twenty: give a little more
It had been about a week since Nadia’s infamous outburst, and while things weren’t exactly back to normal with Rachel, but they were… okay. With Kristin’s wedding coming up, they knew they would have to put aside their awkwardness for her big day, and so they did. Things between Nadia and Justin weren’t quite so simple, though.
The bride and bridesmaids had been sitting around the kitchen of the Levitt home, drinking and shit-talking, as usual, when the buzz of the front gate startled them all. A collection of SUVs had just arrived on the premises, which meant that the guys were back from their bachelor party trip to Georgia. Justin had treated Grant and the rest of the groomsmen to a round of golf at Augusta National “ the holy grail of golf courses, where the Masters were held “ and considering how much they all loved golf, Kristin was honestly concerned about whether they would make it back. So she was relieved to witness their safe return and that she would not have a Hangover situation hours before her wedding.
“God, look at that smile,” Mila observed the shameless grin on Kristin’s face.
“Hey man, my boo is home.”
“I remember that feeling.”
“It fades,” Becca chimed in jokingly.
“Don’t say that!”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I miss him when he’s gone, but… that shit fades.”
Before they knew it, the guys had infiltrated the house, and Kristin had disappeared into her soon-to-be-husband’s arms. “And we’ve lost her,” Lexi proclaimed as the boys entered the kitchen one by one. “Gentlemen, welcome home. But don’t get too relaxed, because the rehearsal dinner begins in exactly three hours. So take your showers, get rid of that airplane stank, and we’ll see you at seven.”
“You are a supreme dork,” Grant told his sister once he came up for air from Kristin. “But duly noted.”
Rachel had just finished her third margarita and was smiling like a fool as they piled in. “Did you all have a good time?”
“Fantastic,” Jon confirmed. “Justin almost broke a hundred.”
“Please don’t think that any of us have any idea what that means.”
“That’s actually very impressive,” Mila piped up, knowing all too well how big a deal that is on a PGA course. She offered Justin a high five as she headed towards the staircase. “Nice job, dude.”
He was grinning from ear to ear. “Let the record show that I have played that course twice before, so I did have a slight advantage over these guys.”
Nadia glanced at him from across the room, and she offered him a timid smile. “Congratulations.”
Ignoring her, he also turned for the stairs to get ready for the party. “Lexi, you said we had three hours, right?”
“Two hours and fifty-nine minutes now, sir.”
He disappeared from the room without any other words, and Nadia wasn’t the only one that had noticed his ignoring of her. “What was that about?” Rachel whispered to Nadia once everyone else had dispersed from the conversation.
“What?”
“He straight up ignored you…”
“Did he?”
“Nadia.”
“I didn’t notice,” she lied. But it was obvious that she had, because the contentedness she had before the guys walked in was gone, and she was clearly miffed. “I’ll be back.” She headed upstairs, to the room she figured Justin would be residing in, and walked in without knocking. “How long are we gonna do this?” she demanded once she found him inside.
“Whoa, what the fuck, Nadia.” He hopped up from his bed and threw down his phone he had been fiddling with, stalking towards her. “What gives you the right--.”
“I’m not gonna let you ignore me like I’m some stray cat. Fucking talk to me, Justin.”
“I’m not here for you or for us, and you’re not gonna force me to deal with this right now. Get out.”
“No.”
He sighed angrily and stared out of his window to the beach where vendors were setting up for the wedding. “Get out, Nadia.”
“No! I fucking said I was sorry, why are you making this shit so difficult?”
“Why don’t you want me to know about Alex? Or your mother, for that matter? What the fuck kind of friendship is this gonna be if you don’t tell me anything?”
“The kind where you mind your goddamn business and I tell you what I wanna tell you!”
“Oh, fuck you. You know what, you were the first person I called when I found out about my grandpa’s surgery. Why? Because I fucking trust you, Nadia. I have no idea why, but I do. But me? I couldn’t get a piece of information from you with a pair of pliers. So I’m just letting you know now, if you really and truly want to call yourself my friend, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than that.”
“Justin…”
“Please leave me alone. I need a nap before dinner.”
“Justin!”
“Please.”
“Fine.” Frustrated, she left him to his “nap,” but made sure to slam the door on her way out.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The rehearsal dinner, to the naked eye, was a lovely while lowkey affair. It went off without a hitch, and the attendants seemed to be having a fine time. But with Justin and Nadia stuck together for much of the evening, the tension could be cut with a knife. Nadia visibly clenched when he arrived at the table, not because she didn’t want his presence, but because she knew that he didn’t want hers. It was unnerving.
“This is gonna be a beautiful wedding,” she tried to initiate a light conversation so that they could at least appear cordial.
He responded by taking a long sip of his water.
“We have to sit next to each other for the next hour, you can’t ignore me completely.”
