“Please.  I-I can change.”

“I’m sorry.  I’ve already given you three chances to clean this place up, and stop using.  It’s not safe for him anymore.”  I nod at the officer behind me, who picks the wailing little boy up off the floor, and carries him out of the apartment.  “This is a court summons.” I hand it to her.  “It’s dated thirty days from now.  I suggest you clean yourself up before then.”

“You bitch!  How can you take my baby? How can you take him from me!”

She’s on her knees, coked out and sobbing, but I don’t react.  Instead, I walk out, slam the door, and lean against the wall for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath and hold myself back from sobbing.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I know I’m going to be able to sit down and drink a big glass of wine later, I’d probably pitch myself off that balcony right now.  It’s Monday, collection day in the DCF world.  This morning alone I’ve already picked up three children from their so called homes and placed them at the center.  Two of those children were just released back to their biological parents six months ago.

It’s a never ending fucking circle, heartbreaking, but yet, something keeps pushing me to keep going.  

Must be that guilt thing Carter keeps talking about.

My phone vibrates at my side, and I pull it out and to my ear with a sigh.  “Betsy Collins.”

“Betsy, I just got back to the office.  I meant to catch you after the meeting this morning, but they said you had an emergency pick up,” Darcy rambles in my ear.  “Are you in the middle of anything now? I’d like to have that meeting with you as soon as possible.”

“I just did a pick up,” I say, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.  “I can be back to the office in a half hour.”

“Good. I’ll be waiting.”

She hangs up.  I know it has to be about Ava, about the supposed progress she made this weekend at the Baxters.  It’s also probably about Justin’s file, and how she would like me to ‘tweak’ it for the court date.  Only, she doesn’t know the truth, that I’ve been holing him up at my house, helping him, securing a job for him.  If she ever found out I know I would be fired but...I just can’t help myself anymore.

It’s like I’m addicted, and I don’t know what to think about it.

Justin acted strangely on the way back from Carter’s house last night.  He wouldn’t say anything, even when I asked him what he and Carter had talked about.  He kept blowing it off, telling me everything was great, that Carter was going to help him get a job.  I knew it was a forced answer, that my brother had probably told him more, things that...maybe I wasn’t ready for Justin to hear, but he wasn’t going to give that information up easily.  If I wasn’t so busy today I would drive over to Carter’s job and make him tell me what went on too, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

When I see Justin tonight, I’ll have no idea what to expect, and that scares me, because I thought we were making a connection.  It felt like we were really friends, for the first time since I took his case, even though...when he asked me to come to his NA meeting with him I backed down.  I guess I was scared.  Going to something like that, I knew, would take me back to a time and place I had been trying to forget about for years.  Only, I couldn’t forget.  I proved that to myself each and every time I snuck around and helped Justin.  I wasn’t ready to share all that with him, even if we were friends, but I think he could tell I was hiding it all from him.

Maybe that’s why he’s backing down, or maybe my brother scared the crap out of him.  It wouldn’t be the first time.  I think Preston might be the only guy that wasn’t intimidated by my brother on the first meeting, and it could be why our relationship has lasted longer than the other ones I’ve been in.  

I’ve been trying to take Preston’s weekend visit with a grain of salt.  I don’t want him to come home only to have me shout in his face like I shouted at him over the phone.  I want to talk to him and find out what’s really going on.  If this wedding is really going to happen or not.  As it is, my parents are coming into town Friday night to stay with the Harringtons and see the wedding venue over the weekend.  I know this is the last step.  If I don’t back out now, there will be hell to pay later on, and so...I have to be sure.

But I’ve never been able to turn my back on Preston before, so how will I be able to do it now, if I realize he’s just...not the person I thought?

I really need a damn vacation.  But first, I have to deal with my boss, who is an even bigger issue than my fiance and my brother combined.  I walk out to my car, talk to the officer that has the little boy in the back of his, and he agrees to take him on to the center for me so I can meet with Darcy right away.  I race back to work, only because I know that Darcy is probably timing that half hour I told her it would take me, down to the minute.  That’s how she is, fucking crazy when it comes to agendas, and I don’t feel like receiving a lecture when this meeting already has me on pins and needles.  Thankfully, I don’t hit traffic, and pull into the center about three minutes ahead of schedule, which gives me a chance to collect myself and go over what I’m going to say to her when she asks me why Justin’s file looks so good.

Only, when I finally do go inside the building, everything running through my mind immediately flushes itself out to make room for the shock that hits me when I open her door.  There are the Baxters, sitting there chatting with Darcy like they don’t have a care in the world, and...seated beside them, is the last person I ever expected to see.

“Oh good, Betsy.  I was hoping you would get here soon.” Darcy smiles and motions me forward. “Of course you know Mr. Harrington.”

“Betsy,” Eli smiles and rises from the chair to shake my hand tenderly.  “I’m so glad we’ll be able to work together on this case.”

