She had never wanted to fall in love with JC.

It was sort of humorous, actually, because as a couple, they didn't really make sense.  He was scatterbrained and passionate, she was meticulous and reserved.  He came from a close-knit family, she came from a non-existent-knit one.  A road map of their lives would have looked clashed and confusing, but the place where their relationship intersected was surprisingly effortless.

Oddly enough, they'd both been born in Maryland, albeit opposite ends of the state.  JC had been raised there, for the most part, but Cat barely had time to  make memories of the east coast before her parents divorced, and she'd gotten transplanted to Los Angeles with her father before her third birthday.  She and her brother spent summers in Connecticut with their mother until the age of 8, before things just "got too hectic", in her mom's words.  Cat had always considered California to be her real home, and she embraced everything about the Pacific Ocean wholeheartedly.  She'd always loved to swim (she'd bested her brother in swimming lessons as a five-year-old and never forgotten it), and as she grew older, the beach and the water there became a new world to Cat.  Her father bought her snorkeling lessons in Coronado for her 12th birthday, and she was scuba-certified as soon as she was 18.  College had been a no-brainer, of course, and she applied only to UCSD's prestigious Institute of Oceanography, despite her father's urging for a couple safety schools.

While she was working on her bachelor's degree in Marine Science, Cat taught swimming lessons for spending money and starting competing on her school's intramural dive team for fun.  As far as she was concerned, a day wasn't worth experiencing unless she spent at least part of it in the water.  She still felt that way.

She was working at the Aquarium of the Pacific and starting on her Masters when she met JC.  It was stupid, really - he'd wanted to arrange a private tour of the aquarium for his mom's birthday, and the operator had mistakenly directed his call to her as opposed to the public relations manager. 

He'd been unquestionably adorable, even over the phone, rambling on about how much his mother loved the ocean and he hadn't been able to spend a birthday with her in years, and went as far to drop some subtle hints that he'd be willing and able to drop a serious donation to the aquarium if she was able to make this work on such late notice.  When she finally managed to get a word in edgewise, Cat informed him that she was actually in the research department, not public relations, but promised to transfer him.  Of course, the PR manager was at lunch, but JC had sounded so forlorn that Cat took the message personally rather than direct him to voicemail.  She'd diligently copied down his request and promised to do whatever she could to help.  Even though private tours were not the aquarium's standard procedure, Cat pleaded JC's case to the PR manager (who was a grumpy man on a good day), for reasons unknown even to her.  Maybe it was the potential of a large donation, or maybe it was the lost puppy quality of JC's phone call.  Either way, she pulled the necessary strings and got the tour secured.

A few days later, a large bouquet of flowers was waiting on her desk when she got in to the office, along with a hand-written note from JC, expressing his thanks to her for helping move the process along.  Additionally, he'd made the aforementioned donation and it was more than substantial.  Cat's boss, who sat on the board of directors for the aquarium, was over the moon.

"Any man who will send you flowers, sight unseen, and donate that much money in one fell swoop, is a keeper," she'd told Cat excitedly.  "We need to make sure to add him to our donor mailing list."

The flowers were beautiful and exorbitant and must have had some kind of magical potion in them, because they stayed alive and blooming on Cat's desk for another two weeks.  They still looked beautiful when one of the receptionists paged her during lunch one afternoon to tell her that she had a visitor.  Cat didn't get visitors very often, and as much as she longed to stay at her desk and finish her turkey sandwich, she begrudgingly went up front. 

JC was waiting there for her, and Cat would be lying if she said that he wasn't even more attractive than she'd expected.  He looked rich but not showy, wearing a nice button-down shirt and dark, unwrinkled jeans.  She felt sloppy in comparison, with her ponytail and the little spot of mustard she'd gotten on her black aquarium polo shirt earlier, but JC made her feel comfortable, shaking her hand warmly as he introduced himself.

"I just wanted to personally thank you for helping to set up this tour for my mom today," he said.  "She's beyond thrilled."

"I'm so glad," Cat replied.  "And thank you for the flowers."

