I made a wild guess and I was right about Maria. I think it’s the only reason Justin didn’t break off our engagement and call off the wedding.
It’s more than obvious that he knows something is very off with me.
But of course there is. I mean, according to him. I’m starting to think that I really have gone crazy. That this has been my life all along and for some reason my brain has decided to think otherwise. Maybe it’s the wedding. Maybe it’s really driven me that insane between our families and all the planning involved with this thing. Just sitting here in this woman’s shop has proved to me that this is no ordinary wedding. Sure, she’s said time and time again to Justin and I that she’s kept our reception ‘low key’, but if that’s the truth why did I see six zeros next to that number two on the invoice?
I don’t know. I really don’t understand why the hell Justin would want to pay that kind of money for anything that has to do with me, but I haven’t said a word. Apparently this has been the plan for months now, and since I’ve already semi freaked him out, I’ll just go with the flow for the rest of the afternoon.
At least until he tries to put the moves on me again.
All right, I must be nuts. I know I’m nuts. One morning with the guy and I’ve had more opportunities to boink him silly than most women with a silly crush could ever dream of, only...I haven’t taken advantage. Hell, when he was trying to seduce me in his kitchen before we left, I practically ran away from him. I don’t get it. I’m not a stranger to sex. I’ve never been afraid of it. Lord knows, in my college years I could get a little wild and crazy. So why can’t I be that way now?
Maybe this is different. This is different because I’m supposed to love him, even though I can’t remember a single thing about us being together. Having sex there in his kitchen would have felt so wrong to me, even if that pisses me off and him even more so.
“So, you two must be excited.” Maria smiles at us as she starts to pack up the piles of paperwork she’d been going over with us for the past hour or so. “The big day is just days away!”
“Yeah.” Justin places his hand on my thigh, and starts to caress it gently, inching the tips of his fingers under my skirt without a second thought. “We’re heading to my hometown for Christmas and after that we’ll all fly out for the wedding. We’re really excited about everything.”
He glances at me, and I can see the uncertainty in his eyes. It hits me then, how well I suddenly feel like I know him. I feel like I’ve been with him for years, and right now...I can tell that his mood is growing sourer by the hour. I gotta stop. I have to fix this.
But how can I?
“Yes...I can’t wait.” I force a smile, and allow him to lean in and gently brush his lips against mine. A weird sort of tingle ruptures in the pit of my stomach then, and I feel my face begin to burn as he pulls away from me. His eyes are still searching mine, probably for that woman he thought he knew so well when he went to bed last night, but I can’t fake anything for him, can’t feign happiness and bliss because it’s obvious he can see right through me.
“Well everything is in order,” Maria smiles and gets up suddenly. “The next time I see you, we’ll be at the venue.”
“Thanks for everything, really,” Justin smiles and gives her a professional handshake. “You’ve been amazing, Maria.”
“My pleasure. Now, you two go on and have some fun before the chaos starts, all right? I don’t want a jittery couple when I see you again, got it?”
“Will do.”
Justin laughs and I force one out. Then he takes me by the hand, says a final goodbye to our wedding planner, and leads me out of there. He’s silent as we wait for the valet to pull his little black Audi up to the curb, and I can’t help but feel uneasy. I know he’s not happy with me right now.
“Thanks, man.”
Justin says it as he hands the Valet a tip, and silently gets into the drivers seat, not looking at me as I get in on the passenger side. He pulls away, barely before I have my seatbelt clicked into place, and when I hear the tires screeching, I flinch.
He’s very angry, and I’m a little scared.
The trip back to the house is silent, and I’m thankful. Thankful because I don’t know how I would react or what I could possibly say to him if he started an argument with me. I don’t know a damn thing about him, about us, and I’m convinced he’d drop me in a second once he found out the truth...that the woman he knew so well and loved is just...gone.
“Flights in four hours.” Justin grumbles it to me once we’re back inside the house. “Trace and Sam are meeting us at the tarmac and Eric is going to get us there, all right?”
I nod at him.
He stalks off.
God.
My feet start to propel me forward all on their own. I feel like I have to go after him, talk to him, or else there will be severe consequences. But then my phone starts to ring from it’s place in my pocket, and I’m able to stop myself. Hoping it’s somebody that can give me more insight to this whole thing, I pull it out and find that my best friend Claire is on the line. I smile, nearly burst into tears. Nobody knows me as well as she does, and I know she’ll help me figure this whole thing out in just a couple of minutes.
“I’m so glad you called,” I say breathlessly into the phone.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” She laughs. “You sound like you’re scared to death. Please, try not to my make my job as your maid of honor harder than it has to be.”
“Well I am scared to death.” For the first time all day, I sit down in a chair and start to sob. “I’m really fucking scared!”
“Lauren, my God...what’s the matter? What’s going on? Is it Justin?”
“I...I don’t know...” I whimper and rub my face with my free hand. “I just woke up this morning and...I mean, Claire is this all real?”
“What?”
“I don’t remember a thing.”
“Oh my God, did you hit your head or something?”
“No...no...look, last night I was in LA, living with a bunch of horrible roommates and working. I was single. This morning I wasn’t there and I really...really wasn’t single anymore. I’m...I’m getting married. I’m getting married to Justin Timberlake.”
