One thing I'll tell you is after I fucked up, I drove to Cassie's house countless times and counted the miles and stoplights, but never had the gumption to go knock on her door. I knew she would just slam it in my face for as long as I stayed with Paris.
So I wrote 'Sick As My Secrets', hoping she might hear it and what I dreamed she would do, but she made herself clearer than crystal when she said (and I quote her) 'for as long as you're dipping into that, I won't touch you until it ends and you're tested clean'. There was close to no sex with Paris because she was too high or drunk off her ass or both and I'm not like that, I like the girl I'm doing that with to be awake and reactive and that's something she wasn't more often than not. I don't know how many nights she would tease and then be too far gone to resolve it.
Cassie on the other hand, she would tease here and there, give me passionate and sensual kisses to keep me patiently hanging on until we got somewhere very private. She was always straight, but she did try pot once and didn't like how she felt on it or reacted to it. She had taped it and you have to keep in mind that she's pretty intelligent, making it self explanatory that she doesn't like it when she acts below that level. So, she has always been very expressive during it and it had always been genuine. I can still taste her cotton candy lipgloss, it was my favorite one other than the mint chocolate chip flavored stuff. I have to smile at the memories, more good and great than bad. "OCEAN!"
I shake my head of the thoughts and memories, joining everyone else in my living room. "Sorry, drifted off in my own thoughts."
"I swear we're gonna havta tether you down."
Lauren taps my cheek and I give her a kiss, just something that comes naturally. "I thought I did, maybe it broke?" They get a chuckle out of this.
Now begins a bust on Nick festival. It doesn't matter because it's just friends and family, about 25 of us. Brent chimes in. "Of course he could have glared at it and it untie itself!" He just gets a strange look, it's enough to make me laugh because the poor guy has gotten only that since Cassie came around.
"No, it'd make more sense that he Cropdusted and it disintegrated," Cassie says, earning herself roaring laughter. I even found it funny. Danny had nicknamed me Cropduster, check his Twitter timeline and mine.
Somehow, Lauren opens the door for Cassie to get the best laughs and sometimes Aaron jumps in. "The worst part is, it could be true for many things," he states.
Lauren giggles and Cassie guffaws, both of their reactions make him smile. He has told me that since I had been with Cassie, Lauren is the best for me. He hated Paris and whoever else I had dated other than these two.
The bonus to him liking my ex, she's best friends with Lauren and they always talk about everything. How far? You've probably heard the final TLC song that had been released as a single, 'Girl Talk', that's how far. They don't bother with talking in code, I know pig latin and op-top.
AJ says something to her in Spanish and she falls off her beanbag, a feat only Cassie could complete. "That was fucking hysterical!" she answers, wiping tears off her face a minute or two later. She forgave him the day we started shooting our first music video as a quintet. Since then they've become good friends. We've all written or talked about someone that's off their rocker funny and been inspired by them, that's Cassie to us and quite a few celebs in the world today. She got across to Justin and that's when 'Girlfriend' got penned, a plea that went unanswered.
"What?"
"Bedhead disaster," she replies.
"Yup, but it was MTV so it doesn't matter," I justify.
Lauren looks at Cassie and she gets up to lead her to my art room, knowing I keep all the photos there. I look at Aaron, AJ and all my other guests. "If we think about this, about today-we're here because of her, even Mike is here because of her," I say, mentioning Leslie's husband. "We have to be thankful that she is the glue that's always held us together, even when we've been tearing at the seams at times. Brian, I remember when you and I had been at each other's throats and she forced us to see not only what we've done to one another, but everyone else as well. Kevin, the silent period. Howie, when your sister got sick and died from lupus. AJ, the drugs and alcohol. My own health issues. Aaron, addiction and poor choices. Leslie, finding yourself. Mike, finding and rescuing Leslie. Lauren helps me everyday, thanks to her. Kenisha, she's the bitch who kept you with her instead of letting you get on that plane bound for NY. Brent, she told you it was okay to cancel our plans and we stayed home, avoiding that accident. JC, heartbreak and despair and depression. Chris, she inspired you to do that contest and work toward Nigels11. Justin, she inspired you and encouraged your solo move when you believed it was career suicide. Lance, she gave you that push to tell the world you're gay. Joey, she pushed you to step up and to propose and actually marry Kelly. We've all got something to thank her for and I say we do it before it's too crazy."
They all nod, silently agreeing with me. "When?"
We just booked Fenway, June 11 and that's the perfect time-after that concert. She's helping Johnny and Danny plan this out, all the fine details while the rest of us plan her surprise party for the next day in a Boston nightclub. The reservation is in place and she is unaware, every one of us that know her have been in on this from the beginning and it includes her fiancé Andrew.
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