Three weeks later
“So let me get this straight,” Sandra sighs from her end of the phone. “You were there, in his apartment, you kissed, and then you left? I can’t believe it took you this long to tell me the truth. I knew something was off when you barely said a thing when I asked you originally.”
I adjust my grip on the steering wheel. “What was I supposed to do?”
“Strip off his clothes and have a fuck fest, of course.”
She’s serious. That’s the sad thing. “His kid was there.”
“So? Put the little guy to bed and take it into the bedroom, girl.”
“It wasn’t that kind of a date,” I explain. “I told you, it was just dinner.”
“I bet he was looking you up and down when you walked into his place with that skirt on.”
It’s true. I saw that look on his face when he first opened the door, like I was beautiful, instead of a dorky library chick. I guess I impressed him, or something.
Maybe that’s why he kissed me.
It was the deepest, most passionate kiss anybody had ever given me, and I didn’t want to let him go, but there was no choice.
But it doesn’t matter now, because he’s gone and he’s not coming back. My life is moving on too. New job, new agenda, and now...news from my parents. That’s where I’m headed today, for a long weekend with them for the Memorial Day holiday. My mom told me they have something they want to tell me. My dad is actually home this year. Usually he tells us he’s off to some convention. What he doesn’t realize is, we’ve known about his mistress for years. I can’t deny I was glad to be away from the two of them when I left for school. Away from their problems, my views of my parents could no longer be tainted. They were the same way I left them when I moved to the dorms, in my mind.
I have a feeling whatever news they’re about to tell me won’t sit well, though.
At least I’m independent now, can get over their problems easier than I would have been able to before.
The position at the library has worked out very well. Everyone is so nice, and I’ve become a valued part of the team in the three weeks since I came to work there. My boss loves me, and there’s talk of promotion already, despite the fact that I haven't been there long. I know by the end of the year a few of my goals will have been met. I should be happy.
Something’s missing though.
But it’s so foolish to dwell on the things I can’t have. Justin is gone, has been for weeks, and I know he’s better off. No, he hasn’t contacted me, but did I really expect him to? I think I did, and that’s the most disappointing part, knowing he doesn’t care, that he has his own life and probably forgot all about the girl he kissed over meatloaf and life story swapping.
I’m done with dating.
Add Justin to the list. The list of horrible first and only dates.
“Maybe just give him some more time,” Sandra suggests. “He must be busy with all that family in his face, on top of trying to get his son settled in.”
“Sandra, it’s a lost cause.”
“I saw the way he looked at you,” she snickers. “Nothing like that is ever a lost cause, honey.”
I sigh, open my mouth to say something else, but then I hear Maude in the background ,telling her to get off the phone. Some things never change.
“I better go,” she mutters. “She still hasn’t found anybody to take your spot, and she’s been running me ragged in the meantime. I’ll call you later.”
“All right,” I force a laugh. “Talk to you then.”
We hang up, and I take my bluetooth out of my ear, thankful to be rid of her guilt trip for the moment. Sure, I love her, and with my new job we don’t see each other as often as we used to, but I can’t take the feeling she gives me whenever we talk about it...that I let something go that I shouldn’t have.
I turn my phone off, to ensure she wont’ be able to call me back and bother me anymore about it the rest of the way to my parents house.
I pull up the long drive about an hour later, letting the gates close behind me. They bought the house a few years ago, when my mother renewed her publishing contract. It’s a beautiful home on the outskirts of Boston, with a couple living inside of it that shouldn’t be together. I sigh, thinking of how awkward I’m going to feel being with the two of them all weekend, even though...I’ve wanted this for a long time. Us being together again on a holiday, like a family.
“Essie!”
My mother yells excitedly once she opens the door for me, and I let her throw her arms around me so she can pull me in for a tight embrace. It feels nice, being in her arms again. I realize it’s been a little bit too long between visits.
“Hi mom.” I say, when I’m finally able to pull away from her. She gives my cheek a forceful kiss which I’m sure has left behind some of her lipstick, but I don’t try to wipe it away. I know she needs this.
She leads the way inside as always, and the housekeeper bids me a hello and offers to get somebody out to the car to bring my bags inside, which I thank her for.
“Where’s dad?”
She’s silent for a moment. “Out back.”
I stop walking, and pull on her arm slightly so she’ll be forced to face me. “What’s going on, mom? I know you said you have news.”
She nods. “Let’s just go out back and talk.”
I see it in her eyes. This is it. Something drastic has happened and she only has one choice now. She’s done living in the shadow of another woman.
God.