“Lauren.” She says my name very slowly, and I know I’ve freaked her out more than anything else. “First of all, you haven’t been single for five years. I mean, unless you count that two month break up thing you and Justin did when he decided to be an idiot, and from what you’ve told me, that’s been put behind you.”
“Two month break up thing?”
She laughs. “Yeah, remember? He didn’t think he could commit, ever, and you were done with him? We all knew that wouldn’t last.”
“Oh.”
“Laur, honestly, I think you just had a little too much to drink last night, and you had a crazy dream because of it. It happens to the best of us. Just make sure you let Trace know that your mother and I are ready to rip him apart when you get to Lynn’s, okay? I’m so pissed at that idiot. What was he thinking, getting you that drunk right before you come to visit?”
“I...”
“You haven’t told Justin any of this right? About the dream?”
“No, not yet but...but he knows there’s something up with me. I’m not his favorite person at the moment.”
“Do me a favor and go talk to him,” she sighs. “You know how paranoid he’s been lately. This wedding is a big thing for somebody like him. He never thought he would get married before things got serious with you two, and I guess it’s why you almost didn’t. You never gave up, and that’s why you’ll be married in a week, Lauren. Don’t let it all go to shit now.”
“I won’t,” I croak.
“See you tomorrow.”
Her end clicks off softly in my ear, and I pull the phone away, stare at it for a few moments. She’s my very best friend, and I know she would never lie to me. If this wasn’t reality, she would tell me straight out, tell me to get out now before I drove myself more insane. So that means all of this is true. It means that Justin and I have been together for all of this time, gone through a rough patch, but it’s turned into a happy ending...at least, it was supposed to.
Fuck, I could lose him if I don’t do something. If I don’t reassure him that I love him.
But do I love him? Can I, without even knowing him?
I think back to the kiss at Maria’s, the way I felt when his lips touched mine. It felt right, like I was supposed to be with him.
I have to be strong, have to suck it up and go talk to the man I’m about to marry, before I lose him for good. Without a second thought, I wipe my tears away and get up from the chair, beginning to search the massive house for him. I find him, finally, out by the pool. It’s fancy, has an infinity edge that allows a clear view of the Hollywood Hills. It’s absolutely breathtaking, and I think I could be happy this way for the rest of my life, just sitting out here with him, getting to know everything about him.
But I’m already supposed to.
“Hey.” I whisper it and sit down at the pools edge, right beside him.
“Hey.” He doesn’t look at me when he says it, just continues to stare out into the glamorous hills of Hollywood.
“Maybe we should talk.”
He shrugs. “What’s there to say?”
“Today has just been weird, that’s all.”
“What was that earlier? You practically ran away from me in the kitchen, when I was trying to kiss you.”
“I...just...”
“You’re having second thoughts,” he whispers. “Right?”
“I never said that.”
“Then what is it? Tell me, because I’m fucking clueless.”
I stare at him, right back into his eyes that have decided to meet mine this time. He’s worried sick and that’s my doing, but I don’t know how to fix things. I feel like I can’t fix this, as much as I’m starting to like him. “I’m not sure what it is. I’m nervous.”
He laughs at me, before pushing himself to his feet. Then he’s staring me down, holding his hand out to me, daring me to take that step. I know once I do, there’s no turning back. It’s obvious he’d like to pick up from where we left off this morning. Sex will reassure him, I’m sure that’s what it is. It’s obvious that we’ve been completely comfortable with each other in that way for a very long time, and the fact that I’m suddenly rearing back from his touch has set off an alarm on his end. One that could end our relationship if I’m not careful.
“I love you,” he whispers. “C’mon. Come upstairs with me.”
I take his hand and let him help me up, but I don’t say a word. I can’t help it. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of being naked with him, of letting him do things to me that I’ve only ever dreamed of. “Upstairs to talk, right?”
He gives me a strange look. “Talk?”
“Well I...”
He steps up to me quickly and pulls me to him, roughly planting his lips on mine.
I push him away. “Not right now.”
He stands there, hands on his hips, panting harshly, glaring like he‘s never been more angry at me. “Seriously, Lauren, I...I can’t do this with you now. You’re hiding something from me.”
“I’m not!”
“Then why don’t you want to come upstairs!”
“I don’t...” I pause and whimper. “I don’t know!”
“That’s great,” he laughs sadly. “Then maybe I don’t know if I want to marry you.”
My throat goes dry, and all I can do is stare at him.
He shakes his head. “Are you seeing somebody else?”
“No.”
“Are you unhappy?”
“No, Justin...I...I don’t know how to explain it to you. I just need a little time to sort out everything, that’s all.”
“You pushed and pushed me to commit.” He points his finger at me angrily. “You said you couldn’t be with me anymore unless I was ready to do this with you. So I fucking went there! I did all of this for us! And what am I getting in return from you, huh? Nothing! You’re acting like you want to back out of this now!”
“Justin...”
“Forget it! Just...fuck Lauren...I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” He kicks over a lounge chair, and storms back inside.
I think he said it all.
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