It felt good  to be underwater, almost too good, and Cat had to force herself to surface to take in a mouthful of air in order to appease her burning lungs.  She'd swam far from the beach at this point, past where the waves broke, and when she turned to survey her progress, she could see the lone figure just making his way down the winding path through the grass toward the sand.  Hardly any residents swam in the ocean besides her, and she had been at the center long enough to go down to the water without a chaperone.

Sighing, Cat started the swim back to shore, even though she didn't feel nearly finished.  She never went out too far, but she usually did a couple meter loops before calling it a day.  As always, swimming cleared her head and exhausted her body enough to make her feel at least somewhat normal.

She dove under the crashing waves with ease and surfaced once her knees brushed the gritty sand.  She paused only to adjust her swimsuit and squeeze the water out of her hair before heading towards the man that now stood at end of the path, hands in the pockets of his khakis, watching her.  The sun glinted off the face of his watch as she approached, blinding her a little bit.

"Hi," she greeted without a smile. 

"Hey."  JC took his hands out of his pockets and extended his arms slightly to his sides like he always did, ready to accept her embrace.  Dr. Wheylan had recommended they establish a routine from the beginning, and although it had loosened somewhat with time (she no longer needed to meet him in the lobby, always sitting in the same armchair to the left of the couch), it always began with a greeting and a hug, no matter how forced it felt.  This was the first time JC had come down to meet her at the beach, however, or even arrived unexpectedly, and Cat felt out of sorts.

"I'm wet," she said, gesturing down at her plain black one-piece swimsuit.  It was cheaply made, from somewhere like Wal-Mart or Target, but she hadn't been able to ever get comfortable in the expensive Nike suits that JC had bought for her, so she'd stopped forcing herself to wear them.

"I don't mind," JC replied simply, shrugging his shoulders a little bit.  So Cat stepped forward into his arms, wrapping her own damp ones around his slender back.  She could feel the bones in his spine and knew that he was feeling the same in hers.  When they moved apart, JC had a wet patch in the shape of her torso marking his previously pristine white linen shirt.  He didn't look bothered and instead put his hands back in his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" Cat asked, wishing she was dressed and had pockets of her own to put her useless hands in.  Instead, at a loss, she left her arms dangling at her sides, the saltwater dripping off her fingertips.

"Dr. Wheylan called this morning and asked me to come in," he replied.  "He wants to meet with both of us.  Julie told me you were down here, so I figured I'd save her a trip and come meet you."

It would have been less startling to see Julie down at the beach informing her of this impromptu meeting, but Cat didn't say so.  "I need to get dressed."

"We have time."

She'd left a towel at the edge of the grass, and JC picked it up for her, wrapping it around her shoulders with his strong hands.  He rubbed her arms through the material for a second, even though it was 75 degrees out and she was nowhere near cold. 

She followed JC up the path back to the building, and thankfully didn't have to ask him to wait in the lobby for her.  He'd never once been in her room, not in three whole years, and Cat wanted to keep it that way.  There was a stark variance in the reality of her life at the program and her life with JC.  She still hadn't been able to merge the two, and wasn't sure if she ever wanted to.  Smart, together JC didn't belong in this place, this haven for fuck-ups and losers.  He didn't fit here, he wasn't supposed to.

"I'll be here," was all he said, taking a seat in the homey lobby that he was all too familiar with.  Even the receptionists that worked the front desk were on a first name basis with him.  It was hard not to be friendly with a guy like JC, Cat figured.  Hard for everyone but her.

Up in her room, she took a quick shower and wondered if she should be worried about this surprise meeting.  Dr. Wheylan wasn't in the habit of springing last minute changes on his patients, and it was for good reason.  Cat's hands shook slightly as she combed her damp hair up into a ponytail and got dressed.  Her swim had been cut short and her entire day felt as if it had been tilted on its axis, balancing precariously on the jagged cliff that was her life.  She tried counting her steps as she walked back down to the lobby, and that helped a little bit. 

Dr. Wheylan was already there when she arrived, leaning against the back of the couch and talking casually with JC as if they were old friends.  Cat watched them for a moment, twisting her wedding ring around her finger with her thumb like she always did when she was anxious.  Back in her first few months of the program, she'd had the ring taken away because she'd twisted so much that the platinum had burned through the delicate skin of her finger.  She'd gotten the ring back a year later, but there was still a scar beneath the circle of tiny diamonds.

"Let's go to my office," Dr. Wheylan suggested when Cat approached.  He was smiling easily, the crisp white of his teeth contrasting against his dark skin, but he always looked like that.  Cat followed him, JC close behind, as they crossed to the far doors of the lobby and out into the courtyard.  Dr. Wheylan's office was in a separate building from the rest of the villa, almost like a guesthouse.  It looked like he could have lived there, with its plush couches and small kitchenette to provide coffee and other drinks for patients.  But Cat knew that he lived in Calabasas with his wife and kids, though she didn't know their names or what they looked like.  He didn't have any personal effects or pictures anywhere around his office in order to keep professional distance, which was good as Dr. Wheylan was very easy to get attached to.

