I woke up before the alarm this morning, gazing at Valerie as she slept, curled up against me.  It was still early, so I let her sleep for a while longer, as I caressed her face and hair, glancing at the diamond ring on her finger, part of me not being able to believe it was a reality...that she was mine, and she wanted to marry me too.  When she woke up, we started talking a little bit about wedding dates.  We haven’t made a firm decision yet, of course, but we know we want a spring wedding.

It’s a start.

Ava knows the basics.  We were very rushed this morning at Jenn and Garrets, only being able to pull her aside for a few minutes, to tell her that daddy and Valerie were going to get married in the spring.  She understands what that means, she’s old enough, but we were both a little afraid that she wouldn’t like that idea.  She only just got me back, after all.

But all she did was smile, ask us when we were doing it, and if she was going to be able to wear a ‘fancy dress.’  That sealed the deal for us.  With Ava’s blessing, we both knew that the wedding would go off without a hitch, and nothing in the world could have made me feel more relieved.

“Daddy, my cheeks hurt.”

I look at Val, and we laugh at the same time, before I glance at my daughter in the rearview mirror.  She’s holding her face miserably, obviously cranky from being woken up so early this morning.  She’s been pouting since we left too, because there were so many people at Jenn and Garrets.  She was the only child there, and nobody could stop talking about how adorable she was in her holiday dress, not hesitating to pinch her cheeks and kiss her face whenever she got within range.  I feel for her, understand why she hated it, but at the same time I love it.  I love that when I marry Valerie, I know Ava will not only be gaining a mother, but an entire family of people that love her.  “People like you, baby doll,” I say, with a smile.  “It would have been impolite to complain.”

“I’m not allowed pinch their cheeks,” she frowns.  “How come they get to pinch mine?”

“It’s a way of showing love for somebody else,” Valerie explains.  “Everybody thinks you’re a great kid.”

“Love sure hurts a lot.”

I laugh again, and so does Val.  “I promise, when we get to Mister Carter and Miss Marilyn’s house, nobody will pinch your cheeks.”

“Lucas will probably pull my hair.  He always does that, and today I have pigtails, daddy.”

“I’ll give him a talking to if he does that,” I reassure her.

“Oooo Ava, maybe he has a crush on you,” Valerie laughs.  “He’s kind of cute, don’t you think?”r32;
“No.  He’s a gross boy.”

Ava crosses her arms.

I look at my fiance, and raise an eyebrow, as she covers her mouth, stifling her laughter.  I put my hand on her thigh, caressing the skin underneath the hem of her dress softly as I drive along.  It went well...giving her family the news.  Her mom cried and her father shook my hand and patted me on the back, congratulating me for getting up the guts to do the right thing.  Because of our announcement, we spent longer at the house than we wanted to, but there was no escaping her extended family.  Before today, her grandparents, aunts and uncles had never met me before.  They were all curious, even more so because of the engagement, and so I found myself stuck in different conversations with members of the family, until Valerie managed to rescue me, telling them all that we had commitments elsewhere.

“You better bring him back here, young lady,” Gram said, pointing her finger roughly at Val, while beaming at me.  “I’m not done sucking his life story out of him yet.  I want a picture of the three of you for my purse too.  The girls at the beauty parlor are going to want to see our newest addition.”

“We’ll send out a save the date in a few weeks, when we decide on one.  There will be a picture on that, Gram,” she smiled, kissed her cheek, and pulled me along by the hand, before her grandmother could say anything else.  We grabbed Ava next, before quickly hugging her parents goodbye, and then we were free.

I love them all though, and I can’t wait to see them again.  

I’ve never had a real family before.  Just my mom, and she gave up on me a long time ago.  It feels nice to finally be welcomed, and wanted in other people’s lives now.  Val and I have a social life too, outside of her family, with Carter, Marilyn, Trace and Kate.  We try to get together, the six of us, a few times a month for dinner, and it’s crazy how close our group has become.  I mean, Trace and Carter are complete opposites, but somehow, have managed to become really good friends.

Everything about the friendship the six of us share would be perfect if it wasn’t for Betsy, quietly keeping to herself, when we’re all at Carter’s house.  She’ll always be watching the television on the sofa with a pained look on her face, like she’s waiting for the world to end.

