May

Val and I are getting married June third, and we'll spend ten days at that Sandals Jamaica resort immediately afterward, while Val's parents, brother and sister in law take my daughter and the other kids to Disney Land. It'll be good for her to get to go, even if it's without me.  She needs to go at least once, before we make the move.  One day, I'll take her down to Disney World in Orlando.  Or I guess...Val and I will do it together.

We'll be closer to the place, after all.

I know, we were supposed to get married in the spring, but things worked out differently between Val's choice of venues and the price her parents were willing to pay. Lately, everything has seemed to be working out differently though.  Whether the changes about to occur in our lives are a good thing or bad thing, I still haven't completely decided, but I can't turn back now.  I've made promises, and I can't break them.  I'm in too deep now.

Christmas came, with all the excitement I had ever wanted for my daughter.  I have to say, it was the first time I’d ever given her a real Christmas.  One that mattered, with a tree, and a few gifts for her to open.  Ava isn’t a needy kid, and she never asks for much, because she’s used to me not being able to give it to her.  Of course, I’d been putting money aside for other things, like the wedding, and a trip, and a house, so there weren’t nearly as many gifts for my daughter as I would have liked, but Ava wasn’t about that.  She was just happy with what she was given, and most of all, she was happy just being with me and Val.  Later, when we got back from visiting Val’s family, she sat in my lap without any of her gifts, and took in the simple joy of sharing her favorite parts of the day with me.

It really was the best Christmas I could have asked for.

Betsy got on a plane with her parents a few days after we rang in the New Year, making a solemn promise to write and call as much as she could.  Of course, we all knew she wouldn’t be able to right away.  There was a certain acclimation process involved when someone made a life changing move like that, and none of us were surprised when her first phone call didn’t come for at least a month and a half, and even then it was only to Carter, just to let him know that she was okay.  He told me that she sounded good though, different, and even though I was upset that I hadn’t been able to say hello, I knew it was for the best.

Over the next few months I found myself wrapped up in so much, that I barely had time to dwell on Betsy, as hard as that was to accept.  If I wasn’t busy helping my fiance plan our blessed event, I was working, going to school, or simply spending time with my daughter.  Carter had promoted me the second week in January, to assistant lead teller, and the pay increase wasn’t huge, but it was helping.  I was able to open a savings account for the wedding, as well as put a little more money in it each paycheck, which was a huge accomplishment for me.  

Ava had adjusted well, better than anybody expected her to.  She’d gotten used to her school, and didn’t have a hard time making friends.  For the first time since I could remember, she was happy being at home, with me, and I wouldn’t allow anything to get in the way of that.  Having Val in the apartment helped out a ton.  Now, when I went to class, Ava could stay at home and focus on her homework, rather than be carted to a friends house.  I was so thankful for her, was in love with her, and she knew it too.  We were about to get married, and would spend the rest of our lives happy, expanding our family and just...enjoying life.

At least, I thought things would always be that simple.  But as everybody knows, life can never be perfect for long.  There was no break, even for me, somebody that knew nothing else but pain and hardship, for most of his life.

“Look, they finally got your address right.” I smiled that night as the three of us sat down to dinner in the kitchen.  It was a few days before winter recess was to begin for Ava and Val, and I was thankful to be getting some much needed time in with them.  I’d booked my vacation in advance, which Carter approved, and while we didn’t have money to do anything, just being with the two of them for a week was something I was looking forward to.

“Finally.” Val smirked and reached for the letter as I passed it across the table.  “I’m so sick of going to my parents for my mail.  Maybe now everything will start coming here, instead.”

“Yeah, then you just have to worry about your name change,” I smirked.  “Valerie Timberlake.”

“Maybe I’ll do that hyphenated thing.  Valerie Watts-Timberlake.” She smiled, as she tore the letter open.

“That’s a mouthful.” I laughed, and started to cut Ava’s food up for her on her plate.  “Maybe it could be Timberlake-Watts.  What’d you think Av?”

“I like Timberwatts,” she grinned, and laughed.  “Ava Timberwatts.”

“Now that’s a mouthful.”  Val laughed and unfolded the piece of paper inside the envelope, casually scanning it with her eyes as my daughter and I began to eat.

“I think it sounds electrifying,” Ava continued.  “You know...watts...”r32;
I laughed, but when Val didn’t, when she just continued to stare at that letter in her hands, my smile quickly faded.  “Val?”

