“Grmmmrrfff.”

He sits down beside me on the bed, smiling softly, as he gently runs his hand over my hair and down my cheek, taking care to remove the cap from the bottle of water he brought with him.  I look at it longingly.  I know how bad my body needs it, and it takes all of my willpower to not start screaming through the gag.  I need to take time with Preston, let him come around.  He feels more in control that way.

“I’m sorry...” He sighs, and reaches behind my head to loosen...but not unfasten, the belt.  It falls down around my neck, and I can’t hold back the sharp whimper and harsh coughs that escape me. “Here, drink it slow, Bets.”

I do as I’m told, because I’m so afraid that...that if I don’t, he’ll gag me again, leave me here alone for another few days.  I couldn’t take it.  I’d either go insane or die from dehydration.

“That’s a girl.” He continues to stroke my hair as I drink, and smiles at me.  “You’re okay.  It’s only been three days.  You’re dehydrated, but you’ll bounce back from it as long as you keep getting fluids.  I’ll make sure that happens.”

Three days.  Three days of lying here, bound and gagged without knowing if he was ever coming back.  Still, I force myself to smile as he pulls the bottle away from my mouth.  I have to, if I want him to untie me.  

“Do you think you’ve learned from this?” He whispers, as he leans down and kisses my lips.

“I did,” I rasp.  “I-I’ve learned so much from you.  I shouldn’t have forced my feelings.  Thank you...thank you for everything you’re doing.”

He smirks.  “That’s really good to hear, Bets.  It sounds like you’ve done a lot of thinking, just like I hoped you would.  For that, I think I can move you on to stage two.  We’re going to have to start slow, right from the bottom.  You’re going to have to earn every inch of your freedom.  It’s what I should have done the minute I brought you here, but I was naive.  I’ll never think twice again.”

“Preston, what do you mean?”

He pulls something else out into view.  The silver cuffs glint against the light in the room, and when he separates the pairs, I realize what he’s talking about.  “Please don’t make me wear those,” I sob.  “Please dont...”

He yanks the gag up and into my mouth again, causing me to sob harshly, before he places his hand gently around my neck, squeezing my windpipe ever so slightly.  It gets me to stop.  “What did I say? We’re starting from the ground up, Betsy.  It’s not forever, just until you get acclimated at the new place.  I know I said we weren’t moving for a while, but I secured the new house over the weekend, as a surprise for you.  I figured it’s better to do it now than wait, since we’re pushing the wedding off.  Just wait until you see it,” he grins.  “Of course, the construction isn’t finished.  The coding is all set but...there’s other precautions that need to be made before I can let you have a free run of the place.  You shouldn’t worry though.  I have a special place made up just for you, until it’s all done.  You won’t be bothered by the workers.  They won’t even know you’re there, but I have a little camera set up so I can watch you from wherever I am. We’ll still have our special phone too.”

I whimper again.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Betsy,” he says, his tone eerily soothing.  “I’m going to take care of you...always.  You won’t want for anything.  One day, you’ll wake up and realize that everything I did, was for the best.  Then...that’s when we’ll get married.  That’s when I’ll know I can trust you completely.  It will take years, of course...a very long and hard road with more punishments than rewards, but I’m doing it for us.  You understand that, don’t you Bets?”

I nod and thank God when he unfastens the gag and helps me sit up.

“Preston...Preston I love you...”

“Shh-shh.”  He puts his finger to my lips.  “Don’t say things you can’t compensate for.  There will be time for that in the future.”

“O-okay.  But...but don’t you think we should stay here a little longer...maybe...”

“Betsy.” He covers my mouth with his hand for a moment and gives me a dark look.  It gets me to shut up, and then he removes it.  “I know you’re trying to keep yourself here, hoping your brother or that scum bag you fucked will somehow find out about all of this, and try to find you.  I’ll tell you this...if either of them were to walk through that door right now, I’d make sure it was the last thing they did.”  

