“I wrote those words almost a year ago – you call it a poem, I call it some desperate words strung together.  It’s funny until your song, I never thought of it anything other than words declaring my…my frustration – my desperation, for lack of a better word with my life – my situation at the time.”

Crying, desperate, fighting
Questions scared to let go

JC kept quiet, rhythmically brushing her hair as he listened to the unspoken words behind the story that she was telling him.  “I met Luke years ago on a blind date set up by a coworker who wanted to go out with his cousin, so I tagged along not really expecting much to come of it.  But Luke and I hit it off at the beginning.”

We used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and
Things get better

“We went on double dates with his cousin until they broke up then we started seeing each other several times a week.  Putt putt golf, dinner, a picnic in the park, concerts, opera – you name it we did it together.  I thought I had finally found the guy, you know?  We were as close as two people could be, I thought anyway.  He traveled a lot for work since I often drove him to the airport; he would leave his car at my house because he didn’t live in the safest part of town, he said, and he didn’t want it to be stolen.  One day I was running late for work and my car wouldn’t start so I drove Luke’s.  And I stumbled across a ring.”

I'm weary from the war
I'm losing half my soul
But the days go by and

“I was over the moon, I thought Luke was going to propose and I didn’t want him to know that I had found the ring so I went to hide it back in the car and I came across,” she sniffed and wiped away what JC assumed was a tear, but she stiffened her shoulders and continued.  “I came across a picture that must have fallen out of his wallet of Luke and a woman in a wedding dress.”

Past the point of reasons
I just want you to believe
That it's not your fault

“And just in case I had any doubts, it had a cute little note written on the back signed by his wife,” she spat out the words.”  “Mrs. Lucas Schmidt, and it was dated only two months prior to that point.”  JC’s breath hitched and he paused in his brushing, but Kate’s voice was stoic. 

Cry your eyes to sleep
It's like a thousand rainy nights
Oh, drowning lows

“I confronted him of course, as soon as he returned, and he denied it as I knew that he would and I told him that we were over.  He brought out the ring and told me he wanted to marry me – that things weren’t working out with his wife, he just needed more time to tell her.  But when I threatened to give his wife a call and let her know what was going on he backed off – or so I thought.” 

Photographs, the close up, what we had
Come undone

Kate’s voice became almost a whisper.  “But he didn’t stop.”  She got up and paced to the window her arms hugging her waist tightly.  JC wasn’t sure she even remembered he was in the room.  She was just talking and trying to work it out in her mind.  “His behavior escalated over the next couple of months.  It started with notes and flowers being delivered to my house and the office, then visits where I refused to see him.  I would call the police, but he would always be gone by the time they arrived so they would warn him away and it would work for a while.”

Where did it all go wrong?
The days go by and
Things get better

**  Excerpt taken from JC Chasez’s Dear Goodbye

“It was during that time that I wrote those words and rolled it up in the balloon and watched it float away, hoping that my fears would drift away as easily.”  Kate turned around a looked JC straight in the eyes.  He fell back against the chair at the look of fear in her eyes.  “I thought I had finally seen the last of Luke, until one night I was working late at work.”  JC stopped breathing.  “I don’t like taking the elevator alone, because what if it stops working…so I took the stairs and he was waiting for me.”

JC stood, desperate to take her in his arms and offer what comfort he could, but he was stopped by the hand she raised to him.  “He broke my wrist, a couple ribs, and put more bruises on me than I’ve ever seen.”

“I was lucky; a security guard heard something suspicious and came to investigate.  He pulled Luke off me and restrained him until the police came.  I was unconscious by then but that’s what they told me.”  She absently rubbed her wrist. 

“I spent a couple days in the hospital; talked to the police; and they did everything by the book, but said that he would probably get off with a light sentence since he didn’t have a prior offense.  So I stayed around long enough to recover – he was in jail – then I testified, sold my car, bought another one that he didn’t know about, sold the rest of my stuff, rented out my house, and left.  All my worldly belongings in my car.”

Needing a moment to compose herself, she dug into a side pocket of her bag for a tissue.  JC’s fists clenched until he was sure the blood flow stopped. 

Clearing her throat, she took a deep breath and pushed through the rest.  “So anyway, I was driving around, afraid to stay one place too long, when I heard that song on the radio one day.  I was absolutely floored that someone – you – had taken my private pain and broadcast it for all the world to see.  So I found out where your tour was and came after you.  I didn’t really have a plan as you could see.”  Her arms came up waving in the air, hoping JC could understand her point.

Shrugging, she finished, “So you see, I’m not really a threat, and I hope you will keep this all to yourself.  I just wanted…I don’t know what I wanted, but I am sorry I hurt you.”  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked earnestly at JC, trying to convey her sincerity. 

JC couldn’t stay away any longer.  He rested his hands on her shoulders for a moment as she tensed.  “No, I’m sorry.  I found that poem New Year’s Day and those words opened up a floodgate of music for me.  Those words spoke to me, but I should have never used that song so publicly.  I’ve always wondered and thought about you every time that song crosses my mind.  You are the reason I named the album Kate.  I had hoped one day to meet you, but never imagined in would happen like this.”

He enveloped her in his arms and whispered in her ear.  “We are going to figure this out together, I promise you.”