I feel betrayed-I never knew and it’s been, been since… Since when? "How long has he fucking known? And don’t even think of bullshitting me!" I push my hands through my shorter hair, huffing angrily that they even hid it.

I can't believe they made Lance lie to me for so fucking long! Something like a year and a half, but FUCK! She's my family and Nick is dating her, I know how they work. They have their fights, they make up and go on like nothing ever happened in the first place. They are as far from saints as someone can get, but I never thought he got her pregnant and there were 4 of us there and read that it had been NEGATIVE. Ahhhhhh!!!! She miscarried which sucks, but then again it might not have been the best time to get her pregnant. It also explains why Lance had touched her knee in the way he had back in New York last year, just before we got to MTV. He's always talking to her in code about it, been since it happened and he's always e-mailing her. I look at Joey once we drop her and Nick off at the airport for their red eye flight to Tampa or where they planned on going, pissed the fuck off, but I try not to show it. "Joey, can we talk?"

"Once we get on the bus, sure," he agrees.

"How long did you think she was pregnant?"

"I know the papers she had dropped said something about miscarriages in the first trimester, making her concieve sometime in February or March and I tried telling you the whole time. I could tell something about what different when she said she'd been craving foods she normally can't stand and foods she loves making her nauseous upon smelling them. She hates fish and chicken making her want to throw up, living on veggies and water. Something wasn't right to me."

I shake my head. I can't keep most promises, can't be counted on and a huge coward. Why does everyone stick around? Is it because one of my craziest ideas panned out? I lie too much, but still Pookie stays around me and I see she's bigger than I could ever be (if you don't count my ego). I think she's crazy, she does too much and expects things to just fall into place with the right circumstances. I pray Nick sees the reality of being with her, the confusion and everything. "I should've listened to you."

Joey twists his face up in a way that says he knows and won't pour salt in my wound right now, but this sort of thing might come back to haunt me. "Man, she's an adult and Nick's now joined her ranks, but it doesn't mean she doesn't need us sometimes because she will."

I hang my head, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my thighs with my head in my hands. "How did I not see that?"

"She's not always easy to read, we all know that. Somehow Justin and JC can see through her games while the rest of us remain oblivious to her signs." He stops when I look up. "Hey, I missed so much of it, too. She had those strange cravings in the last couple weeks before MTV and I know she had been sleeping more than usual and I chalked it up to being sick. She always had a runny nose and everyone thought she just had a cold or her allergies were flaring up again, we all did."

JC walks to the fridge and checks it, grabbing a Hot Pocket from the freezer. "I knew she was pregnant when Tay told you that something was giving Cass a certain 'glow' to her after her trip to Spain. She told me in New York."

I snap my head up. "When the fuck?"

"She texted it to me, making me really look at her that day and she'd been adament about it for a couple weeks before. She and the rest of the girls and your mom saw her off at the airport, almost a week after the whole 'caught in the moment' thing she had," he prattles off, popping the microwaveable sandwich in the appliance and leaning on the counter once he's facing us with his arms covering his chest. I storm off to my bunk and face the wall, my heart in pain when I see a pictures she'd given to me when I saw her during our MTV debut day.

Why couldn't she tell me? Why did she have to hide it? I would've been supportive of their decision. Who else knew? Who did they tell? What else could they be hiding?