He moves part of his blazer aside, revealing a gun tucked into a holster in his pants.

I don’t say anything.  I can’t.

I didn’t even know he had a gun.

I’m shaking when he snaps off the cable ties with a pair of shears, and I take a moment to rub my incredibly raw wrists.  He slowly takes one of them in his hands, and sighs heavily, probably realizing how much it hurts me.  “This is one of the punishments I was talking about.  How about....right now, you make a promise to yourself that you’ll do whatever you can, so I won’t have to do this to you anymore.  It kills me Bets.  I hate to see you this way, tied up like some kind of animal.”

I look down at the mattress, trying so hard not to cry, but it’s almost impossible to hold my tears back.  I feel them on my face a moment later, and I reach up to rub them away, but he stops me.

“Promise yourself.”

I suck in a breath.  “I...I promise.”

“Excellent.”

I feel his body leave the bed, and I look up, shaking the hair out of my eyes in time to see him fastening those cuffs around my ankles.  “Preston,” I cry.  “Please!”

He stands up this time, his look commandeering as he grabs my wrists, and cuffs them together at my waist with the other pair.  They each have a five or six chain in-between them, which will allow me some movement, but ultimately, it would be useless to run from him.  The gun has sealed the deal for me.  He’d shoot me dead, of that I have no doubt.  

“Step two.  This is part of it.  You’ll wear them, and you won’t protest, because if you do, there will be repercussions.  You’ll shower with them, and you’ll sleep with them.  I will help you in and out of them when you need to dress or change each day.  You’ll learn how to cope with them, just like I’ve learned how to cope with your adultery, Betsy.  After a while, if you’ve completed the step successfully, they’ll come off.  It’s that simple.”

A month ago I would have screamed at him, called him a psycho.  Now...now I know how much I’ve changed in that time.  I’m more timid, would never raise my voice to him.  That’s how much he’s warped me, changed me...

And he’s not done yet.

“Let’s have a meal.  The drive is a few hours, you’re going to be a little uncomfortable, and we can’t stop.”

An intense feeling of fear and dread sweeps over me.  The thought that he’ll tie me up again and toss me in his trunk for a few hours, taking over me completely.  

You have to fight, Betsy.

You have to fight.  You have to get that gun.

But how the hell can I do that when he has me like this?

He smiles, and pulls me to my feet.  It takes a moment or two to get my bearings.  I’m dizzy and I know it’s because I have nothing in my system.  Preston seems to understand this, and allows me to steady myself, before willing me to move forward.  I nearly trip over the chain at my feet, and Preston then demonstrates the proper way to walk with my new attachment.  He’s sick.  Fucking sick.  But I have no choice but to take the advice.  I shuffle one foot in front of the other.  It’s a slow, grueling process that will take some time getting used to.

But time I’ll have.  He’s made that crystal clear.

“Here we are.”  He says it happily when we reach the kitchen table.  He guides me down into a chair and helps me tuck in, before taking his own seat.  “A few minutes more to your walk, that’s all.  In the new place, the table is only steps away from your bed.  You won’t have trouble.  I’ve made it as easy for you as possible to move around with those, and sometimes...if you’re behaving, we’ll go up to the main house.  I’ve set up all kind of spots where I can secure you in place...just in the beginning.  It will make the transition easier.”

I guess that should make me blissfully happy, and I smile for him, because I know that’s what he wants.  Inside I’m dying.  Inside I know...I’m going to be put in a place where I’ll cease to exist except to Preston.  If I thought I depended on him here, it’s nothing compared to where I’m going to be taken.  “Are we...are we really leaving tonight?”

“We are.”  He pulls some food out of a brown paper bag, and fixes mine lovingly on a plate before getting up and putting it in front of me.  “It’ll be exciting for you...seeing a new place for the first time.  I’m sure you grew tired of this place a long time ago.”

“And your parents,” I whisper.  “Do they know about the move?”

“They do,” he says, seriously.  “But if you think that’s going to get you the help you’re looking for, you’re wrong.”