"My pleasure."  He took a moment to let go of her hand.  "I can't believe this is the first time I've been here.  This is a great facility."

If there was anything Cat took pride in, it was the aquarium, and she could practically feel herself preening under the indirect compliment.  "We've been doing a lot of work over the past few years.  There's so many new exhibits right now...did you get a map?"

JC then patiently allowed her to outline several points of interest that they should be sure not to miss, placing a special emphasis on the dolphin exhibit that she'd personally worked to re-calibrate the previous year.

"Maybe I should have tried to get you as our tour guide," he said when she was finished, and Cat blushed. 

"I'll let you get going.  It was nice to meet you."

They shook hands again and Cat turned to head back to her office.  She was five steps away when JC called for her to wait.  She stopped, extra aware of the nosy receptionist at the desk nearby.  JC took the few steps to catch up with her and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable.

"Uh, look.  I'm trying this new thing where I'm  being more straightforward.  So, I'm just gonna come out and say it."  He held out his hands, palms up as if already asking for her forgiveness.  "I think you're cute.  And I'd like to maybe get your number, if I could."

Cat felt as if her entire body would burn up with the blush that covered her face and neck.  She knew the receptionist was gawking openly at this point, but she'd remained calm and given JC her card, writing her cell phone number on the back.  She wasn't exactly a serial dater, but it would have been altogether more embarrassing to turn him down, and it wasn't like he would actually call, anyway.

But he did call, and she somehow found herself agreeing to join him at a piano bar downtown to watch some of his friends perform sub-par karaoke.  She didn't make any connection to his celebrity status until they got to the bar and were promptly accosted by a man with a video camera outside.  Too embarrassed to ask who JC was, Cat figured it out through observation and small talk with his friends.  In between drinks and taking in pathetic performances of "Electric Avenue" and "Pour Some Sugar on Me", Cat and JC talked.  They swapped life stories, most embarrassing moments, favorite pets growing up. 

By the end of the night, Cat was already afraid of how much she liked him, but somehow allowed herself to be asked on a second date (this time solo).  The second date turned into a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, with frequent phone calls in between, and all of a sudden, Cat had spent an entire month dating JC.

So, really, the way it happened was totally ridiculous.  Almost without realizing it, she found herself in a serious relationship with an ex-pop star, which was really the last place she'd ever wanted or expected to be. 

Cat thought this over as she sat in her room for the last time Thursday morning.  She hadn't officially packed yet, because she didn't have suitcases, but all of her clothes and belongings were in neat little piles, ready to be filed away in the bags that JC was bringing with him.  She couldn't remember how she got all of her stuff here without suitcases, but the truth was that she couldn't remember much of those first few weeks at all.

Now, she looked around her room with a careful eye, considering the place she had essentially come to consider home over the past three years.  It wasn't much bigger than a hotel room, but the quality of it put her first ever studio apartment in Long Beach to shame.  And the view of the ocean was priceless.  Well, not completely priceless, Cat thought, realizing for what felt like the first time how much this place was probably costing JC.  She knew her dad had offered to split the bill with him, but JC refused.  As far as her father was concerned, JC was her knight in shining armor, although Cat would have preferred being whisked off to a castle somewhere rather than rehab. 

She felt guilty at the thought.  This was her own fault, after all.  JC had never asked for any of this.

A knock sounded at the door and Cat stood up, suddenly nervous.  This would be the first and last time JC saw her room.  She opened the door to reveal him standing on the other side with two huge Coach suitcases, looking sheepish.

"I wasn't really sure how much stuff you had," he admitted, wheeling them into the room.

"It's okay," Cat replied, hesitating to close the door behind him.  She and JC hadn't been alone, really alone, together in years.  They were always down in the lobby or in Dr. Wheylan's office, always people nearby.  Cat would be lying if she didn't admit to using that to her advantage...JC had never been much for PDA, and she couldn't remember the last time they'd kissed. 

JC set one of the suitcases on the bed and took a moment to glance around.  "This is nice."