He glared at her and then smiled at some of the other wedding attendants as they claimed their assigned seats. “Are you really talking to me about this here?” he returned to her.
“I mean, I get it. You’re not happy with me right now. But this is our friends’ wedding, you can’t act like I don’t exist all weekend.”
“I’m speaking to you, am I not?”
“You are…”
“So obviously, you exist. You clearly aren’t willing to let me forget that fact. But you’re not someone I’d choose to spend my time talking to, so I’m keeping it to a minimum.”
“Ouch.”
“And you’re one to talk about acting like someone doesn’t exist…”
“Justin, if I ever made your feel unimportant or nonexistent, I really am sorry.”
“I haven’t lost any sleep over it,” he replied evenly. Which was untrue. There were a couple of nights in the prior week where he laid in silence, trying to figure out why Nadia Maraj didn’t seem to give two shits about him.
Now you’ve been bad, and it goes on and on and on
‘Til you come home babe, til you come home
You taste best, the poison I’ve learned to love is gone
I’m all alone baby, I’m all alone
Needless to say, the two of them were more than thankful when the dinner and toasts were over and they could be left to their own devices.
“Listen,” Nadia quietly requested of him before he could get up and leave her for the night. “I’m sorry that I’m not an open book. I wish I was, I wish that I could tell you everything you want to know without being paid for it, but I am not wired that way. I’m not, and I don’t feel like that makes me unworthy of your friendship. I like you, Justin, and I don’t know why that’s not enough.”
“It’s not enough because it’s not enough. You ask me twenty questions and I answer them all. I ask you one and you dance around the subject like you’re the only person who’s ever had a problem in life, like you’re the only person who’s never made a mistake. Where the fuck’s the reciprocity?”
I’m waiting for something, always waiting, feeling nothing
Wondering if it’ll ever change
And then I give a little more, ooh babe
Give a little more, ooh baby
“I know. But there are certain parts of my life, like my mother, like Alex, that I haven’t even accepted myself, much less that I have to share them with other people.”
“What does that mean?” he was whispering so hard, he was on the verge of yelling. “You don’t make any fucking sense!”
“It means don’t push this. I am begging you not to.”
“Nadia, I don’t give a shit if you’re a lesbian or ‘confused’ or bisexual or what the fuck ever else. But I do need you to tell me the truth.”
Her eyes darted up at him in shock, and if they hadn’t been surrounded by people, she probably would have strangled him right then and there. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to.”
“Don’t deny it. Don’t treat me like an idiot, when you and I both know…”
“I know you better shut up,” she said through gritted teeth. “Where do you get off…”
“Same place you do, it would appear,” he smirked, seemingly satisfied that he’d pissed her off so immensely. “Maybe you wouldn’t have these problems if you stopped lying so much. Especially to yourself.”
“Oh, you just have all the fuckin’ answers, don’t you. Tell me more about your perfect life and how you have it all together and how you miss your cunt of an ex-wife every single fucking day of the year.”
“Wow.” He was laughing, but only to keep from completely losing it. “And you’ll claim all innocently how people don’t like you and no one takes the time to get to know you. It’s impossible to get to know you because you’re a fucking bitch.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I’m over it, Nadia. You can keep all your secretive bullshit, your lies, your girlfriend. After this wedding, we can just go our separate ways and act like none of this shit ever happened. You know, like you do with Alex.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
‘Til I get a little more from you baby
Get a little more from you baby
“Fuck you,” she finally spoke loud enough for the people close to them to hear. Others’ eyes landed on the two of them as she hurriedly rose from the table and threw her napkin down before leaving the dinner all together. She treaded her way down to the beach, where it was honestly colder than she expected it to be. But she was too angry to be cold, so she just stood there, heels in hand, watching the ocean. Eventually, she heard a pair of footsteps approach, and all Nadia could hope was that it wasn’t Justin.
“Is everything all right?” It was Grant.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Grant. You shouldn’t have to deal with this the night before your wedding.”
“Well as the genius that brought you two together, I feel a little responsible for however you’re feeling right now,” he offered his handsome smile as he came face to face with Nadia. “What happened, I thought it had been going somewhat well between you?”
“It’s my fault,” she shook her head, “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a piece of work. But it’s me.”
“Now you know I don’t believe that.”
“It’s true. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I feel like shit is bursting at the seams.”
“How so?”
She hated the idea of whining to Grant this way, but hell, he did major in Psychology. If she was going to lean on anyone, he was probably the best choice. “Okay, so. This thing with Justin, I really, really like him. I do. But there’s all these little things, that add up to big things, and I don’t wanna just run away, but I don’t fuckin’ know if I can do this.”
“What are the little things, Nad?”
