I miscarried? I was pregnant, but the stress caused my body to naturally abort it. Should I tell Nick? Does Chris need to know? I call Ginna and smile weakly when she answers. "What now, girl?" she teases.
I switch lanes in the rental, on the way to MTV studios for the guys' first MTV appearance. My mind is racing from what I was told. "I need your honest opinion," I sigh.
I tell her and she's silent for a few minutes, I'm a block from the studio. She releases a breath, something she does when she thinks. "You should pull Nick aside and let him know."
"But you know he could flip out."
"Not if he cares."
"But-"
"If he loves you, he'll be supportive."
"I see him again in a couple days. Could you fly to Tampa with me?" She's quiet again. "Please? I'll set up the tickets and everything," I barter.
She heaves a heavy sigh. "Fine, you're lucky I work for my cousin at his restaurant here in the Big Apple."
"We leave day after tomorrow, early morning around 6."
"What the fuck?"
I smile to myself cheesily. "It's one we can sleep on and I'll tell Nick that you're tagging along."
"You better tell him."
I nod, aware she can't see me and roll my eyes. "Of course."
I hang up and call Chris, knowing they're prepping to get to the studio. "MTV or hotel?" I ask.
"We leave in half."
"I can be there in 20." I end the call and get to the hotel lobby in 15 minutes by taking the back route.
I poke him in his side, forcing him to turn to hug me. His face lights up and his green eyes twinkle with happiness concerning my being safe. "I'm glad you could make it, Cass."
So many people are jus calling me Cass, Cassie, Sandy or 'Sandrya and hardly anyone ever calls me 'Drya anymore. I don't mind. "I am, too."
"What did the doctor say?"
"I need to up my proteins and iron and I should be able to cope better." I know I just lied to my cousin, but it matches up to the original pregnancy scare and I'm not rehashing that.
"So it's just a lack of certain vitamins or whatever that makes you so tired. Makes sense," he says, shrugging it off and JC gives me the death glare from hell.
I hug him, Justin and Joey. Tay steps beside me and JC pokes me, slides his eyes in her direction. "Tay-Tay, can you walk up with 'Lan?"
She nods and does as I requested, his arm going around her shoulders while hers loops around his back. "You lied."
"No."
"What's really causing it?"
"I have allergies." Bullshit lie #2.
He sighs, annoyed because I won't tell him. The whole ride to MTV, JC and Justin are whispering back and forth between one another. Justin drags Lance into it and he looks at me, really noting quite a few things by the look on his face. I would've been nearly 2 months pregnant if I hadn't lost the pregnancy and I slouch down in my seat, my hand resting on my lower abdomen. I begin chewing on my top lip, so many things flying through my head and I know I need to focus on their appearance on TRL. I close my eyes and shake my head clear of these thoughts, furrowing my brows at the look in Lance's eyes. 'You were pregnant,' he mouths. It's a statement, not a question and I know he's figured me out.
I pull a deep breath in through my nose and close my eyes, giving him a short nod. Everyone that knows me is more than certain that if I were to become pregnant, it's Nick's child. Lance leans over and puts his hand on my knee, silently giving me his condolences. "I'll be fine."
His eyes asks how far along I would've been and I mouth 'two months', pretending to stretch. He puts a finger to his chest and makes an X over his heart, promising not to tell anyone.
I fly home and Nick picks us up, Ginna and all. "Hey, baby," he happily greets, holding me close and kissing my lips in a way that makes me melt every single time.
"Hey," I coo. Ginna pokes me in the back of my neck. I know she means well, but I wanted to wait until Tay was occupied. "We need to talk once we get settled in."
"What's up?" he asks, worry flooding his eyes. "Did I do something?"
"No, Nick, it's nothing like that. Something happened and we had no control over it." He nods, but drops it for now and tangles his fingers in mine.
We get home and I unpack my clothes, the dirty ones ending up in the washer. Tay and Ginna are playing in the backyard and I start prepping dinner, but Nick stops me gently. He takes the pack of chicken out of my hands and wraps his arms around me once he puts it in the sink, kissing my forehead. His eyes show patience, eminate love and curiosity. "What did you need to tell me?" I knew it'd bother him.
"Promise you won't get mad?"
"It's something we had no control over, right?"
"What happened in the end, yeah."
"But we caused what started it or I did." His eyebrow shoots up.
"We did," I admit, pointing between us. "I miscarried."
"I thought it was negative?"
"A false negative. I lost it a week ago, the doctor in New York found trace amounts of the hormone in my system and it matched up with why I have lowered protein and iron levels." I look at my hands on his chest, scared to look him in the eye.
He swallows and pulls me closer. "We aren't ready, not yet."
"Why didn't the doctor down here catch it?"
"Maybe it was too soon?" he suggests.
He wasn't mad in the least bit, he just wanted to know why I was acting different. It's been a week and all he's wanted from me was to know I still love him, showing his affection as well. Ginna goes home today and Tay went to visit Titi for a few days yesterday because she homesick. I hug Ginna again and Nick smiles at her, hugging her with his free arm. Neither of us want to let go of each other's hands. "Are you sure you're not upset?" she asks him for 100th time.
"I'm sure, it wasn't our choice and we aren't ready."
"Just making sure." She turns to me. "Are you going to be okay?" she asks, pulling me into another hug.
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