a drink, or you wanna go say Hey first,” he asked Nadia.
“I think I’ll probably need a drink to say anything to her,” she joked dryly.
He followed her to the bar, where he ordered a rum and coke for himself, and a vodka cranberry for her. “Do you dance?”
She looked up at him like he’d just asked if she did cocaine. “As a general rule, no. But I do if I’m drunk enough, I guess.”
“Hmm.”
“And I know that’s a ridiculous thing to say to one of the best dancers around, but…”
“Whatever floats your boat, darlin’.”
She cringed when a hint of his Southern drawl came out in his last statement. “I also hate Southern accents.”
Now it was his turn to look at her like she was stupid. “All right then.”
“That’s such a bitchy thing to say,” she chuckled. Especially when Kristin, one of her closest friends, had a serious twang. “I’m sorry, but I do.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she nodded. But the way she downed her drink said just about the opposite. “Let’s go say Hello.”
Before either of them knew it, Mila had approached and was inserting herself into their conversation. “No need, I’m right here.”
Startled, Nadia immediately turned to her voice. “Oh wow, hey.”
“Hello,” she grinned tightly. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” She then glanced at Justin, and he knew she was telling him he shouldn’t have brought her.
“Yeah, we were out and we wanted to stop by really quick before heading home,” he defended for them. “I knew you wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh, you just know everything, don’t you.”
Sensing Mila’s uneasiness, Nadia decided to escape the conversation. “I’m gonna go say hello to Kristin and Grant,” she inserted, spotting the only other two people she knew in the room. “Justin, you just let me know when you’re ready.”
“I will,” he promised before returning his attention to Mila, who was glaring at him. “What?” he smiled.
“Seriously?”
“What?”
“You know ‘what,’ Justin.”
“Oh, I can’t bring a friend to your little shindig?”
She rolled her blue and green eyes before letting them land back on him. “We both know she’s not your friend. Come on now.”
“She is.” He grinned coyly, even though he was telling the truth. “Besides, what do you care? You’re engaged.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
That was funny to him, because in his mind, that was exactly what it meant. “Well you needn’t worry. We are very much platonic.”
“I think the two of you may need to reexamine the definition of ‘platonic,’” she smiled. “At any rate… I’m happy you’re here.”
“Is that right?”
She nodded. “It never occurred to me that my last birthday would be the last one we would share together. So I’m glad it wasn’t.”
Mila’s last birthday had been an awful ordeal for the two of them. In fact, she ended up filing for divorce a couple of weeks later. He was glad that wasn’t their last, too. “I’m glad that the past year has changed us for the better,” he agreed. “Even if you did get engaged out of nowhere.”
“Well you and I got married within two months of meeting one another, so I’m not sure why you’re surprised.”
“Because we’re older and supposedly wiser. We’re at the age where we learn from our mistakes.”
“We weren’t a mistake, Justin.”
“Yeah, but we made a lot of them along the way.”
“We used to be so happy,” she remembered repentantly. “What happened to us?”
He had been asked that question so many times, mainly inside his own conscience, and he had yet to come up with an answer. He shrugged. “Life happened.”
May 2006…
Mila had been sitting in the guest house for over 40 minutes, awaiting Justin’s arrival. He had been on one of his binges where he locked himself in the studio for five days straight, barely seeing the light of day. He claimed he was finally on his way home, and she was so excited that she planned a rather elaborate surprise for him. The minutes passed in what seemed like hourly increments, but eventually, she spotted him heading into their home. Even though he appeared haggard and almost lifeless, she knew that he was very much enjoying the way his second album was coming together, and therefore, in good spirits.
Back inside the main house, Justin was looking everywhere for his very supportive wife, who he hadn’t seen in literally days. He looked forward to seeing her face, so he was a bit disappointed to see a note from her waiting on their bed.
My love,
I’ve missed you! And I realize you are probably exhausted… maybe even to the point where you can’t comprehend what this says. But we’re gonna give this a try anyway. I’ve left you a paintball gun and gear on your side of the bathroom. You have five minutes to prepare for battle and then… GAME ON.
-Mila
Justin was smiling from ear to ear. This, he remembered, was one of many reasons why he loved her so much. She was nothing if she wasn’t fun.
He quickly did as told, dressing from head to toe in the apparel Mila provided. He grabbed his gun, making sure it was loaded, and stealthily made his way downstairs, unsure of whether the game had started.
“Babe?” he called out cautiously. “You in here?”
“I’m right here, baby.”
Of course her voice gave no indication of where she was, exactly, so he made a run for the back door, where he could get a better scope of the entire house. However, this gave Mila a vantage point, and she was able to get in a hit and he was quickly pelted with a splotch of bright purple paint.
