“What the hell happened?”
I shrug, cross my arms, and glance out the window. I know it won’t work. Trace will continue to bug the shit out of me until I start talking, but I really don’t want to. I’m so angry, and I’ve been this way since we had that fight out at the pool. I can’t believe I kicked over a lounge chair. I don’t even remember the last time I was that angry. That’s not me. Usually when I’m pissed I act just like this, stubborn and pigheaded until I come to my senses. But back there I just...lost it, in front of the woman that I know I still love more than anything.
I guess it was the thought that she could be out of my life so quickly that pushed my emotions to the brink. It happened once before, because I was an idiot, and I never felt so empty inside. I knew if I kept arguing with her like I was, pushing her, I could have ended up just like before. So, I made sure that I stayed out of her way until Eric came to pick us up, and we haven’t spoken at all since the fight. She’s sitting elsewhere on this big comfortable jet of mine, being consoled by Sam, who’s been giving me the death look for the past couple of hours. She’s pissed, but with good reason. We’re flying home not only to celebrate the holidays with our families, but to celebrate our marriage as well. So much time and money has been spent preparing all of this, and Sam has played a big part in it, become a very close friend of Lauren’s without a second thought. I love Sam to death for that, and I always will. We’ll always be more like family, especially because she married my best friend, but right now I can’t give her a good explanation as to why I’m completely ignoring my fiancé.
If I told her the truth about what happened this afternoon, she would just tell me I was thinking too much with my dick instead of my heart. I don’t want to hear it. I’m too angry, and the last thing I need is to get into an argument with her right now. Instead, I’ll just sit back, go with the flow, and pray to god Lauren didn’t take me seriously when I said I didn’t want to marry her.
“Justin, come on,” Trace pushes me, as I continue to stare out the port hole window. “Is it that bad?”
“We had a fight,” I mutter. “I dunno.”
“Over what?”
I chuckle sadly, and finally force myself to look back at him. He has a weird little smirk on his face, one that tells me he can’t wait to hear this story so he’ll be able to get a good laugh. He doesn’t think any fight I could have with Lauren at this stage would be serious, but he’s so wrong. “She just confused me, I guess. I didn’t get it and I sort of lost my cool, that’s all.”
“Lost your cool? What’d you mean?”
I sigh. “I blew up at her. I know I’m an idiot, so spare me the speech.”
“She made you that angry? Why?” He leans in suddenly, a knowing gaze in his eyes, but it’s not what he thinks. “Did she...”
“No...no it’s not like that.”
“Then what?”
“She won’t come near me, Trace. I tried to kiss her this morning at breakfast and she practically ran away from me. Then, this afternoon at Maria’s she was acting like she had no idea what was going on with the wedding plans, and when we got back home, she refused to come upstairs and...you know...”
“She could be nervous. The girl is getting married, and the guest list ain’t exactly small.”
“She’s never acted this way before. She knows how big my family is, and she’s dealt with all of that for a couple of years now. That’s what I don’t get. She’s the one who pushed for this...pushed for us to be together. Right now I feel like she’s this completely different person. I...I don’t know what to think, and this afternoon I said some pretty rough shit to her.”
“What’d you say?”
I can’t answer him right away.
“Justin, you better spill it.”
“I said that I didn’t know if I could marry her.”
“Jesus.”
I look out the window again. “I know. It’s bad.”
“Bad? You’re lucky she even got on the plane. You have to fix this, I mean...you weren’t serious were you?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why’d you say it?”
“Because I got scared.” I look at him again, and feel my throat tightening as I hold my emotions back. “She was acting skittish around me, and I felt like she didn’t love me as much anymore.”
“Obviously she loves you if she got on the plane.”
I nod.
“You fucked up big time, you know?”
“Of course I know that.”
“Fix it,” he warns me. “Otherwise you’ll be on a separate flight home.”
“What would you like me to do, exactly? I‘m not a damn miracle worker. I suck at this shit.”
“J, don’t you know anything about women? You need to talk to her, do something sentimental that shows her you care.”
“Like what?”
“You’re engaged to the woman.” He rolls his eyes and goes back to staring at his laptop screen. “Figure it out.”
“You’re a big fuckin’ help.”
He doesn’t answer. I think he’s had enough, and I don’t blame him.
I shouldn’t have been so harsh with him, either. He’s only looking out for me, like I’ve always looked out for him. I’m really agitated right now though, and the fact that I can’t talk to my fiancé is only making things worse. I feel like going over there and making an attempt to apologize wouldn’t work out at the moment. Sam might give me a lecture, or Lauren would list every reason why marrying me probably isn’t the best idea anymore.
I’m not ready to hear it.
So I’ll just sit here, wait until we land and get to my mom’s, before I do anything drastic. Of course, being surrounded by my family...her family, won’t make the situation any easier. The minute they realize we’re fighting, I’ll have more explaining to do, with more people, than I’d like to.
Fuck me. I pick the best times to get into arguments with my girl. My momma is gonna kill me.
Maybe I’m not cut out for marriage, after all. Lauren deserves better. She deserves a guy that’s going to understand something that she’s going through. I didn’t want to hear it back there. I wanted her to act a certain way and when she didn’t, I lost it. That’s not right, or fair. Not when she’s put up with so much shit from me the past five years. It’s that stubborn, egotistical side of me that came out to play earlier, and I hate that. When we got back together, I promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen anymore.
But it did, now, right before our wedding.
Maybe I should bail. Maybe it’s the best thing, even though being without her would completely destroy me.
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