It hurts, yeah, but...I just refuse to do anything about it.  The only one who seems to feel bad is Val, encouraging us to invite her into our conversation.  Nobody ever does, and she can’t understand why. I’ve explained Betsy to her, though, more than once.  She just...she needs to figure out her life, and let us enjoy ours.  Val has laid off about the subject, I guess...because she’s been busy focusing on her new job and...us of course.

But I have no idea what will happen today, at dinner.  I’m hoping Betsy will just stay away, and Val will be so distracted about our news she won’t have time to dwell on her.  It may make me a fucking bastard, but...I don’t want that girl to ruin this day for me, for Val, and especially not for Ava.

I’d lose it on her, and that’s something I don’t want to happen.  I owe her that much.

We pull into Carter’s driveway fifteen minutes later, parking behind half a dozen other cars.  I know both sets of their parents are here, along with Marilyn’s sister, husband, and kids.  They live in Ohio, and made the drive up here, won’t be leaving until next week.  He told me it was going to be a lot of people cramped into a small space, that we’d probably be eating outside if the weather wasn’t too cool, but I don’t mind so much.  Being in a loud crowded house full of family is different for me.  It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, telling me everything is going to be okay.

“You ready for shock-em-all part two?” Val giggles as we get out of the car, taking Ava by the hand when I open the door for my daughter.  

“I just hope Marilyn doesn’t pass out or something,” I laugh as I take my daughters free hand and we start walking her up toward the house.  “You know how overly excited she gets.”

“For the sake of the children let’s hope not.”  She smiles and stops us before we can climb the steps to the front door, lets go of Ava’s hand and pulls me to her so she can give me a long kiss.  Yes, Ava is standing there, and when I glance at her, I can see her face is scrunched up, like she thinks what we’re doing is gross, but it doesn’t make me stop kissing Val.  If anything I pull her closer, get even more lost in her, part of me wishing I could drag us back to the car and take us home so we can celebrate Thanksgiving in a different way...

“Hey you two, get a room!  There’s children around!”

We pull apart, and I wrap my arms around Val as we both laugh and look up at the voice.  Carter is standing at the top of the stairs, laughing at us, and I don’t hesitate to flip him off where my daughter can’t see.  

“Hi Mister Carter!”  Ava runs ahead of us and up the steps, throwing her arms around his waist.  

“Hey Little Bit,” he smiles and laughs as he gazes down at her and pats her head.  “How was breakfast?”

“Everybody pinched my cheeks,” she pouts.  r32;
“What? Like this?”  He smirks, reaches out and pinches her right one.

She laughs and pushes his hand away.  “Mister Carter!”

“Get yourself inside,” he chuckles.  “Lucas has been asking about you all morning.”

She groans.  “Ugh, boys.”

We all laugh as she retreats into the house, leaving the three of us alone together.

“I already promised Lucas he can marry her when he gets old enough, so make sure she doesn’t date anybody else, all right?” Carter smirks.

“She’s never dating, or marrying anyone,” I nod, playfully narrowing my eyes at him.  “I’m locking her in her room until she’s forty.”

“He probably would, too,” Val chimes in, smiles, and pecks Carter on the cheek.  “Good thing I’m around.  Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving to you.  C’mon in, Mar has been cooking since five am and I need something else to distract me from opening the oven and picking at the raw turkey meat.  My hand already got slapped with a wooden spoon once this morning.”

He ushers us inside the house, and I take Val by the hand as we enter the living room.  The couch is packed with seven children, Ava, Carter’s two, and three others which could only be his nieces and nephew.  They’re watchingthe Macy’s parade intently, the youngest of the seven hollering about how Santa is going to come on the TV soon.  A set of older folks sits on the love seat to the right, most likely Marilyn’s parents, smiling and keeping an eye on them all.  Carter quickly introduces us, and they both give us warm, inviting smiles as they tell us it’s wonderful to meet us both, that they’ve heard so many nice things.

“That’s a lovely ring,” Marilyn’s mom, Helen, smiles as Val shakes her hand, gazing at the diamond on her finger.  “When are you getting married?”

“Oh...” She glances back at me, and I can hear Carter sort of laugh as he stands next to me.  “Well...we just got engaged last night.”  

“Well, that’s wonderful!” Marilyn’s father, Don, smiles, and looks at me.  “You two make a nice couple.  Congratulations.”

Carter slaps me on the back.  “Finally.”

I look at him and smirk.  “Marilyn’s gonna shit.”r32;
“No kidding.”

“Hey you two!”