Cat nodded, already reaching for a stack of clothing to place inside the suitcase.  "I guess so.  I like the view, anyway."  She thought forlornly of JC's Hollywood Hills home that they'd shared together for the first year of their marriage.  It was high up enough that, on a rare clear day, if you squinted, you could see just a slice of blue.  But it wasn't the same.

"About that."  JC worked beside her, handing her little stacks that she could place neatly inside the suitcase.  "I have a surprise for you."

Cat looked up at him, unnerved.  Could she handle another surprise so soon?  "What is it?"

JC just smiled, but Cat could see the twinkle of excitement in his eyes and knew he was barely containing himself.  "You'll see."

Together, they packed everything quickly, more quickly than Cat had expected.  Down in the lobby, Julie, Dr. Wheylan, and a couple of the orderlies she had gotten to know over the years were waiting for her.

"Just a little something we had everyone sign," Julie explained as she handed Cat an envelope with her name on it.  "We sure will miss you, Cat."

Cat accepted the card and Julie's hug.  Her original plan when arriving at the center was to keep everyone at arm's length or further away.  She didn't want to form attachments here.  But Julie had been the most stubborn - as the head nurse and main medical liaison, she was unavoidable, and she'd squeezed herself into Cat's life unexpectedly.  Even if she only saw Dr. Wheylan once a week, Cat saw Julie every day, and Julie never gave up.

"I'll miss you, too, Julie," Cat replied, because it was hard to imagine life without seeing the woman's perky smile day after day.  Julie's eyes got misty at that comment, so Cat moved on to say her goodbyes with the rest of her little bon voyage party.  Dr. Wheylan was last, and he walked with them out to where JC's Jeep waited in the circular drive.

"We'll do a follow-up appointment in four weeks, but you both have my number if there are any questions before then," he said.  While JC loaded the back of the car, Dr. Wheylan put his hand on Cat's shoulder.  "I've learned a lot from you, Cat."

This was the last thing Cat expected to hear, and she felt her throat tighten oddly.  "Same here, Dr. Wheylan."

He held up his hands.  "I'm not your doctor anymore.  Call me Malcolm."

"Okay," Cat agreed, though she knew he would always be Dr. Wheylan in her mind.  "Thanks for everything."

"No, thank you."  To her surprise, Dr. Wheylan gave her a hug and then offered his hand to JC.  "Drive safely."

He stayed outside while they got in the car, and Cat waved to him as JC started down the winding driveway, back to the world below.  Cat swallowed hard and rested the palms of her hands on her thighs, feeling the denim beneath her hands and trying to focus on that rather than the reality of leaving the center for the first time.

"You okay?" JC asked as they reached the traffic light at the bottom of the hill and prepared to turn left onto PCH. 

"I'm fine," Cat replied automatically even though she felt about two minutes away from hyperventilating.  JC sighed and took his hands off the steering wheel.

"Cat, if this is going to work, you need to be honest with me," he said.  "If you're not okay...that's fine.  I just want you to tell me what you're feeling."

Cat wasn't used to telling anyone but Dr. Wheylan what she was feeling, but he was right.  "Okay.  I'm a little freaked out.  A lot freaked out."

"Alright."  The light turned green, and JC pulled out into traffic.  It was late Thursday morning so there weren't many people around, but Cat still felt overwhelmed.  "Thanks for being honest."

"You're welcome," Cat murmured, turning to look out at the ocean rather than watch the road in front of them.  She needed to soak it up before they turned inland to take the 10 Freeway towards LA.

However, when they reached Santa Monica, instead of getting on the freeway, JC stayed on PCH.

"Where are we going?" Cat asked, looking out at the pier and the surfers like black dots in the blue water.

"Part of your surprise," was all JC said, and they didn't talk for the rest of the drive.  The radio was off, but JC drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and hummed under his breath.  Cat could tell that he was beyond excited...the last day she had seen him this thrilled was their wedding day.  She tried to muster up some excitement as well, but all she could manage was trepidation.

