"What you're telling me is that you loved me?"
"I meant those words, yes."
"Do you still?"
I roll my eyes, growing annoyed and agitated with the 31 year old's line of questioning as we walk into the studio building. He's been working on a follow up solo album. "Nick, who couldn't?"
He chuckles that deep chuckle that still gets me, but never will there be another chance and he knows it.

"Alright. Hey, Matty!" he greets the security guard.
"Hey, hon," I wave at him and he smiles at us both.
"Been a few months since you've been here, 'Drya. Get this rebel rouser out of here quick, huh?" he greets me, picking on Nick.
"Why, I oughta," he goes into Stooge mode and I drag him to the studio room, shouting my apologies. I scowl at him and flick his ear. "I'm not 16 anymore and you're not Kevin or Howie."
"No, but I was raised between them, Chris and Joey and you know it." He makes a wide eyed duck face and I open the studio room door, shoving him inside with giggles erupting from me. "Get in there," I direct.

"Finally, you make it here alive!" a blue eyed man about 34 says, throwing his arms up in the air in frustration.
"Hey, Mr. Producer," I greet, hugging him.
"Hey, girl. It's been almost forever. How have you been?"
We've fallen into a comfortable friendship after a failed relationship and an amicable split. "I know. Good, modeling, writing and producing. You hear about Andrew and I?"
"Yes, congrats! But why go with him after being with this guy for so long?"
"This guy pushed me to, promising to kick the other person's ass if he fucked up."
"I just now realized you always call me Mr. Producer, not Joshie anymore."
My eyebrow goes up and I glance at Nick, he just shrugs. "It's what you do," I remind him.
"I kind of miss-"
"Hey, Joshie," I say, satisfying his need to be annoyed.
"I'm adequately annoyed."
"Good."

"Now why didn't you and Lance hook up?" JC asks me, gaining Nick's attention as well.
"After he broke up with Danielle, I whispered my question of his being gay in his ear and he just gave me a 'shit, I'm busted' sorta look with a nod."
We sit down and I get the loose spinning chair, as always. "Just before he told the world."
"Something like that."

"Nick got two chances and AJ's had his second with you, why?"
"Nick and I had dated for almost 9 years straight, hidden from the media until Bitch Hilton and got back together for awhile after that. AJ, he broke my heart and well, we reconnected during the group hiatus when he had been touring as Johnny No Name and just chilling." I shrug and hold back some of the memories.
"Then you screwed like rabbits and everything was forgiven," JC says, reading my mind.
My jaw falls slack. "I never told anyone."
"I have connections, hon."
"He's so dead."

JC laughs, Nick shakes his head with a small smile. "I fucked up big time with Paris," he confesses.
"Like you have no clue," I add.
"I had to play the field and fight with you, ending a great thing to be with the drugged up heiress."
"And since, I've hooked you up with Lauren."
"Yes, thank you."
"Didn't help that I kicked her ass and you got the blame," I remind him.
"No, made me look like the bad guy. Aaron was taken far too seriously."
"Yeah, but you proved it all wrong with Lauren."
"I did and I can't believe everything is this crazy now." He's referring to his family's turbulent history since he got his name out there with the Boys, but I'm not going into that and I don't doubt you've heard about alot of it. I'm sorry he's had to go through that, I never made it impossible for them to reach me if they needed or wanted to.
"You knew I would always be there as a close friend and I always reminded you of what we said about always being there."
At this point, JC's just watching and listening. "I know and I can't express my gratitude enough."
"I can't believe you almost forgot to thank me."
"On that trip again?" he groans.
"What trip?" JC asks.
"I helped him with his first one and he almost forgot me. I looked over his shoulder, looking for anything to indicate me and found nothing. He added a 'if I forgot you, thank you and I'm sorry' passage. I helped with that."
"How?"
"JC, I produced and wrote some, going under an alias like ODB did."
"You should've seen her shake her ass during the recording for 'Miss America', 'Just Wanna Take You Home' and 'Girls In The USA'. It was so fucking hot!"
"You were with her, that's why. On top of that, she attended Julliard for dance, singing and writing. It's what she does best."
He gets this evil smirk on his chiseled features in a typical Kaos way. "I can name two other things she does best."
I playfully smack his chest. "Nickolas!"
He chortles and almost falls off his chair from laughing at my reaction, both of them knowing I'm severely discreet about bedroom matters. "I know, right?" JC chimes in, mind 2 in the gutter.