I don’t want to go out there. If I don’t, they won’t be able to tell me . They won’t be able to sit there and tell me that our family is finally being torn apart after all these years. We’ve only lived with this flaw up until now. Things are different this time around. This time around the Wartons will no longer be. My parents will go off on their own, live their own lives and I’ll just be caught between the two of them, splitting up holidays like it’s perfectly fine. I’m just supposed to be okay with that, rearrange my life to suit theirs.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair that my father never loved my mother enough. It’s not fair that my mother put her writing before making her marriage work.
I follow my mother through the rest of the house, out the back door that leads to the patio, with a heavy heart.
“Hey, there’s my baby.” My father rises up, glances at my mother just slightly before focusing on giving me a large smile. It’s the one I remember from my childhood. The one that always convinced me that he loved and valued this family above all else.
He’s a great liar, I guess.
“Hi, daddy.” I give him a quick hug and kiss before I sit down. My mother takes a seat at the opposite end of the patio table, and my father sits down too...not next to her though.
“How is the city?” My father asks, that same smile on his face. “Your mother told me about your new position at the Library. I’m so proud of you.”
I know he’s lying . He never wanted me to take the career path that I did. He wanted me to be a teacher, or something along those lines. “You never cared before, dad.”
He’s silent. He knows I’m not buying it.
“What’s going on with you two?” I ask, immediately. “Just tell me. That’s why you wanted me to come here, right?”
“Well we wanted to see you too, honey,” my mother says, forcing a smile. “Don’t forget about that part.”
I look at the ground.
“Baby, your mother and I...we’re not happy,” my father speaks up since my mother won’t come out and say it. “We haven’t been happy for a long time.”
I lean my cheek against my fist, still not looking at either of them.
“What we’re trying to say, dear, is, your father and I have decided to go our separate ways.”
“It’s about time,” I mutter. “Did you decide to move in with your girlfriend, dad?”
He doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s ashamed, but he should be.
“We just wanted to be the ones to tell you, and we wanted to do it together,” my mother continues. “Your father and I have reached an understanding. Nobody is angry anymore, dear. You see...it’s all for the best.”
I stand up, stare down at the both of them. “Why were you two okay living like this for all these years then? Why did you decide to go off and sleep with some other woman, dad?”
His eyes go wide. I’ve never talked to him like that, ever.
“Esmerelda!” My mother yells.
“I don’t even know why you invited me here!” I yell at her, the first tears beginning to float down my face. “I was fine on my own...letting you two live your messed up lives without me!”
“Nobody wanted this to happen,” my father says to me, getting up from his chair too and making his way over to me. “Things just...”
I push him away when he tries to put his arm around me. “Things just what? You weren’t getting it from mom so you went somewhere else instead?”
He glares at me. “That’s enough, young lady.”
I snort. “You’re right. It is enough.”
I turn on my heel and walk away from them, disgusted and in tears.
“Esme! Esmerelda, just wait!”
I want to keep walking, go out to my car and drive back to the city. But when I glance back at my mother, I just...can’t do it. I stop, and sigh, sobbing right there in front of the woman who gave me life. “Mom, what happened? Why...why did you let dad do this?”
“I didn't let him do anything,” she grunts. “Your father had certain needs and now...now I’ve had enough. Surely, you can understand.”
I shake my head. “I’ll never understand.”
She nods, and I know she’s starting to see why I can’t. “In a few weeks I’m going out on a tour for the new book. I was wondering if you would come with me. We could spend some real time together, honey. It’s been too long since we’ve done anything like that.”
I sigh, look into her eyes, and I can see how much she wants me to do this with her. This new book is a big deal. It’s her first fiction novel, not a poetry book. Her publishing company is very excited about it, and this promotional tour is supposed to drive the sales insanely high. Hell, I’m even excited for her, but I never thought I’d be joining in on her book tour. “I just started at the library...”
“Please honey,” she squeezes my hand. “I need this time with you. I think...we can talk about a lot of things, and get past the divorce together. I want to make sure that we stay close even if the family can’t be any longer.”
How can I say no now?
“I...I guess I could take a leave or something for a couple of weeks.”
“I’ll pay you. You can help Raegan set up the meet and greets.”
God, Raegan. “He’s so annoying, mom.”
“Maybe so, but he gets things done. Did you know he’s single again? And so handsome.”
Raegan is my mothers manager, and I have to admit, if it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have half the career that she does. He’s young too, not as young as me, he’s in his thirties but barely looks older than twenty eight. He’s nice enough, but something about him has always made me cringe. He just acts so pompous at times. Like he’s the best thing there is when it comes to managing authors. I guess having people like Stephen King on the roster would give anybody a ego boost, though.
But that doesn’t mean I have to like him, or accept the way he chooses to talk down to people.
“I’ll go for you, mom. Not to get engaged to Raegan.”
She smiles and kisses my cheek. “Good enough, baby.”
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