Marilyn has arrived, carrying in a tray of finger foods for the kids, and gently plops it down on the coffee table in front of them, barely escaping before they all lunge at the tray at once.  

“Hey, Happy Thanksgiving.” I say, before going in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, which she returns with a smile.  “Turkey smells great.”

“Yeah, well make sure you don’t go picking it at it like this one.” She narrows her eyes at her husband.

“I’m innocent,” Carter smirks.  “That incident earlier wasn’t like it seemed.”

“Mhmm.”

“I was framed.  It was Lucas.”

“Just...go...be helpful in the kitchen.” Marilyn rolls her eyes, shooing him away, before greeting Val with a tight embrace.  They’ve grown really close, and I guess I could say that they are practically best friends now.  I’m happy for them.  Marilyn, while she can be overly dramatic at times, is a great woman with a good heart, and I wouldn’t have things any other way.  

“Oh my god, shut the front door.”  

I guess our secrets out, and I confirm this when I look back at Marilyn. She’s holding Vals ring hand in hers, gazing at the diamond on her finger.  “Are you guys...”r32;
“Mr. Romance asked me last night,” Val giggles.  

“Jesus! Finally! Oh my god you guys!  I totally want to plan the wedding...I planned my cousins last summer! Can I?”

“Well...I mean...” Val looks at me for help, and I can tell she’s a little overwhelmed.

“We’ll talk about it, Mar,” I laugh, taking Vals hand as I pull her towards me.  “We don’t even have a date yet.”

“Oh, come on guys, please? You won’t have to pay me a dime.  I’ll make it an amazing wedding, and stick to your budget, I promise.”

We both shrug, and laugh.  Free is good, and I know Marilyn is good with organization.  She’s the troop leader of Ashley’s girl scouts, always that mom that stations herself and a few girls outside the local supermarket for hours on the weekends, aggressively asking people to buy cookies.  Apart from that, she’s an active member of the PTA and is constantly throwing fund raisers together for Lucas’s soccer team.   “What do you think Val?  We have the PTA mother of the year right here, free of charge.”

“Sure, Marilyn,” She giggles and smiles, obviously agreeing with me.  “I think you’ll do a great job.”

“Yeah, I know you will,” I say.

She squeals and hugs us both again.  “You guys won’t regret this!  We’ll have a real meeting after the holidays, okay?  I have to check on the food, just make yourselves at home.  There’s plenty of seating out back and in the kitchen too, and if you want, Carter can bring some folding chairs in and you can watch TV with the kids.”

I reassure her that we’ll be okay, and then she rushes off shouting to who I can only assume is her sister that she’s going to be planning another wedding.

“She’s crazy,” Val laughs.  “But I know she’s going to help us have a great wedding.”

I take her hand, and lace my fingers through hers, smiling gently as I give her another soft kiss on the lips.  “I know she will.  You want anything? Thirsty?”

“I guess I could go for a soda or something.  Get Ava a juice too, okay? I’m going to go squeeze myself in next to her for now.”

“Sure.”  I kiss her one more time before letting her hand slip out of mine, and watch her intently as she does just what she said.  She pulls Ava on her lap, and starts to talk to her, pointing to the parade on the TV, getting her to giggle and laugh out loud at some points.

I guess I know what I’m most thankful for this holiday.

I wander into the kitchen, where I’m introduced to Marilyn’s sister, Christine, right away.  She’s not as upbeat as her sister, but I’m sure that has to do with the fact that she has three children age eight and younger sitting in the living room.  Still, she’s extremely nice, and very excited about our news, despite only having met us today.  

“Hey you need something?” Carter wanders back in from the deck, and notices me digging through the fridge in search of a juice for my baby.  “You should have just asked, man. You’re a guest.  I have some coolers out back, anyway.  That’s where the good drinks are.”

“C’mon Carter,” I laugh and close the door.  “I’m here four times a week.  I can get it.”

“Hey, I’m trying to make amends for the turkey,” he whispers as I follow him outside.  “Just play along.”

“Oh yes, Carter,” I say loudly, as we pass by the women preparing food at the kitchen island.  “You’re such a wonderful host!”

“Don’t push your luck,” Marilyn calls behind us.  “I know what you’re up to, Carter!  I’m still mad at you!”

He smiles back at me.  “You sure you’re ready to get married?”

“More than ever.”