I look down at my plate.

“Eat up,” he says cheerfully.  “Make the best of this, Betsy.  Step two is all about learning to cope with the difficulties in life.”

I dig in, only because I don’t know the next time he’ll decide to give me food.  It’s hard, the chain keeps getting in the way, but after a few minutes, I start to get the hang of having to eat like this. “What’s step three?”

“Sacrifice,” he smiles, gently.  “But we can’t face that until we’ve accomplished this step.”

“R-right.”

The rest of dinner is consumed in silence.  Preston becomes entranced in his Blackberry, which I’m sure is work related.  He’s completely tuned me out, forgetting about the fact that he’s holding his beloved fiance prisoner in her own home.  I watch him, study him, know he’s distracted.

What can I do?   What can I do that will get me out of here?  

The only option, is to get that phone away from him.  But...but if I fail...oh god, I can’t even imagine what he would do to me.

I continue to sit, giving in, and I hate myself for that.

“All done?”

He’s standing above me now.  I must have spaced out, because I didn’t even realize.  I look up at him.  “Yes.”

r32;He leans down and kisses my cheek.  “Just let me put this in the trash.  I’ve already packed you up...did it earlier before I came in to...help you.  We’ll leave just as soon as you’re ready.”

“Ready?”

He helps me up, and I shuffle along as he pulls me back to the bedroom.  He sits me down, and I find I’m in tears as he pulls some things together.  The gag, a sleep mask...

He’s getting ready to transport me, hide me from the world, so nobody will ever know what’s happened to me.

“I should tell you something.”  He crouches down to meet my level, and raises the blindfold down over my head, allowing it to dangle around my neck.  “I wanted to get this out in the open before we left, just so you would know to think twice before trying to....leave, okay?”

I just nod.

“Your family thinks that you left me.  The same goes for your brother.  I told them all that I don’t know where you went, but that you said you might spend some time abroad.  Nobody is going to come looking, Bets.  Nobody cares enough anymore.  They all think that you’ve simply walked out on your life.”

“Carter would never believe that,” I sob out the words, knowing it’s bold but not caring, because I know my situation is hopeless.

He slaps me, but I knew he would.

“You need to understand that I’m it for you now,” he says it to me after a while, once I’ve stopped sobbing.  “I’m all that you have in the world.  I’m the person you’ll be depending on for survival, and happiness.”  He pulls the blindfold over my eyes, and I feel him kiss my forehead.  “I don’t want to talk about this again.  Do you understand?”

“I...yes...”r32;

“Good.”

I’m gagged within seconds, and then I’m forced to shuffle forward, down some stairs, across some cement very briefly, and placed into the back of a car.  I feel him pulling something around my body, that forces me to keep my arms at my sides, maybe rope...but I can’t be sure.

“Relax.”

It’s the last thing I hear him say before I feel a blanket being thrown on top of me.  The door slams shut, and then another one opens and slams too.  I hear the car turn over a minute later, and then...then we’re on the road.  Preston plays business news, which eventually gets garbled and fuzzy sounding.  I feel so weak, so tired, and the most I can figure is that he put something in my food.

But I wouldn’t put anything past him now.

I fight.  I fight so hard to stay awake, because I don’t trust him...think he might bury me alive or wake me up and shoot me if I’m not careful.  My efforts are useless though.  Soon my eyes grow heavier, because of the dark blindfold, and then I slip away, off to a place without Preston.

And it’s only then that I’m at my happiest.
*************
I miss her.

It’s this deep ache in my stomach, the kind I used to get so long ago, when I had no money to get a fix and my body was dying for one.  I can’t deny that my love for her hasn’t faded at all, even though it’s been over a month now.  Until recently, Carter had been getting emails from her weekly.  He kept me updated and told me she was doing fine.  Apparently she’d been happy with Preston.  Apparently he changed, treated her well, and they were going through with the wedding.

I guess I should have been happier for her.

