“What’d you put in that stuff?”
“Nothing, man. It was straight up Jack and Coke...I swear.”
Trace repositions Sophia in his arms and continues to feed her the bottle. I know he’s not lying. He’s never lied to me before...well, there was that one time when we were eight and he told me my bike was stolen when in reality he sold it for a box of Upper Deck baseball cards, but all was forgiven sooner or later. “Well she was acting...weird this morning.”
He meets my gaze, a knowing look in his eyes. “What? You think something is going on?”
I shake my head slightly, and chew on my thumbnail. She wouldn’t. Lauren isn’t that type of girl. We’ve been together and happy for a little over five years now. Sure, we’ve had our falling outs, broke up for a few months, but eventually realized how much we cared about each other. I popped the question five months ago, and in a week, she’ll officially be linked to me for life. I’ve been so damn excited, nervous, and terrified ever since, but deep down I knew it would all work out. That she was the one for me because...she’s the only woman I’ve ever known that’s been able to tell me when I’m wrong, besides my momma, that I actually take seriously.
“Nothings going on. I know it’s not like that. I guess I feel like...she might not be ready.”
“You’re nuts,” he laughs, and kisses his baby’s forehead as he puts the empty bottle down on the table. “You two are so deep into it, that it’s actually starting to disgust me. Just get married already and stop trying to think up every damn excuse in the world not to do it.”
“I wish I could just get a marriage license and take a month’s vacation like y’all did,” I sigh.
“Your mom would kick your ass and you know it. I lucked out. Sam’s family is in Australia and we didn’t want to make them fly all that way for a weekend. My mom can’t crucify me for that. You don’t have a choice.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I know I’m right. Look, I’m gonna take the family out for breakfast. We’ll meet you at the tarmac later, all right?”
“Yeah,” I nod but don’t look at him. “Cool.”
“Don’t look so miserable man. She’s a great girl. Trust me, you’re doing the right thing. I’m your best friend. I wouldn’t let you make a mistake like that.”
He gets up slowly, carefully cradling the baby against his chest, before he walks away. Maternal Trace is one I thought I would never see, but ever since that little speck showed up on his girlfriends ultrasound almost a year ago, he’s been a completely different person. I think we all knew it would change him. He doesn’t drink nearly as much, and business is something he’s been working on mostly from home. Last month, he and Samantha obtained a marriage license and flew out to Puerto Rico for an extended vacation slash honeymoon with the baby.
Lauren and I went too, and that was the extent of any wedding party, but it was the way they both wanted things.
They have the type of marriage I long for but could never have. There’s too much family involved on my end and Lauren’s, and with me being in the spotlight, everybody wants a glimpse into my life. I may be a private person, but there’s no way I can hide out during my wedding. There were so many vultures calling up my publicist that I had to give in, sell the photo rights to the highest bidder so I could have the least amount of press coverage possible at the wedding. While Lauren and I have been assured countless times that we won’t be bothered and neither will our guests, I still wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could get married like everybody else, with just my family there, at a beautiful venue.
But I chose this life.
Lauren has gone with it. With everything, even though the idea of having media coverage at the wedding wasn’t exactly thrilling to her. She said she didn’t care though, that she wanted to marry me and would put up with it, if that’s the way things had to be. That’s the type of woman she is, go with the flow, and if she were any other way I doubt our relationship would have gotten past the first couple of months. She’s independent, strong, can run her life without me, but chose to make this thing work despite the fact that she was in school and I was in the middle of a huge world tour when we met. No she wasn’t at my show, and no I wasn’t doing some publicity stunt at her school. I was just getting coffee, snuck out of my hotel without my security detail the morning after my first show at the Garden, because I needed some peace and quiet before my first press interview later that morning.
She was the first person I saw when I stepped into Starbucks, and I have to admit, nobody had ever captivated me the way she did that day. She was sitting at one of those little tables, entranced in her laptop as she sipped her coffee. I couldn’t even order. I was too busy staring, afraid if I took my eyes off of her for a second she would be gone and I would never see her again. Until then, I’d never been the type to believe in love at first sight. All of my relationships had been based on years of friendship, and usually ended because I either couldn’t commit or because the bitch found somebody else more interesting.
Something told me she was different.