No matter what the surprise was, she would be pleased, Cat decided.  She couldn't burst JC's bubble anymore - it was time to be a real married couple...the kind that lived together and communicated and worked through problems like normal, adjusted adults.  They could make this work.  There was no reason it couldn't.

Eventually, they turned off PCH, and passed a stonework sign that read Palos Verdes Estates.  Cat wasn't familiar with the area, and still wasn't sure what they were doing there.  She felt tired already though, and hoped it wouldn't take too long before they could go home.  She squelched her questions as JC drove through a quaint business district before the street gave way into large, sprawling homes with red-tile roofs and large, impressive gardens.  It was a rich neighborhood, that was for sure.  Did JC have a friend that lived out here?

Eventually, the mass of homes gave way, and JC turned onto a less populated street.  Cat's heart gave a lurch - they were right on a cliff overlooking the ocean, the beautiful sparkle of the calm blue waves winking back at her like an old friend.  She was still looking out at it when JC reached a gate with a keypad, just like at their house.  He rolled down the window, input the code, and the gate swung open to allow them access up a wide, curved drive, lined with lush trees and bushes.  The driveway ended at a house, similar to the ones they'd already passed, but much larger, with a tall wooden front door.  Cat watched as JC put the Jeep in park and turned the motor off.

"Where are we?" she asked, and he smiled at her. 

"We're home."

Cat looked out the window again at the house.  "But...we don't live here."

"We do now," JC replied.  "I sold the Hollywood house, Cat."

She blinked.  "But...that's your house.  Your studio..."

"This house has a finished basement," JC said.  "It'll take some time to get it up to par, but we've already started the process.  What I can't do here yet, I'll just drive into the city to get done.  It's not far.  And I know that you always hated that house."

"I didn't," Cat replied, even though she never really liked it, either.  It was too cold and modern, and she'd never been able to figure out how to make it into something that wasn't a total bachelor pad.  A stark memory of standing alone in the huge kitchen, trying to make the coffee machine work, came to her suddenly, and Cat blinked it away.  Maybe JC was right. 

"I checked with Dr. Wheylan, and he thought it would be a good idea to start fresh in a new house," JC continued, getting out of the Jeep.  Cat followed somewhat warily, allowing JC to come around the side of the car and take her hand.  "But this place is perfect, and I want to show you why."

He was still so excited, and Cat let him lead her up the short front steps and through the front door.  The entryway was spacious and airy, with Spanish tiles on the floor and a wide staircase leading up to the left.  But she barely had time to look around before JC pulled her along, through the entryway and straight back, down into a sunken living room.  The furniture wasn't the same stuff that JC had had at his Hollywood house - mostly white and uncomfortable or leather and unwelcoming.  Again, Cat didn't get any time to look around before JC pulled her to the far wall, lined with floor-to-ceiling picture windows, a pair of glass doors in the center.  He opened them up and ushered her outside.

"What are we doing?" she started to ask, but her breath caught in her throat.  If she'd thought the view at the center was magnificent, the view here was...it was...indescribable.

Just beyond a long infinity pool that looked as if it spilled off the edge of a cliff into the ocean, the blue stretched out in front of her, seemingly going on forever.  Cat remembered the pitiful view from their old house and suddenly realized what JC had done.

"You did this for me?" she asked softly, glancing back at JC who stood just a few steps behind, watching her. 

"Yeah," he replied, almost sheepishly.  "I know how you like to be close to the water."

Liking to be close to the water was an understatement, but clearly JC understood that.  Cat walked around the back patio a little bit, exploring the view.  To the left, she could see a couple more houses spread out along the cliff, a fair distance away, but as their house was positioned on an edge that jutted out from the rest of the land, any neighbors were near invisible.  To the right, an inlet split the cliff from its other side, and an impossibly long and windy staircase led down to a small, private beach below.

"I haven't gone down there yet," JC admitted from behind her.  "It looks sketchy, but I did have a guy come out and check the integrity of the stairs.  It was pretty tough to find a place that was this secluded and had beach access on the property."

"That's ours?" Cat asked, pointing down to the sandy cove.  "Our own beach?"

