She said that he's trying so hard to stay clean, no alcohol or drugs. Oh, shit! She's online! I IM her on Yahoo and smile. 'How's he holding up?'
'Good, he's upchuckn and sweating and tired and weak all the time.'
"That doesn't sound too good," I mutter to myself. 'How is that good?'
'he's not grumpy and is sweet'
'I guess that can be considered good'
'it is'
'why haven't we really hung out?'
'???'
'since you've gotten back w him, you try to avoid chilling w me. why? why such lil contact? why aren't we as close as we used to be?'
'I don't want to fall into the cycle we established last time :('
'what fucking cycle?' What does she mean? 'I have Jess'
I envision her sighing as she thinks of what to type. 'the one we got into when you were with BS'
That cycle. Right. 'understand that I promise you'll always be in my life, my heart and mean so much more than I'll ever admit to me, but I also know in my heart and soul, we won't ever work out and that we can't do that again'
'ok, same here, but Nick has always had my heart in his hands and a piece of my soul within his. thanks for understanding that. once he gets better, we can hang out. sound good?'
'it does. how far in is he?'
'17 days now, 1 1/2 wks into here'
'tell him I said to keep fighting it, glad to hear he's getting better :)'
'yeah, he should be over this sickness soon enough'
'sounds like a bad cold or the flu or food poisoning..... did you poison his food, JazzBean? lol XD'
'JUSTIN!!! have I ever done it to yours?'
'uuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm'
'I have not'
'XD'
'go fuck your gf!'
'later ;)'
'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
'hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha'
'txt me l8r'
'u have ur cell?' I have to tease her.
'of course X?)'
'cheezn smh. yeah, I'll txt u l8r today'
'later timbs'
'l8r jazzbean'
"Felt good to reconnect with her," I think out loud to myself.
"Reconnect with who?" Trace asks, scaring the shit out of me and he smirks.
"You fucking asshole. JazzBean, I just IMed her on Yahoo and she told me why she wasn't chilling with me for so long."
"Which is?"
"For her and I to know."
Let me explain why I don't tell my boy-he doesn't know about when she and I had been fooling around when I was with Brit. The only ones that knew were me, the guys and her. Aaron may have known near the end.
"I'm your boy, you're supposed to tell me."
I roll my eyes and walk away, my head shaking side to side. "Nah, it's done and over with, I don't need her boyfriend murdering me."
"What'd you do? Kiss her?" he taunts.
"Yeah, that's just it," I sarcastically remark.
I turn to face him as I lean on the back of my couch. "You're lying!" he yells, pointing at my smirk. "You've slept with her! When? Where? How come I wasn't told? What's her favorite position? Does she kiss during it?"
I look at him like he's a foreign life form and out of his fucking mind, but in my opinion is that he is. "I don't wanna bring that skeleton out."
"Why not? Was she that bad?"
"Let's just say that nobody can compare to her and I don't need anyone to know." He's going to tell someone and she's going to find out, come flying in my house and kick my ass. Last thing I want is her to do to me is beat my head in, no matter the circumstances.
A few days later, I look at my caller ID as I'm hanging out with Timbaland to find out that it's Howie. "Yo, D."
"When in the fuck did you sleep with Jazz?"
I'm gonna beat Trace's head in so far that he is in a coma. "Years ago, during the NSA tour and whatnot."
"When exactly?"
"You can't tell Nick."
"Was she with him?"
"I don't know, when did he write 'Sick As My Secrets'?"
"He worked on that for a couple years."
"What's 'a couple years'?"
"Since she took off in early 98."
"When did he finalize and record it?"
"About a year, year and a half after she took off."
"From when to when?"
"From March of 98 until just before CFTC in 99, barely over a year."
"What like a day or two before the event?"
"That same week."
"Thanks. Do you know who Nick was referring to when he wrote the line 'does he know it's me you've been talking to'?" I demand.
"No, I wish I did."
I nod to myself. "Talk to you later."
"Did you sleep with her?"
I hang up, not wanting to answer him and it's because I know he'd tell Nick. "JUAN TRACE AYALA!!!" I scream through the house, repeating it as I cross my yard to my guest house and you guessed right if you believe I'm pissed. I'm fucking ripshit enraged, veins popping out of my neck and my face no doubt a deep red. Answer me you stupid fucker.
I walk through the door and catch him dead to the world on his bed, TV on. I scream his full name at the top of my lungs and he startles enough to fall off the edge of the bed he had been hanging off, face against the mattress. "Oh, it's just you, Justin," he grumbles, sitting on the edge of the bed and waking up.
"You shouldn't feel fucking relieved, jackass! You promised not to say anything and you told Howie fucking Dorough?!"
I watch as his face contorts into a look of being caught with his hand in the cookie jar, waiting for his reasoning and excuses. "I DMed him on Twitter and said not to tell anyone."
"Man, AJ's a safer fucking bet!" I shout, pointing behind me.
"How is he safer than Howie?"
"Howie called me asking when I slept with Jazz!"
"AJ wouldn't have?"
"No, he kept the whole Jazz/Caylei thing hidden for a couple years at least!"
"You knew?"
"I punched Nick in his face for playing them the night I found out, AJ told me everything and I told Jazz who ended up telling Caylei. It's exactly why only you, me and C know where she lives now."
"But Jazz won't tell us where she and Nick are!" he argues.
"Dude, she's with her man! She's a friend of ours, not family," I admit dejectedly.
"Do you have any ideas where she could be?"
"If C doesn't know, I don't."
"I bet Old Man knows."
"He won't tell if he was sworn to secrecy with her."
"Who else might know?"
"Lance won't tell his momma if he knew and she said not to say anything and if Joey knows, he's only permitted to tell Kelly."
"What about Brit or Christina or David Gallagher?"
"Man, Brit and I haven't talked like that since we broke up, Christina's too busy with her little family and I have now clue if she even talks to David anymore."
"What about Nick's brothers and sisters? His friend, Briant or Brennan?"
"Brent?"
"Yeah! Him!" he excitedly shouts, pointing at me.
"Maybe, but I'm going to stay out of it."
I sit in the chair by the door and think for a moment, his phone ringing. "Hello? Hey, baby. Jazz called you?" He looks at me with wide eyes. "Nahville, huh? Okay, sure, we can go to Millington. Next week. What do you say, J?"
"Sure," I wave him off, smirking like the asshole I can be.
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