She’s beautiful when she sleeps, like a dream. I haven’t allowed my eyes to close once since we stopped making love, hours ago. I pulled her close to me after we were done, kissed her softly, and told her to get some rest. She did it without a question. She was exhausted. I was too but...I was too captivated and caught up in her to let my energy give out completely. Instead I continued to lay there, staring at her, brushing the hair out of her eyes, letting the tips of my fingers travel down the perfect skin on her face.
There’s nowhere else I want to be, ever , and I know that.
There’s no question. I’m in love with Es. I think I was right. I really was in love with her from the very beginning.
But I know once the sun has risen, and I get her where she needs to be, there’s going to be a lot of explaining to do on my part.
I don’t know what momma will say, or what my father will do to me when I walk in the house. I wonder if they’ll throw me out, force me to pack myself and my son up today. I wouldn’t have a place in the world to go if they did that. I think they know that though, and if nothing else, they’d let Ben stay. But the thing is, I wouldn’t leave my son. Ever.
I brush all of it to the side though. It’s not time to worry about all of that yet. I still have time, this precious little bit of time left with her, oblivious to the problems looming overhead, and I’ll cherish these moments, because I cherish her.
“Did you sleep?” She smiles sleepily as her eyes open up again.
“Not really,” I laugh, and kiss her gently. “The sun isn’t all the way up yet. You can go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want to.” She snuggles up closer to my bare chest, and I hold her close. “That’s less time I get to talk to you.”
I smile, stroke her hair, pulling pieces of hay out of it. Yes, I brought her up to Branson’s old place. It’s been abandoned since I was in high school, but just like small towns are notorious for, nobody has torn the place down yet. The barn still stands, strong as ever, filled with hay. Most of the people I grew up with came here at one point or another in their lives, with their women, to have some fun. I’m a little old for this sort of thing now, and I know she is too, but she didn’t protest when I drove us up here and parked. In fact, she was the first one to get out of the truck, and lead me inside by the hand.
I never thought a roll in the hay could be so damn passionate. I’ve never been like this with any woman, ever.
“When do you have to leave?” I ask her.
“My mom has another signing today, in Greensboro. Then we’re supposed to fly to Houston in the morning.” She shifts herself in my arms so she can get a better look at me. “Maybe I can stay though...you know?”
I’d love for her to stay. I’d love to spend a week with her, really get to know her, romance her, take her around town and show her all the places I used to go when I was a kid. The problem is, my family would make her time here hell, and I’m sure momma would never let her stay at the house. “I wish you could,” I whisper.
A knowing expression takes over, and she sighs. “But your family wouldn’t like it?”
“It would just be hard for them. They’re so set in their ways about me. I wish I could come with you, to Houston...but I know with Ben...your mom wouldn’t...”
“Yeah, it wouldn’t work.”
We’re quiet.
It hits me that this isn’t going to work, as much as I love her, as much as she’s starting to love me, the people in our lives are preventing us from taking it any further. I press my lips together. I have to, so I won’t start screaming and yelling like a crazy man. “Can I tell you something then?”
“Anything.”
I lean down, and kiss her again, letting my lips linger on hers for the longest time before I find the strength to tell her the words. “I’m in love with you.”
She stares back at me, her eyes wide, as if she can’t believe it.
I don’t know if I should feel foolish or not for saying it.
“I think I’m...I’m in love with you.”
I smirk, but it’s a sad one. “Would you wait for me...to get enough money saved so we could be together?”
She takes in a deep breath, before looking me right in the eyes again. “I wouldn’t want to promise you that...in case it didn’t work out.”
I nod. It’s understandable, because I have no idea when money will be good again. “That’s why you’re the smart one, Es.”
A single tear floats down her cheek, and I wipe it away tenderly.
“It’s not fair, you know?” She whispers.
“I know.”
She curls into my chest again, and I hold her, because I know she needs it. We have an hour, maybe a little less, before we have to get out of here. I’ll probably drive the forty five minutes, drop her in Greensboro, and after a sad goodbye...she’ll be out of my life again.
“Justin.”
“Hm?”
“What if I could have somebody look at your writing. Somebody...important. Do you have anything that’s good enough?”
I give her a weird look. “Well...I’ve been working on a book of short stories forever but...”
“Do you trust me?”
It’s strange. I’ve never let anybody else into that part of me, not even Tory. Junior year, after Nana passed, I started writing one short story a month, to commemorate her. She was the one who always told me never to stop writing. That if it was my passion, I had to do it to the very best of my ability. I have about forty short stories that I’ve written, mostly about the countryside, and about people growing up in a small town. I’m quite proud of most of them, actually. But...to have somebody take them seriously, I just don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready to share that part of myself with the world, because I’ve hidden it away for such a long time. Writing for a paper was my main goal, because it was a realistic, unemotional one.
“I...I do but...”
“Raegan is a book agent,” she says quickly. “It’s his job to find talent. He’s my moms agent, but he’s always looking for more clients. If I show him...”
“I doubt he’ll want to read my stuff. He probably wants to punch me.”
“He’ll have to take it seriously if it’s good enough. If he decides to manage your work, you’ll be able to do whatever you want. You’ll have enough money to move anywhere, even the city.”
“I don’t know, Es. I mean...”
“The worst that can happen is that he rejects it. There’s two sides of the relationship that I have with him...well, really one now. It’s a professional one. Don’t forget, if your work is good enough, he makes money too.”
It’s an incredible shot at my dream. If I can get money for my work, I can live the life I want and give Ben the life he deserves too. But it seems too good to be true. We’re both in the heat of the moment here, coming off a night of incredible passion, and I doubt anyone like Raegan will want to me a favor now. “I...”
“We could be together,” she says quickly. “We might have a chance.”
I stare at her, knowing she wants this for us, badly. Esme isn’t stupid either, she knows an opportunity when she sees one, and even without reading my work, she’s convinced that it’s good enough for the world to see. It makes me love her more, makes me want to do anything to run off with her and my son, escape this small town life for good. “You think he’ll read it?”
“If I word it right,” she smiles, slyly. “He’s a great businessman, but he has no common sense.”
“Why do I think you’re up to something?”
“Because I am.”
She doesn’t give me a chance to respond, she just kisses me, and soon enough it grows into much more, just as it did last night.
I’m not getting home anytime soon, but I know I didn’t want to anyway.
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