"Well, technically, the beach is state property," JC amended.  "But the only land-based access point is on our land, so getting there would be pretty tough for anyone but us."

Us.  The word echoed in Cat's mind, almost as if she'd forgotten.  She and JC were married, and now they lived together in this enormous, beautiful house, with the ocean as their backyard and their own private freaking beach.  Her head spun with everything to take in, but Cat forced herself to take a breath.  One step at a time.

"This is incredible," she said.  "Thank you.  For doing this."

She turned toward JC, knowing what she needed to do, and stretched up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck.  It felt foreign to do this - their routine had been all about JC initiating the hug and Cat being able to accept it.  Doing it this way felt unnatural and uncomfortable, but JC returned the embrace, one arm around her waist tightly and one hand stroking her hair.

"I would do anything for you, Cat," JC murmured, his voice close to her ear.  Cat shut her eyes at his words.  She already knew that he would, but the real question remaining was what would she do for him?

Cat pulled back, ready to step away, but JC kept his arms around her, and suddenly they were in the position they'd somehow avoided for years.  JC's hand was on her neck, his thumb softly rubbing the spot below her ear, and he was looking at her lips.  Cat panicked. 

"I have to go to the bathroom," she blurted, twisting out of his grip abruptly and heading for the back doors.  Once she was inside the house, she realized that she had no idea where the bathroom might be, so she lingered on the carpeted step above the living room to look around.  A plush, matching set of a couch and two armchairs were positioned in a semi-circle around the large fireplace, a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall above.  With little touches like throw pillows and blankets, decorated in inviting, warm earth tones, the room was welcoming and cozy, rather than cold and impersonal, like JC's formal living room at the Hollywood house.  No one ever used it, and Cat had hated going in there.

"I hired a decorator, but if you don't like anything, we can change it." 

JC was behind her again, his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the doorjamb.  The excitement from earlier had been extinguished from his eyes, and Cat felt her insides deflate in shame.

"It's beautiful."

"Bathroom's this way," JC announced, moving past her.  Cat followed him, now entirely unsure that this life was possible for her.  How could she do this?  She couldn't even kiss her husband for Christ's sake.

The day only got worse when JC brought her bags in and led her up the stairs to the house's second level.  In a place this large, it was clear that there must have been several bedrooms, but Cat didn't really consider where she would sleep until JC led her into the master.  The room was spectacular, with a fireplace to match the one downstairs, and a view that was somehow even better up a little higher.  There was even a rounded balcony, and the doors were propped open, allowing fresh sea air inside.  Cat noticed all these things first, and then she noticed the bed.  It was huge, a king-size with a light gray duvet and a pile of white pillows at the head.  What Cat noticed, however, was that the side closest to the door was rumpled, and there was a half-empty glass of water on the bedside table.  Next to that, beneath a cell phone charger, was a familiar looking brown leather bound notebook.  It was JC's, a gift she'd gotten him for his 30th birthday, when they were still dating, and it was seriously great because the cover and the pages inside were separate, so when you filled the notebook, you could slide out the insert and put in a blank one.  For someone like JC, who filled notebooks faster than most people could finish reading a magazine, it was the perfect gift.

It was then that Cat realized with a start that she and JC were supposed to share the same bedroom.

It made sense, of course...they were married.  Married couples...slept together.  But Cat hadn't shared a room or a bed with anyone since she'd last lived with JC.  Some of the rooms at the center were doubles, and most everyone had a roommate, but Cat had been assigned one of the single rooms by request.  She hadn't wanted to make friends there, so she didn't.  Other than interactions with some staff, Julie, and Dr. Wheylan, as well as the mandated group therapy sessions she'd had to suffer through in the beginning, Cat pretty much kept to herself.  The idea of having to sleep beside someone, even if that someone was JC, was startling.

He noticed her disposition right away and set her bags aside, near the open door of a spacious closet. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," was what she said quickly, but when JC's eyebrows lowered, showing that he didn't believe her for a second, Cat wondered how she could possibly get out of this without destroying his feelings more than she already had.  "Um.  Are there curtains?" she asked instead, pointing at the open glass doors.  JC glanced over with a frown.