But I couldn't be, because the more I thought back on that day she left, the more I just...knew...Preston would never change his personality.  So that meant she might be lying, but I had no proof of that.   Carter wasn't sure what was going on with the wedding in the beginning.  He was told that they were supposed to be coming back for a visit, and so...I set my sights on that.  I figured I would pull her aside, talk to her, get her to tell me the real story, and possibly save her from a horrible future.

Carter’s been taking care of me, just like Betsy told me he would.  He picked me up from the hotel that day, and made me a part of his family, no questions asked.  He doesn’t cast me off into his basement, like Trace did.  His wife doesn’t treat me like I’m a piece of shit, like Kate did.  I have a room upstairs, and when dinnertime comes around, I’m welcomed to the table.  The kids have taken to me, I think.  They always ask me questions, and want to find out more about me.  Carter has told them all about Ava, and they want to meet her.  I’ve promised them that when things get back to normal, I’ll set up a play date.  It’s all they talk about now.  They’re great kids, and I’m starting to fall in love with them.

If nothing else, at least I’ll have them in the end of all this.

Marilyn has been great too.  I mean, she always makes me a little bit extra to eat, and likes to find out what my favorite foods are.  I think she can sense it...that I’ve been a little bit down since Betsy left, and I guess Carter probably filled her in.  I get the feeling that they’re the type of couple that doesn’t have secrets.  They just love each other...so much.  I see it everyday, how he’ll walk in from work, and she’ll be right there to greet him, give him a long loving kiss.  He seems to lose himself in her for at least fifteen minutes until the kids start begging for their attention again.  It’s the type of relationship everybody wants, but most never have.

It’s the type that Besty and I could have had, if things were different.

On the Tuesday before my hearing, a guy named Adam Perkins came knocking at Carter’s door, asking for me.  At first I was confused, but then, he told me Deb had sent him.  Apparently Betsy had left my forwarding address with Bakerfield Rehab before she left, so Deb would be able to find me.  I knew who he was then, and what he was there to do.  Marilyn welcomed him in, and we spent the next few hours talking about everything.  He really cares about Deb, told me if things were different and she wasn’t sick, they would have been married.  It looked like her disease had pushed him to the brink.  It didn’t look like he slept much.  His whole life was devoted to making Deb’s last months as good as they could be, and helping me, I knew, was a big part of that.  He told me he was going to do whatever he could to help me get Ava back, and I trusted him, because I had nothing else to lose.

Betsy’s boss, Darcy Reginson has taken over Ava’s case.  She’s a hard ass, and doesn’t always play by the rules.  She’s the same lady that got Trace’s son taken away all those years ago, only then, she wasn’t the head of DCF. She was just an agent, like Betsy was, but I’m assuming she deceived enough people to snag the position.  When Trace saw her that day in court, he had to walk out.  Later he would tell me that if he hadn’t, he probably would have done something regrettable, like put his hands on her...so I was glad he made that choice.

The Baxter’s, even though I hate them for trying to take my kid from me, don’t seem like such bad people when I look past the situation.  They really care for Ava.  I sat there during that Wednesday hearing, watching as Mrs. Baxter was asked different questions by my lawyer.  The woman didn’t seem to have an ounce of deception inside of her.  All she really wanted to do was give Ava a good home.  It was just unfortunate that I was slowly acquiring the means to give her one myself.  She couldn’t see that, because she had never met me, or taken the time to learn my story.  She hung on her lawyers every word...Preston’s fucking father, and I knew he probably fed her so much crap about me, she was bound to think I was scum, along with her husband.

I lost.  That judge was on the Baxter’s side from the moment he sat down on his throne.  He told me that while I had gotten a job, and a place to live, I was only starting out.  He said he wanted to see where I was at my six month interval, and didn’t see a reason to force Ava to live in a state home until then.  I was beaten then, and I knew it, wanted to lay my head down right there and die, but I knew I couldn’t.  I had to push myself to keep going, because I couldn’t let Ava down.