“Oh my...oh my gosh...”

She looked up at me, her eyes wide, small smile on her face.  I didn’t know what to think, but I knew that whatever it was...wasn’t bad.  She seemed happy, so I started to calm down.  “What is it?”

“Remember back in January, they asked me submit my application to the Massachusetts Board of Ed? For their elitists school list?”

Sure I did.  It was no secret that Valerie was a good teacher, with great ideas for her classroom.  She’d been looking into teaching a higher grade level, middle school and above, and her boss suggested she apply at private schools as well as public.  For the hell of it, she put her name in for elitist schools as well.  It was a shot in the dark, getting a job like that though.  The schools that turned out the most Ivy league students were extremely hard to get into, job wise, and from the beginning she told me if she was accepted, the job could take her clear across the country.  I hadn’t said much about it, because I didn’t expect her to get an answer, and even if she did, I was convinced it wouldn’t be so soon.

But I was wrong.

“Yeah.  I remember.”

“They want me, Justin.”  She said it with a quivering voice, and the tears had filled her eyes.  “They want to give me a teaching job!”

My mouth hung open slightly as she passed me the letter.  Sure enough, they had invited her to come for orientation in August, a month before the fall semester began.  They wanted her to teach at a sixth grade level, something she’d been working towards for some time.  Apparently they’d received praise about her from several people, and liked her creative approach to teaching.  It was her dream come true, I knew it was.

But it was in Boston.

And Boston was all the way across the country.

“My base salary would start...just start, at sixty grand, baby,” she said it with a large smile, as I passed the letter back to her.  “And Ava would be able to go to school there for free!  Do you know how amazing of an opportunity that is?  It costs about forty thousand a semester for tuition, normally.  She’d work with the best teachers, and receive the best advantages the private school system offers.”

“Daddy, I don’t want to switch schools,” Ava spoke up gently.

We both gazed at her.

“I like my school.” She looked down at her plate of food next.  “I like my teachers too, and my friends.”

“Oh but Ava, you would like this school too,” Valerie pushed, and gave me a soft smile.  “You would just have to get used to it, that’s all.  It’s just like anything else.  You would have great teachers, and make new friends.”

She didn’t say anything, just shrugged, and started to eat her dinner again.

“Boston...wow.”  I rubbed the back of my neck, nervously.  I knew how Ava felt.  She had only just gotten the stability back in her life.  She was comfortable now, and she had me in a place where I could give her my undivided attention.  Moving, especially moving so far away, would throw everything out of whack again.  Ava would have to get re-acclimated in a new environment, and I would have to get a new job, and enroll in a new school.  I understood the ramifications, but Val, she was blindsided by the opportunity of a lifetime and couldn’t think about anything, or anybody, else.

I couldn’t blame her though, and I loved her so...I wanted to do what was right for both of the girls in my life.

“I know it’s...far, Justin,” she sighed.  “But it’s backed by Cambridge University, they own this particular prep school, and...and they’ll even help us with the move and housing too.  It won’t be as big of an expense as you think.”

I nodded.  “Well, when do you have to let them know?”

“In a month, and we’d have to leave right after the honeymoon...to get moved in and settled before the orientation.”

A month to decide if we wanted to pack up our lives and leave everything we knew, that Ava knew, behind.  It was hardly any time at all, and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.  All I knew, was that if I said no, Val would be brokenhearted, and the last thing I wanted to do was snatch the opportunity of a lifetime away from her.  She deserved to have that chance, to live out her dream.

But I wasn’t sure I was ready to potentially sacrifice Ava’s happiness for Boston, either.

“Just...think about it,” she told me softly, putting the letter back in the envelope and sliding it out of view.  “That’s all I’m asking you, Justin.”

“All right.”

I knew I’d “think” about it, and that my ultimate answer would be yes, because I knew it was either move, or force Val to choose between me and Ava or Boston, and strangely enough, I had the feeling she might have chosen her career over us, because it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

There was no choice.

I had to do it, for the good of our relationship, as hard as I knew the move was going to be.

“Boston? Shit.”

“Yeah.” I shifted slightly in the chair and pushed my food around the plate with the fork.

“That girl has you by the balls.  You’re considering this?” Trace laughed, and took a gulp of his orange juice.  It had been a few days since Val and I had discussed the whole thing, and it hadn’t been mentioned again.  I knew she was giving me a good week to give her an answer, before the pressure would start.  Since my best friend had always given me good advice in the past, I called him up one morning and asked him to have breakfast, so I could confide in him about the situation.  

