It's just flying by, the tours for both Nick and Chris and I don't know how I'm bouncing between their tours with this much expertise. We're in Baltimore and Josh has been staying at his parents' up here to get away from his public life, to be just Josh again. I call him on the way to rehearsal, the Boys and Aaron already there. "Hello?" Karen asks.
"Hi, Mrs. Chasez. Is Joshua there?" I greet her politely.
"Who is this?"
It's been too long since I've talked to her and that just confirmed it. "It's 'Drya."
"How have you been, honey?"
"Good, just busy as ever. Yourself?"
"Same old things, just another day."
"Josh tells me that you're managing *NSYNC, your boyfriend's group and Nick's brother, Aaron."
"Yes, miss." He didn't tell her that I broke it off with AJ nearly 3 years ago, did he?
"How is Alex?"
I'm killing that guy, the C in *NSYNC and I will have him replaced. "He's good. Has Josh informed you that I haven't been dating AJ for almost 3 years?"
"No, he hasn't. Who have you been seeing?"
"Nick Carter."
She's silent for a moment. "The youngest one from the same group?"
"Yes, him," I coo, grinning like a fool as I enter the arena.
"Cassie!" Nick calls out to me, striding over to me and pressing a kiss to my cheek while hugging me tight. "Who's that?"
"Karen, Josh's mom," I snarl.
"What was said this time?"
"He didn't tell her that we're together and have been for three years now."
His eyebrows raise in the classic 'oh, shit!' way and he kisses me, leading me down the hallway. "Will you be stopping by later on or something, sweetie?"
"Yes, after rehearsal." They have two rehearsals and then a show before we leave for Philly.
"Joshua will be here in a couple hours, do you want me to tell him you're coming over?"
"No, I want to surprise him. Thank you."
"We miss you, hon. Love you."
"Love you, too. I missed you as well."
I hang up and laugh, earning myself glances which question my sanity while I shove my phone into my pocket. Fatima comes running in and skids to a stop, glaring at Nick with her arms folded. I stop laughing when she says his name only to start cracking up again, forcing him to pinch my side lightly. "It's not funny," he says.
I pull into his parents' driveway and get out, going it alone. Moments after I knock on the door, Karen opens it and pulls me into a warm embrace that has been long awaited for. She has the biggest smile on her face as she inspects me from head to toe, noting all the changes that have happened since we seen each other last and I do the same to her. "How have you been, honey?" she greets me.
"I've been good, crazy busy."
"Nick is always welcome in my home, you know," she informs me.
"Thanks, Mrs. Chasez. I thought I'd discuss some personal matters with Josh first."
She smiles, returning to her task of cutting up peppers and deseeding them prior to placing them onto cookie sheets. I sit on a stool at the end of the counter, watching her stuff them with her pork mess, hamburg and rice mix and she glances at me. "He's been in the backyard with his guitar since he got here earlier today, writing out his heart."
I dip my head down, thinking through my words before I speak and look into her eyes with a fake smile. "His career with the guys will take off 5x faster here, compared to Europe. It's only a matter of the Disney special hitting the airwaves and a couple other publicity stunts before they're all as known as Nick and the Boys," I explain.
"What does that mean, 'Drya?" she asks, pausing with a spoon in her hand to look at me midway through scooping more mix from the pan.
Her brow furrows, something that's always made me sketchy. "You'll have to be careful. You'll have to deal with paparazzi and crazy fans. Some fans aren't too bad, but they're extremely nosy."
"Alright..." she slowly says.
"It just means that there will be minimal privacy in public, everything will be exposed unless he learns to keep his mouth shut and he's going to require more media coaching than the other guys. Josh has the most trouble with keeping secrets."
She looks at me with displeasure. "That's why we left Orlando when he and the group went to Germany, moving back here."