And I didn’t want to put all of Betsy’s hard work to waste.

After a lot of pushing from my lawyer (he’s great, Carter found him), I was able to see Ava one last time before she was carted off to the Baxter’s.  It was gut wrenching, and it took everything inside of me not to cry in front of her.  I only had an hour, so I made the best of it.  I sat with her, and we read a book.  She kept asking me where Betsy was.  Why she didn’t come to see her that day, and I had to tell her the truth, because I knew nobody else would.

“Miss Betsy’s getting married.” I smiled and stroked her face lovingly.  “She had to go be with her boyfriend.”

r32;“But...but she said she would say goodbye before she left,” she sniffed.

It was another person in Ava’s life that had let her down, and I felt horrible for the kid.  I hugged her tightly, and told her that even though Betsy was gone, it didn’t mean she didn’t love her anymore.  I don’t know if she bought into that or not, but she seemed to let it go as she curled up against me, and let me whisper things in her ear.  The rest of the hour seemed to go by like seconds, and then...then it was time to go.

“Mr. Timberlake.”

Darcy was standing there, hands on her hips, waiting for me to say my goodbyes.  

“Hey.”  I whispered it gently in my daughters ear.  Her face was still buried in my chest, which, on the inside, was on fire.  “Baby, it’s time to say goodbye.”

“No,” she moaned.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, and I also knew that if she threw a fit...it wasn’t going to be like the last time when Betsy was there to witness it.  Darcy wasn’t about to play games, and would probably note that my Ava threw a fit because I had done something wrong.  “You gotta be strong for me.” I told her, gently pulling her away from my chest, and putting her down on the floor.  “Promise me you’ll be brave.”

She shook her head.  “I don’t wanna go with those people, Daddy,” she cried.  “Can’t you just...can’t you just take me home?”

“Mr. Timberlake, we need to get going.”

It broke my heart, seeing her that way, and I looked over my shoulder to give Darcy a glare as she stood there impatiently.  “Give me a minute.”r32;

She huffed harshly.

“It’s for the best right now,” I nodded.  “Those people are going to give you a nice place to stay.  They told me you’ll have your own room and everything.  It’s only for a couple of months.  Mr. Carter is going to train me at the bank, and by the time the judge talks to me again, I’ll be ready to take you home.”

“What if he won’t let you?”

It was something I didn’t have the right answer for.  My kid, while she was so young, was so smart at the same time.  She had a point.  What if they didn’t let me? What if they let the Baxter’s take my kid from me forever? I didn’t know what I would do, or how Ava would take it.  All I knew, was that I couldn’t let it happen.  “That won’t happen,” I told her, as I gently brushed some tears off of her face.  “Daddy’s gonna take you home.  I promise.”

She threw her arms around me, and sobbed, while I hugged her back tightly, rubbing her back to reassure her that I was going to keep my promise no matter what.

I just hope I can.

Ava was taken from my arms after that, and I yelled out my love to her, and she yelled it back as she was escorted away.  Then it was just me, alone again without my daughter, only this time I would be able to fight for her.  This time...I had the support I so desperately needed.

I cracked down after that.  I spent all day and all night cramming for the GED.  Carter and I did flash cards after he got home from work, and Adam would grade my practice tests, going over what I would get wrong.  Within a two week period, I felt somewhat ready to take the test.  Carter took me down to the facility one afternoon after work, and I finally did it.  I wasn’t scared anymore.  I could read, for the most part.  It wasn’t as intimidating as it had originally been, and the whole time I was in there, I kept hearing Betsy’s voice...telling me to keep going, that I could do it.  The results were supposed to take at least a month to come in, but for some miraculous reason, I got my results by mail a week later.  I’m not sure who’s doing it was, but I have a feeling that Betsy pulled some strings before she left, like she said she would.

But I wouldn’t have expected anything less from her.

