September
I gently push the door open, and quietly enter my apartment. It’s late, and a school night. I spoiled Ava over the summer, and I’ll willingly admit that to anybody. I’ve been scorned for it, by more than one person, lovingly of course. Now that school has started up again, it takes a while to get her down in bed, since I allowed her to stay up for all hours with me during the summer break. I know if she hears me come in, she’ll wake up, and want to tell me all about her day. I’d love to catch up with her too. These days are the hardest. The ones where she goes to school all day and I go to my classes at night. But if I gave her that time with me, she’d never want to get up for school in the morning, and a cranky Ava..as much as I hate to say it, is hell on earth. For now, this is the way things have to be, at least until she falls back into her school routine, and missing an hour of sleep won’t completely kill her. I silently close the door, letting out a little sigh when I don’t hear her bedroom door open.
She’s still out cold. I’ve achieved my mission, at least for one night.
“Hey.” She comes out of the kitchen, hair up in a messy bun, wearing one of my t-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts, carrying a fresh mug of coffee, and wearing her smile for me. She always does, even if she’s exhausted, and it makes me flash her a wide one for her too.
“Hey.”
She kisses me gently as we reach each other. “She went down without a fight. Carter owes me a twenty. Remember how he swore up and down she was impossible to get in bed and told me I’d never survive the night?”
“She is impossible to get in bed,” I smirk.
“Well, you both must be doing something wrong then. We read a story and she passed out before I could even get to the good part. I was totally bummed. Maybe I’m just boring...do you think?”
I laugh slightly, let her have a sip of her coffee before I steal it away and put it down so I can hold her close to me. “Nah. That’s definitely not it. You’ve just...got a good thing going with Ava. She listens to you differently than she listens to me and Carter. I guess your magic extends beyond my bedroom after all, huh?”
She rolls her eyes, but giggles into me as I softly kiss her neck and collar bone. “Boys.”
I guess I could get Ava down like she does too, but I’m a weakling when it comes to my daughter. I’ll tell her to go brush her teeth and put her pj’s on and she’ll whine and tell me she’s scared of the dark, or beg me to let her stay up for just a little while longer so she can talk to me. She loves it, talking to me. She’ll sit in my lap for hours, talking to me about every random subject under the sun, and asking me all kinds of questions. Out of everything we do, that’s her very favorite, most sacred time that we spend together, and I refuse to deny it to her, within reason. School is probably the only time I put my foot down, because it’s important to me that she does well. She’ll be eleven in a few weeks, and she’s in the fifth grade this year. Christ, she really is isn’t she? Next year she’ll move on to the middle school, start to become...a young woman.
I’m scared, just because I’m not sure I know how to deal with all of that sex...puberty stuff, but at the same time, I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world, because I fought so hard to have her here, with me.
We’re a family again. The summer break was the challenge for us. I worked, and started taking summer courses at the community college so I could build up some credits for the fall semester. It’s cheaper that way. Ava went to the day camp her school runs, and spent some of her evenings without me when I had classes. Carter took her, had her play with his kids so she wouldn’t get upset, and aside from a few minor tantrums, she behaved herself. I think we handled it well, just like everybody reassured me we would. She’s a tough girl, and I’m so proud of her for understanding so much, despite being so young.
I know Valerie is different, has this way about her...a calming presence that makes Ava listen, and do what she’s told without complaining. I guess I’ve always known she was special though, right from the beginning. We started dating seven months ago. I finally got the guts to go visit her at the playground, two weeks after our initial meeting at the grocery store. It was...easy to talk to her, tell her about myself and everything that had happened in my life. She didn’t hold any of it against me, just listened and accepted me, wanted to give me a chance, because she liked me, for whatever reason. We’re still going strong, hardly fight, and when we do, it’s usually about something stupid that we laugh about later on. It’s crazy to me. I never thought I’d start dating so quickly after I got Ava back, but...but Val just captivated me with her fun, outgoing personality, her wit and sense of humor, and the way she just...cares, so much, about other people. She sucked me in after that first unofficial date at the playground. Then I took her to dinner and I couldn’t stop myself from falling for her after that. Now we’re getting a serious. A bunch of her stuff is at my place, and some of my stuff is at hers. Being without each other, for any amount of time, is now considered a rare occurrence. What’s more, Ava is in love with her. She depends on her now for more than just a friendly hello, and I know how special that is, because...as much as I try to be the only person my daughter will ever need, deep down, I know she needs a mother.
Everybody I know loves her too. Carter and Marilyn have practically made her an extension of the family. We’re over there for dinner at least twice a week, if we can. Trace tells me she’s good for me, that she has the stability I need to make a relationship work, and has also told me if I screw it up, he’ll kick my ass. It’s been enough to make me work hard, focus on our relationship as much as I focus on other things, Ava being the only person who gets more attention.
They all hint at it of course, that we’ll be getting married in the near future.
We haven’t even discussed that, of course. We’re happy like we are at this junction, and I feel that it would be a mistake to push something like marriage right now. I think it’s entirely too soon for us, because we’re both so wrapped up in work right now, but...but I have been thinking about asking her to move in here with us. Her place is a lot smaller than this, and she has a roommate that’s constantly throwing parties while she’s trying to study. Val got her teaching license a couple of months into summer break, and this year, she has her own class at Ava’s school. Third grade. I know it wears her down, but at the same time, she loves it. She’s happier now than she’s ever been, and every time I see her, she’s all lit up inside.
And I am too.
I’m in love, despite how quickly our relationship came together. I can’t deny that, and I don’t hesitate to tell her how much she means to me, every day. I laugh at myself. I mean, me...a romantic?
I never thought I’d be capable...not after Betsy.
But I’ve moved on, healed, and I’m better because of it.
