Author's Chapter Notes:
Just wanted to say I'm so excitd about Suit and Tie lol. Enjoy!
It was a weird day, and an even weirder night for the both of us.
But here we are, and Justin is so professional when it comes to my career, that nobody could ever tell some serious shit went down last night.
But that’s Justin’s game. My private life is just that, private, and it’s his goal to keep it hidden from the rest of the world, and from my people too. My publicist, stylist, and Ray (when he was around) only see strong capable London Pierce, not Sarah Mollins, train wreck. He’s the only barrier I have, protecting me from a certain plummet to the bottom of the Hollywood chain.
“So I bumped into Chet McStevens the other day.”
I barely hear her. I’m too busy glancing across the way at Justin, who has been dozing off for the past half hour or so, completely confident that nobody is paying attention to him. His earbuds are plugged into his ears, and his paperwork, PDA, Laptop and Blackberry are surrounding him. His makeshift office takes up all the available space in his row of seats, and I can tell that he’s absolutely swamped with work that he’s too exhausted to finish. Really, I know he got zero sleep last night, and that was thanks to my vomiting escapades, which he kept a complete secret, even when the doctor called this morning for a final report before we left the country.
I can’t thank him enough, and he knows that, but at the same time he doesn’t want anything extra from me.
For the first time, I’m starting to understand why too.
It’s his family, it has to be, and it must have been hard on him. He doesn’t strike me as the type who wasn’t close with his parents growing up. The one thing I’ve always known about Justin, is that he has good values. He’s moral, he follows the rules, and he has the utmost respect for my daughter and I, even though I’ve treated him horribly in the past. That means he was raised by good people, in a good family.
So what went wrong?
I can’t ask. It pains him too much. I saw it in his eyes. It sucks. A guy like Justin deserves to be happy, but he’s not.
He’s really not.
Deep down, he’s a wreck, like me. He’s just a hell of a lot better at hiding it, keeps his head together, all the time, and that’s better for me I guess.
“London?”
I look at Lania, and smirk slightly. “Chet?”
“Yeah,” she giggles as she continues to organize the makeup kit on her lap. “Somehow he knew that I was your stylist, and he talked my ear off about you for an hour. He seemed really concerned, said you hadn’t called.”
I haven’t called anybody since I went into and came out of rehab. It’s been hard enough keeping my head together for my daughter, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to anybody else until I’d gotten through the Paris promotion. Chet asking about me doesn’t surprise me. The way we ended the after party that night, wasn’t exactly the greatest, and he might feel like it’s his fault that I ended up where I did. It’s not though. I mean, if only he knew...I’d been a wreck long before we hung out that night.
“Well, I’ll see him when I get back. Filming is going to start right away.”
“He gave me this.” She pulls a card out of her makeup kit so she can give it to me. “He said he wants you to call him when you get a free moment.”
“When do I ever have those?” I take the card from her, glance at it slightly, and scoff.
Thinking about you. Call me. 555-413-0560
Chet
I shove it in my pocket. There’s no time for him outside of a professional thing, because I have so much going on...
And I guess I’m still confused about how Justin really feels, and how I do too.
“Well I know I’m not your manager or anything,” she sighs. “But if you know what’s good for your career, you’ll call him. He’s huge, London.”
“I know.” I mutter. “Don’t you think I know?”
She swallows hard. “I...”
“Just worry about your job and stop butting into my personal stuff,” I nod. “Okay?”
“Of course London.”
I give her a disgusted look, which she’s used to, and go back to staring across the jet.
He’s still out cold, but if he wasn’t, if he heard what I just said, I know how he would look at me and what he would think. I shouldn’t talk to Lania like that, because she’s responsible for how I look half the time and she works hard for me. I know she could easily go work for somebody else, and so I guess I should lighten up.
But it’s hard to lighten up, when I’m so confused, and I had to leave my daughter back home with the sitter too. We’ve barely spent time together since I came home from rehab, and I know it’s not fair to her. At the same time though, my career is important, and if I pushed this trip to Paris off any longer I know I would have lost my international debut of the line, especially since Ray is no longer in the picture to deal with things for me.
It’s all me now. Everything I do, every decision I make, is my own. Justin can give me advice, but that only goes so far.
Am I scared? Of course, but...for the first time in my life I’m standing my ground and making my own decisions.
It feels good.
I’ve been contacted by several prominent mangers in Los Angeles, firms too. They’re all foaming at the mouth at the idea of representing me, because they know how much money there is to be made. I’m not ready to settle for any of them. Not yet. Justin has all of their information, and I’m sure when we have down time in France he’ll want to sit with me and discuss who I should hire. It’s better that way. Justin can make that decision with me, and I need him to. Of course, I wish it could just be him handling my career, but I need an assistant too and he can’t do both. Not unless he wants to lose his mind and I doubt I’m that important to him.
