“Manhattan Public is having a girl go out on maternity leave.” I smile brightly, and take a sip of my coffee.  “They say that they’re considering me and a few other people to fill the spot, and that it might be a permanent one.  They’re not sure if this girl is coming back or not.”

“Well praise the lord,” Sandra snorts.  “It’s about time.  What do you have to do to convince them to hire you? Get in somebodies pants?”

I laugh a little.  “Not quite, no.  They’ll hire whoever they feel is the best qualified.  It’s just entry level anyway, but the pay is twice what I make here.”

“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.  One of us should escape this place if we can.”

“Can’t you two find something to do?” Maude scowls from the top of the staircase.  “Other than socialize, I mean?  Fill the bags, organize the shelves.  I don’t pay you girls to stand around all day.”

“She’s on the warrr-path,” Sandra sings, with a roll of her eyes, and ventures out from behind the counter.

At least it’s Friday.  It gets me to smile, as I plop a fresh box of plastic shopping bags on the counter and begin to fill the bin underneath the register.  I eye the shelf behind me as I do it, ensuring the book with the blue cover is still there.  Of course it is.  It’s only the tenth time I’ve checked today.  

Mr. Sports...I mean, Justin...he’ll be here in about an hour.

I can’t wait.  I can hardly contain myself, and I’m praying Maude decides to get out of here before he comes in.  I know if she catches him in here reading and not buying, she’ll chew him out, he’ll leave, and possibly find another place to hang out on Friday afternoons.

Although, if I get this job at the library, I won’t be here on Fridays to stare at him anymore.  But I guess putting my college degree to some good use is more important.

My heart though, it’s telling me to stay here, just for the sake of him.

Every day, when I think about him in the middle of the afternoon for no good reason at all, I get this funny feeling.  A feeling inside of me that’s so strong, telling me to take a chance, to introduce myself, not to miss out...because he might be special.  Different.

I don’t get it, so I chose to ignore the feeling all week.  But now it’s Friday, and I have an hour to prepare for him to walk right in here and out again without embarrassing myself.  I doubt I can do it.  I’ll probably stutter and get all red in the face like last week.

“Hold down the fort,” Maude mutters at ten to three.  “I’m going for a bite.”

“Will do,” Sandra calls to her with a smile as she pretends to dust the tops of the books on the shelves.

Maude just glares, and the bell tinkles when she opens the door.  She holds it open, and smiles tightly for the customer about to enter.

I know who it is before he’s even in the store. I motion to Sandra, and she gets it right away.

The music is blaring from his earbuds as normal, but today he stops at the counter, pulls them out, and smirks quickly at me.  I hate to say it, but he looks more worn out than he did last week.  His eyes are a little bloodshot, and there are the beginnings of those dark circles around them that you can only get when you’re exhausted.

He doesn’t deserve it.  I mean, I don’t know him, but I get that vibe.  Something is telling me that he’s a good person, and should have it easier, but he doesn’t.

“Welcome to Bronson’s,” Sandra says, sauntering up to him.  “How can I be of...service?” She smiles.

Oh God.

Justin eyes her quickly, and then looks back at me with a desperate gaze.  “I think I put...a book on hold.  Last week.”

“You did.” I blurt out, feeling my eyes grow wide as I say the words.  “Do you...do you want it?”

“If it’s okay with you.” He says it very slowly, looking at me, then at Sandra, then back again.  It’s obvious he’s confused as to why we’re paying so much attention to him when we both know damn well he never buys anything when he comes here.  

I pull the book into my hands, and turn back to him.  Sandra is practically groping him by this point.  Her hand is on his shoulder and she’s attempting to make small talk with him, but it’s obvious by the look on his face that he wants nothing to do with her advances.  

Geez.  It’s like he really does just want to come here and read.

This would seem weird to most, but not to me.  I’m obsessed with books.  If I could, I’d spend all my time reading, but then I’d be broke, and homeless.

“I’ll just take the book.”  He steps away from Sandra finally, and flashes her a tight smile.  “I’ll even buy it.”

My eyes widen as I slide it across the counter.  “Buy it?”

He pulls out his wallet and smiles casually.  “Yeah, it’s about time, don’t you think?”

“We don’t mind if you read it here,” Sandra says with a smile.  “You can stay as long as you want, honey.”

I narrow my eyes at her and shake my head.  She stares at me, pouts, but seems to get it.  

“I’ll just...go dust something,” she says gently, and walks away from us.

We’re alone, again, and this time, we have more than just a few minutes.  It’s obvious we’ve scared him off, but it was bound to happen.  He has to understand though, that this is a tired old bookstore.  The only men that come through here are beyond their fifties and on viagra.  “Sorry about...that,” I manage a smile as I begin to ring up the book.

He shrugs.  “It’s fine.  I know you two have been staring at me for months.  I just figured it was better to pretend I didn’t notice.  Money’s been kind of tight, so...thanks for letting me get away with the reading.”

My jaw hangs open for several minutes.  He knew? Wait...of course he knew.  How could he not?  Still, I feel my face burning with intense embarrassment.  “Thirteen fifty,” I croak.

He hands me a twenty.  “Please don’t be embarrassed,” he laughs.  “It was actually kind of cute.  Nobody has ever taken that much of an interest in me before.”

I just nod. I swear, I’ll never live this down.  If I felt I was pathetic before, it’s nothing compared to how I feel right now.  I put the book in a bag.  “Thank you for shopping with us.  Come again.”

He laughs at me, and clutches the bag in his right hand.  Now he’s staring at me again, like he did last week only now...he’s smiling instead of frowning.  “Maybe you can help me with something else, since I have your undivided attention.”

