Momma isn’t speaking to me. She hasn’t been since the fair, but I expected her to act this way. What I did was pretty messed up, leaving the dance, a big benefit for somebody that was practically family, to see about some girl that she’d barely met. I had to do it though.
I don’t regret it, either.
My dad has been pretty hard on me, working me to the bone, because he feels I disrespected momma. I’ve apologized I don’t know how many times, but it hasn’t done much. While she’s angry with me about what I did, she’s even more upset that I broke it off with Lacey. My dad says I’ve let them both down, that they gave me a great opportunity, that I had the chance to settle down with a concrete future and I chose to turn my back on it all instead. I told him I was in love though. I was in love and I didn’t care what he thought. Then he told me he didn’t know why he let me come back, that he’d he trusted me even though I was irresponsible, had a child out of wed lock. He told me I was going to work harder from then on, that he was going to give me more work to keep me busy, to keep myself out of trouble.
He has me out in the potato fields lately, picking shit by hand like some of the help. He lets somebody else ride the tractor now, and while I thought I would be better off, this is even more grueling. I’m on my feet all day, picking vegetables and fixing up the crops until my hands are full of blisters. I barely make it to the supper table anymore. It was his intention. He wants to keep me away from my mother until I’m ‘better’. What’s worse, I barely see Ben. They keep him at school later now, and I’m too worn down after work to spend time with him.
I’m being punished, like I’m a child, and I know I need to get out of here.
It makes me upset. I love my family, but right now, they aren’t treating me the way they should.
I need my Es. We been doing great, talking and writing just like I promised her we would. We talked on the phone just last night, and I finally confessed to what’s been going on here. I held it back for a couple of weeks, didn’t want to upset her, but I couldn’t take it anymore. She’s my vice, my rock, the only person I have that will listen, understand, and love me no matter what. All I want to do is hold her in my arms, spend all of my time with her, and if I had the money for a plane ticket, I’d leave tonight.
But I don’t.
She’s coming to see me, told me she would be in town either tonight or tomorrow morning. We’ve been planning this visit for a couple of weeks. Her mother’s tour is over, but that guy Raegan...he’s interested in my book. It’s a funny feeling, knowing somebody has taken an interest in what I’ve written. I never thought it would catch anybodies attention. It’s really more of a memoir of my own experiences growing up in Wytheville, but Es says that it’s so much more than that. She says it’s relatable, that people can put themselves in the story with the characters, feel their emotions.
I guess Nana was right. I do have a talent for storytelling.
I don’t know what this visit will bring though. I know I’ll get to be with my girlfriend again, which is the most important thing, but I have no idea what Raegan will have to say, or what he’ll want to do. Es says there’s a chance I could get a book deal, that Raegan would sign me with his firm, and give me money right up front. Enough money to relocate again, just like Es talked about in the beginning.
I hope that’s the case.
“Duck...du-ckk.” Ben smiles to himself as he moves his rubber duck around in his bath water. “Da-da duck. I li-ike d-uck.”
I smirk and scratch his head, sign out a good job for using his words. He’s so much more vocal now, and if nothing else, it’s the best thing that’s come out of my move back to Wytheville. Tonight is a welcomed rarity, being able to give my son a bath. It’s Friday night, so there’s no school tomorrow obviously, but I finished my work a little earlier than normal today, and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with him. We read stories and played outside with some of his toys. I miss doing things like that with him, and I find that he’s learning so much so fast. I missing so much of his life, because of the farm labor my dad is forcing on me. It’s not right.
No matter what, when Es comes, I’m leaving with her. Ben and I. I have to, and if I have to borrow a little money from her for a plane ticket, I will. I hate borrowing money from anyone, but this situation is only getting worse, and I’ll pay her back, the first chance I get.
“Justin!”
I turn slightly, knowing its my mothers voice. “Yeah!”
“Visitor!”