I got an eighty two, and while it wasn’t a perfect score, nobody else seemed to care.  Marilyn and Carter made a big deal about it, took me out to dinner to celebrate.  Adam was there, of course, and had managed to get Deb out of Bakersfield for the occasion too.  It was one of her better days.  She wasn’t as pale, and in general, we were getting along.  It was different for us.  I couldn’t remember the last time we’d been able to talk like that, let alone afford a good meal.  Things were changing, for the better, after so much heartache.

I only wish Betsy could have been there to witness how happy I was.

It had been a month, then.  Carter said she didn’t call anymore, that her phone had been disconnected because she had decided to go away to ‘get her head together', according to Preston.  One look into his eyes told me he didn’t believe it for a second.

Neither did I.  He talked to his parents about it, and they wanted to report her missing.  Preston’s father stepped in though, told them that Betsy was fine.  That she and Preston were working out their issues.  They backed down.  Carter was mad, and so was I...but there was so much going on at the same time, that I guess...doing all that, faded from our minds for a bit.  Carter said he’d give it a couple of more weeks, and if he still hadn’t talked to her on the phone, he would go to the police himself.   I tried to make myself believe that Betsy was fine, just doing her own thing...

Deep down though, I just knew there was something wrong.

By this time I was in that walking cast, which made my life a hell of a lot easier.  I didn’t need crutches anymore, or the wheelchair, so when Adam took me around Los Angeles the following Monday to look at apartments, I was able to keep up with him.  We found a place for me that same day.  It’s in a quiet neighborhood on the North End.  Not the richest area, but not a bad area by any means.  It’s a good sized apartment, that will give Ava her own room, and the school is within walking distance.  Adam said that was a bonus, that it could only help my case.

He signed the lease, and told me he would take care of the rent and utilities for two years, to give me a chance to save some money when I got Ava back.  He also told me he had started a college fund for her, that she could cash in when she turned eighteen. I couldn’t believe it and asked him why he would want to do all of that.  He just got quiet for a few minutes, and then he told me he didn’t have anything else in his life.  That Deb was it, and soon she would be gone.

I felt so bad for the guy that I decided to let him do what he wanted, even though I felt like was being given a crazy advantage.  Still, it wasn’t like I had the money to support rent and utilities, and that was what the Judge wanted to see...that I had stabalized myself.  I knew it didn’t matter who he favored.  If I complied to my court agreement, I knew my chance at getting Ava back was secured.

We furnished the place quickly, and I had moved in by the end of the week.  Trace came by to see it right away, and couldn’t have been happier for me.  He told me I had achieved the impossible, and he was proud of me.  I think he left me that day, feeling reassured that I wouldn’t need to hang on to him anymore.

And I realized that I didn’t.  For the first time, I could stand on my own.  The only thing left to do was face my interview at Carter’s bank, which he prepared me for over and over again.  By the morning of, I felt like I was about to walk into a movie set, having my script memorized weeks before hand.

Carter’s boss seemed nice enough.  He told me he wasn’t around much, because Carter was so good at running the branch.  It was because of my record he wanted to conduct the interview, and I told him I understood.  The rest of it went pretty easy after that.  He seemed to like me, thought I had my life together, and told me he didn’t think there was any risk involved, but he also warned me not to mess it up, because it was Carter’s reputation at stake.  I got the feeling that Carter was one of his favorite’s too, and so, I promised to do everything by the book.

I got it.

It was an incredible feeling.  For the first time in so long, I had been accepted into society.  I had a normal job, a good place to live, and enough support to stay that way.

The only thing left to do, was get my daughter back.

The training at the bank has been going well.  Carter’s head teller is a nice middle aged lady who is very patient about teaching me everything I need to know.  The clients aren’t so bad, mostly elderly people who come to deposit their pennies, or housewives coming to withdraw money.  I do a good job, and everybody there has welcomed me onto the team.  Carter tells me if I keep this up, I might be promoted eventually...possibly to head teller if something else opens up for the woman who has the position now.

