It's been just over 6 years since I've decided to keep somethings concerning everyone under wraps. It's now mid May 2008 and I'm with Nick Carter again, Belfast in Northern Ireland. He hasn't been feeling well over the past couple months and I know he needs to see a cardiologist and I've kept mum about his cocaine, marijuana and alcohol abuse all these years, but not anymore. He's promised me that once we're stateside again, he's going to see a doctor and has made an appointment already.
You probably want to know what's happened to Lance. He admitted to being gay, bi is more accurate in my honest opinion and we ended our romantic relationship in 2002. I stayed single and dated around, but nothing serious. I've gone out with Ryan Gosling (thanks for that fail, Justin), Matt Morris (Oshai and Justin joint fail) and Tony Lucca (Oshai) that I wouldn't care to relive. I did go on a major fail date with Aaron, but he didn't expect anything for himself...Until he told me he's worried about Nick and I've always been the one to get through to him, my heart racing at the guy's name. He tells me about what Nick's been doing since I walked away from him, breaking his heart.
The first time was because of the weed, the second was for his incessant partying and I couldn't take it anymore. This time we've been together for 3 years, his health isn't too good and I know that coke, drinking and pot don't help. "Jazzabee, you almost set?"
One thing I have to admit is that he hasn't been so sweet this time, he's close to beating the bitch out of me and I've somehow kept it hidden over the past year. "Yeah," I say, grabbing my phone and stuff it in my pocket. I look at him and know he did a line, just to get through tonight. "Why do you do that?" I ask him.
"Why not?"
"You're going to die from it and I don't want to stand by when it happens."
I sigh and his face twists up in rage and I wave my hands in a way to say 'fuck, forget it'. I walk to the door and he grabs my upper arm, pulling me to him. "What does it matter?"
"I don't want you to die for dancing with the devil and loving his monster," I snarl, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Go," he barks at me, shoving me toward the door. I put shades on and rub my arm as subtly as I can, Kent knowing what's going on. Kent shakes his head, but says nothing.
I hang my head and Nick scares me when he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. He lifts my head to see my face and kisses me, tenderly. He's more often angry than tender, cold and secluded. Weed is one thing, but the monster is a piece of the devil himself. He holds me and I start to think I should tell him how I feel, but decide against it.
We pull up to the arena and AJ smirks at him, making me shake my head. I know why. AJ pressured him and now they're both addicted, Nick more than AJ. Once in the dressing room, Howie looks at me and the two of them. I shake my head, unsure of what to say or do. "That's it! I've had it! Nick, AJ, sit down!" Howie screams, rage present. They sit on either side of me, Nick curling me to his side and I push away from him. "AJ, we get back home, rehab. It's the third time. Nick, you've been tired and your chest has been hurting. Jazz tells me your health issues for a good reason. I'm tired of you needing to be high just to get through the day. You need to take better care of yourselves."
I leave the room and call on person I've turned to for the past three years, but keep in mind that he still doesn't think Nick is for me. I hold back the bad shit and tell him only the good. "You better answer."
"Hahahahaha, that's fucked up, man. Hello?"
"Oshai," I whimper.
"It's Oshannie! Shut your fucking mouths! Hey, what's going on?" His protective tone coming out.
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