“I’m not considering it...I’m going to do it.  I just...I just needed to talk to somebody about it.”

“Well I’m flattered, but it’s your life, man.”

I shrugged.  “I guess I’m just worried that Ava won’t do well with the move.  She’s already acclimated herself here, she has stability for the first time in her life, you know? Moving...I don’t know, she’d have to start all over again.”

“She’s a tough little kid,” Trace told me.  “It might be hard at first, but she’ll get used to it.  She’ll have you, and Val. That’ll get her through.”

“Yeah.”

“What else is wrong?”

“I don’t know.  It’s just a lot...I guess.  I’ve never left the state.  My whole life is here.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” he smiled.  “You’re getting married.  Your life is all about her now, remember? It’s the ultimate sacrifice, marriage.  Once you say I do, your life isn’t about you anymore.  It’s a commitment to her.  So I guess the question is, are you ready to sacrifice everything for Val?”

I’d never put it to myself like that before, and I was thankful for him.  He was right, my life would change when I married Val.  I would be the man, the one who was supposed to stand by her, support her, as we raised Ava and started our own family.  Was I ready? The more I thought about it, the more I knew I didn’t want to be without her.  But I also thought about all the people in my life, how much they meant to me.

And I also thought about Betsy, who was away, trying to become the person we all knew and loved again.  She was going to come back for the bridal shower, and wedding of course.  We’d already determined that through Carter, and Valerie had insisted that she be a bridesmaid, even if she didn’t know her that well.

But when she was ready to come back home for good, I would be gone.  An entire country away.

Once again, we would just miss each other, just miss...being able to be good friends again.  I wouldn’t be able to sponsor her and do all the things I’d promised.  Of course she would understand but...but it made me upset at the same time.

Out of everything, I think...Betsy was the thing that was making me having second thoughts about the move, and I knew how fucked up that was.  Val and Ava were my life, my whole world, and nobody should have stood in the way of that.

But I still had that feeling.  One that told me Betsy was really important, that I needed her, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself.

“It’s Collins isn’t it?”

I stared at him, hating how he could read me like a book, but knowing I shouldn’t have expected anything different.  “I...I don’t know...”

“You’re not still all...how you were, about her, right?”

“God, no.  It’s not like that.  It’s just that we never got a chance to get our friendship back on track.”

He leaned forward, a serious expression on his face.  “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

I sighed.  “I’m in love with Val.”

“So?  You’re not answering the question, Justin.  Do you have feelings for the girl or not?”

I couldn’t say anything, couldn’t look at him, because I knew what the answer was.  It was one I buried deep down inside of me, that I desperately didn’t want to be true.

But there was no denying that I would always have a special feeling for Betsy Collins.  We’d been through too much together, for me to simply forget how much I cherished every part of her.  Still, I only shrugged for Trace, because I was too embarrassed to admit the truth.

“You better get your shit sorted out, Justin,” he warned me.  “I really like Val.  She’s changed you, gotten your ass to mature and act like the adult you should have been a long time ago.  You should make this move.  It’s the best thing, and it will get your mind off of Betsy.  She’s warped you...and she’s still warping you from her little alcove upstate.  You need to be separated from all of that, and realize there’s more to life than her.”

Trace still didn’t like her, even after everything she’d done for me, how she’d sacrificed herself to ensure Ava would be placed back with me.  I wasn’t sure if it was his bitter resentment against DCF that made him feel that way, or simply the fact that he liked Val better.  I didn’t want to get into it with him, because I didn’t have all that much time left where I could talk to him face to face, and the last thing I wanted to do was fight.  “I’m going, Trace.  I just...I guess I just miss Betsy, that’s all.”

“Quit missing her so much.  She’s away, getting herself together, and when she comes back she’ll start over on her own.  She doesn’t need you to help her do it.” He shoved the last of his pancakes in his mouth.  “I’ve told you before, if you fuck up this awesome thing you have going with Val, I’ll beat the shit out of you.  She’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and fuck, you should be like...I dont know, praising God that she came into your life at all.”

“That’s kind of dramatic, Trace.”

“Well, it’s the way I feel.  You’re an idiot if you let that girl go.  Get married and go to Boston, Justin.  Live your damn life, before it’s too late.”