“Val’s amazing, man,” he tells me, stooping down to open up one of the coolers sitting on the deck.  “Really.  I think you two are going to be great together.”

I reach down and pull out two Cokes and a Motts juice.  “I can’t wait to just...get it over with, I guess.”

“I felt the same way.  Mar and I were just out of high school when we got married, but we made it work.  Our parents were supportive, and we had a real wedding.  It just gets tougher from here, though.  All these women want to do is plan and plan...and spend more and more money,” he laughs.  “Then you stand there, say I do, kiss, eat some cake, dance, get really drunk, and then you get slapped with reality a week later.  Like, oh yeah, I have to go back to the real world.  Make sure you guys get that honeymoon.  You’re gonna need it.”

I shrug.  “Whatever we can afford.”

He nods.  “Just wait and see what happens.  I’m a financial planner, after all.  I’ll help you out and...whatever you might need some help with, we’ll figure it out.”

I let out a long breath.  I know that means he wants to help me out, but the thing is, I don’ t want him to.  I feel bad as it is, with everything he’s done for me, without a question...even though it wasn’t his problem.  He just stepped in, even when...even when Betsy was out of the picture.  “I don’t want you doing anything financially for us, Carter.”

He smirks.  “Shut up, Justin.”

“Please, Betsy...just listen to your father.”

I look over my shoulder, and gaze out over the deck, into the spacious backyard.  There are more tables there, set up for later with tablecloths and festive centerpieces.  I see Carter’s parents for the for the first time, huddled next to each other.  Betsy is sitting opposite them with her legs crossed, still wearing her pajamas, smoking her cigarette.  Her hair is messy, lank and greasy, and I doubt she’s showered yet today.

She just doesn’t care, about anything, and immediately I’m taken back...

Reminded of my former self.

I shake it off.

“We only want what’s best for you,” her father tells her.  “You need a change, sweetheart.  Your mother and I want to help you.”

Betsy doesn’t say a word, just continues to smoke her cigarette and gaze out into space.

“They just bought a house upstate.”  Carter comes up beside me, soda can in his hand and says it quietly.  “They want her to move with them after the holidays.  It’s really scenic...we took the kids a few weekends ago.  It was the only way Betsy would go have a look at the place.  It’s near the Napa vineyards, they built it from the ground up.  It was kind of their dream, to do that, and now that my dad’s retired, they finally had the time and the means.”

I stare at them, trying not to let that sinking feeling of despair set in.  “It’s far isn’t it?”

“About twelve hours.  The thing is, her shrink is completely for it.  There’s this facility there, I read the brochure.  It’s near the house, one of those places she could come and go as she pleases, and they have all this new age rehabilitation, that she can’t get down here. I think it could help her out, a lot more than anything I could do for her here, maybe...change her back to the way she used to be.  It’s expensive, but our parents have the money to pay for it, and they’ve agreed to as long as she makes the move with them.  The courts have agreed to work with her as far as the house arrest goes.  There’s nothing holding her back.”

“But she won’t do it.”

“She won’t leave me, and I guess...maybe that’s my own fault. She went so far as to ask me to move up with her, quit my job, alienate Marilyn from her friends, pull my kids away from their lives and everything, like it would have been so easy.  Of course I told her no, and she got pissed, wouldn’t speak to me for a few days before I set her straight.  I’ve promised to visit her, but it’s not enough.  She wants to be with me, all the time.  She says she can’t live without me.”

I continue to stare at the scene below.  It’s a chance for Betsy, I know it is, one that she should be taking, but she won’t.  She’s too close to Carter to leave, and that’s not his fault.  That’s the way it’s always been with them, and how it will always be.  “She’s a mess,” I whisper.  “I thought she was doing a little better.”

“She was for a bit and then...I don’t know.  I don’t know anymore, Justin,” he sighs. “I’m obviously not helping her change herself.  She’s just...depressed, all the time, even on the medication.  I can’t get through to her, as much as I’ve tried.  She just puts on a happy face for me now, and does what I say, because she can’t stand the thought of losing me.  It’s the only reason why she gets out of bed in the morning, and I can’t deal with it anymore.  Marilyn can’t either...she keeps telling me how the kids will ask her why Aunt Betsy is sad, and...we don’t want that, you know? We don’t want them effected by all of this, and as long as she’s living here, they will be.  I’d get her a place, help her with the rent, but she can’t live on her own right now.  I can’t trust her...she’d just run off and start using again.  I don’t know what the other options are, but I know I can’t keep doing this.  I can’t sacrifice my life and my marriage for her.  Not anymore.”

