We're ignoring the ringing phones, doorbells and beeping that alerts us of incoming texts as we get down and dirty for the first and last time. Keegan is out of town for his friend's party and I'm doing me. What he doesn't know won't kill him, but I also hope he doesn't lose his cool if he ever finds out. "I wish you could be mine," Justin says in a single breath, both of us yanking our shirts off between kisses of a heated make out session.
"Never." I grab his side belt loops and jerk him toward my body roughly, skillfully getting onto the couch in his living room.
"What if-?" he begins to ask.
"Don't care," I fire back, his hands unbuttoning my jeans as I undo his William Rast jeans.
"Mmm," he moans into my mouth, grinding on me once our bodies are bare.
I gently push him back by his hips. "No glove, no love," I enforce.
He reaches for the nightstand, leaning over me and I run my tongue over the definition of his abs to be rewarded with a hiss. He looks at me laying under his toned body and I see guilt take over his face and eyes. He sits on his heels slowly, his erection at attention and I know that the respect he has for 'Lan takes precedence over his sexual desire. He puts his boxers back on, followed by his jeans with a deep breath and walks onto the patio. I get myself dressed and follow him, wanting answers. I envelop his waist in my arms, laying my head on his back and wait for him to explain while his eyes are focused on the stars and moon. "I want to do it, but I respect Chris so much that I can't betray him like that. I respect you too much to take advantage of you like this. I guess I care too much," he explains, reaching a hand back to brush it over my side. "Forgive me?"
"You did nothing wrong."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"I'll love you forever and a day."
"You always have a place in my heart, but there won't be an us."
"You love Nick the way I do you."
I said nothing in response to that realization, sitting out there in silence until my phone beeps in my pocket. I fire off a text and leave. I get to my car and pause, hopeful that he'll come stop me when I know he won't. Oasis's 'Wonderwall' comes on the radio and I smile, recalling the memories that accompany it. I get to Santa Monica and let myself in, waiting the ten minutes before he arrives. I strut around his house in my green lacy bra and thong set and decide on perching myself on his grand piano in his studio. I get bored after a couple minutes and listen to a track he's been working on, it's probably for his new album. It sounds good, but something is off and I tweak it just enough to make it sound perfect. I'm leaning over his soundboard in my underwear, mixing his songs how they'd sound best when I come across 'Nothing Left To Lose' and stop to hear it. The second verse hits me like a ton of bricks, something he'd written when he had been clean for almost 2 years and I begin to cry because of the meaning behind it. Everyone thinks it's about Lauren, but if you really listen to the words... The chorus explains it all, the truth behind it. Another song plays and I laugh at it, knowing why he wrote it. I sniffle, feeling his presence here and look toward the door to see him descending the steps to his studio. "-girl, it should be you and me tonight, so don't leave me waiting," he sings with the track, wrapping me in his warm embrace as he uses one hand to cue another song and sings it softly. "That was 'Special', it's going on the album."
"I like that one."
"I can tell. Most of them have to do with you."
I lean my head back onto his chest, my right hand tangling with his left on my abdomen while his right hand manuevers the soundboard. His eyebrow peaks and his lips form a tight line, thinking about the track he's playing as he keeps rewinding it to figure out what he's missing. I reach out with my left hand and move a lever to up the bass and another to adjust his vocals, mixing it with expertise. "Much better," I comment.
He rewinds it a final time and he listens to it, kissing the side of my neck. "Julliard taught you well, Cassie."
"Musically, yes. Common sense, not so much."
"Stop beating yourself up over our faults, we're only human."
"A flaw is a flaw."
"You can accept it or fight to change it."
"I know, but who will be there to help me back to my feet again?"
He turns me to face him and locks eyes with me, seriously looking into my orbs. "I know I would drop everything to help you, including my relationship. Don't ever question my loyalty to you, not even for a moment, Cassie." He presses a tender and reassuring kiss to my lips, hugging me tightly after.
This is where I have to stop my story because it's gets too personal, too complicated and it just can't be told any longer. I've told too much as is.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