I waited. I waited for a good hour, my hood pulled up over my head, praying nobody would recognize me, and they didn’t. When she started to pack up her stuff, I decided I needed to make my move. I slowly walked across the cafe, over to her, cleared my throat and said ‘Hey, I’m Justin.’
She looked up at me, scoffed, and I think it was the first time ever that somebody hadn’t gotten that deer in the headlights look when I introduced myself. “Okay...hi?”
I laughed at her. “Well aren’t you going to tell me your name?”
She paused then and took a really good look at me. I think then, she realized who I was, but she didn’t act surprised. She just slung her laptop bag over her shoulder and shrugged a little. “Why are you so curious? Don’t you have a concert or something?”
“Later.” I smirked. “You wanna go?”
“Not really.”
I knew she was lying, but that intrigued me even more. “C’mon, you can come and I’ll take you out to a late dinner.”
“Me?” She laughed. “Why?”
“I’m not sure why yet, but I’d like to get to know you a little more.”
She eventually told me her name, and took me up on my offer as well. Somehow, we’ve managed to stay together ever since, and in a few days...she’ll be my wife.
So why now, am I having these doubts about her? Why all of a sudden, is she acting like the past five years have had no lasting effect on her? I mean, Christ, she acted like she couldn’t even remember us when she woke up this morning, and I can’t understand that. Is it pre wedding jitters? I’m trying to convince myself that it is, because I don’t know what I’d do if she backed out of this now...left me, after I’ve fallen so deeply in love with her.
I try to push those insecurities out of my mind as I start cooking us a simple breakfast. I can’t be doubting things now, not when we’re due for a final meeting with our wedding coordinator in a little over an hour. I have to be positive, strong, for Lauren’s sake...if nothing else.
I’m just putting the eggs and bacon on plates when I hear her walk into the kitchen, and I manage to smile for her as she slowly steps inside and looks all around like she’s never been in here before. It’s almost as if she got lost in my house...and I just don’t understand. “Hey...you all right?” I carry our plates over to the table, and place them down before I take a seat, motioning for her to do the same.
“I’m...yeah...” She licks her lips and walks over to the table quickly, taking her seat. It’s not her usual one, right beside me. No, this morning she’s chosen to sit all the way across from me.
I can’t do this. I can’t go into this meeting with her acting this way. “Would you just tell me what the hell is the matter?”
She stares at me, her eyes wide. It’s the deer in headlights look, like she just met me and is absolutely infatuated, instead of in love with me. It’s like she’s a stranger.
“I feel like you changed overnight or something,” I say slowly, as I stab my fork into the eggs. “Lauren...”
“I’m fine. Really...I just had a crazy night.”
I snort. “I’m not buying it.”
She just shrugs.
“What about when we go to Maria’s, are you going to act like you don’t know her either?”
“Maria’s?”
“Yeah, Maria.”
She sits back and sucks in a breath. “Oh yeah...right, Maria.”
“So you know who she is?” I say, skeptically.r32;
“Yeah...of course.” She looks down at her plate and shifts the food around with her fork.
“Who is she?”
She won’t look at me.
“Lauren.”
“She’s the damn wedding planner! God, Justin!”
Well, that’s something, at least.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I just...I’m a little confused, that’s all.”
I don’t know why, but she seems to be extremely relieved. “I’m about to marry you...it’s a little overwhelming. I’ll be fine, I just need to get my head straightened out.”
I smirk. “Maybe I can help with that...later. You know, I can help you relax.”
“Um...”
I get up, walk over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders as I gently press my lips against the skin behind her ear and allow them to travel down to her neck...the way she likes me to. “Yeah,” I smirk into her. “We can have a little pre celebration party of our own before we have to get on that plane.”
“Oh.”
She pulls away from me, and all I can do is stare at her as she goes to the sink and puts her half full plate down into it.
“Do you not want to?”
She turns, braces herself against the counter as she stares at me, her eyes filled with so much uncertainty about...about me. “No I...I mean, maybe we won’t have time.”
“There’s always time,” I snicker. “C’mon babe, you know that.”
She nods a little, but crosses her arms protectively, as if I’m out to hurt her or something. Maybe I should just drop the subject. “We should get going....I guess.”
“Yeah.” She turns away quickly and starts running the faucet so she can rinse off our dishes. “Probably.”
And I walk out, because I can’t find anymore words to say to her right now.
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