"No, I guess not.  I can hang some."

"Okay."  Cat forced a smile and shrugged.  She knew JC wanted her to be honest, but she didn't think he could quite take hearing that she wasn't ready to share a bed with him.

That night, however, Cat's panic returned.  She'd managed to put the bedroom dilemma out of her mind for the majority of the evening, as JC had ordered in Thai food (her favorite) and they'd watched a movie together.  In fact, she was relaxed and almost happy when JC suggested bed.

"You don't have to," he said when she looked up at him, eyes wide.  "But I'm beat."

Cat looked around the living room - all the dishes had been put in the dishwasher hours ago, the movie was over, and she was pretty exhausted.  She could fight off the moment for as long as possible, or just give in.

"Yeah.  Me too," she agreed, and followed JC upstairs to their bedroom. 

She managed to put on pajamas and wash her face without much effort, but when she turned the light out in the adjoining bathroom and found JC in bed already, a book open in his lap, she almost ran out of the room.  Instead, Cat forced herself to breathe and take one step toward the bed, then another, then another.  If JC noticed her strange, slow walk, he didn't say anything, and he kept his attention focused on his book.  He wore a t-shirt with his boxers, so Cat placated herself with the thought that he wasn't totally comfortable, either.  He was probably in a worse position than she was, anyway - he'd been forced to sleep alone for three years.

Cat sat down on the edge of the bed and took a moment to take in the purely physical aspects of her surroundings.  The bed was soft, but firm; the sheets were a thick and luxurious cotton.  It was almost like a hotel bed.  Unfamiliar but engineered to be inviting.  The lamp on her nightstand was turned on, but the rest of the tabletop was bare, save for a digital alarm clock and a framed photo.  Cat picked it up to look at it more closely - it was a picture from their wedding day.  They'd gotten married on the beach (of course), and in this particular shot, they stood ankle deep in the surf, Cat's dress swirling in the water, looking out at the sunset.  Their backs were turned to the camera, but Cat knew they were both smiling.  She remembered.

She took her time getting under the covers and turning her light out.  She pulled the comforter up to her chin and tried to relax, but her muscles felt as tense as a stretched rubber band.

"Is the light bothering you?" JC asked, glancing down at her.  Cat shook her head. 

"No, but I thought you were tired."

He smiled and set his book aside.  "I guess I am."  He turned out his light, throwing the room into darkness, except for the moon hanging over the ocean out beyond the balcony.  The doors were closed, but Cat could hear the waves crashing against base of the cliffs far below.

"Goodnight, Cat," JC said softly next to her.  The bed was big enough so that they weren't even touching, never had to if they didn't want to, and JC didn't make a move towards her.  Cat tugged the covers up even further on instinct. 

"Goodnight."

In what seemed like no time at all, JC was fast asleep.  He didn't snore, really, but he did breathe deeply, and his mouth was always just a little bit open.  Cat listened to him for awhile, hoping that she would be in the same position if she just allowed fatigue to take over, but she couldn't get herself to relax.  JC murmured something in his sleep and rolled over, his back to her, shifting the covers as he went.  Cat stared at the ceiling, feeling something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Hours went by, and Cat tried everything from counting sheep to reciting multiplication tables in her head.  She was exhausted, but every time JC shifted or made a noise, she remembered where she was, and her body tensed up again.  She glanced at the clock, realized it was almost two AM, and made a decision.

JC didn't stir as she got out of bed and padded out of the room.  She took her watch with her, and slipped downstairs to the couch.  She could probably find another bedroom, but she wasn't sure which ones were furnished, and the living room was the most familiar room in the house so far.  The couch was just as comfortable to lay on as it was to sit on, and she sunk into it with a breath of relief.  She set her watch alarm for 5, hoping JC hadn't adopted her habit of early rising while she was gone, and pulled a chenille blanket over her legs.  She was asleep in minutes.