“I mean, the guy is crazy famous, and honestly, the way people react to him sometimes scares the shit out of me. And there’s Mila, of course. I don’t know the specifics of their relationship, and I probably don’t want to, but I feel like she’s always there. Maybe it’s just because we’re all in the wedding together, but she’s always fucking looming and, like, subconsciously glaring at me. And I know she’s your friend, so I don’t mean to talk shit about her, but I really can’t stand her,” she chuckled awkwardly. “And then there’s me and my litany of bullshit. I can’t decide if I even want a relationship, and when I think I do, I’m reminded of how fucking bad I am at it. And I’ll be honest with you, I was in a very long relationship with Alejandra, who I introduced you to a couple of years ago? And I don’t know what to make of it, because I’m not exactly attracted to women, but I’m not sure that I wasn’t in love with her. And I honestly hate myself for what I put her through, and I’m also not sure that I won’t do the same to Justin. So shouldn’t I just… leave him alone?”
“Holy shit,” he laughed, watching waves crash onto the shore. “I think there are a few big things in there.”
“This is what I’m saying! Are we supposed to ignore all those glaring signs and just generate a relationship out of thin air? Do we proceed based solely on the fact that I like him?”
“Well, that depends. How much do you like him? Scale of one to ten.”
She shrugged, glancing at her surroundings in confusion. “Like a seven, maybe eight.”
“Well then I’ll be honest, I think you’re overthinking it.”
“You do?”
“You have obstacles. So what. When I met Kristin, she had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend, and the only reason we even knew the other existed was because we had one class together. One awful statistics class, one semester, and we ended up in a group together, thank god. And that was all that we started with and we did, as you put it, generate a relationship out of thin air. Because I liked her, and I felt like she could change my life. And that’s what she did. So… seriously, if you like him as much as you say you do, if you think he can make a difference, well who cares about the obstacles. Go for it.”
“Grant,” she sighed. “That’s so much easier said than done.”
“It is,” he granted. “But maybe it’s time you learn to love and be loved in return.”
“Oh god…”
“You can pretend to be completely fucked up if you want to, Nadia, but someone out there is gonna love you. Why not find out if it can be Justin?”
She finally smiled softly. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m sorry about all of this.” She shook her head at the ridiculousness of it all and removed Grant’s jacket to return it to him. “This is a happy night for you and I’m fucking it up.”
“Seriously, don’t mention it. But you should, maybe, go talk to him.”
She graciously accepted his advice as he helped her up the small hill back towards the estate. Inside, the table had dispersed, and she hoped it wasn’t due to her outburst. But everyone seemed to still be engrossed in cocktails and conversation, so she pushed past her embarrassment to find Justin.
She spotted him sitting alone on the staircase, nursing a beer and people-watching, so she quickly grabbed a glass of wine for herself before approaching him. “Hey,” she greeted him nervously.
He looked up, seeming unsurprised by her presence. “Back for more, huh.”
“I’m not, actually. I want to apologize. Because you’re right.”
“About what?”
I have no defense, I know you’re gonna get me in the end
And I cannot pretend, I never wanna feel this way again
“I don’t share enough. Not with the people I should, anyway, but I have this massive and probably irrational fear of constantly being judged. And while I can take it from strangers, I don’t want you to think less of me based on whatever decisions and mistakes I’ve made. I couldn’t take it.”
“So you push me away instead. Got it.”
“Hey. I’m apologizing here.”
“You were apologizing at the table, too. I’m serious, unless you change this shit, I don’t care if you’re sorry.”
“I can’t change overnight, Justin.”
“I understand that, but you’ve gotta give me something more than a bullshit apology.”
She was extremely put off by his reaction and when she looked around the room, it felt like everyone was staring at the two of them. She wanted to cry. “What do you want from me here?”
“Tell me about Alex.”
“She… umm.” She exhaled shakily, fighting back tears. She didn’t know why this was so hard to admit. Why she was making it so much more complicated than it had to be. But they were all listening. They were all judging her.
“Hello?” Justin pressed for an answer.
“She’s… my friend.”
Justin couldn’t help but scoff at her answer. He realized he was never going to get through to her. “Okay.”
She watched him rise from his seat, obviously done with the conversation, but she stood in front of him so that he couldn’t get by. “Where are you going?”
“You don’t get it, Nadia, and I’m not going to spend my whole night trying to make you get it. But I get it now, why people have told me to be careful around you.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that whenever you finally figure out what the fuck you want, you know where to find me.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
‘Til I get a little more from you baby
Get a little more from you baby
Lyrics: “Give A Little More” “ Maroon 5 (Hands All Over)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Ahhh, I can't believe we're at chapter 20 already. This is where most of my stories end! LOL. So even though that is not the case here, I do want to stop and say thank you to everyone that's read any or all of this mess I'm making. You all make my days, I swear, and I just want everyone to know that. But enough of the mushy shit, let's keep the party going, yes?
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