I lay on the guest bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering if I'm even trustworthy in her eyes anymore. I pushed him into it, pressured him until he caved. Now we're both in deep and I wonder if she's keeping to her word, curious about which room she's in. I guess Nick's smarter than I am when it come her, he doesn't lie to her and if I were smarter-. Nope, not going there. Forget it.
I don't know why I didn't let her call them and blab about it, having to deal with it later I guess I just don't want to hear it from them, it's just easier to handle when it's her. Yes, our break up caused me to try it, allowing myself to get hooked and I'm the one to blame for letting myself to become addicted. I can't blame her for anything, even the break up had been my fault. She got tired of my bullshit and I would've too if I were her.
I wonder how much this is tearing the both of them apart inside, trying to grasp the whole mechanics of their relationship and I can't even begin to understand it. When they're good, it's the best and when they aren't, well, let's just say it's hideous. They seem so perfect, but if you could see what I do...
I hear him writing in his room, obvious by his singing it to himself and I hear the pain in his voice. He really does love her. I think he's writing one side of the story, a guitar telling the other half. Cass's vocal abilities confirm it.
They sound like they'd become good songs if they were to be recorded and released, one song answering the other. His sounds like a cry for help, hers is more like a confession of how she views the situation and its driving me crazy. I get up and knock on his bedroom door, his automatic response welcoming me in. "-I've fallen down so far, I think I'll never see your light bouncing off of me, shining down here from your eyes," he softly sings, because he's stuck.
"Help me figure out the difference between right and wrong, weak and strong, day and night, where I belong. Help me make the right decisions, know which way to turn, lessons to learn, just in my persistence," I sing, offering up the words.
"It's like I got the signals crossed with messages I can't decode," he continues as I leave, quietly shutting the door behind me.
I enter the guest bedroom at the other end of the hall from the master bedroom. "-give me just a second, what am I to do? Maybe it's an obsession, but this is my confession. I confess, every time I come around, something's always got you down and I don't understand why. And if you wanna tell me, I'll be the angel on your shoulder, baby," she croons at a barely audible level as she strums on the acoustic she's had for awhile now.
She keeps strumming the chords, unable to continue the verse on her own and I help her as well. "I'll be the man you confide in," I suggest.
She writes it down, able to continue now. "Thanks." She refocuses on her task. "But I can't seem to run, get you out that place. Everything you do is just erasing the pain, bye-bye, of the hatred, I can't ask why. And I want you to know when you're floating in space, I want you to know if you ever come back down and I need you to know I wanna breathe you, I wanna feel you near. This is my confession. I wanna see what you see when you cry those tears, this is my confession," she finishes the chorus, opening her eyes and looks at me. She reaches out and a silver device clicks, a sad sigh escaping her lips. "Why do I care?"
"Because you love him."
"Why do I love him?"
"He's what you need, someone who loves you back for who you are. He treats you better than almost everyone."
"Alex, what do I do? What do I say? Should I still love him? Should I stay? Do I let go? Does he even want my help? Do you?" she rants, her thoughts jumbled and the song made it evident at first.
"Talk to him, you two need a heart to heart and he wants your help more than I do. We both know that, Cass. Follow your heart, but think it through before taking a blind leap," I admit, nothing but honesty spoken with each syllable and I tell her what her aunt told me years ago.
She nods, curling her body into a fetal position on the huge bean bag chair and begins to doze off to be greeted by silence in the hall with both doors shut.
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