I can't believe she went back to Nick, the same guy who destroyed her twice before. He also betrayed her by recording a song that detailed their sexual deviance from their relationships. She had been unfaithful, but hadn't said who she had been dating when the whole thing happened. The last time she had been with Nick, she was running around on him with me and it didn't happen this time. She's called and e-mailed me, but our face to face time alone has been greatly restriced and I want to know why. I doubt she'd ever give me a straight answer.
I start hearing a beat forming in my brain, bobbing my head to it and I head to the studio to get it down. I text C and don't get one back right off, remembering that he's visiting his sister in Santa Monica. I get one a couple hours later. 'Timbs, he's with me. Leaving for FL Sun eve, NC's results came in. Doc wants to tell him f2f' and it tells me everything I want to know, but don't want to hear. I hope he's going to be fine, for her heart's sake.
I sigh and fire one back. 'Hope he's ok. N my prayers. Sry for interrupting. Txt me back l8r. Have fun.' I hate being so cordial sometimes, but when it comes to the matters of the heart and/or her. I keep telling myself that as long as she's happy, I can be and move on. I can't believe she can't get over him and I lose the battle of getting over her every time. I love her and always will.
"J, love, live and let go." I look at Trace and go to stand on my back patio, leaning on the rail. "J, I know you really love her and she's always going to have your heart, but you're with Jessica. She's willing to marry you, broken heart and all."
"Trace, when I'm completely over her is the day she's done with Nick for good."
"Do you know why she's so steadfast about him right now?"
"No, why?" I ask, curious as hell and he sucks in a sharp breath, telling me everything.
I sit on a patio chair and rest my elbows on the table, my head falling into my hands. "-why she's serious about Nick."
"Oh, wow. That...just wow," I comment, "That puts so much into perspective about the whole thing."
"Told you months ago it was highly complicated," he reiterates, watching the sun drifting into the horizon and sipping his Corona.
"AJ, too?" I ask.
"He's a little different."
Knowing the whole situation changes things, her believing she can save a half dead man and a relationship. She's always loved him because she's always gone back to him, but he's such an asshole to her. I'll always love her with my whole heart and I'll never stop because she means the most. I know it was only 6 months, but I remember every kiss, touch and time we fell asleep curled up together. I remember conversations with her, even ones I shouldn't be able to and I relive them in my thoughts sometimes. We'll always have a place for each other in our hearts, but I doubt we're ever going to give us another chance.
I keep this train of thought going as I write and record this track, laying on my living room couch after. I lay here long enough to watch 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' almost to the end, the only interruption being my phone. I get up to answer it and grab a Pepsi, seeing it's JC calling. "Hey, C."
"I need to talk to you, be there in ten."
"Okay, what's up?"
"Just surprised about how nice he'd been, he wasn't nasty at all today," he says, oddly shocked about it and confused.
"Sure."
Minutes later, JC strolls into my house and calls out for me. "Yo, J!"
"Right here," I call out from my couch, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.
"Stop lazing around, asshole. The visit with Oshannie was surreal, man."
"What? How?"
"Nick wasn't just nice, he was nice like back when they first got together and it was...awkwardly reassuring."
I scrunch my face up and shake my head, getting up to walk into the kitchen with him hot on my heels. "Why was it...'reassuring'?" I ask, using air quotes as I take a step backward and turn around to grab a beer for each of us.
I pass one to JC and he slowly twists the top off, spinning it on the edge of its bottom while he watches it balance during each rotation. He takes a deep breath and sighs, seeing it all replay in his mind as if he was reliving it. "He was nice to all of us, sweet to her and was openly romantic with her, hiding nothing."
"Isn't that what we've been wanting for her?" I slowly question, squinting one eye and pointing at between us before popping the bottle top off.
"Well, yeah, but I didn't think that it would be so dramatic. I mean, every time he'd start acting weird, she'd pull him into another room for ten or fifteen minutes and he would be calmer than when they'd left the room. It's his first day without any drugs or alcohol in his system because she asked."
"Why so often?"
"She told me she looked up all the side effects of withdrawls and looked out for all the symptoms, pulling him aside when one would pop up. He'd sweat more than usual or he'd get irritated or he'd start shaking and she'd coax him to go into another room with him to calm him down before it got too bad."
He seems defeated, scared to let her love Nick again and I can't do anything but raise my eyebrow at the sight in front of me. I haven't seen him this unsure since he began recording his sophomore album 'Kate', questioning not just himself, but also life since attempting to release it. Of course it bombed and he's pissed because we both put our all into it with some other friends and producers that we had worked with. Jazz pushed him to try and he did, her confidence for his musical abilities exuding the whole time-even when the record execs had none, when he was down and out. She's never once turned her back on any of us, always supportive and one of our biggest fans. She's even supported Backstreet Boys, Aaron and so many other acts that have been established that she's had some involvement with. One of the upcoming acts was something she has been helping me battle for, Justin Bieber and I'm going up against Usher for his talent. It's like a label lock out, but she stands behind me. "But that's a good thing, her being supportive of him getting back into shape and fixing his personal life," I observe, sipping my semi-cold drink.
He stops spinning it and rubs his face with both hands, keeping his hands on his face. "I don't know how to feel about the whole situation," he mutters into his hands, slightly muffled.
"I don't either, I give her space and just let her do her thing." He peeks at me from behind his hands through his fingers, his icy colored eyes piercing me while I take a swig from my liquid courage. "Man, I won't lie-she's smoking hot and if she ever came to me saying she wants another chance, I wouldn't hesitate to do it."
He slips his fingers down his face so that I can only see his nose and eyes, it's creepy. "Really? 'Smoking hot'? Man, that's my sister!" he bites, his eyes darkening.
"Okay, she's pretty and I still like her," I quickly save my ass, holding a single digit up in defense and holding onto my beer. He nods and we laugh at some of our first memories with her, it quickly climbing back up to now.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Justin finds out why Jazz is with Nick again, never faltering.
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