I nod, understanding what she means and take a small bowl of the stuffed pepper mix she offers me happily. It still tastes the same as when she made it back in Orlando, making me smile at the memory. There's some stuff that won't ever match things from before you get wrapped up in the whole celeb shit. "I know and I hope that they remain as respectful as they've been," I wish for her family, the residents having been great to his family thus far.
"Thank you, dear." She reaches over to place her hand over mine and a soft smile before returning to her task.
The back door opens and closes, slamming in its jamb. "What do you want, Cass?" a very guarded Josh asks me.
I allow my honey drops meet his crystal blues. "I came to talk to you," I cooly reply, although my blood is coursing through my veins like the wax in a lava lamp after its warmed up. I want so badly to jump onto the counter, run across it and kick his ass. I'm better than that because I respect his family, but my respect for him has diminished since he broke my heart.
He sighs, snapping his head in his mom's direction and I know he's beyond annoyed. "Fine. We can talk in the basement."
He leads me down the hall after I hug his mom, making sure she knows to keep everyone out of the basement. He pops in his room to place his guitar on its stand, locking the door and sits in the moon chair across from the bar. Yes, they have a stocked minibar and a fridge for non-alcoholic drinks. "You wanted to talk, so start talking because I want to relax without you harassing me," he snaps at me, beginning to sound like he's barking at me.
I give him a warning glance, ready to jump on him if need be. I drop my head into my hands, agitated to the bone. "Look, I know you didn't tell your parents about anything, especially about why you were slapped or who I'm with," I say as calmly as I can manage.
"I have my reasons," he snarls, defending himself and crosses his arms over the front of his body.
"Which are what exactly?"
He silently gets up, walks over to the bar and goes into the fridge. "Want a drink?"
"Got a Pepsi?"
He puts the 12 oz blue can on the bar counter, pouring himself a Jack & coke. "Here," he quietly tells me, handing me the cold can and goes to sit on the chair next to the loveseat I've stretched out on. I'm comfortable and waiting for his justifications. He takes a deep breath before beginning to rationalize his reasonings. "I still feel the same and it's been 8 fucking years, so I can't even face it and I don't keep them informed about your love life. I guess that I'm hurt and in denial." He doesn't remove his eyes off his glass.
I think this admission through, rummaging around my emotions. I can't even begin to feel remorse, not after the way he'd stomped on my heart so long ago. Telling a girl you like her just to ask some other girl out, knowing the first girl really likes you back just ain't something you do. It took me what felt like forever to heal from it. I keep a blank face, not a single emotion evident. "You made your bed, now you get lie in it." I pluck the tab, filling the momentary silence as I watch it move. "I do care for and about you, but I really love Nick," I softly inform him.
He takes a deep breath, slowly looking up to allow his eyes to meet mine and he shrugs. "I'm a fucking idiot," he scolds himself.
I force my lips to form a soft line and shrug, not daring to argue. "Josh, I think you're scared of showing any true emotion for any girl inside the circle of trust cuz you're scared of destroying what you have with her and hurting yourself," I suggest.
He chuckles softly. "Chris says the same thing all the time."
"Figures," I comment, shaking my head and roll my eyes as I sit back.
A few minutes of silence pass between us, our breathing being the only noise made by either of us. "Why do you tell Justin and Lance more?"
"They don't treat me like their arch nemesis."
I get back to the hotel we're staying at and smile as I watch Nick sleep, sprawled across the bed face down. I crawl over him and nudge his arm, he curls it to his body instinctively with a groan. I set the alarm for 6:15pm, giving us barely over an hour to catch a nap together and settle in beside him.
COCKADOODLE DOO! COCKADOODLE DO! COCKADOODLE DOO!
I hate the rooster sound so fucking much! But it's why Nick and I agreed on it for an alarm for tour, although it's digital. "Ugh!" he grunts, reaching over me and wraps himself around my body again.
I open my eyes and blink a few times. "You and the Boys have an interview before the show," I remind him, a growl greeting me for a response.
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