* El Paso, Texas *

The day seem to fade, as the sky turned gray. A mass of clouds covered the light of the sun. The sounds of thunder, shuttering through the neighborhoods, the pounding of the rain, dancing on the walls. I groaned inwardly, watching the rain from inside my house. Even with a roof over my head, there were about 20 something leaks all around this damn shit shack. Five buckets in the living room, four in the kitchen, three in the bedroom, five in the dining room, and three in the bathroom. I hated this shit hole, but it was all I could afford with the piece of shit job I had. Yet, my wife loved it here. She said it didn't matter to her where we lived or how poor we were, just as long as we had eachother. But I told her she was full of shit.

I sniffed loudly, getting comfortable on our red sofa. This thing was older then me and my wife put together. But recently, it's been my savor. My bed at morning, afternoon, and evening. I reached into my pocket, removing the bags that I had purchased earlier from a friend at work. I picked up the first, eyeing the green substance carefully. Marijuana was my relaxer, my comforter. I lifted the next one, a devious smirk spearding across my lips. Cocaine. This was my baby right here, the one and only thing that could make all my pain and suffering go away. If only I could hide it from my wife. I knew this shit was bad for her and the baby inside her. But at this moment, I didn't give a shit. I wanted to feel alittle buzz, forget about all my financial problems. I just want it all to go away. I wanted to be alone. Just me and my pipe.

I took a long puff, savoring the taste on my lips. God it felt great. Soothing. I finished the blunt in a second, as my worked my way towards the coke. I made four perfect lines, as I took the first one, then the second in less than a second. Before the third, I looked up seeing the front door open.

My wife was standing by the doorway completely drenched, with a bag of groceries in her arms. "Justin, what the hell are you doing?" She asked angrily. She closed the door, stepping into the kitchen. Setting the bag down, she turned around to look at me. "Justin, what are you doing home so early?"

"I just felt like coming home early. Is that a problem?"

"Yes, Justin it is a problem. You can't be leaving work like this. You can't afford to get fired right now. Not with the baby due in only a couple of days."

I looked up from where I was sitting, as my gaze landed on her delicate features. My wife really was beautiful. She was that woman that every girl envied and every man wanted. And she was mine. I loved her. No, I DO love her. I love her more than life itself. But right now, I was too stoned to give a fuck what she looked like or how she or I felt.

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up and go make me some dinner all right? I don't have time for your shit right now." I said quietly, as I turned back around and took a long puff from my new blunt.

I didn't notice the pain and fury in her eyes, until I watched her take my blunt and throw it into a bucket of water by the coffee table. Then my rage grew wildly, as I watched in bewilderment, as she knocked over the table with my remaining lines of cocaine.

"Damn it Sylvia, what the fuck did you do that for?!" I hissed, jumping to my feet. "Do you know how much that shit cost me?"

"That shit!" She yelled, pointing to the white powder on the floor, "Means more to you than I do! You love that shit more than your own wife. More than your daughter!"

"This isn't about you or that bastard in your belly! This is about me! About my life!"

I felt my face whip harshly to the side, as Sylvia's hand crossed my face. In a wild rage, I grabbed her by the neck and pushed her roughly against the wall. I watched through teary eyes, as her face redden, her breath leaving her lungs. I released her quickly, afraid of what more I was capable of doing because of the drugs.

"Justin... Baby." She coughed softly, the tears cascading down her cheeks. "Please stop. Stop doing this to yourself. To us. To our unborn daughter." She started weeping quietly, grabbing her belly for protection. "Baby I love you. And I know you can get through this. Just please... Please get help."

I sighed angrily. The mixture of both drugs taking over the senses of my body. "I'm not gonna stop and I'm not gonna get help!" I yelled loudly, throwing several objects across the room. "I hate myself! I hate this life, I hate my house, I hate my job. I hate you! And I hate her!!" I yelled pointing to her belly.

"Justin please! Stop this!" She cried uncontrollably.