I smack my forehead and groan as I pull my hand down my face. "You got me started with the tail chasing," he states.
"You waited 3 1/2 years to say something and then another year before you got the first taste and feel!" I retort.
"I waited 3 weeks," JC teases.
"You shut it! You'd known me for 13 years by then!"
"Lucky bastard!" Nick laughs.
"Was it even romantic?"
"Dude, I went the whole football field, not just nine yards and we took our time." White lie, but it was sweet and we did take our time.
I bite my bottom lip and my eyes narrow. "You loved her."
"Still do, but I know I've had my time."
"I'd lusted after her for 13 years."
"Wait, didn't Justin want her, too?" Nick inquires.
JC laughs after a second. "Yes, he still does. It's been over 15 years."
"Newsflash-I kissed him and felt nothing, that's why it had been a no go."
"Chris was pissed too," JC informs me for the first time.
"That was 04! I was 25! What was he going to do?"
"Punch him when they hung out next, but you beat him to it."
"His shoulder hurt for a few days, I didn't do it right."
"He learned his lesson-don't drink with you and let his emotions run high."
"Am I always the topic of every discussion?"
"All the good ones," they answer unanimously.

I put my head down on the soundboard I'd rolled over to after Nick's perverted remark. "Can we just get this done?" I grumble.
Nick whispers something really perverted and from way back from that week we had first hooked up on the DL. "Thought I'd forget that?" I stammer for a minute before lifting my head. He grabs my hand and traces the same things he had on my wrist half a lifetime ago, 15 years have passed and the memory is still there. "First honest relationship, first real kiss, first time, first fuck up and first time with a broken heart were all you."
"First dry hump," JC adds, he gets a death glare from me.
"Who told you that?" Nick ponders aloud.
"I have my resources." I pinch his arm. "There's Kenisha, AJ, Howie, Kevin, Aaron," he lists, trying to think of who else.
"Kenisha is so beyond dead and Howie's dead, twice over."
"How's things with Laney?" Nick asks JC, referring to one of Kenisha's cousins that she and I had hooked him up with in 2007.
"Really good. We have a date set and she's picking out dresses for her and the bridesmaids. How'd you get out of it?"
"I did it with her last weekend, I was was the test. I'm not girly or anything, but I know what would look good on all of us. So I got a waiver for today."

"What's on the agenda for today?" JC jumps into producer mode.
"A song I wrote last night, talking to Lauren about miss thang here."
I roll my eyes. "Whatever, let's bump this."
They softly chuckle for a moment and he records 'Not The Other Guy', some of it sounding like what he had told me in the four and a half months he had waited to make it official, reminding me throughout our whirlwind and often heavily PDA'd romantic relationship. I'm still in contact with his dad, stepmom and siblings. I talk to Jane once in a blue, but since Thanksgiving 95, I can't see her like I had before.

He finishes it up and looks at me, licking the lips that got us into so many heated situations if they weren't melting me into malleable putty. "Can I still use 'Great Divide'?"
"I gave you the lyrics."
"I changed them a little."
He and I had written them in different countries and it's sort of like a duet, but I let him do it as he saw fit. We were experiencing our first few weeks apart due to his touring other countries while I wrote and produced in the US at Julliard, did it fucking kill us and tear us up inside. After I had gone to break in summer 96, I had flown to him and called home to Chris to find out he was in Germany. I found out from Howie that they also have the same management, meaning regardless of what group I spent time with , I wouldn't be able to get away from the pig or Johnny.

Johnny hasn't done anything to piss me off, even after almost 20 years and I've become his right hand and protégée. I work for Wright Entertainment, Jive, JustIn Time, and Free Lance Entertainment under interlocking contracts that declare a no clash agreement. Johnny has seen me co-manage AJ, Brian, Howie, Nick, Aaron, JC, Justin, Chris' band (Nigel's 11), Britney (pre-breakdown) and until 'Bionic' had been released, Christina. The only ones I had managed on my own at any given time were Nick, Aaron and JC because of minimal conflict. Why I am following Nick around today? I'm doing someone else's job-managing his studio time and songs.


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