Lania and I spend the next hour trying different combinations of smokey eyeshadow and skin shimmer on my face, while Justin sleeps. I get lost in it. I love fashion and makeup, anything like that. If I was tall enough, I would have gone into modeling, but that just wasn’t in the cards. It’s not often I get to kick back like this, let her fool around with my makeup and I actually feel happy, forget about my issues.
“Hey, Sarah.”
“Blot.”
Lania holds out the napkin for me, and I perform the task, surveying the new lip color on myself through the little compact before I finally acknowledge Justin. “Well, good morning.”
He clears his throat. “Sorry.”
Lania pulls her make up brushes off of my lap and I slowly get up, stretch a little and smile for him. “Don’t be. I know you were running on zero sleep.”
He barely smiles. “You wanna go over some stuff while we still have a chance?”
I sigh and shrug. “Do we have to?”
“You know we do.”
I don’t argue. I know there’s no point. Justin is only looking out for me, and...and after last night, I guess I owe him big time. I walk across the jet, and sit down in his row after he moves all his belongings aside to make that space for me, glancing at his computer that’s resting on his lap. That’s when I see it. A very young Justin standing next to a woman, her arms wrapped tightly around him, in front of a picturesque lake. There’s mountains behind them, and the sun is shining brightly. It’s like something out of an LL Bean catalogue and I would call him corny, but...I can’t say anything. This version of Justin is so much different from the one I know. In his eyes, I can see a vibrance I’ve never known, and his smile just says it all...that he loves his life, and he’s happy.
“So before we get to the hotel we have to make a stop off at...”
“Who’s that?” I cut him off, barely listening to him as I point at the computer screen.
He gives me an odd look, glances at his computer, and then looks back at me. “My mother. C’mon, focus Sarah.”
“You never talk about her.” I say it slowly, and peer closer at the picture on the screen. They have the same blue eyes, same curly hair, and kind genuine smile. “She’s pretty.”
He snaps the monitor closed, and I flinch.
“Before we get to the hotel we have to make a stop off at TV 4,” he continues, disregarding the entire conversation. “They want to do some pre taped spots so they can promote your appearance. By the time you’re done, I figured it would be time to eat, so I called that restaurant you wanted to try and told them we’d be there. They’ve promised to be discreet and put you away from the windows.”
It’s not something that he wants to talk about, that’s obvious, and it proves my theory that his issues stem from his family. “Fine.”
He nods, and starts to concentrate on his Blackberry.
“I’m...I’m sorry about last night.”
“No big deal. Just promise me you won’t fall apart during the trip. This is your chance to show them all that they’re wrong about you. That you’re professional and talented. If something’s bothering you, I want you to come to me...got it?”
I just nod a little. Awkward silence follows, and I hate it. I know he cares about me, but at the same time he’s trying to be as professional as he can. It’s like...we can’t be friends right now, not like I’m used to. He’s not going to take me to the beach or give me fashion tips, unless it has to do with an appearance. It’s crazy.
I can’t deal.
I want the Justin I know, not the employee.
“You...you can talk to me too,” I say, quietly.
“About what?” He says it tiredly, and finally meets my gaze after a moment.
His eyes captivate me, even now, when they’re sad and fatigued from hours of lost sleep and dealing with my stupid crap. “Well...like I was saying, you never talk about your mom.”
“So? You never talk about your family either.”
“You know the story. My mom left and I barely knew my father.”
He strokes his chin, and his brow furrows, like he’s thinking about something very hard. “It’s not as easy for me to talk about it. It’s easier for me if I concentrate on the work, Sarah. I told you I don’t want to relive all of that.”
“But isn’t just making you depressed...”
“No.” He shakes his head roughly, and sighs, begins to fiddle with his paper work and briefcase that’s been resting on the floor. “I deal with it.”
“Did she pass away?”
“No,” he grits it out.
“Oh well...maybe...maybe you should go visit your mom. When we get back...”
“My sister is coming out when we get back. Did you forget? I have to make myself available for her. Why are you up my ass about this, Sarah?” He says it gruffly, his gentle blue eyes turning dark in an instant.
“I just...”r32;
“I don’t need your pity, or whatever it is.” He shoves his papers angrily into his briefcase. “I’m here to work, and handle things for you. I’m not here to have a heart to heart.”
“I just...think if you talked about it...”
WAP
He slams his briefcase closed, and I stare at him again, my eyes wide. He’s so angry about this, and I can’t understand because I don’t know the situation. I guess it’s not my place to be doing this...maybe he’s right. Maybe I should just worry about myself and let him do his job, even if I might care about him a lot more than he wants me to.
Even if he might have those same feelings for me.
“Drop it,” he mutters. “Okay?”
I nod.
“We’ll be landing in about a half hour everyone.” The stewardess smiles and refills Justin’s coffee. “London, would you like anything?”
“No I...” I look down at my lap, and then back at Justin. He’s staring out the window now, completely ignoring me. “No I think I’m okay for now.”
And for a moment, just for a moment, I think I hear the slightest sob come out of my assistant.
But I don’t dare say a word.
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