Everything is falling into place, and now, with the hearing only a few weeks away, I’m staring to feel the pressure.  It’s irritating the hell out of me, especially because I haven’t seen Ava since that day we said goodbye.  My lawyer fought for visitation, but the judge would only grant me monthly visits until the hearing.  He said it might ‘confuse her.’  I think Eli just paid the guy off, but since there was no way to prove it, I kept my mouth shut.  I’ll see her this weekend, and I’m planning to take her to see Deb, since Betsy can’t be here to do it.  Tammy was a lifesaver in that respect, getting the courts permission for me to take her up to Bakersfield.  A DCF agent will be there of course, watching me, but it’s the best I’m going to get.

It’ll be a good visit, at least that’s what I’m hoping.  I hope it’s a good day for Deb, health wise. One that Ava will be able to remember when she’s older.  I’d like her to have at least one good memory of her mother, if possible.

Kate gave birth too, a baby boy.  They named him Gregory, for her father.  He’s a good looking kid.  I went to the hospital once and have been to the house a few times since then to visit with them.  Kate and I have sort of made peace I guess.  Once, when we were alone, she told me she was sorry about the way she’d treated me.  She also told me that she had never seen me look as good as I did, as alive as I did.  She wants to be friends, and even though I knew we would never really be all that close, I shook her hand and agreed, because I didn’t want any bad blood between us.

Then, they asked me to be Godfather.  It was crazy, the last thing I expected but...so great at the same time.  I know things are going to be fine between Trace, his wife, and myself from now on.

I’ve gone to having nothing at all, to being on my way to having everything I’ve ever wanted...well, except for Betsy.  

Sometimes, I think if I could just talk to her, reason with her, she’d come back, forget about Preston and be with me instead.

But that’s unrealistic, and at this point, I can’t afford to be.  The focus is Ava for now...and all I can do is hope and pray that Betsy will pull through whatever it is, and talk to her family again, stop making her brother a nervous wreck.  Christ, I mean, at this point, I feel like I’m the one that’s keeping him from going over the edge.  It took me all of five minutes to see how much he suffers without his sister.  I know it’s always been like this with them...they were all each other had at one point, and a part of that bond never left them.  Sometimes I’ll be up late, going over my case or something, and I’ll hear him in his study.  He’ll be sobbing, but I don’t have the heart to interrupt.  Carter doesn’t like to let other people see him get emotional.  Betsy always told me that.

I just hope she comes to her senses, before her brother completely loses his mind, and everything he’s built for himself and for his family.

I guess I can say I’m angry at her.  Angry that she turned her back on her family, solely because of me.  I never asked her to do that.  I never wanted her to sacrifice herself for me.  She just...took things into her own hands, and something, deep down, is telling me she’s paying a devastating price.

But I have no idea what that price is, or if she can even be talked out of it at this point.  All I know, is that whatever Preston is doing isn’t right, and he needs to be stopped.

But with so much at his disposal, that seems more than impossible.

I sigh, and stare out my bedroom window, sipping my coffee and occasionally glancing down at my case notes.  I do this most nights, and whenever I look out into the distance, I hope that she’s doing the same thing, maybe even thinking about me.  It’s all I really have left, and it’s pathetic, but it keeps me going, just the thought of her, her smile and her laugh.  

I guess I’ll always love her, no matter how far away she is, and whenever she gets back home, I’ll make sure she knows that I love her more than anything else.

“I’ll wait for you, Betsy,” I whisper.  “I’ll wait forever.”

The moon seems to shine a little bit brighter, giving me hope.  Hope that it will all work out, that she’ll come home to me, and that we’ll be happy, finally, after all the horseshit and politics.  Ava will come next, i'll get her back, and Betsy can act as a role model.  i know she would.  Deb will be reassured before she’s gone, that Ava will have a woman to look up to, even if she isn’t her real mother.

It’s my goal, and I’ll sit like this every night, praying that it all comes true.