I gasp. It’s early but...but is it her? I don’t take the time to think about it. I yank my son out of the tub, and he laughs his muffled laugh as I dry him off quickly and yank some clothes on him. I race out of there, gripping him by the hand as I race down the stairs. I see my mother at the bottom, her look of disapproval all too familiar to me, and I let go of Ben’s hand as I stand before her.
“Living room.” She says it darkly, and walks away.
I take two steps, and then I see her sitting there on the sofa, with Raegan by her side.
“I thought the ice queen would never leave,” she smirks, when she finally sees me.
I don’t say anything, just smile, and race towards here, grasping her hand and pulling her up from the couch so I can plant my lips on hers. I feel better automatically. All the shit my parents have been putting me through for weeks, melts away. “I missed you.”
“I know,” she giggles, pressing her forehead against mine. “I missed you too.”
“Can we talk, or do you two need a room?”
We both laugh and when I meet Raegan’s gaze, I can tell he’s all business for the moment. “We can talk,” I say, gently.
“Great.”
He pulls out the binder I gave to Es so many weeks ago, and begins to tear into it the minute she and I sit down across from him. He really is brilliant when it comes to this stuff and it’s obvious he’s read the whole thing several times. He tells me what we have to change, what we have to tweak, and that it’ll be a while before he’ll feel confident showing it to a publishing company. I tell him that it doesn’t matter, that I can wait, and thank him for giving me a chance.
“Don’t thank me, thank your girl over there,” he smirks. “She pushed me to give it a chance, but I’m glad I did.”
I look at her, and she’s smiling at me. “You pushed for me, huh?”
She kisses me gently and smiles. “You knew I would.”
“It’s really great stuff, Justin. It’s something to be proud of, and I know people all over are going to love it. There’s just one more thing we need to figure out before we start going forward with the deal.”
I glance at Es, slightly confused.
“Every book needs a title,” she smiles.
“Right,” I nod. “I left that off, but I think I got it now.”
“Shoot,” Raegan says.
“How about Memoirs of a Simple Life?”
“Sounds good. Bookshelf intriguing,” Raegan nods. “What’d you think Esme?”
“I think it’s great.” She kisses me again. “Simple but intriguing.”
“Good, it’s final then,” I say.
“Great.” He jots down the title on the notepad that he brought with him. “We’ll have an official meeting, maybe the end of next week? My office. Es knows where it is. I just relocated to Manhattan.”
I look at her. “I don’t have a place...”
“Tell him what else, Rae,” Esme smiles.
He sighs. “I got you a place, down in the village. The lease is paid up in full for two years. Es told me about your son, and I took the liberty of getting him enrolled at the same school he was in before you moved. He’s paid up for the next two semesters, and by the time that’s up, you’ll have plenty of money to keep him going.”
“You’re...you’re serious?”
“I believe in your work,” he tells me, with the first smile I’ve ever seen on his face. “I wouldn’t have done all of this if I didn’t.”
“He’s serious,” Es says. “Trust me.”
“So...then...I’m moving back?”
“You are.” She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. “Just like I said you would.”
I feel like crying, but I know I can’t. It’s all so incredible. My dream is coming true, and Es...she loves me. What’s more Ben is going to be okay, he’ll get the best education, and he’ll be able to function on his own when he gets older.
Everything would be great, if it wasn’t for my family and how much more I’ll hurt them by moving away again.
But I have to do this. For Esme and I. For our future, and for Bens too.
“You’re going to have to work hard, Justin,” Raegan reminds me, in mid kiss with Esme. “Promotions and interviews, once the book hits the market. You’ll be insanely busy the first six months. I need you to plan ahead for that, make sure your son will be cared for.”
I didn’t even think about that. I look at my girlfriend again, with fear in my eyes.
“We’ll figure it out,” she reassures me. “We can always bring him with us.”