I swallow.  “Maybe.”

“Do you have any books about sign language?”

“A whole section.” I say, in disbelief.  Of all the things...

“Would you mind showing me...uh...” He leans in and peers at my name badge.  “Esmerelda, wow, that’s different.  Family name?”

“My mom went through a victorian romance novel phase while she was pregnant with me.  She named me after her favorite character.”

He chuckles.  “Seriously?”

I frown.  It’s the first time I’ve actually been able to hold some kind of conversation with the guy, and all I’ve told him is the embarrassing story of how I got my first name.  “Seriously.  So do you want to see the books?”

“Yeah, please.  I promise, I plan on buying something.”

The section is upstairs, in the back.  Secluded.  God.  Oh God.  I step out from behind the counter and stand beside him for a moment.  As if it wasn’t bad enough that he’s so incredibly handsome, he smells amazing too.  “It’s upstairs.”  I glance at Sandra.  She may as well be holding pom poms because she has a fist raised in the air, telling me to go for it.

Justin notices that I’m staring behind him, and glances back over his shoulder, but Sandra pretends to go back to her dusting before he can catch her.

“It’s this way.”  I say it quietly, as I move past him and start up the stairs.  I hear him following behind me, his breath in my ear.  He’s so close, and I feel like I might just fall apart on the staircase, but somehow I manage to get myself to the upper level of the book shop.  I take a minute, collect myself, before moving forward and guiding him towards the back of the department where Maude houses the Braille and other special needs literature.  “Something particular you need?” I say, as I point towards the appropriate shelves.  “A certain title?”

“Well...” He trails off and surveys the selection.  “This one, I’ve heard about.”  He pulls out The American Sign Language Dictionary, and begins to thumb through it.  “I can take this and, on the off chance you have anything for kids.  Any type of story books that use sign.”

It’s cute.  He must know somebody who has a deaf son or daughter and is trying to do something nice for them.  Or maybe, he’s a teacher.  God, a special education teacher.  That makes him even hotter.  Helping the community, like I help the senior citizens.  Maybe we have more in common than I thought.

Although, something inside is telling me his life might be a little more complicated than that.

“Here’s some.”  I crouch down and pull out a special edition of Corduroy and one other Curious George title.  “Is this the right age level?  We might have more...”

He crouches down beside me, and when I look at him, I see that smile again.  The one he rarely shows.  It’s the biggest I’ve seen, and when he opens it up and thumbs through, it grows even wider.  It means a lot to him, this stuff.  I know that now.

“This is great,” he says, almost in disbelief.  “I mean, I figured they had stuff like this but I never would have thought to look for it.  I read to him, but he doesn’t understand.  Now he will, so thanks.”

We both rise up from the floor at the same time.  “Glad to help.  Who is it for...a student or something?  Do you teach?”

He laughs a little, and presses his lips together before looking down at the floor.

Did I say something wrong?

“No, I don’t teach,” he says after a moment, looking up at me again.  “My son is deaf.”

“Oh...”

Idiot.  Way to pry into the guys life.

Guess he’s not single after all, but really, why would he be?  Look at the guy.

“It’s fine,” he smiles.  “It’s not a big secret or anything.”  He glances at his watch suddenly, like he usually does when he’s here.  “Anyway, I better get going.  He’s waiting on me.”

“Oh...yeah...right.” I laugh stupidly.  “Sorry.”

I lead us back down the stairs, and my eyes widen when I find Sandra standing there, her attempts at eavesdropping on our conversation more than obvious.  I motion for her to get out of the way before Justin can see her, and she does it.

“Thanks again for everything,” he tells me, as I finish ringing up the rest of his purchase for him.  “Ben and I are eternally grateful.”

“Anytime.”

“Maybe I’ll see you next week?  Same time.”

“I should be here.”

“Cool.  See you around.”

He walks out, and all I can do is stare after him.

“Is it just me, or was he like, totally into you, Esme?”

I roll my eyes and go back to bag filling.  “He’s just a nice guy.  He’s not single anyway.  He has a son.”

“Just because he has a son doesn’t mean he’s taken.”

“Come on.”  I narrow my eyes.  “If you had a son with a man like that would you let him go?”

“No way, but you don’t know the circumstances.  I say you should pry into it more next week.”

“No.  No way.  That’s intrusive.  You saw how freaked he got when you decided to be little miss flirt.”

She shrugs.  “It was innocent fun.  It’s obvious he hasn’t had any in a long time.  That right there should prove that he’s not with anybody.”

“His son is deaf,” I tell her, even though I shouldn’t have.  “Maybe they don’t have time for that.”

“There’s always time for sex, honey.”  She comes back behind the counter.  “Trust me, he’s not with anybody, and if he is, the relationship is on the outs.  Pursue it, before you get that fancy job and never see him again.”r32;

“I don’t even know him.  I can’t just go after him.  I’m not like you.”

“He doesn’t want somebody like me.” She puts a hand on my shoulder.  “He’s different, not my type.  He’s got that bookworm, intellectual shit going on, just like you do.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No honey...just not for me.” She smiles.  “Take my advice.  Next Friday...the two of you should go off and have a coffee.  I’ll cover for you.”

“I don’t know...”r32;
“Well I’m not giving you a choice.”

“Really,” I smirk.  

“I can embarrass the hell out of you. Don’t forget that,” she reminds me.  “I know all kinds of crazy shit about you.”

I let out a long breath.  I know she’s right and I know she’ll do it.  The last thing I want is to be humiliated in front of the guy again.

I guess I don’t have a choice, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m Justin’s type either, even if Sandra, relationship guru, is convinced otherwise.