“Shit!” He was actually a bit stunned when the pain of her hit settled into his calf. “You know it’s on now, right?” he announced, spotting her across the room.
“Bring it, motherfucker.”
And suddenly, it was a war zone. Like a scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the two of them shot at one another until they didn’t have anything left. Along with their bodies, the kitchen and patio were covered in purple and yellow paint, and they’d also managed to break a whole slew of furniture. Exhausted, they laid down next to each other in the middle of the floor.
“We’re gonna be in so much pain in the morning,” Mila groaned, finally pulling off her face mask.
“But the win was worth it,” Justin yawned, mimicking her action and unbuttoning his jacket.
“Excuse you, you didn’t win.”
“Are you implying that you did?”
“Obviously.”
“You’re crazy,” he scoffed.
“How did you win?” she shouted hoarsely.
“I got you to marry me.” His smile was so earnest, the confidence in his voice so apparent. There was no arguing with him and she loved it.
On the verge of tears, she smiled back and quickly found his hand, interlocking their fingers. Moments like this, she was certain she was the winner between them. But there was no point in refuting it, so she simply squeezed his hand in response. “Whatever you say, my love.”
Mila sighed at the thought that just plain old Life ruined her marriage. Did Life turn the man she loved into an unrecognizable entity? Did Life turn her into the cold and harsh person she had become? Would Life ever bring them back to where they used to be?
I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you around
“Life is rough,” she decided.
“It is. But you and I can’t have much to complain about.”
She stayed quiet for a long time, taking in the scene of everyone in the room. Her eyes locked with her fiancé, James, and she was almost scared to see that he’d noticed her conversation with Justin. Even though James wasn’t really a jealous type, and she certainly hadn’t done anything wrong, some version of guilt washed over her when James smiled at her.
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
And then there was Nadia. This crazy beautiful girl, who was suddenly taking all of Justin’s time and attention, and she was coming to terms with the fact that she hated her. For that reason and that reason alone. They could claim to be friends all they wanted, but Justin looked at her in a way that said otherwise. Whenever she saw them together, an ugly pang of jealousy gnawed at the pit of her stomach.
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
“Justin, please don’t date her.”
He finished his drink before responding with a smirk. “Don’t date Nadia?”
She nodded.
“I told you, it’s nothing but platonic. You do not have to worry.”
“You say that…”
“It’s true. It’s what she wants.”
“But if you could date her, you would?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I would be against it, but there’s nothing that’s got me head over heels, crazy in love with her or anything. I’m cool with being friends.”
She nodded again and glanced over to the table where Grant and Kristin were laughing at something Nadia was saying. “Fuck,” Mila whispered to herself.
Words don't ever seem to come out right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?
Justin wasn’t sure what was going through her head at the moment. But what he did know was that getting over her had been hard enough, and he certainly didn’t need her possible feelings of regret coming into play when he was trying to forget about it all. He would never ever move on if he thought there was even a small chance of reconciliation.
“I should go,” he announced abruptly.
“Really?” The idea of being alone with her thoughts made her immediately sad.
“Yeah, it’s like way past my bedtime,” he offered a half smile in an attempt to break some of the mounting tension.
Mila clearly wasn’t happy about it, but she plastered a smile on her face anyway. He’d seen her broken too many times, she wasn’t about to let him see it again there. Not on her birthday. “Okay, well thanks for coming?”
“Why is that a question?”
“Because I feel like you just got here and now you’re leaving.”
“Well that was always the plan.”
“Apparently…”
With a tired smile, he moved in close and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before signaling for Nadia to join him so that they could go. “Happy birthday, Milena.”
Her stomach dropped as she watched the two of them disappear from the lounge, just as quickly as they had come. It was an odd thing to see, him out and about with someone other than her. She knew it was inevitable that he would one day move on from what once was, and even though he was denying the obvious, it hurt more than she ever expected it to.
It don't matter who you are, it’s so simple a feeling
But it's everything
No matter who you love, it’s so simple a feeling
But it's everything
Once she was certain that they were out of the building and on their way, she moved across the room to the table where her gifts were waiting. She’d seen Justin come in with the big purple box, so she immediately went for it, not caring who was watching or what they must have been thinking.
Even when she began laughing hysterically at the paintball gun waiting inside the box, she didn’t care that several people were looking at her. She just felt such a rush of nostalgia that she didn’t have room to notice anyone else. “He’s such an idiot.” She shook her head in a happy disbelief, which quickly turned to sadness. There was no way around it. She missed him.
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
Lyrics: “I Miss You” “ Beyonce (4)
Author's Chapter Notes:
So. I kind of like this chapter. I hope you do, too!
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