I nod.  

“Justin.”

I look at him.  There’s a longing in his eyes, like there’s something he’s been dying to tell me for a while, but hasn’t.  “Yeah.”

“Do you think you could talk to her?”

I stare at him for a long time, not really knowing what to say.  I mean, no, I don’t want to talk to her, but Carter...he’s done so much for me, that telling him no at this junction would be completely shitty.  “I...I guess I could try.”

“I know she pushed you away, just like everybody else, and you haven’t spoken.  I know...I know how weird things have been.  Marilyn told me I better not ask you to do it, but I just...I’m out of options.  If she doesn’t move with my parents we’re going to have to put her in some live in facility like Bakersfield Rehab and hope that she gets herself together, only...I know she won’t.  She’s entirely too fucked up, because of what Preston did, and she’ll rot away in there.  She’ll wind up like our father, Justin.  I don’t think I could live with myself.”

I stare at him.

“I can’t...”  He looks down at his shoes, and sniffles slightly.  “I can’t let that happen to her.  So will you please...please do me this one favor?  It’s my last resort.”

I put a consoling hand on his shoulder.  Carter is getting emotional, and since it’s really hard for him to get this way, I know there is no other choice.  “Of course I will,” I say.

He nods.  “I’ll see you inside.”

I let him walk away, because I know he’s embarrassed and wants to get himself together for the rest of his family.  I’m left standing there, the warming drinks in my hands, staring down at her.  Her parents are getting up, leaving Betsy alone at the table, obviously done with the conversation.  They walk up the steps, barely notice that I’m standing there, before they go inside the house.

Betsy flicks her cigarette butt away, reaches for the pack on the table, gets another one, and lights up again.  There’s no emotion, not a tear, not a frown. She’s just...this hollowed out shell of a person.

I take in a long breath.

“Babe...”

I look over my shoulder, see her standing there, and smile.  Of course, she probably wondered where the hell I went to.  “Sorry, Val.”

“Don’t apologize.  Carter just said you were outside so...I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I let her walk up to me, and she takes the drinks out of my hands, putting them up on the deck railing before snuggling up against me.  

“Did you wish Betsy a Happy Thanksgiving?”

“Not yet,” I say gently.

She rubs my back a little, kissing the spot under my left ear, that she usually does when we stand like this.  “Well I think you should.  I doubt anybody else has.”

I shrug.

“Justin...I...look, I know I don’t really know her that well, but you’ve told me everything.  What happened was terrible, for somebody like her.  How do you think she feels, living with all of that, and then feeling like nobody can really understand.”r32;

“She just won’t let anybody understand. There’s a difference.”

“She forced herself to understand you when you were in a dark place,” she tells me.  “I don’t think you wanted to let her in either.  Look at how things are now.  Look at her life and then...look at us.  I don’t know if it’s my place to say it but, don’t you think it’s kind of messed up, how she is now, considering that...Ava is only back in your life and we’re only together because of the sacrifices she made for you?”

I stare at her, letting her words sink in.  I guess...I guess she has a point.  A big point, that I haven’t allowed myself to think about up until now.  In a way yes, I wouldn’t be with Valerie right now if it wasn’t for Betsy, pushing me, putting everything on the line for me and my daughter, sacrificing herself to go to Chicago so I wouldn’t be put in harms way any longer.

But if I can understand that now, why am I still so bitter? Why wouldn’t I want to go over there and tell her that she’s better than the person she is right now?

Maybe it’s because...because I loved her and I felt that she just gave up on us.  Maybe I missed her so much that I blocked it out, because it hurt me so bad.  Ava was a distraction, a big one, and then Val came along.  My life changed again.

But Betsy...she just got left behind.

I’ve been so selfish, and I feel like a fool.  Betsy doesn’t deserve this, any of it.  She never did.  I should have tried harder.  When she pushed me away I shouldn’t have let her, I should have fought my way back to her, and helped her, instead of taking the easy way out.

“What do I do?” I ask her.

“You need to talk to her Justin.  At least try to.  The guy I’m about to marry, wouldn’t question the reason why.”

She kisses me gently, and then walks away.

Damn it, I know she’s right.  I know what I have to do.

But I just...I just have no idea what to expect, because she’s not the same person.

And neither am I.