He was blunt, like he’d been so many other times in my life where I’d hit rock bottom and wanted to give up on everything.  If I knew what was good for me, I would listen to him, because Trace had never lead me wrong before.

So I did.

I told Val a couple of nights later, after having a conversation with Carter about it too.  He basically agreed with Trace, told me that I shouldn’t have risked my relationship for his sister, because our lives were too different and they would always be.  He said he would take care of her when she finally came home, make sure she landed on her feet, and I guess I always knew he would.

But it didn’t make that feeling inside of me go away.

She’s thrilled, naturally, contacted the school and told them she was going to accept the position.  They’ve gotten us a town house in the heart of Boston.  It’s huge, compared to my tiny ass apartment, and they’ve told Val that as long as she keeps her job at the school, we won’t have to pay any rent.  That’s a huge deal.  It means all the money I make, can basically be socked away for a down payment on a real home, which the school has also told us they can help finance for us.  It’s a blessing...all of it, and I’m thankful.  As for Ava? She’s still uneasy about the whole thing, as many times as I’ve told her about what Boston is going to be like.  I bought a couple of books, and I sit with her sometimes, showing her all the cool things there are to do out there.  Aquariums, museums, and it’s only a short train ride into New York City. I’m totally planning on bringing her there too, the first chance I get.  I’ve never been either, so it’ll be an adventure for the both of us.

But she’s still not all that excited.  She keeps telling me that she’s going to miss her school, and Lucas and Ashley, who have become her very best friends.  Val tells me she’ll snap out of it the first time we bring her to the Boston Aquarium, but I’m not so sure.

Maybe I’m just worrying too much.

“Where is she daddy?”

I straighten the ‘Welcome Home’ sign in her arms, and smile as I plant a kiss on her forehead.  “She’s still getting off the plane, baby doll.”

Today is the day Betsy comes home for a visit, and we’ve come to greet her at the airport, Ava and I.  Val is at the bridal salon with her maid of honor and mother today, trying on her wedding dress to ensure the alterations are correct, but she’s promised to meet us at Carter’s for dinner tonight.  Betsy will be here now, until just after the wedding.  That way she can attend all the events we’ve planned, as well as get some time in with her brother.  It’s a good thing.  I’d like for Ava to get some time with her before we leave for Boston, too.

She doesn’t know about the move, but a part of me feels that she won’t mind so much when she finds out.  That she’ll be happy for me, and handle herself fine when I’m gone.

At least, I hope so.

“Look it’s them, Daddy!” Ava points happily at the escalator and jumps up and down a little bit.  “Mister Carter and Betsy!”

I look up, adjusting bouquet of flowers in my hands, being able to make out the two of them at the very top of the escalator.  I smile, and wave, see them both wave back at us, and then...then they reach the bottom.  Carter walks off first, and shakes my hand, thanks me for coming to get them.

And then there’s Betsy.

Betsy who looks...amazing in her summer sundress, with her classic light touches of makeup she used to be famous for in the past.  She’s cut her hair short too, just to her shoulders.  It’s straight as a pin, shiny and renewed.  It’s a different look for her, but I think...I like her this way.  Her smile is brilliant, unwavering, as she comes to me and lets me kiss her cheek and hold her close.  She smells like I remember, clean, and fresh, and just...incredibly strong.

I know she’s changed.  That she’s better.  Not a hundred percent but, it’s definitely not the same girl who left us in January.  “Hey Collins,” I smirk, and hand her the flowers.

“You old sap,” she accepts them with a laugh.  “Thank you.”

“How...how’s everything?”

She nods a bit, looks down in the bouquet for a moment before meeting my gaze again.  “Things are good, Justin.”

“Miss Betsy!”

My daughter is the only reason she’s able to tear her gaze away from mine, and I take her flowers as she crouches down to hug my daughter.  “You’ve gotten so much taller, Ava,” she laughs.  “You have to stop that.”

“I miss you, Miss Betsy.  I miss you a lot.”

“Well, I miss you too, but we’ll spend some time together during my visit.  I promise.”

Ava grins.  “Okay!”

I feel Carters eyes on me, and when I meet his gaze, I know why he’s looking at me that way.  He hasn’t told his sister about Boston, but he wants her to know as soon as possible, before she can get too attached. The worst thing for Betsy right now, would be for her to fall apart over losing us, and I know that.  

It’ll have to be tonight that I tell her, as much as that sucks.

But there’s no getting around it.