It’s like, the first time he’s ever acknowledged my presence before.  I always thought about what it would be like when he finally did, that I would get that special tingle inside of me, knowing Preston’s father cared.  But right now, all I want him to do is go far, far away.  I know why he’s here.  The Baxters have money, and obviously have taken the next step when it comes to getting custody of Ava.  He’s their lawyer, probably a good friend of theirs, and has graciously come out of retirement to help them adopt a child.  It’s a huge problem, because I know how good of a lawyer he is.  He taught Preston everything he knows.  “I didn’t know you were running cases anymore, Eli.” I force a smile as I let go of his hand.

“Anything for friends,” he nods.  “Darcy has assured me I’ll have your full attention, but of course, I never doubted that for a moment.”

“Yes,” she speaks up.  “I’ve handed off your other cases to the rest of the staff, Betsy.  The most important thing right now is to focus on the Timberlake case, for the Baxters sake.  We need to win this.”

“We can’t thank you enough for all you’ve been doing, Betsy,” Mrs. Baxter speaks up.  “Darcy has been showing us some of your notes.  It doesn’t seem like Ava’s father has much to go on, and we’re very hopeful. We want to give Ava a good life so badly...we absolutely love her.  She had so much fun this weekend at the house.  I brought pictures.”  

I stare at my boss, as she smiles back at me.  Apparently, she’s taken it upon herself to edit my notes.  I doubt that’s even legal, but apparently it doesn’t matter, because the Baxters have money, and a very expensive lawyer at their disposal now.

I know, even if Justin does everything right...Ava could still be awarded to the them.  They aren’t horrible people.  They actually adopted another child from this place, a little boy named Ben, about six years ago.  They send us pictures of him all the time, showing us how he’s been growing up.  They’ve brought him all over the world, and I know they’re giving him a quality life.  No matter if they’re good friends with Darcy or not, I know they are good parents.  They could give Ava everything she’s ever dreamed of, including a great college education.  It’s a safe play, adopting her out to them.  I know we would never see her in this place again.

But Justin is her father, and he deserves to have her back.  He’s not like the rest.  He’s cleaned himself up, and is trying, so hard, but he can’t compete with millionaires.  I can’t lie to myself, I’ve been in this business too long and I know when a judge considers the best interest of the child, it usually has to do with money and quality of life.  Justin might have enough love to give Ava for a lifetime, but that won’t put food on the table, and it won’t get her through college.

It’s so unfair, and I feel fucking helpless, like I’m going to fail him.

What do I tell him?  I feel like if I’m completely honest, it will kill him, bring him down to his lowest point.  But if I lie...and he’s handed some kind of court summons, he’ll be completely unprepared to deal with it, and blame me...tell me I deceived him.  I couldn’t take that, either.  So now, I’m like...stuck.

“I’ve spoken to the judge,” Eli says.  “She’s agreed to have a hearing next week.  With any luck, we’ll be able to get temporary custody of Ava awarded to the Baxters for the few additional months Mr. Timberlake has left before his custody hearing.”r32;
“Temporary custody?”

“It means she’ll be able to live with the Baxters until the court date,” Darcy explains.  “It will give her a chance to get completely acclimated in their family environment, so when the time comes, you and Eli will have sufficient evidence to present to the court, showing how well Ava is doing in their care.”

“It’s an easy win,” Eli says. “From what I’ve been told, the father is an unemployed junkie.  He should have had his rights terminated long ago, but the judge that presided over his case was sympathetic to him, most likely because of his age.  It won’t be so easy for him this time around.  That judge has since moved to another county, and the new one has been a good friend of the family for years.”

Of course.  I mean, what else could possibly go wrong?

“What about visitation?”

Eli smiles, a greedy, devilish smile, that makes chills run up and down my spine. “Generally when temporary custody is awarded, those visits become monthly, or every other week.  Of course, that’s to our advantage as well.  The less Ava sees her father, the more she will learn to bond with the Baxters.”

“And that’s the way we want things, Betsy,” Darcy chimes in.

“We have so much faith in you, Betsy,” Mr. Baxter says.  He’s a kind hearted man with little wrinkles around his mouth from all the smiling he does.  I’ve seen him interact with Ava before.  I know how much he already loves her...and, he’ll stop at nothing to make her his daughter.  “You’re a godsend.”

I manage to smile.  “I’ll do what I can,” I whisper.

“You’ll probably be able to find Mr. Timberlake easier than one of my people can.” Eli says, handing me a blue piece of paper that’s been folded into thirds.  “If you can serve him with this subpoena, it will get the ball rolling.  We can talk about our strategy more over lunch or dinner this weekend.  You’ll be coming to the house, right? Since Preston is coming home for a visit.”

 For a few moments, I just stare at what he’s handed me.  It might as well be Justin’s happiness resting in my hands, ready to be destroyed by money and power.

“Betsy?”r32;
“Oh, yes.  I’ll be there,” I say it quickly, and when I feel Darcy’s eyes on me, I look at her quickly.  She has a stern expression on her face, and I know that means she can see right through me.  She knows I’m emotional right now and the moment we’re alone, she’s going to let her questions fly at me like daggers.  I know I’m not prepared to answer any of them, but I’m not going to have a choice.