As usual, he offered them drinks and gestured for them to sit on one of the couches together while he sat across from them in an armchair.  Their sessions always began with "small" talk, or what Dr. Wheylan considered the "warm up".  Even though Cat wasn't altogether sure that this meeting constituted as a session, as it hadn't been planned or even scheduled for the normal time (they were missing lunch, after all), it began the same as always.  Dr. Wheylan asked polite but thoughtful questions about JC's current projects, and Cat always assumed he must have been an avid reader of Us Weekly and TMZ.com for as much as he knew to ask about.  When it was Cat's turn, Dr. Wheylan asked about topics she was familiar with, like her swimming times and her progress in the various extracurriculars she was signed up for.

"Julie tells me you've bested your meter time," Dr. Wheylan noted, and Cat nodded.  "Did that feel good?"

It was a lame question, but it didn't feel lame coming from Dr. Wheylan.  "Yes," she said, then elaborated.  "Even though I'm not competing any more, it's nice to accomplish something."

Dr. Wheylan smiled, his fist resting against his jaw as he nodded.  "Good.  And how about the piano lessons?"

Cat felt JC shift slightly next to her on the couch, and she looked down at her lap.  "They're...alright.  Harder than I expected."

JC knew he wasn't allowed to interrupt during Cat's time to talk, so he stayed quiet, even though Cat could practically feel the tension radiating off of him in waves.  Was he pleased that she was learning piano, angry that she hadn't asked for his help, or hurt that she hadn't mentioned it to him?  Cat mentally lined up the possibilities, but before she could narrow down her guess, Dr. Wheylan continued.

"It's good to be challenged sometimes."  He paused to take a sip from his cup of coffee before leaning forward to place it on the narrow table between them.  "Let's talk about the reason we're here."

Cat looked up, feeling her heart constrict in her chest.

"I'm sorry about the short notice, but it was important for both of you to be present," Dr. Wheylan said.  "Cat, I've already asked the front desk to begin preparing your discharge paperwork.  You're ready to go home."

Never in a million years did Cat expect those words to come out of Dr. Wheylan's mouth.  She felt lightheaded as she stared back at him, unsure of what to think or how to feel.

"Today?" JC asked, breaking the cardinal "no interrupting" rule.  "She can come home today?"

"Standard operating procedure is 48 hours," Dr. Wheylan replied.  "To allow for transition time."

"That's...great.  That's great news," JC blurted.  He glanced over at her but Cat kept her gaze trained on Dr. Wheylan's blue coffee cup.  "Cat?"

"How do you feel?" Dr. Wheylan asked gently, and Cat tried desperately to clear her mind of the panic that threatened to spill out. 

"I feel...surprised," she admitted, and Dr. Wheylan nodded. 

"Do you feel that you're ready?"

Cat longed to say no.  Deep in every fiber of her being, she wanted the answer to be no so that she could stay away from life for as long as possible.  The truth was, she liked being sequestered away up here so that she could avoid the reality of the family she'd estranged, the marriage she'd destroyed, the life she'd essentially thrown away.  More than anything, Cat wanted to run out of the office and back up to her room to hide under the covers of her bed and pretend that this day had never happened.

Unfortunately, years of therapy had conditioned Cat to consider her thoughts rather than react to them, so she took a moment to reply.

"Yes," she said finally, evenly.  "I feel that I'm ready to...go home."

It was hard to refer to anywhere outside of this place as her home, but she knew it pleased JC.  He was practically beside himself, sitting next to her on the couch.  He'd started to fidget, drumming his fingertips on the armrest, tapping his foot against the leg of the table.

Dr. Wheylan nodded and picked up a clipboard that Cat hadn't noticed before, pausing to make a few notes.

"JC, would you mind giving Cat and I a moment?"

JC nodded, but before he got up, reached for Cat's hand and squeezed it gently within his own.  Cat started at the unexpected contact, but he was on his way out of the room before she could figure out how to respond.

Dr. Wheylan looked at her for a long time and Cat did her best to hold his gaze.  Inside, she was dying to turn away, to hide in a corner, but she resisted. 

"Tell me what's going on," Dr. Wheylan prompted.  It was a familiar phrase and Cat knew that it meant he wanted to hear exactly what she was thinking and feeling, right at that moment, no holding back.

"I feel...blindsided," Cat admitted, "and guilty for feeling that way."

"Go on."  Dr. Wheylan motioned for her to continue and Cat twisted her ring a few times before forcing herself to stop. 