Ben needs his school though. I know I can’t just pull him out of that, out of his routine, because he’ll get confused, like he tends to be when too much happens at once. He’s deaf, but he also has a hard time focusing too, and remembering things. “I don’t know about that.”
Esme squeezes my hand and looks into my eyes. “We can talk about it, though,” she smiles. “It’s too early to plan for something like that anyway. Let’s just...relax for now.”
“Okay.” I smile for her, and push my worries to the back of mind. It’s selfish, but all I really want to do right now is hold my girlfriend, the woman I love, in my arms and kiss her, because I’ve missed the hell out of her.
“Da.”
I feel him tapping on my leg and I stop kissing her for a moment, so I can look down at him. “Hey buddy.” I say and sign, pulling him onto my lap. “Say hello to Esmerelda.”
“Es Es.” He smiles brightly and signs out a hello.
“I’ve missed you Ben.” Esme signs it out and plants a kiss on his forehead, and Ben coos, his cheeks growing red in response.
The three of us will make this work, I realize. We have to, and we will. I can’t be so afraid for my son, have to let him face his challenges so he can overcome them. I can’t be so dead set on sticking to a routine, because he has a chance to have an amazing life if this book deal goes well. I could show him the world, with Esme, and that would be the best thing for him. I know that now.
“You guys want a lift back to the hotel?” Raegan offers as he gets up from the sofa.
“Yeah...Justin, are you okay leaving now? We can come back in the morning,” Esme tells me.
I know what I have to do, it just kills me to do it, to leave, to turn my back on my family. This time, I doubt they would welcome me back into their lives. “Let me get the bags. Can you watch him, Es?”
“Sure.”
We kiss gently, before she takes my son by the hand and begins to sign a conversation with him.
It makes me love her that much more.
I race upstairs, gather our luggage that’s been packed since Es told me she was coming to visit, and to possibly take me back to New York with her. The room is bare again, just like it was when I came back home. It seems too soon, that I’m leaving it all behind again.
If I write a sequel to my book, it will start out just like this.
Memoirs of a New Life
I carry the luggage out of the room and to the foot of the stairs, grabbing a couple of suitcases for the first trip down the stairs.
“Are you leaving tonight?”
I turn, see my momma standing there in her night gown, her hair in that braid she always makes right before she goes to bed. It’s the first sentence she’s uttered to me since she stopped speaking to me, and I sigh a little. I don’t want to argue, I just want to leave. “Yeah.”
“If I was stern with you son, it was only because I wanted you to realize how much you were jeopardizing your future.”
“I wasn’t.” I narrow my eyes. “I fell in love with somebody else, momma. It happens.”r32;
“It happened with Tory and look where that got you.”
“Esme isn’t like Tory. She’s...an incredible person. She loves Ben, and she loves me. I wish you could see that. I do, but I understand. I’m not cut out for this life. I can’t stay.”
“I know you can’t.” She steps toward me, her lips quivering, and reaches out to stroke my cheek. “And I think I tried too hard to make you.”
“You should meet her,” I smile, and put my hand on the one she’s placed on my face. “I think you’d like her. She’s a lot like Nana, but she’s...just incredible.”
“One day,” she nods.
I know it’s going to take time, but I’m different and I expect her to act this way. I’m not like the rest of my family, and I think she’s making peace with that right now, if nothing else. “I love you momma.” I lean in and give her a long hug. “Thank you for helping us.”
“I’ll miss you baby.”
We hug for a very long time. I know she realizes this is it. That I won’t be back, that I’m moving on to the bigger and better like I always intended, and my life will never be the same. “I’ll miss you too.”
She smiles slightly when she pulls away from me again, kisses me quickly, and then turns into her bedroom, shutting the door closed silently behind her.
“Will she be okay?”
I turn, face the woman I love, and smile at her. “Yeah. I think she’s made peace with the fact that I need to live my own life.”
She walks over to me, and I put my arm around her. “I’d like to talk to her one day.”
I kiss her forehead. “One day, baby.”
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