JC rubbed his forehead as he closed his eyes and tried to hide the hurt in his voice.  “No, J, it’s fine.  I understand –”

Justin’s voice came across the line slightly tinny from the connection.  “C, I’m sorry, but it’s our first Christmas as a married couple and Jess’ family wants us to be there.”

Injecting a note of confidence into his voice, he went on, “Justin, it’s okay, really.  I just made the offer to everyone if they wanted to stop by.  It doesn’t matter if anyone comes, I just need to escape for a couple of weeks and knew the cabin would be a good place to hide out.  You go and enjoy having a ball and chain around your leg for the rest of your life.”

“Believe me, JC, if there were any way…you know I would be there in a heartbeat.”

Somehow JC made it through the rest of the conversation, not exactly sure what he said or agreed to before he hung up.  With a tight rein on his emotions, he barely restrained from throwing the cell phone against the wall.  He rolled his neck to relieve some of the tension that had settled in his muscles and collapsed on the couch overlooking the peaceful forest that beckoned him to step outside. 

A light snow was starting, turning the grass a glistening white.  In a few hours, the ground would be covered and brilliantly white.  JC opened the sliding door to the deck and leaned against the railing, holding his coffee mug with both hands.  

JC had planned few activities for the weekend, knowing everyone would have their own opinions and would want input.  This cabin was a perfect location – near the slopes so they could ski and snowboard; back a long private lane so if the kids wanted to build a snowman or have a snowfight they could without being afraid someone would snap a picture; and near enough to town that they could run in for takeout or a pizza if no one felt like cooking.    

But Justin’s phone call had been the last cancellation.  Joey and his family had other obligations this year.  Chris had just gotten engaged and hadn’t returned any of JC’s phone calls since.  And since Lance and Justin didn’t always see eye to eye Lance usually tried to steer clear of any interaction. 

But at Christmas time, JC usually forced everyone to put aside their differences and it became like old times again.  He always knew that the get togethers would come to an end someday – he just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. 

JC knew that his “brothers” simply came to appease him.  Since they had shared so many Christmases together over the years, JC had seen that it had become an annual tradition to get together for at least a day, preferably a whole weekend with just the guys.  As the years passed though, the gathering had expanded from just them to  girlfriends…wives…children.

Nothing was the same any more and that was where JC struggled the most.  He didn’t begrudge the others their successes and ability to move on; he just wished that he could be that strong. 

Strengthening his resolve and his spine, he swirled the last of his coffee in the mug and tossed it over the side of the deck where it instantly melted the snow.  As the steam from the coffee rose, so did JC’s spirits. 

If his brothers didn’t want to carry on the tradition, JC would start a new one and enjoy this Christmas himself.  Tonight he would decorate the cabin and enjoy some relaxation time, maybe hitting the slopes, finding some company who did want to be around him. 

It was time to go pick out a Christmas tree.