"I don't know if I want to be ready to go home," she said.  "I'm so afraid to screw up my marriage even more.  I've hurt JC so badly.  I don't know if I can face my old friends, our old life."

She went on a few more minutes, blurting out brief, disconnected thoughts as they occurred to her.  When she was finished, as usual, she felt the crushing weight of fear lift off her shoulders slightly.  These exercises weren't bullshit, Cat learned that as soon as she stopped resisting them and just started giving in.  How on earth would she function at home without Dr. Wheylan continually prompting her every time she faltered?

When she was finished speaking, Dr. Wheylan made another note on his clipboard before addressing her.

"All of these thoughts that are plaguing you are completely normal," he assured.  "To hear you voice them only confirms my belief that you're ready."

"So I'm...rehabilitated?" Cat asked, the word feeling foreign in her mouth.  It always reminded her of a car accident victim, someone who had broken their spine and needed months of intensive therapy in order to walk again.  The name of the facility was Malibu Valley Rehabilitation and Restoration Center, but there weren't any car accident victims in sight.  Just a bunch of headcases like her.  And restoration was even worse - like she was some old painting that had to be cleaned and buffed until it had returned as close as possible to its original, albeit faded, appearance.

"Do you think you are?" Dr. Wheylan asked and Cat sighed.

"No.  I feel the same as I did when I got here.  Just...more accepting."

A hint of a smile played at the corners of Dr. Wheylan's mouth.  "Good.  We can all stand to be a little bit more accepting."

They sat in silence for a few moments and Cat picked at a thread in the throw pillow beneath her arm.

"Can I call you?" she asked meekly.  "If...if things get bad?"

"Of course," Dr. Wheylan assured.  "Any time, day or night."

Cat suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.  This would be the last time she would sit on this couch.  She felt as if there were so many things she'd yet to figure out about herself, but was it ever possible to figure out everything?  The worst part was the attachment she felt to Dr. Wheylan, a person who she knew virtually nothing about despite his intimate knowledge of her.  She only knew his first name from looking at the multiple diplomas and certificates on the wall behind his desk, across the office.  It was Malcolm, and his middle initial was R.

"Can I ask you something?" she blurted, and Dr. Wheylan simply nodded, unfazed.  "What's your wife's name?"

If he was surprised at her question, he didn't show it.  "Andrea."

Cat nodded slowly, letting this sink in.  "Oh."

Dr. Wheylan eyed her closely.  "Anything else, Cat?"

She shook her head.

Dr. Wheylan set his clipboard down and stood.  Cat took her cue to stand as well, and allowed him to walk her outside.  JC was waiting in the courtyard, hands in his pockets again as he surveyed a fountain nearby.

"48 hours," Dr. Wheylan reminded them.  "JC, stop by the front desk on the way out and Marissa will give you the waivers to sign and some other necessary information on our discharge procedure."

Cat walked with JC back to the lobby, the air-conditioned air hitting her bare arms with a goosebump-inducing rush.  Julie was waiting by the desk for her but motioned for them to say their goodbyes.

"Good news," JC said, unable to contain his smile.  Cat forced one that she hoped looked natural, even though she could feel it sitting on her face like a pathetic mockery.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Cat replied.  "Well.  See you in 48 hours, I guess."

JC's smile faltered slightly.  "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah.  Just tired," she said, which was the truth.  She felt drained, like every ounce of energy had been squeezed out of her.  She just wanted to lay down and close her eyes. 

"Get some rest."  JC squeezed her upper arms and pulled her in for a hug rather than wait for her to step into it.  Cat's immediate reaction was to stiffen, but she forced herself to wrap her arms around JC mechanically.  "I love you."

It was the phrase JC spoke every time they said goodbye after one of their sessions, at least once a week and occasionally twice.  It was an unquestionable part of their routine, and another part of their routine was Cat's response. 

"I know," she murmured, her voice muffled by his shoulder.  As usual, she felt a certain change in JC after she said that, a release of hope and a resignation of sorts.  When he pulled back, there was always a note of soft sadness in his eyes but he never said anything about it or acted frustrated.  How was it possible to put up with three years of your wife not being able to say "I love you" back?

This time was the same as always, but JC placed a soft kiss on top of her hair before stepping away.

"See you Thursday," he said.  "'Bye."

"'Bye," she said, feeling a familiar emptiness inside as she walked away from him.  She crossed the room to meet Julie, who waved at JC before wrapping her arm around Cat's shoulders.  Normally, she would flinch, but Julie was a touchy person and Cat had been getting used to her random displays of affection for years.  It was just another part of her routine.

"You must be so excited," Julie gushed, guiding Cat towards the stairs. 

"Mm hmm," Cat replied absentmindedly, counting the stairs as they ascended. 

"We're going to miss you around here," Julie continued.  "You'll have to come back and visit."

Cat didn't say anything.