“Why don’t you and Sarah take Ava for the night,” Darcy smiles at the Baxters.  “You can drop her off tomorrow afternoon.  She’s been doing well enough in her classes that she can afford to take the rest of the day off and miss tomorrow, right Betsy?”

“Oh...”  I want to tell her no, only so Ava won’t have to go with them, but then I see the hopeful look on the Baxters faces, and I guess...I like them too much to lie.  “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

Sarah Baxter throws her arms around me, and I try my best to hug her back genuinely.  On the inside I feel so rotten, so deceptive, like I’m stabbing Justin in the gut even if I don’t mean to.  What choice do I have though? It’s either this or lose my job, and Eli’s perception of me.  At this moment, I’m not ready for any of that, even if things with Preston and I aren’t exactly perfect.  A tiny voice in the back of my mind is telling me to suck it up and do what’s right...

But I just can’t seem to build up enough guts, and that makes me a horrible person.

“We’ll see you next week, Betsy.” Mr. Baxter happily shakes my hand as a wide smile breaks out across his face.  “Thank you again for your support.”

“Of course.”

“We’ll see you on the weekend, dear.” Eli nods.

I cringe.

They all leave moments later, being led out of the office by Darcy who continues to laugh and chatter with them, as if taking children away from their parents is such a fun job.  Once they’re finally gone, she closes us into her office once again, and her fake smile fades away to nothing.

“Part of me feels like you weren’t as happy about all this as you should be.” She shoots at me as she crosses the room and sits behind her desk again.  “It’s been over a year Betsy.  Don’t you think it’s time to focus on other cases?”

“Well yes but...I thought we were going to focus on placing Ava after Mr. Timberlake's court date.”

“What would be the point?” She asks me roughly, her eyes searching my expression for the answers I desperately don’t want to give her.  “I’ve already placed one child with the Baxters.  There shouldn’t be a question about this adoption.  It’s open and shut Betsy...unless of course there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“N-no.”

“Your notes seemed awfully simple and straightforward.  In one paragraph, you even went on about how wonderful Justin is with his daughter, so of course I had to modify it.  Have you forgotten what he is?  What he’s done and what he put that poor child through?”

I bite my bottom lip, try not to let my emotions give me away completely.  “People can change.”

“Then he can change without his daughter in his life,” she snaps.  “You’re not becoming emotionally involved with this father of hers are you?”

“Of course not,” I lie.  “I hardly talk to him during the visits.”

She eyes me suspiciously.  “You know, if I were to find out differently, I could mean the end of your career, Betsy.  I’d hate to think about the embarrassment you would be put through.  I’m sure the Harrigton’s wouldn’t take it very well, and that son of theirs well...I doubt he would want to risk his own reputation for the sake of a relationship with a disgrace.  He’s just started his law career, is that right?”

I just stare at her, my eyes locked onto hers in an angry gaze.  She’s fucking threatening me.  “There’s nothing going on.”

“Then you’ll get me an update on Mr. Timberlake’s current residence, before the hearing, I’m sure.  His mother’s address is on there now, but after speaking with her, I learned that she wants nothing to do with him...not that I blame her.”

She’s handing me the file back, and I take it slowly, questioning the sick smile on her face.  “He’s...”

She leans forward.  “I know what you’ve been up to, Betsy.  The very minute I grew suspicious of you, I had you followed.  Living with you...” She trails off and shakes her head in disgust.  “Really, I always knew you were a little too emotional for this job, but I didn’t think you could get anymore pathetic.”

My mouth hangs open.

“Now, you’re going to make sure this case goes exactly like I want it to,” she says slowly, her tone sinister.  “Or I’ll make sure you both go down the worst way possible.  I have no problem finding a way to send him back to prison.  What is it...three strikes you're out? He’s on number two if I remember reading correctly.  One more felony and he goes away for life.  It would be a shame if he got desperate for money, and a large amount of street drugs found their way into his belongings.”

“You’re...you’re sick.” I blurt out.  “You wouldn't...”

She ignores me.  “Pity...he’s so young, and sort of adorable if you forget about the fact that he’s nothing more than a washed up junkie.  It’s no wonder you have a little crush on him...but I guess that stems back to your junkie father, am I right?  You just can’t help yourself, can you Betsy?  Always out to save the world, one drug addict at a time.”

I stand up and look down at her darkly, feeling the tears well up behind my eyes.  “Leave him alone.”

“Then do what you’re told, and don’t think about going to the board with any of this.  They won’t believe you for a second, and I don’t think you could handle the type of repercussions you’d receive afterward.  Maybe you should take the rest of the day to get your head together.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

She looks back to her paperwork, and I know better than to say anything more.

I bang out the door, in tears, knowing that I’m so fucking screwed.  I don’t even know what the hell I’m supposed to do now, because if I try anything, it will mean Justin will suffer for it as well.  There’s really no choice but to be on her side, and Justin will hate me in the end for it.

But if this is what will protect him and keep him out of prison, I guess it’s the only choice I have, even though it’s the most unthinkable one.