“How was class?”
I kiss her on the lips one more time as I guide her to the sofa. She leans her head against my shoulder when we sit down together, and I put my arms around her, and kiss her forehead. “Good. Two more months of this, and then I can finally move on to the next thing.”
“I had an eight year old throw up inside his desk today,” she sighs against me, but her smile doesn’t waver. “He just lifted the lid up, you know what I mean, and just...barfed everywhere. I had to evacuate the whole class. It was a great start to my first month on the job.”
“I guess it’s better in the desk than out,” I laugh.
“You have a point.”
I smile, gaze into her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“So I was thinking.”
She perks up and that playful smirk takes over her expression. “About?”
“That...uh...maybe you’d want to move in here with me.”
Her smiles get a little wider. “Are you serious?”
I shrug. “Yeah.” I rub my thumb across her cheek, and kiss her gently. “I think...I think it would be good, don’t you?”
“Well...yeah...” She smiles. “I just...I didn’t think you were ready, that’s all.”
“I’m ready.” I say it gently. “I feel like...you’re what’s missing, Val, you know? We need you, and I’d hate to make you live one more day with that horrible roommate of yours.”
“You need me that much?” She says it softly, her eyes filled with a million dreams of us, and of our future together.
“There’s nobody else, besides Ava, that I need more.”
“Sign me up then,” she smiles, laughing, as I grin and dive into her for a long, loving kiss. “Where do I send my deposit?”
It’s another step in my life. One more positive one, that makes everything I sacrificed to get this far, completely worth it. “Follow me and I’ll show you.”
I pull her to her feet, and we do our best to stifle our laughter, and keep our voices down as we kiss foolishly and pass by Ava’s bedroom door. Then, safe inside my own bedroom, we make love for hours, falling asleep in each others arms, completely content with our relationship, more in love with each other than we’ve ever been.
I feel complete, like there’s nothing else I need in my life. It’s all coming together, and one day, we’ll get married, have the nice house, Ava, and maybe a baby of our own. My life, as it was, will just be a distant memory, easily forgotten. In fact, as far as my old life goes, I barely think about it. Only when it comes down to that one...person.
Betsy.
As much as I’m not...in I love with her like I was, there’s no way I can sit around, telling myself I don’t care about her, about what’s happened to her. I do. I’ll always care, because she cared so much about me, at one time.
She’s been home from rehab for a week, which is the main reason Valerie has been looking after Ava when I go to class at night. Carter has finally decided to let friends and family over to see her. It’s a party I guess. Carter said Marilyn is making a cake so it counts as one. He’s completely unenthusiastic about it, because he’s decided to do that whole tough love thing. The party was Marilyn’s idea that she forced him to agree with, and that’s the only reason it’s even happening. He’s told me, privately, that if he had it his way, she wouldn’t be seeing anybody for at least a month.
He’s so angry at her, still, but of course, I understand, and don’t say much about it. They have this huge history, and I’ve convinced myself that he’s the only person who really knows what’s best for his sister.
Or maybe it’s just easier for me to tell myself that.
It’s tomorrow night, and I’ve been invited of course, along with Val. I was told Ava is welcome as well, but I’m not a hundred percent sure if I want to bring her, and Trace has offered to babysit if I decide I’d rather leave her home. I want to protect her from that type of shock...seeing Betsy so warped, so unlike the person she knew before...what happened.
I came clean about Betsy with Valerie right from the beginning. One thing I didn’t want, even in our friendship stage, was to keep things from her. She knows everything about Betsy, knows how much I still care for her...as a close friend, and is completely supportive. She tells me she’s looking forward to meeting the person responsible for putting Ava back in my life, even if she’s going through something hard.
I just hope she leaves the party feeling the same way.
It’s been too long, nearly a year, since I’ve seen or spoken to her. She was discovered on the streets, fucked up on heroin, and was arrested for having a large quantity of the stuff on her, as hard as it was for all of us to believe it. Carter wouldn’t bring her home when he posted bail for her. He kept her at a hotel for a week, staying with her so she couldn’t run off and fuck herself up more. He used the time to scope out the details, and forced her into rehab once he found a suitable place. Even though I was pretty bitter at the time, I know...it’s what had to happen. That’s what happens when you go to rehab, you’re shut away from the temptations of the world, so you won’t fucking...die. She did her thirty days, and they told Carter that there was no way she could leave. That she would need ninety days, perhaps longer.
Ninety days turned into five months, because the minute Carter took her home, she ran back to the drugs. He told me she wasn’t even home a full day, before she went missing again, under house arrest and all. She was arrested, again, for breaking her boundary rules, and was carted back to rehab. It’s all too familiar for me, hearing about what she’s going through.
Because I’ve gone through it.
I couldn’t...be around for it though. I had to be focused for Ava, couldn’t expose her to that, and I think it’s one of the biggest reasons that Carter kept her so far away from me. He knew how things were, how I probably would have broke down and lost my focus. He’d become too good of a friend, and sacrificed too much of himself and his family time for me, to let her wrap me up in her problems.
Even if those problems weren’t her fault.
I think it’ll be nice to see her, despite everything. Catching up, might be good for the both of us. Hell, it might even make her feel a little bit better, to see how I’ve progressed.
I gaze over at her, at Val, as she sleeps, her body curled up against my mine, one hand resting against my bare chest. All of her faith is right here, with me. She’s put it all on the line, emotionally, trusting the fact that I’ll always be here. That I’ll always love her, no matter what.
And I plan to.
Author's Chapter Notes:
So glad you all are enjoying this! thanks for sticking with the story! While Im at it, is there anybody out there willing to make me a banner? I would so appreciate it and I can send you the photos. Just message me on here.
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