December 30, 2012.

Current Day.

Seasons and relationships changed, but emotions remained the same. An unwanted wedding was near.

Courtney had done everything her father wanted her to do.  She attended all the festivities that are required in being part of a wedding. And here she was today, at the rehearsal dinner, smiling, laughing, and hugging people she didn't know nor cared to be in their presence. Somewhere deep down inside of her, she knew she had to do this for her father, even if it was not where she wanted to be.

Justin had his arms wrapped around her soon-to-be step-mother's waist, lightly kissing her on the forehead. "She'll come around, I promise." Justin rested her head on hers.

Courtney listened to their conversation from the chair in the dark study. They were unaware she was even in the same room, but she studied their every move.

Valarie shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe we shouldn't do this? We could wait. The last thing I want to do is cause her more pain. She doesn't deserve that."

"Do you not want to get married?" Justin asked cautiously.

"I want to marry you; I want the rest of my days with you, and Courtney." She smiled slightly, "I just want her to be okay with this. I want her to know that I won't replace her mother, no one ever will."

Courtney continued to listen, trying to take in their words. She wanted to accept that this was going to happen, after all she loved Valarie and knew that if anyone would treat her father the way he should be, it was her. But deep in her heart, she knew with her father having a new wife, her mother would just be a distant memory to everyone.

Since the day she lost her mother, Valarie had been her saving grace. She was there for her when her father wasn't or couldn't be. Valarie wasn't the bad guy in a messed up situation, she had always been part of the family and more like a friend than an employee of her fathers. But in the depths of Courtney's being, she couldn't accept the farewell of her mother.

The crowds of people vanished, unknowingly to her. She stood at the glass windows overlooking downtown Los Angeles. She closed her eyes; the scent of her mother overtook her emotions. She could smell the fresh vanilla scent of her shampoo lingering around her. The light breeze of the fresh flowers she always had around the house. She missed those little things.

"Courtney honey, you alright?" Lynn asked quietly.

She nodded her head not wanting to attempt to speak, knowing the tears in her eyes would boil over and her voice would crack with emotion.

"I knew your mother pretty well. She loved my son with everything she had, I was proud to call her my daughter." Lynn spoke softly. "But most of all I was proud to call her the mother of my granddaughter, a bright, levelheaded, enthusiast, center of attention, talented, loving human being. She gave me the greatest gift I could have ever received." She took Courtney's hands into hers, "Justin has been through pain that neither of us will hopefully never know, but you and I both know she would only want happiness for your father. You know somehow, this was all her doing."

The tears streamed down Courtney's face. The waterfall of emotions flooded the scene.

Lynn took her hand and squeezed it a little tighter. "If you look hard enough, you'll find the answers you're searching for. Sometimes the words are hidden beneath the sunset."

Confused Courtney walked back over to the chair in the den and sat down, covering her face from the glare of the light. Leaning to the side table for a tissue, she saw a wooden box. The box, a gift from Justin, had been hand painted by a street artist in Paris during their honeymoon. She remembered as a child her mother used to put old photographs and cards in there to keep them safe.

A sunset. The painting on the top of the box was like a photograph of the sunset on their last night in Paris. Reaching for it, she placed it on her lap before opening it slowly.

Beautiful cream colored, slightly aged sheets of stationary paper rested in her hands as the tears rolled down her face. She glanced across the paper and witnessed the date.  June 22, 2010. Courtney cupped her hand over her mouth with guilt. His neatly handwritten words tore through her being.

My Dearest Jewels,

Today you turn forty. An age that most women dread, but you always looked at aging as an opportunity to gain wisdom and adventure.  Our daughter, our beautiful daughter is turning sixteen today. We have a teenage daughter that is eligible to drive now.  How did that happen?

Xoxo - J

 September 20, 2010

My Dearest Jewels,

My heart aches with every breath that sometimes feels like I am barely able to take. I close my eyes and pretend that it's all just a nightmare that I'm trying to wake up from. But as I crawl into the ice cold sheets where I rest my head and never fall asleep, I cling to your pillow and pull in what scent is left of yours, and the reality sets in, you're gone. And that bitter emptiness is hard to bear.

Xoxo -J

Tears streamed down her face as she read the words she never knew he had felt, bitter pain he felt time and time again, but he never expressed to her. When she thought he was moving on too fast... when she thought he was only tossing his mother's memory aside, he was actually dealing with the pain.

April 22, 2011

My Dearest Jewels,

Your flowers bloomed this morning. It was like a whole new wave of emotion for me. It was almost as if I could see you on the back patio staring at them for hours like you used to, making sure they were full of color surrounding the backyard. Each flower carries a memory I hope to never forget.

Xoxo- J

May 12, 2011

My Dearest Jewels,

I write to you today with a bit of bittersweet feelings. Today I realized I had found love again. That once in a lifetime love I thought I could only share with you. Somehow, I'm sure you are the reason I found her. I hope you are reading this with happiness in your heart.

Xoxo -J

Courtney sobbed as she continued to read the words she never knew were on paper, feelings that she only wished her father has expressed out loud for her to hear.

December 25, 2011

My Dearest Jewels,

Christmas with our precious daughter is the best gift a father could ask for. She got your cooking skills. She hopped in the kitchen with Gram and Mom to make dinner. She spent all day in there cooking away. Maybe most of that was because she wanted to avoid me. I think she is against my decision to be with Valarie, which surprises me because she has always gotten along with Val. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too much for her to deal with.

Xoxo - J

April 27, 2012

My Dearest Jewels,

Guilt.

This is a rough day for me. It should be a happy day. I should be ecstatic that this has happened to me, twice in my life, but I can't help but think that I don't deserve this. Tomorrow I plan on asking Valarie for her hand in marriage. Can you believe that we fell in love after all of these years? I can only hope that you are happy that I'm happy. I am hoping you are proud of my decisions.

Xoxo-J