"Go to hell! Go to hell and take that fucking bastard with you!" Without another word, i stormed out of house and into the rain.

-------------------------------------------------------

* Sunland Park, New Mexico. Mount Cristo Rey *

A few feet below, I watched as I left my Ford Ranger parked illegally on the side of the road. But I didn't care, I was driving wildly through the interstate, the tears blurring my vision and the rain making it even worse. Now, here I was climbing up a mountain to the very top, where a giant cross stood tall for all to see. I don't know if it was me or the drug, but I was scared. And at that moment in time, all I wanted to do... Was die.

Hey excuse me

Hi my name is Bob and I work at my job
I make forty-something dollars a day
I used to be the man in my hometown
Until I started to lose my way
It all goes back to when I dropped out at school
Having fun, I was living the life
But now I got a problem with that little white rock
See I can't put down the pipe

I dropped to my knees, as I looked at the old rock statue of the cross in front me. The rain was pouring down on me, mixing with the tears cascading from my eyes. At that moment, I wish I could take back everything that I had ever said to my wife, to my unborn child. They didn't deserve it. They didn't deserve me. I lost everything, I was alone.

And...

It's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

I yelled loudly, screaming up into the sky as held onto the cross. "Why couldn't things be any different. Why couldn't I have had a better job, a better life, a better home. Why did you have to punish me lord? What did I do to deserve this?! Why must I live in hell, when I know I can live in heaven with you."

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?

----------------------------------------------------

* El Paso, Texas. Thompson Hospital *

"Sylvia, I need you to take deep breaths okay. Deep breaths."

"Doctor, please. Please save my baby."

"Your baby is fine Mrs. Timberlake. You're fine. Now on three. One, two, three, ready push!!!"

Her cries echoed loudly through the delivery room, as the second stage of the labor began.

Now you gotta understand I was a family man
I would have done anything for my own
But I couldn't get a grip on my new found itch
So I ended up all alone
I remember where I was when I got my first buzz
See I thought I was living the life
And the craziest thing is I'll probably never know the color of my daughter's eyes

And it is breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?


---------------------------------------------------------

Thunder struck loudly, the rain falling heavy against the ground. I  laid helplessly wrapped around the cross. The drugs disappearing from my body. I sobbed quietly, images of my wife flashing through my mind. Her smile, her eyes, the curves of her body. I loved her. I really did. She is my everything. I couldn't lose her. I can't lose her. She is the mother of my child.

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

"Lord forgive me. I'm sorry. Give me a second chance to prove to you that I can be a different man. I love my wife. I love my daughter. And I want to see her born. I want to be the best father she ever had." I cried softly, dragging myself to stay on my two feet. "Please lord, hear my prayer. Help me be a different man!"

Oh my god please forgive me (father hear my prayer)
'Cause I know I've done some wrong in this life<
If I could do it all again
Have just one more chance
To take all those wrongs and make them right

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

I never realized that he had heard, as I saw a vision of Sylvia laying on the hospital bed. She was calling my name and... She was giving birth. The vision faded. Could he have heard me? He was forgiving me? He was giving me another chance?

"Thank you Lord." I whispered, making my way down the mountain. With the miracle of the Lord and the light rain falling quietly.

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

------------------------------------------------------------

I burst through the doors, my eyes falling on my wife laying quietly on the bed. And in her arms, was my baby. Our baby girl. "Baby... I'm so sorry."

She sighed heavily, looking at me carefully. My clothes were drenched and my eyes were red and puffy. But not from drugs, but from crying. And she knew it too. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked away from me, to look at our daughter.

I thought it was over. The tears resuffering, until I heard her quietly say; "Look honey, daddy's here to see you."

An enormous smile speared across my face, as I made my way towards the both of them. I placed a long passionate kiss on my wife's lips, then a peck on our daughter's forehead. "I love you." I said to both. "And I'm sorry."


"Aaleyah says it's okay daddy. And I say it's okay too."

I sighed, as I wrapped my arms around both of them. From that moment, I knew that the both of them could help me find my way.

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?